Miley the Vampire Slayer 2
by MileyLoonaticsFan96
Summary: The story of the mixed realities continues. A series of one-shots based on the second season of Buffy. Sequel to "Miley the Vampire Slayer" DISCONTINUED!
1. When She Was Bad

Miley the Vampire Slayer 2

OK, from now on, the stories are gonna be in the point of view of the characters. It's more fun.

Chapter 1: When She Was Bad

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver and I had picked up some ice cream cones on the way back from the movies and were now headed home, playing a rousing game of "Guess What Movie This Quote's From."

"Alright," I said, trying to think up something good, "How about this. 'In the few hours we've spent together, we've loved a lifetime.'"

"Terminator," Oliver guessed.

"Right, your turn."

"OK, uh…'It's a madhouse. A mad—'"

"Planet of the Apes."

"Can I finish, please?"

"Oh, sorry, go ahead."

Oliver cleared his throat. "'—house!'"

I smiled. "Planet of the Apes."

"Alright, your turn."

"I'm thinking. Uh…'Use the force, Luke!'"

Oliver stopped walking, which made me stop. "I'm not even gonna dignify that with a guess!"

"I couldn't think of anything!" I defended myself, "It's a dumb game anyway."

"Well, what else are we gonna do? We already played rock, paper, scissors until my hands cramped up."

"Well, if you keep throwing scissors, your tendons are gonna strain-"

"I'm just so restless! It's been such a boring summer!"

I sat down on a rock wall that led to the graveyard. "Are you sure it has nothing to do with the fact that the summer's been lacking, not only monsters, but also a certain girl we know who's a pop star and a Vampire Slayer?"

"Please, I'm so over her!" Oliver said, finishing his ice cream cone and tossing it in a nearby trash bin before coming back over to me. "Have you heard anything? Maybe from Jackson, even?"

"I got a few postcards from Miley when the tour started and then one a week ago while she was in Tennessee visiting her family."

"Well, she was probably having a good time. 2 and a half months of cross-country singing and then a week hanging on her family's farm. That's gotta get fun."

"Yeah, and just think, you might have been spending it with her and Jackson and her dad if you'd actually become her boyfriend before asking her to prom and letting her think that you were just friends so that she turned you down."

Oliver glared at me. "Uh, Lilly, you got some ice cream on your face."

"Really, where?"

Oliver took my ice cream cone. "Right…" He smudged the ice cream on my nose. "…there."

"Thanks!" I tried to grab my ice cream back but he held it back.

"You can't fight back! You're Amish! I mock you with my ice cream cone, Amish guy!"

"Very funny! Now my nose is cold!"

"Oh, sorry, let me get that." He leaned in to lick the ice cream off my nose, but I quickly leaned back, almost falling off the wall. "Sorry, I can't help myself! Your nose looks so delicious!" I smiled. He smiled back and then started leaning in again…this time for a kiss. Before he could, a Vampire jumped out at us! I know they're demons and evil by nature, but how rude! Oliver punched the Vampire to knock him back and then started to pull me away.

Just when Oliver was getting ready to fight, a girl with curly brown hair came up and kicked the Vampire in the face and then in the gut, knocking him into the wall. She looked at us and revealed herself as Miley Stewart, our best friend who was also Hannah Montana and the Vampire Slayer! "Hey, guys! Miss me?" The Vampire came back up. "Hold that thought." She whirled around and staked him. "I missed Malibu."

**Theme song**

("Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme" plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly: MILEY! (hugs her)

Yeah, my POV is in script form. What're you gonna do about it?

Me: Hey! (I hug Miley, too) Man, your timing's impressive!

Lilly: When'd you get back?

Miley: Just now. My plane came in from Nashville and I thought I'd come over and surprise you guys. I figured you 2 would be getting into trouble.

Me: Hey, I think we had the upper hand!

Miley: Did either of you even have a cross? Pretty sloppy.

Me: Well, it's been a slow summer. That's the first Vampire since you killed the Master.

Miley: It's like they knew I was back.

With that said, we start to walk down the street.

Me: So how was your summer? Slay anything?

Miley: (shakes her head) Nah. Mainly singing, shopping, and looking after pigs and stuff. So did you guys have any fun without me?

Me: (I shake my head) Nah. Pretty yawn-worthy. Biggest highlight was burying the Master.

We stop walking.

Lilly: Oh, yeah, you missed it. (indicates the burial ground by the old oak tree in the graveyard) We got to wear robes, Giles buried the bones, and we all poured holy water.

Me: Look, I'm just glad you're home! (I hug her again)

Miley: (gently pushes me off) I'm glad, too.

**Normal POV**

"It was a nightmare," Ashley DeWitt was ranting to her friends, "A total nightmare! They promised me we'd go to Miami, and instead we went to Tuscany! Art and buildings? Boring! I was beach-less for a month and a half! No one has suffered like I have."

Principal Snyder sighed and then turned to Giles, the school librarian and Miley's Watcher. "Ah, the first day back in school. It always gets me. I mean, it's incredible. 1 day, the campus is entirely bare. The next, it's filled with kids. They're like locusts, crawling everywhere, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating, and destroying everything in sight in their relentless effort to survive."

"I always enjoy these pep talks," Giles said, sarcastically, "Have you ever considered the fact that, since you hate children, a school principal is not a proper occupation?"

"Someone's gotta keep an eyes on them," Snyder said, taking 2 steps away and looking around at the students instead of at Giles, "The guys turn into mumbling idiots every time a pretty girl walks by…"

Giles then noticed Jenny Calendar across the hall and walked over to her, ignoring Snyder completely. "Ms. Calendar!"

"Mr. Giles!" Jenny said when she saw him.

"Well, I, uh, um…hello!"

"…gazing at each other, those love-struck teens, oh, it disgusts me…" Snyder kept ranting, not noticing that that's exactly what Giles and Jenny were doing, "…you think they're thinking about learning?"

"Were you, uh, headed to the faculty room?" Giles asked Jenny.

Jenny smiled. "Sounds like fun." The 2 walked off.

"…sometimes it feels like they're not even listening and you're talking to no one!" Snyder finished before walking off.

Giles led Jenny into the student lounge. "So how was your summer?"

"Extreme," Jenny answered, "I went to Black Rock. Such a great festival, you should have been there. They had drum rituals, sculptures, bonfires, naked mud dances…you would've just hated it with a fiery passion!"

"I can't imagine finding any redeeming…naked?"

"You probably spent all summer with your nose in a book."

"I suppose you'd find that incredibly boring."

"Depends on the book."

"Hey, G-man!" Oliver intercepted, coming up with Miley and Lilly, "What's up?"

"Nice to see you," Giles said, "Don't ever call me that."

"Hey, kids," Jenny said, "Anything new?"

"Miley killed a Vampire last night!" Lilly said.

Miley gave her a look. "Lilly, could you repeat that a little louder? I don't think they heard you IN AUSTRALIA!"

"There's still Vampires around?" Jenny asked, "I thought the Hell-Mouth was closed."

"It is," Giles explained, "But the energy radiating from it is still coming forth. Still, the Vampires' return probably has a purpose."

"Well, you're Book Man," Miley said, "Why don't you look it up? I just work here."

"I'll consult my books," Giles said.

Oliver looked at his watch. "AHA! 8 minutes and 37 seconds! Pay up!" Lilly handed him a dollar. "I bet her it'd be less than 10 minutes before you'd 'consult your books.'" He turned to Miley. "So how's Jackson?"

"He's starting college today," Miley explained, "He should be out about the time we get out." Just then, the bell rang.

"Oh, we'd better get to class," said Lilly, pulling her 2 best friends off.

Giles pulled Miley back. "I understand that you just came back, but I think it's time to return to your training."

"OK, see you after school." She started to walk off.

"Now, I understand if you want to take a few days to rest-"

"I'm ready," Miley said, "I can handle anything these guys throw at me."

_Across town…_

A Vampire had assembled a squad in an old brick warehouse. "We've been put down, kinsmen. We have lost our way. We have lost the night. But despair is for the living. Where they are weak, we are strong. Where they weep, we shall rejoice. Where they bleed, we drink! Within 3 days, a new hope shall arise. We will put our faith in him." He walked over to a little boy named Collin, who was an evil Vampire called the Anointed One. "He will show us the way."

**Miley's POV**

_I was sitting on a chair in the student lounge at school. Suddenly, Oliver and Lilly came up. "Hey, guys."_

"_Hey," they both said. Lilly sat on the couch to my right and Oliver sat on the couch across the table from her._

"_What are you thinking about?" asked Lilly, taking an apple from her bag._

"_Nothing," I said, shaking my head._

"_Aw, come on!" Oliver said, taking a granola bar from his bag, "You can tell us, we're your best friends!"_

"_Uh, Oliver…" Lilly started. She looked at her apple and he looked at his granola bar. Lilly didn't like apples without peanut putter and Oliver hated nuts, so they traded._

"_I wasn't thinking anything really," I said._

"_So what'd you do last night?" Lilly asked, opening the granola bar._

"_Slept," I answered, "I kept having weird dreams."_

"_So what'd you dream about?" Lilly asked, "I could probably tell you what it means. Like the other night I dreamt that Oliver…" She then noticed us looking at her. "Uh, nothing. I didn't dream about Oliver. It wasn't even my dream! It was one of my friends and she doesn't remember it."_

_Just as I was about to say something, Giles came up. "Miley!" We all turned to him. "This Vampire activity. I think I know what it's about."_

"_It's OK," I said, "We'll deal with it. You can trust us."_

"_Ah, good. I killed you once. Shouldn't be hard to do it again."_

_My eyes widened at that statement. Suddenly, he jumped me, pinning me to the table. I kicked him but he didn't back. It was like my leg went right through him. Lilly and Oliver didn't do anything to help, they just sat there looking at each other. I finally tried to offensive further and tried to punch Giles…but backed off when I noticed that he'd become the Master…the Vamp leader I'd killed 3 months before._

I sat up in my bed and looked around. _It was all a dream. Or was it? _In my mind, I seemed to feel like it was a message to confirm that I couldn't trust anybody but myself. Then I noticed Angel, my boyfriend (or close), leaning against the window doors that led to the deck. "Hey."

"Hey. Mind if I come in?"

I smiled. "Be my guest." The doors were already open, so I didn't have to get out of the bed to let him in. In case you've forgotten or don't know already, I'll tell you ahead of time: Angel is a Vampire.

"How are you?" Angel asked as he came into the room.

"Perfect. What do you want? Oh, let me guess: grave danger. All your cousins are in town for a family barbeque and you thought you'd warn me to get the troops ready."

"I wish I had better news. The Anointed One. He's been assembling an army of some kind. I'm not sure why."

"Man, it's good to be home."

"Don't underestimate him just because he looks like a child. He has power over the rest of them. They'll do anything for him."

"Is that it? 'Cause you kind of woke me up from a really good dream."

"Sorry, I'll go." I laid back down and didn't get to see him leave. I did, however, here him say "I missed you."

**Lilly's POV**

"Angel stopped by?" I asked Miley at school the next morning. Miley nodded. "Wow. Was there—I mean…did it have anything to do with kissing?"

"Lilly, grow up," Miley said, "Not everything is about kissing. It was mainly talk about Vampires. You know, pointy teeth, golden eyes, bump faces, creature of the night. Am I ringing any bells?"

"So what'd he say?"

"Oh, something's up. Nothing I can't handle." She walked into the classroom.

I didn't follow her immediately. I could tell she wasn't tell me anything. Me! Her best friend! Oliver was probably getting the short stick, too, right then in the classroom! Her other/second/guy best friend!

Anyway, after class we ran into Ashley outside. "Hey, look, it's the 3 Musketeers! Fight any demons this summer?"

"Uh, yes, our own personal demons!" I intercepted, "Such as lust and-"

"No, actual demons," Ashley said, apparently not aware of how high a volume she was using, "Big, green, horny, multi-headed-"

"Ashley!" Oliver interrupted. He pulled her aside and Miley and I followed. "See, we try to keep it a secret that Miley is the Vampire Slayer." Just in case you don't know, we hadn't told her Miley was also Hannah Montana.

Ashley scoffed. "Like I'd want anyone, especially Amber, to know that I spent an entire night with you losers."

"Great," said Miley, "You won't tell anyone I'm the Slayer and I won't tell anyone that you're a moron!" She walked off.

"Now that was a good insult!" Oliver commented.

"A little too good," I rebounded, warning him subliminally that something was up…

**Normal POV**

(Ashley Tisdale's "Acting Out" plays)

"Miley's never acted like this before," Lilly said to Oliver at their table at the Bronze that night, "Ever since she got back, she's been…different."

"She's always been different," Oliver argued.

"She's never been mean."

_Up above the surface_

_I was just a perfect child_

_But underneath it all_

_I was craving to be wild…_

"Do you see her?" asked Oliver, "She said she was coming."

"No." Lilly then looked at her ice cream and, as a joke and a hope that something would happen because of it, dipped her nose in it.

Oliver looked at her. "Oh, you've got something on your nose."

Lilly stopped smiling.

…_I'm suffocating_

_I can't breathe…_

_At the graveyard…_

2 Vampires started digging their shovels into the Master's grave.

"Don't just stand there!" the Vampire leader commanded the 2 idle ones, "Dig! Dig!" The 2 Vampire got on their knees and started digging with their hands and then backed off.

"The ground is consecrated!" one of them complained, "It burns!"

"Dig," Collin commanded. The Vampires looked at each other and then went back to digging, soon unearthing the shallowly buried skull of the Master's bones.

_Back at the Bronze…_

(NOTE: No time has passed between the breaks)

…_Let me out this cage_

_I'm not gonna hold back…_

Miley walked into the Bronze about the same time as Angel and went over to him. "Hi." She crossed her arms.

"Hey."

"So is there danger on the dance floor? Should I beware?"

"I just can't help thinking I've done something to upset you." Miley rolled her eyes at that comment. "What're you afraid of? You? Me? Us?"

"What 'us'? Face it, Angel, there is no us! Get over it!" Miley walked over to the table where Oliver and Lilly were sitting. "Hey, guys."

"Hi, Miley!" Lilly said. She then noticed Angel. "What's up with him?"

"Beats me." Miley grabbed Oliver's shirt. "Let's dance." She dragged him out of his chair and onto the dance floor.

…_Not gonna give you something to talk about_

_It's another side of me_

_I'm acting out_

_Welcome to a new beginning_

_It's time to start the show…_

"Oliver," Miley whispered in his ear, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, "Did I ever thank you for…saving my life?"

Oliver looked at her, a bit surprised by her behavior and the question. "No."

…_Once you get a taste of it_

_You'll be begging me for more…_

"Don't you wish I would?" Miley backed off and glared at Angel before walking right past Ashley and out of the Bronze.

…_I'll give you something to remember_

_Once I hit the floor_

_I'm letting go_

_If what you know… _

Ashley followed Miley out and met her in the alleyway outside. "You're really campaigning for the brat-of-the-year, aren't you?"

Miley scoffed. "As 5 time defending runner-up, you nervous?"

"I'm moving off of Amber…slowly. Now, listen. We've never been close, which I thank God for daily, because I don't like you. But you have saved the world twice so…I'm gonna do you a favor and give you some advice: GET OVER IT!"

"Excuse me?"

"Whatever this Brittney Spears-Paris Hilton-mixed attitude is about, deal with it. 'Cause pretty soon, you're not even gonna have the loser buddies you got now."

Miley scoffed, rolled her eyes, turned her back to Ashley, lifted the hood of her jacket up over her head, and walked off.

"I'll just see if Angel wants to dance with a real girl!" Ashley yelled after her. Before she could move, a bunch of Vampires came up behind her, covered her mouth so that she couldn't scream, and dragged her off.

**Miley's POV**

_I can't believe how self-centered Ashley is!_ That's what I was thinking as I walked into the graveyard after leaving the Bronze. I didn't realize at the time that she was right (OW! That hurt to say!) and that I was the one being self-centered at the time. Of course, I stopped thinking about this when I noticed an empty grave…by the old oak tree. I ran over there and saw that the Master's grave had been emptied.

**Lilly's POV**

"She's possessed!" I told Giles as we sat at a table by the student lounge with Jackson and Oliver the next morning, "That's the only explanation that makes any sense to me. You should've seen her last night. That wasn't our Miley Stewart!"

"Are we overlooking the idea that she may be attracted to me?" Oliver asked us. Giles and I looked at him. "Yeah, she's possessed."

"Possessed by what?" Giles proposed.

I had to think about that and then realized that I was drawing a blank. "A…possessing thing!" All 3 guys looked at me. "Hey, Giles is the smart one when it comes to stuff like this! I'm just a nerd."

"Hey!" Jackson realized, "Maybe something happened when the Master killed her!"

"That's it!" I said, understanding immediately that he was right. Dying had changed my newest best friend. "I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?"

"Aren't we a little too old to be spelling stuff out?" asked Giles, apparently not realizing that I'd avoided saying a bad word.

"A bitca?" Oliver asked. I looked at him, not surprised at his misunderstanding.

Giles didn't pay attention to this. "I suggest that the explanation for her strange behavior may very well be hormones. She may just have what you Americans refer to as issues. Her experience with the Master must have been very traumatic for her. She was, at least for a few minutes, technically dead." It was then that Miley walked in. "I don't think anyone's really dealt with that on a conscious level." Oliver and I then noticed Miley. "She's convinced herself that's she invulnerable and has no need for-"

"That's an interesting point," Jackson interrupted, "that you just brought up about, uh…trout!"

I looked at him as if saying "That's the best excuse you could come up with?"

"Trout?" Giles asked. I casually pointed at Miley and he noticed her standing just 2 inches away from her. "Uh, yes! Trout! A trout is…is a fish! Good morning? Did you sleep well?"

"Like a rock," Miley said, "Master's gone."

"What?" Giles asked.

"The Master. I stopped by the grave on the way home last night. They've got an opening."

"What would somebody want with the Master's bones?" I asked.

"A trophy?" Oliver suggested, "A horrible conversation piece?"

"They wanna bring him back," Miley suggested (actually, it was more of a statement than a suggestion), "I'm seem to recall 'Book Man' saying that he was history!"

"Miley," Giles defended himself, "I've never heard of a revivification ritual being successful!"

"But you've still heard of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Miley," I defended Giles, "Giles did bury him. Oliver and I were there!"

"Look, this is Slayer stuff, OK?" Miley intercepted, "Can you civilians please back off?"

"Alright, that's enough!" Jackson said, standing up and shooting his little sister a look.

Snyder came up. "Excuse me, but don't you 3 have classes?" We looked around. Sure enough, everyone else was gone. The bell must have rang about halfway through this. As we were gathering our things, Snyder noticed Jackson. "And who are you?"

"Miley's older brother," Jackson answered, picking up his own bag, "who is going back to his car to go back to college."

"OK, we'll continue this discussion in the library later," Giles said, "about…trout."

Miley, Oliver, and I all went to our classes, but we didn't talk most of the way.

**Oliver's POV**

After Jackson gets out of college and we all finish school, we meet in the library.

Giles: I think I may have something. (lays a book on the table for us to see) It's Latin, so I may be wrong on the translation. It says they need his bones, which they have, and the blood of the person or persons closest to him.

Miley: That'd be the Anointed One and me. I mean, the Anointed One was his greatest warrior and as for me, hey, we killed each other. It promotes togetherness!

Jackson: Well, is there anything on when and where this ceremony might take—

A rock comes smashing through the window and bonks Jackson on the head.

Jackson: I heard a ding. Are my brownies ready? (falls out of his chair and onto the floor)

Miley picks up the rock and takes off a note strapped to it with a bracelet.

Miley: This bracelet is Ashley's. (picks up the note and reads it) "Come to the Bronze tonight before it opens or we make her a meal."

Me: They're gonna cook her dinner? (everyone looks at me, even Jackson as he stands back up) Just forget I said that.

Lilly: What do we do?

Miley: I go to the Bronze and save the day.

Jackson: I don't like this, Mile.

Miley: Look, _I'm_ the Slayer! It's my job! You guys aren't going!

Lilly: What? What about the rest of the note?

Miley: (looks at the back of the paper and sees that it's blank) What rest of the note?

Lilly: The part that says "P.S. This is a trap"!

Miley: (stands up) I can handle this!

Lilly: Stop saying that! What's wrong with you? For all we know, Ashley's dead already!

Miley: This is my fight!

Miley doesn't need to hear anymore and storms out. I don't believe I'm hearing this! Lilly and Miley have actually fought! Man, I wish I can go with her…the real Miley.

**Angel's POV**

"You know, being stalked isn't a big turn-on for girls." That's what Miley said as soon as she knew I was following her to the Bronze.

I came out of my hiding spot. I had resolved that no matter what happened I would help her fight. "You need help. Someone to watch your back."

She scoffed for some reason and then turned around to face me. "Don't you mean my neck?"

She knew I didn't feed anymore! How could she say that? "Why are you riding me?"

"Because I don't trust you! You're a Vampire!"

That didn't seem to bother her when I helped Oliver and Jackson save her life! "You have to trust someone! You can't do this alone!"

"Yes, I can! I'm the Slayer! And I trust myself!"

"You're not as strong as you think."

"You think you can take me?"

"WHAT?"

Miley started walking towards me. I wonder if she was trying to be intimidating and didn't realize how much shorter than me she was. "Come on, you must have thought about it. Slayer vs. Vampire. Who would win? Why don't we find out?"

I almost doubled over. She must be possessed or crazy or a Vampire herself! "I'm not gonna fight you! Don't you have somewhere to be?"

She rolled her eyes and stormed off to the Bronze. I, of course, followed her, despite her shouts to stay out of her way. When she finally made it to the Bronze she saw a brunette girl huddled in the corner and shook her head. "That's not Ashley."

The girl turned to face us. It was a Vampire. "Ashley couldn't make it."

"Where is she?" Miley asked, walking towards her in a way that anyone would find intimidating.

"I'm not supposed to tell."

"I don't like this," I warned her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, finally turning to face me again.

"There's the bait. Where's the hook?"

The Vampire jumped at her, but Miley just kicked her in the stomach and pinned her to the ground with her foot without turning around again.

"You're right," Miley said, "Why would they send just one?"

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly: I still think we should've gone with her.

Jackson: Look, maybe Miley's right. Maybe she can really handle this.

Giles: Aha!

Me: What'd you got now?

Giles: This Latin is cross-translated from Sumerian, and rather badly at that. The actual meaning of this text is those who were nearest to the Master, physically.

Uh oh. Giles looks scared now.

Giles: Nearest to him when he…(looks at us all) It is a trap. (looks at the stacks) It's just not for her.

I turn to see what he's talking about…and see the banister full of Vampires.

**Miley's POV**

I think my attitude started wearing off when I realized that my friends were in danger. I ran as fast as I could to the library and burst in to find Jackson and Oliver lying on the ground amongst another ruined table and a pile of scattered books. I went over to help them out. "What happened?"

Jackson started breathing heavily. "Vampires. The ones you said you could handle yourself."

"Where are Giles and Lilly?" I asked them.

"No idea," Jackson said.

I started pacing. "OK, where would they take them?"

"If they hurt Lilly, I'm gonna kill you!"

I stopped pacing and turned to face Oliver who was using the broken table as support to stand up on his bloody and beaten legs. "Why would they take them and not you 2?"

"Giles said that the ritual required those that were…" Jackson coughed. "…physically close to the Master when he died. Giles, Lilly, Ashley-"

"And Ms. Calendar," I reasoned, "They should have a full set by now. WE just need to find out where."

5 minutes later, I was beating up at the Bronze the Vampire who'd posed as Ashley. "One more time…where are they?"

"You're too late," the little brat said, giggling, "Your friends are all dead."

That's it! I pulled her up and punched her in the face and pinned her to the pool table. "Tell me where they are!"

"What are you gonna do? Kill me."

"As a matter of fact…yes." I yanked off my cross necklace. "But since I don't intend to do that anytime soon, the question becomes…" I lowered the cross charm into her mouth and held onto the chain as I covered her mouth to keep her from spitting it out while it burned her. "…how do we pass the time until then?" After I few seconds, I let go. "Now 1 more time."

**Oliver's POV**

As the 4 of us approach the warehouse, I can just barely hear the leading Vampire talking inside.

Vampire: …these 4 mortals. They breathe their last tonight. Witness our Master's wretched demise.

We come to the door and see Giles, Jenny, Ashley, and Lilly hanging from the ceiling, all unconscious, over the bones of the Master.

Vampire: The blood that pours from their throats will bring NEW LIFE to the old one! We gather for his resurrection! For the awakening of hell!

Jackson: (whispering) We have to do something!

Angel: (whispering, as well) Miley, you distract them. We'll get the others down.

Miley: (whispering) Alright.

Me: (whispering) What are you gonna do?

Miley: I'll kill them all. That ought to distract them. (walks off)

I look at Jackson and Angel and we run off and find a window on the side of the building. We go up there, open the window, and crawl onto a balcony where we can execute our plan.

Vampire: (now holding a big knife) For the old one. For his pain. For the dark!

Other Vamps: For the dark!

Just when they're about to start the ritual, Miley comes up behind one and stakes him, thus turning him to dust. Miley starts to fight the Vamps as Jackson and Angel and I pull on the wire holding up the 4 victims and bring them onto the balcony. We lay them down and wake them up. I look around and see that Angel is gone.

Lilly: What happened?

Me: Long story.

I look down to see that 2 Vampires are running at Miley, one from behind and the leader from the front. She picks up a tiki torch thing and holds it up, staking the lackey and setting the leader on fire.

Giles: It's all over.

Jackson: (shakes his head) It's not over yet.

Miley looks at the bones, not noticing Angel approaching her from behind, and picks up a sledgehammer and starts pounding away. After a few seconds, she stops and bursts into tears, hugging Angel as if she's in need of protection.

**Miley's POV**

I walked through the quad with Giles. "I guess I was wrong. I can't face them."

"Of course, you can," he said.

"What am I going to say? 'Sorry I almost got your throat slit. What's the homework'?"

"Punishing yourself like this is pointless. I forgive you for this because I know it wasn't your fault. Lilly is your best friend and should feel the same way. Jenny is a rather forgiving person on her own. And Ashley…is going to hate you for the rest of your life no matter what so it's probably useless talking to her."

I smiled. "Thanks. But I was a moron. I put my friends in danger on the second day of school!"

"Believe me, worst has happened."

I smiled again. "Thanks, I needed that." I walked off and went to the room where my next class was being held and I sat down next to Lilly and Oliver. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Miley!" Lilly said.

"Hey," Oliver said, "You know, there's a rumor going on that Mr. Cox won an award for most boring teacher in the world." I smiled.

"I hear he nods off during his own lessons," Lilly added, "They've gotta give you points for that. So are we going to the Bronze tonight?"

"What else are we gonna do in the city known as 23 square miles of beach?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Well, we could always nearly get our throats slit and then grind our enemies' bones to talcum powder with a sledgehammer," Oliver said, "But wait! We did that yesterday!"

Lilly laughed and then said something about miniature golf.

I didn't hear any of the conversation after that. I was too busy and smiling at them and thinking about how lucky I was and am to have such great best friends.

**END EPISODE**


	2. Some Assembly Required

Just letting you know, Ashley is not a bad speller. Her point-of-view is in her own form of internet lingo. And capitalized letters (that aren't part of a name or the first word in a sentence) have to be enunciated to decode it, so...you'll figure it out.

Chapter 2: Some Assembly Required

**Miley's POV**

I was waiting on a gravestone in the cemetery, holding a stake in one hand and playing with a yo-yo in the other. "Come on, Stephan, rise already. Some of us have a ton of trig homework to do."

"Hey."

I gasped and turned to face my right…where I saw Angel.

"Is this a bad time?" he asked.

"Are you crazy?" I half-shouted, "You don't sneak up on people in a graveyard at night, especially when they're holding a stake. Make noise when you walk! Stomp or…yodel!"

"I heard you were on the hunt."

"I'm supposed to be, but lazy bones here doesn't wanna come play."

"When you first wake up, it's a little disorienting. He'll show up."

"It's hard to imagine you going through that."

"It's hard to go through. So you're here alone?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I figured you'd have someone with you. Oliver or someone…"

"Oliver? Are you jealous?"

"Of Oliver? He's just a kid!"

"Is it because I danced with him?"

"'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' is more-"

"Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was 1 dance! Which I only did, by the way, to make you go crazy. Behold my success!"

"I am not jealous!"

"What? Vampire's don't get jealous?"

"You see? Every time we fight, you manage to bring up the Vampire thing."

"Hey! I didn't come here to fight!" I was then knocked over from behind and fell on the ground and realized that Stephan was up. "Oh, wait, I did!" I jumped up and kicked him in the face. I then realized that my hands were empty and started to look frantically for… "Where's my stake?" While Angel was fighting the guy for me, I noticed a shovel and used my Slayer strength to snap it in half and I used the pointy end as a stake and stabbed Stephan in the heart, dusting him. "So, what?" I asked Angel, out of breath and panting, "Oliver's just a kid? Does that mean I'm just a kid, too?"

"Look," Angel said (obviously not out of breath since he doesn't breathe), "apparently, I made a mistake coming here tonight." He turned to leave.

"Oh, no, you don't!" I instantly started to follow him. "You can't get rid of me that easily!" Of course, it was then that I fell into an open grave. I looked up and saw Angel peering over the side to help me up.

"You OK?" he asked as he reached down to take my hand.

I looked at him and then allowed him to pull me up. "I'm fine."

"So, another Vampire has risen tonight."

I looked around at the ground as I came out of the grave and noticed something… "I don't think so. Look at these tracks. Whoever was buried here didn't rise…" I picked up a shoe that must have fallen off the body. Looked exactly like my old mini-heels. "She was dragged from it."

**Theme Song**

(Theme plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Emily Osment  
Mitchell Musso  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Oliver's POV**

Miley and I walk into the library to see Giles talking to an empty chair at the newest table.

Giles: …What I'm proposing is—I don't mean to appear indecorous—a social engagement. I date if you're amenable. (groans) You idiot!

Miley: Wow.

Giles is startled and falls out of his chair, knocking over a stack of books.

Miley: I never realized how much you liked that chair.

Giles: (stumbling to get up) I was, uh…just working on—

Miley: Your pick-up lines?

Giles: (bending down to pick up the books) In a manner of speaking, yes.

Miley: Then you might wanna leave off the idiot part and avoid words that aren't in English. You don't have to speak whatever language you're used to speaking in—

Giles: England?

Me: So who's the lucky girl?

Miley: Uh, Oliver, we should let him tell us himself—It's Ms. Calendar, isn't it?

Giles: How'd you know?

Miley: She's the only woman we've ever seen you talk to in your age bracket. Ergo…DUH! If you want advice from someone who knows about girls, take from a girl. Just say "I've got a thing. I hope you have a thing. Let's do a thing!"

Giles: (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, Shakespeare!

Miley: OK, scratch that. Ask her… "How do you feel about Mexican?"

Giles: About Mexicans?

Miley: Mexican! Food! Take her out to eat! Sweet nibblets! (we both look at her) That's my thing!

Giles: So how did things go last night? Did Stephan arise on time?

Miley: More or less. Angel and I took care of him.

WHOA! Hold the phone! Vamp guy dusted a Vamp?

Me: Angel?

Miley: (shoots me a look) There's something else. We found another empty grave.

Giles: Another Vampire arose?

Miley: No, this one was dug up and dragged off.

Giles: Grave robbing? That's new.

Me: Why would somebody want a corpse?

Giles: I'll gather some theories. It might help if we knew who the body—

Miley: Meredith Todd. She died recently. She was our age.

Giles: Maybe we should have Lilly track her down.

**Lilly's POV**

I was writing down my entry to the annual science fair when Eric came up with his camera and took my picture. I, of course, shoved him off but he just kept going. "Would you knock it off?"

Chris came up. "Eric, listen to her." Eric looked at him and then let the camera rest (FINALLY!).

"Hey, Chris," I said, "What're you doing this year?"

"Why do you wanna know?" Chris asked as he went over to the entry sheet.

"Well, every year, you win and I place second, so, naturally, I'm curious."

"You know what the key is?" Chris asked me, "If Dr. Clark doesn't understand your project, he gives you higher marks to make it seem like he does." He looked at my entry. "'The Effects of Sub-Violet Light Deprivation on the Development of Fruit Flies'? That should do the trick."

It was then that Ashley walked up. "OK, I'm doing this under protest. It's not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory!" She signed up. "I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to." She laid the pen down and allowed me to glance at what she wrote.

"'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable'?" I asked, giggling under my breath.

"I wanted to do something I could finish over the weekend, OK?" Eric noticed her and started snapping her picture. Ashley looked at him. "What're you doing? I'm under fluorescent lighting!" She covered the lens with her hand. "I didn't think the yearbook nerds came out of hibernation until springtime!"

"It's for my private collection," Eric corrected.

"Will you quit it?" Chris demanded.

Miley then came to save us. "Sorry to interrupt, Lilly, but the Bat Signal just lit up."

"Oh, OK," I said, understanding that she meant a supernatural thing, "See you later, Chris, thanks for the tip!" I ran off with Miley, leaving Ashley stranded with Eric and Chris. I followed Miley into the library and sat down at the PC, after hearing the story, to get started. "It shouldn't take too long."

Ashley came in. "Lilly, I need your help my science project."

"It's a fruit," I said. That's what the jury ruled, but I still occasionally think it's a vegetable.

"Look, I would've asked Chris to help me," Ashley continued, "but it would've brought back to many memories of Daryl."

"I found it!" I cried as soon as I'd pulled up the right file, "Meredith Todd died in a car accident about a week ago."

"How was her neck?" Miley asked, apparently curious as to whether or not Vampires had been involved (which was feasible after last year with the Anointed One and all).

"Fine," I answered, "except for being broken."

"Hello?" Ashley practically yelled, "Can we deal with my pain, please?"

Giles patted her on the back. "There, there." He walked over to us.

"It says that Meredith and the 2 other girls in the car crash died instantly," I explained, "They were all on the San Francisco High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."

"You know what that means?" Miley asked.

"That San Fran might actually lose to Sea-view this year?" Oliver asked, jokingly.

"That she wasn't killed by Vampires," Miley explained, "Somebody did dig up her corpse."

Ashley shuddered. "Why is it that every conversation you guys have has the word 'corpse' in it?"

"Well, I've come up with a few theories," Giles said, "There are a few demons that eat flesh and absorb souls. Or it could be a voodoo practitioner."

"You mean like a making a zombie?" I asked.

"Yes, but for most traditional purposes, a voodoo priest would require more than one."

"So we should check on the other 2 girls from the accident," Miley suggested, "Maybe we can figure out what's up."

"So we're digging up graves tonight?" Oliver asked.

"Ooh, goody, a field trip!" I said in half-fake excitement, "Should we ask Angel to come?"

"Oh, why bother him?" Oliver said.

"Actually, Angel and I have been…" Miley started, "…never mind. Let's just meet at about 9. And at least 1 of you bring a shovel. I'll invite Jackson." She pulled out her cell phone to call him while he was out of class at college.

"I'll bring some food!" I volunteered, "Who likes mini-powdered-donuts?"

"Me!" Oliver said like an excited little kid.

Miley smiled, giggled, and then turned to face Ashley as she finished dialing Jackson's number. "Ashley, are you coming?"

"Oh, shoot!" Ashley said, sarcastically, "I have cheerleading practice with Amber and the others. If only I'd known that we'd be digging up dead people sooner. I would've cancelled!" She stormed out.

"OK, but if you happen to come across an army of zombies," Oliver yelled after her, "could you text us before they eat your flesh?" Ashley glared back at him and left.

"Oliver?" Giles said, "Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living."

"I know, but did you see the look on her face?" Oliver said.

Miley laughed. "Jackson? Can you meet us at the graveyard tonight?"

**Miley's POV**

That night at the cemetery, Giles, Oliver, and Jackson were digging away at the grave while Lilly and I relaxed on a nearby gravestone and watched as we talked.

"I couldn't believe Angel," I told Lilly, "He was acting all jealous of Oliver and wouldn't even admit it."

"Because you did that dance with him?" Lilly asked, giggling under her breath. She pulled out a donut and started munching away.

I took a donut, too. "I don't think I'll ever live that down," I said.

"You know," Jackson commented, "this might go better if you femmes actually picked up a shovel and pitched in."

"Here, here," Giles and Oliver both said.

"Sorry," I said, "I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the graves and women have the babies." My brother, my buddy, and my Watcher all looked at each other and went back to digging. "So what was Ashley's deal?" I asked Lilly, "Who's Daryl?"

"Daryl Epps," Lilly explained, "Chris' older brother. He was the second best football star on the varsity team. All-State 2 years ago. He was a running-back. All the girls were crazy for him. And then Ashley started going out with him and Amber took the first best player."

"And Daryl broke Ashley's heart?" I guessed, "Thus proving its existence?"

Lilly smiled. "He died. He was rock-climbing and he fell." She stopped smiling and I followed. "Ever since then…Chris has been pretty quiet. He's kind of in his own world and…I heard his mother doesn't even leave the house anymore."

"I think we're there!" Giles said. Lilly and I got up from the gravestone and walked over there. "OK, if there's a body, it supports the flesh-eating demon. If there's no body, it supports the army of zombies."

"Alright," I said, getting down next to the coffin as the guys got out of the grave next to Lilly, "The moment of truth." I opened the coffin and we all looked inside it…

**Ashley's POV**

I got out uv chErlEdEn praktis. "I'll C U tomorO, girlz," I said, "OtherwIz, no 1 iz gonna B led by owr chErz."

"OK," Amber sed az she ran off with thE others, "C U lAter, Ash!"

I wawk'd ovr 2 mI car. Just wen I wuz about 2 get in, I herd sumthin. "HelO?" I look'd undr the car N saw a pare uv fEt. "Oliver Oken, if this iz sum kind uv joke-" I look'd up N gasp'd 2 sE Angel.

"Ashley," hE sed, "This iz tha last plAs I expect'd U 2 B."

I wuz stil brEthEn hevilE. "Y R U folOEn mE?"

"I wuzn't shur it wuz U," hE explan'd, "I wuz lookEn 4 Miley."

"O, Miley," I sed az I wawk'd arownd tha car to grab tha bag I had 4got'n I'd left ther, "Big shok, she's at tha grAvyard.

"She sed she'd B hOm."

"Then, I gess she lId. Izn't she a rascal? U'R lukE, tho, I'm frE." I bent down N pik'd up sumthEn. Wen I nOtis'd tha look on hiz fas, I look'd at it…N saw N arm. I scEm'd N drop'd it.

**Oliver's POV**

Me: (as we walk into the library) So both coffins are empty. That makes 3 girls signed up for an army of zombies.

Lilly: Is it really an army if you just have 3?

Angel: You're back.

We all look to see Angel sitting next to Ashley on the table.

Miley: Angel.

Angel: Oliver.

Me: Angel.

Angel: I thought you were taking the night off, Miley.

Miley: I was, but something came up.

Angel: I know, Ashley told me the truth.

Me: Wow, that's gotta be a first.

Miley: Then I guess you already know that we were investigating. Someone's been digging up the bodies of dead girls.

Angel: I know. We found some of them.

Miley: Like, 2? 3?

Angel: "Like," literally some of them. Parts.

Ashley: It was awful. Angel saved me from an arm. Why does all the bad stuff always happen to me?

Me: *COUGH*KARMA!*COUGH* (everyone looks at me)

Lilly: So much for our zombie theory.

Giles: So much for all our theories.

Jackson: I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble of digging up these girls just to cut 'em up and throw 'em out?

Angel: What I saw didn't add up to 3 whole girls. I think they kept a few parts.

Miley: Could this get any yuckier?

Lilly: Maybe they ate the missing parts!

Miley: Asked and answered.

Giles: My question is: who would dispose of the parts 5 miles from the cemetery? At a school, of all places?

Miley: Maybe someone who had business in the neighborhood, like, say…classes?

Angel: This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing.

Giles: Yes, what student here is going to be that well-versed in physiology?

Lilly: Well, I know about 6 guys in the science club…and me. (everyone looks at her) It's not me, though.

Miley: Alright, Lilly, pull up the guys' locker numbers and we'll get searching.

Ashley: Actually, I have to go home…and take a 3-hour bubble bath and burn my clothes. (looks at Angel) Can you take me home?

Angel stares at her for a few seconds in utter shock and then glances at Miley, who shrugs desperately.

Ashley: Great! I'll drive! (drags Angel off)

Angel glances back at Miley helplessly before leaving.

Me: Huh. I always pictured him as a 1-woman Vampire.

Miley glares at me.

**Jackson's POV**

After Lilly had pulled up the locker numbers, the 5 of us immediately set out to figure out what was in the lockers and get us 4 kids home before our parents suspected anything.

"You realize that this search is entirely unauthorized and that, as a school official, I absolutely cannot condone it," Giles said, as he led us down the hall.

"Great," Miley said, handing him a sheet, "Grab a locker." As Giles walked over to one nerd's locker, the little devil child I call my sister walked over to Eric's locker. "OK, Eric, let's see what you've got on your annoying little mind."

Lilly jumbled through another nerd's locker. "Nothing in here but 1000 issues of _Scientific American_. Ooh, I haven't read this one!"

I rolled my eyes and pulled a newspaper out of Chris' locker. "I think it's fair to say that this Chris guy is involved." We all gathered around the newspaper and saw that the main article was of the 3 girls whose corpses had been jacked. "But we still don't know why."

"Yes, we do," Miley corrected, showing us Eric's locker door. A collage of a woman was hanging there made up of various pieces of different pictures.

**Normal POV**

Eric came into Chris' basement. "How's my baby?"

"She's not your baby," Chris corrected as he finished laying a tarp on a cot.

"She's not gonna be anyone's baby if we don't finish her soon."

"I'm working on it!"

"So am I, my friend." Eric laid out the newly developed pictures of Miley, Lilly, and Ashley. "So am I."

**Lilly's POV**

"Any sign of our suspects?" Oliver asked Miley as she and Jackson came to join the 2 of us at the balcony at school.

"Not yet," Miley said, "I just don't get why anyone would wanna make a girl."

"You mean when there's so many pre-made ones laying around?" Oliver asked in return.

"Oh, the things we do for love," Jackson said.

"Love has nothing to do with this," Miley corrected him.

"I'll tell you this," Oliver said, "People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them."

WHAT? But I've been in love with Oliver for a year now! Does this mean we'll never be together?

"Guys want what they can't have," he continued, "The more unattainable, the more attractive."

I shook it off. Now wasn't the time for mourning a lost love. "For Eric, the unattainable would include everyone that's alive."

"And Eric's sick enough to do this," said Miley, "But what about Chris? He seems like a fairly human person!"

"I don't know," I said, "The thing with his brother was really hard on him. He started talking about death a lot recently. Maybe he's trying to 1-up it."

"But this whole Frankenstein isn't doable!" Jackson objected, "If it were possible, I'd have done it years ago."

"Jackson," Miley said, "I hate to break it to you, but your highest grade in science was a 78. You'd never make it."

"Hey, if it is possible, my project's definitely coming in second this year," I added, half-jokingly.

Oliver peered over the balcony and saw Giles and Jenny. "And speaking of love…" We all looked at each other and then ran down the stairs to the quad and went up to him.

"Hey, Giles," Miley said, "No sign of the mad scientists yet?"

"Huh?" Giles said, "Oh, hey, Miley. Yes, corpses, very evil." He walked off.

Miley smiled and followed him. "Now, remember, 'I feel a thing, you feel a thing,' but personalize it!" He looked at her. "She's a techno-pagan, ask her to…bless your laptop! Good luck!"

"Wait, don't…" Giles started. He turned around in time to see me waving at him as we left. "…leave."

**Normal POV**

"Morning, Rupert," Jenny said as she came up to him.

"Uh, hello, Ms. Calendar," Giles said as he followed her to the computer lab.

"Please, call me Jenny, Ms. Calendar's my father."

Giles smiled. "Very well then, Jenny. Would…would it appear in—no, not indecorous, uh…this went better with the chair."

"Rupert, look, I gotta set up the lab."

"What I'm proposing is-"

_DING!_

"Oh, that's the bell," Jenny said, "I gotta go! Sorry!" She ran into the lab.

"You idiot!" Giles scolded himself.

Jenny stuck her head back through the door. "Listen, if it's that important, why don't you just tell me at the game?"

"'Game'?" Giles asked her.

"Yeah, the football game tonight. I always go. Why don't you come with?"

"Uh, I…" Giles just nodded to avoid turning into a blabbering idiot again.

"Maybe we can grab a bite on the way there. How do you feel about Mexican?"

Giles just stared at her this time. _Wow. I should listen to Miley more often._

"Good. See you then." With that, Jenny went back to her classroom.

"Well, that went well," Giles said to himself, "I think."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly is flipping through a book in the science lab and I'm sitting next to her. Jackson is across the table from us looking at the visual props.

Lilly: I still don't know how Chris could do this. I mean, arresting the cell deterioration is one thing but—

Jackson: Hey.

We look at him and jump to see that he's holding a plastic severed head.

Jackson: I wanna get ahead. (laughs)

Lilly: (throws the book at him) No wonder Miley doesn't like you. (takes the book back and starts flipping through it again) Maybe an electrical current combined with an adrenaline boost could—

Jackson: Sweet nibblets, will _someone_ scratch my nose?

Miley: (comes into the room and sits down next to Jackson) Well, it's official. Eric and Chris didn't come to school today. (looks at Jackson and the head) Put it down.

Jackson groans and lays the head on the counter.

Lilly: Maybe they finished their project.

Miley: What if it worked? What if that poor girl is just walking around out there?

Me: Technically, it's "poor _girls_."

Lilly: What'd you think they'll do with her.

Giles: (comes in and sits down next to Miley) I don't think we need to worry about that yet. There were 3 heads in the dumpster.

Miley: They only had 3 girls.

Giles: Precisely.

Lilly: So they don't have the whole package.

Me: Heads must not be good enough.

Jackson: I found 'em attractive enough. (we all look at him) Maybe it's just me. Look, obviously I'm not as sick as these 2 nerds.

Giles: Well, they're just 1 single step away from completing their masterpiece.

**Normal POV**

"We're running out of time!" Eric ranted in Chris' basement, "If we wait to long, the onset of the atrophy in the limbs will be irreversible."

"We can turn up the current," Chris corrected, "That'll buy us at least another day."

"We'll lose the entire body if we don't attach a head soon!" Eric continued, "The crash with the girls was lucky, but we can't just keep waiting for another accident to happen! It's just 1 lousy girl-"

"I won't do it!" Chris shouted, "I can't kill somebody! You have to understand that! Please don't make me!"

"You have to." The 2 boys turned to see Daryl coming out of the shadows. He was horribly disfigured and anyone could tell he was simply a walking corpse. "You promised me, little brother, that I wouldn't be alone."

**[commercial break]**

"The body is perfect," Eric told Daryl, "If we can get a head tonight, she'll be ready by sunrise."

Daryl didn't take his eyes off Chris. "When you brought me back, you swore you'd take care of me. I need someone. Please…"

"Don't ask me to do this," Chris pleaded, "Don't ask me to take a life."

"I tried to tell him," Eric said, "If you take a life to make a life, no harm, no foul."

Chris still looked at Daryl. "Maybe you could go out-"

"No!" Daryl walked over to him. "They can't see me. You've always been smarter than me, Chris. You're the only one that can help me now. Help me."

Chris looked at his feet and then nodded and the 2 boys hugged.

Daryl went over to Eric. "Alright. What do you got?"

Eric took out his 3 pictures and laid them out.

Daryl smiled at the last one and pointed to it. "This one."

"Ah, a man of taste." Eric took out his scissors and started to cut around Ashley's hair.

**Lilly's POV**

"I checked the obituaries," I informed the group, "There's no one that'd make a likely candidate."

"They seem kind of picky for guys who had 3 heads to begin with," Oliver said.

I then snapped my fingers upon thinking of something. "Formaldehyde. It accelerates natural decay in the brain cells. After a few days they're useless. Chris and Eric are going to need something as fresh as possible."

"And I don't think anyone who cuts dead girls into itty-bitty pieces," Miley said, "is going to get the benefit of any doubt. We need to end this thing now. Lilly, Oliver, Jackson, you 3 go to Eric's house. Giles and I'll go to Chris' place. Then we can meet up at-"

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Giles said, "I have to be at the game."

"Fine, go ahead," Miley said, "We'll handle this and meet there." Giles nodded.

"Miley," I called after her before she could leave, "Don't be too hard on Chris. He's not a Vampire."

Miley shook her head. "No. He's just a ghoul." With that, she left.

**Miley's POV**

I knocked on the door to Chris' house and it was answered by a woman in a bathrobe who'd obviously been smoking. It was definitely Mrs. Epps. "Uh, hey. Is Chris home?"

Mrs. Epps just went back into the living room and sat down in front of the TV.

I came in, closed the door behind me, and then looked at the TV to see what she was so absorbed in. She was watching a football game. _Wow. She must really miss Daryl. _I went down the hall and saw the basement door. It had the standard signs on it that usual were on a boy's bedroom door (like Jackson). You know, "Keep Out" and "No Admittance." I opened the door and went down the stairs. It was like a lab in there. I looked at their plans and saw a few things that interested me: a picture of me, a picture of Lilly, and the boys' plans for the girl with Ashley's head at the top! I jumped through the window and into the front yard and ran off.

**Ashley's POV**

I wuz in tha girlz lokr room. I wuz lookIn at mIself in tha mEror az I put on mI lip-glos.

SudnlE, Amber cAm in. "Cum on, Ash. We gotta get owt ther."

"ComEn."

Amber left. Just wen I wuz abowt 2 lEv, Chris apEr'd in tha mEror N mAd mE jump owt uv mI skin (not literalE, that'd B gros).

"Chris!" I scOlded him, "U scAr'd mE! Wut R U dooEn in hEr?" I turn'd 2 fAs him. He look'd uwA frum mE. "Wut's rong?" SudnlE, I cudn't C anEthang.

**Miley's POV**

I ran up to Amber and Joy (the cheer squad leader). "Joy! Amber! Where's Ashley?"

"Ashley's got a game to think about," Amber said, "She doesn't need to worry about losers like you."

I glared at her. "Mean girl say what?"

**Normal POV**

Eric was trying to tie Ashley up when Miley came along. She knocked Eric back and pulled Ashley away, letting her go.

"Are you OK?" Miley asked.

"No!" Ashley yelled.

Eric got up and ran away.

"It's OK," Miley assured her, "He's gone."

"I was headed to the game when Chris showed up and then all of a sudden, someone jumped me!" Suddenly, music started playing from the field. "That's the fight music! I gotta go form the pyramid!" Ashley started to run off.

"Wait!" Miley called after her, "Are you sure you're OK to go out there?"

Ashley scoffed. "I have to! I'm the apex this year!"

Miley shook her head and then heard a noise. "Chris?" She looked around. "I know what you and Eric are trying to do. I know about the bodies in the cemetery. But you haven't hurt anyone yet." Chris stepped out into the open then. "I know what it's like to lose someone you're close to because my mom died a few years ago. But that's no excuse. What you're doing is wrong and you know it!"

"I had to. He needs someone."

"Eric? I'll tell you what he needs-"

"He was always looking out for me. He always stood up for me. Everybody loved him and now he's all alone."

"What are you talking a-" Miley then realized what was going on. "Oh, mud crunkies."

_In Chris' basement…_

"You promised me!" Daryl shouted as he threw stuff around, "You promised me I wouldn't be alone!"

"It's not too late," Eric said. Daryl went over to him and lifted him. "Nothing's changed! We can still do this without him! Your brother's not the only one who can create a life. What do you say?" Daryl thought about it and then set him down. "Let's go scare you up a date."

**Miley's POV**

Chris led me into his basement.

"Daryl?" I shouted. I looked around. The place was a dump and there was no one there. "He's not here. Where else would he be?"

"He can't go out," Chris said, "He wouldn't either…unless…"

"He's picking up where you left off," I figured out.

**Normal POV**

As Ashley cheered for the team with Amber and Joy and the others, Jenny and Giles were talking in the stands.

"I don't know why I like football so much," Jenny said, "I prefer basketball and baseball, but this has got that unadorned aggression. It's so rugged!"

"Rugged? American football?" Giles laughed.

"What's so funny about that?" Jenny asked.

"No! I just think it's rather odd that an entire country that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on 40 pounds of protective gear in order to play rugby."

"So this is your idea of our first date? Dissing one of my country's favorite pastimes?"

Giles smiled. "You just said 'date.'"

Jenny smiled. "You noticed that to, huh?"

"Hey, Giles!"

Both adults turned to see Lilly, Oliver, and Jackson sitting behind them.

"Hey, Ms. Calendar," Lilly said.

"Hey, kids," Jenny said, "What's up?"

"Eric's was a bust," Oliver explained to Giles, "Is Miley back yet?"

"I'm afraid not," Giles said, "Perhaps you 3 should get closer to the field and see what you can find!"

Lilly, Oliver, and Jackson looked at each other, shrugged, got up, and then sat down on Giles and Jenny's bleacher, scooting them down the row.

"So what's the score?" Jackson asked, taking some of Giles' popcorn.

Giles and Jenny looked at each other.

_Under the stands…_

Daryl was crawling under the bleachers. While the audience was absorbed in the game, Ashley got tired of cheering and went over to the bench to get a drink. When she was about to go back in, Daryl grabbed her and pulled her away.

**Miley's POV**

Chris and I came to the bleachers and looked out at the cheerleaders.

"I don't see her," I told him, "Do you?"

"No," Chris answered, shaking his head.

**Ashley's POV**

I wuz blIndfOlded, sO I coodn't C NEthang. But I wuz hErEn wut tha boiz wer sAEn.

"She's bUtiful!"

Wer thA tawkEn abowt mE?

"No! It's bad luk 2 C tha brId B4 tha wedIn."

That's it! I start'd struglEn agenst mI bonds. "PlEz! Just tAk off tha blIndfOld! I promis I won't scrEm!"

"Ashley?"

I cood C agen! Then agen, I wuz CEn a wawkEn corps! 4get the promis! I scrEm'd!

"ScrEm al U want," sed Eric, "Wer in N abandun'd bilding. No 1 can hEr U." I scrEm'd agen. Lowdr this tIm. Eric pik'd up u pan. "That's enuf!" I stop'd scrEmEn. He put tha pan down.

"U wer alwAz sO good 2 mE," tha corps sed, "AlwAz nOtis'd mE. But I ignOr'd U. I'm glad 2 hav a 2nd chans 2 tel U that."

I then rEaliz'd hoo tha corps wuz. "Daryl?"

Daryl nod'd. "I wuz thotles. I C that now. But I'v chang'd. I'v lern'd 2 aprEshEAt how much it ment 4 U 2 B with mE."

"OK," Eric sed, "Wer redE."

"RedE?" I asked, "RedE 4 wut?"

"Ur gonna fEl a slIt pinch," Eric in4m'd mE, "MayB sum discum4t arownd tha nek arEa, but don't worE. Wen U wAk up, UL hav tha bodE uv a 17-yEr-old. AkchUalE, UL hav tha bodEz uv sevral." He lift'd tha shEt on tha cot N shO'd mE tha mOst hOrifik thing I'd evr Cn at tha tIm. I scrEm'd agen.

**Miley's POV**

I found Ashley's pompoms by the water cooler by the field. "He was here, Chris. Where'd he take her?"

"To the rest of the body," Chris explained, "at the lab."

"Which is where?"

"I promised him that I-"

"He's gonna kill her, Chris!" I yelled at him, careful to keep my voice down so that no one else would overhear, "You can't just give and take lives like that. It's not right."

Chris looked at his feet and thought it over. "He's in the old science lab. Everything's set up there."

"Thank you. Now find my brother and Oliver and Lilly and tell them what's going on." With that, I ran off for the lab.

**Ashley's POV**

"Daryl, plEz," I beg'd him, "U don't hav 2 doo this."

"I hav 2," Daryl said, "So wE kan B 2gethr."

"We can B 2gethr anEwA. I'll B with U, I promis!"

"O, rElE?" I nodded. "Doo U C anEthang U lIk?" He went ovr 2 thE othr bodE N lift'd tha shEt. "Wen U'R finish'd U won't gO owt. U won't run uwA. But wE kan hId 2gethr."

I continU'd plEdEn, but Eric had alredE got owt tha nIf. SudenlE, tha door brOk down N in wawk'd Miley.

"Daryl, lisn," she sed, "I nO wut U'R dooEn. Ur brothr sent mE 2 stop U."

"He woodn't doo that," Daryl argU'd, "Mi brothr luvs mE."

"Miley, ther crAZ!" I told her.

"It's OK, Ashley," Miley sed, "I'm hEr 2 get U owt."

"NO!" Daryl showt'd, "I'm not dun with her yet!" He thru a tabl at Miley, but she kik'd it owt uv tha wA. "I'm not finish'd!" He thru tha nIf at her, but she duk'd. "I won't liv alOn!" He push'd mI cot asId N mAd tha straps cum undun…nokEn ovr a kan uv gas in tha proses.

"I'm getEn owt uv hEr!" Eric showt'd, runEn owt. Miley grab'd him, but hE resl'd owt uv her grip, nokEn ovr a bunsn burnr N ignItEn tha gas. He ran owt evn fastr. I wood'v folO'd, but I wuz a litl sOr N cood bArlE moov. Then Oliver shO'd up.

"Get Ashley!" Miley comand'd him az she start'd 2 fIt Daryl.

Oliver ran ovr 2 mE N pik'd mE up, taken mE owt. He stop'd at tha door, tho, wen the othrs shO'd up, sO that wE cood C wut wuz gOEn on.

Daryl fInalE rEalIz'd that hE wuz gOEn 2 B set aflAm N grab'd the girl. "She's mIn! Min 4evr!"

"Daryl!" Chris yel'd aftr hiz brothr. But B4 hE cood run in aftr him, Miley pulled him away N wE all left.

**Miley's POV**

"The first time he woke up," Chris told me as the firemen started showing up, "he said I shouldn't have brought him back. I was just trying to look out for him…like he would've for me."

Angel came up to us. "I saw the fire and figured you'd be here. I everyone OK?"

I smiled at him. "Yeah. We're OK."

**Normal POV**

Nearby, Giles and Jenny were talking.

"Sorry about all this," Giles said.

"It's OK," Jenny said, "But just a rule of thumb: don't do anything on that first date that's so exciting the second date will be hard to top it."

"Believe it or not, ever since I moved onto the Hell-Mouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night—you just said 'second date.'"

"You noticed that, too, huh?"

Giles smiled.

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly, Jackson, and I are talking.

Me: I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Even the school librarian is getting more action than us. You ever think that the world is just a giant game of musical chairs and the music's stopped and we're the only ones without our own chairs?

Lilly: All the time.

Ashley: (comes up to us) Oliver, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic. And I just wanted to tell you that if there was anything I could ever do—

Me: Do you mind? We're talking here.

She rolls her eyes and leaves.

Me: Now where was I?

Jackson: Why we never get dates?

Me: Yeah, why is that?

Looking back now, I was kind of stupid.

**Angel's POV**

Miley and I were walking through the graveyard later. She was informing me of the night's events. 2 nerds bringing back one of the nerds' dead brother and making a girlfriend for him out of corpses? What has the world come to?

"…the whole thing was just so creepy," she continued, "And he did it all for his brother."

"Sounds like he took it a little too far," I said.

"Love makes you do crazy stuff."

"Yeah, crazy. Like a 241-year-old Vampire being jealous of a high school junior?"

"Are you fessing up?"

"I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little." She gave me a look. "OK, a lot."

She giggled. "I'm not in love with Oliver or anything similar. We're just best friends."

"Which means he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. He's there for you in the daytime, he gets to see you all day. I don't have that."

"If it helps, I don't look that good in direct light."

I looked at the sky and sensed what was coming. "It'll be morning soon."

She smiled. That beautiful smile that I love so much. Now I know where she got her name: Smiley Miley. "You want me to take you home?"

I smiled back at her and we walked off, holding hands like young lovers (which, technically speaking, we were).

**END EPISODE**


	3. School Hard

Chapter 3: School Hard

**Miley's POV**

Principal Snyder had me in his office with another girl. "A lot of educators say 'Think of your principal as your pal.' I say 'Think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner.' Now who do you think is the more troublesome student?" The brunette girl and I looked at each other. "It is quite a match between you 2. On one hand, Miley never stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel."

The brunette girl scoffed. "I never stabbed anybody with a trowel! They were pruning shears." I looked at her.

"On the other hand, Sheila never burnt down a school."

"Hey! That was never proven!" I defended myself, "The Fire Marshall said it could've been mice!" They both looked at me. "Mice who were…smoking?" They still looked at me. "Have either of you ever been to Tennessee? You don't know what's possible." Sheila shrugged.

"Well, I guess it's tied up between you 2," the short, bald idiot said (I came up with that myself! Don't tell him), "It's quite exciting."

"What does the winner get?" Sheila asked.

"Expelled." The 1 word I wanted to avoid for the rest of my life. Snyder got up. "Thursday is Parent-Teacher Night. Your parents will meet your teachers, assuming you have any left, and I've decided to put you 2 in charge of this event. You have 3 days to prepare everything. This will incur my good will and may affect what I tell your parents when I meet them. Are we clear?"

"I'm clear!" I instantly said. I turned to Sheila. "Don't you feel clear?" I looked away from her in time to miss the look she gave me. "We're very clear."

"Good," Snyder continued, his arms now crossed at us, "Because if you mess up this time, then your parents will only be coming to clean out your lockers." He nodded to the door to let us know that it was time for us to leave and we both left.

"This shouldn't be so hard," I said, "We can work on the banners at lunch tomorrow and figure out the refreshments then."

"Yeah, sure, whatever. HEY, MEATPIE!" Sheila walked off.

Oliver and Lilly came up to me.

"I have been to concerts to sing for thousands of screaming fans, and my ears never hurt as much as they did just now."

"So Snyder's got you 2 making party favors?" Oliver asked.

"His 2 worst students," I explained, "If Mom had lived to see me burn down the gym in Tennessee, do you think she'd see a Sheila?"

"I doubt it," Lilly assured me as she stared at Sheila making out with her guy, "She would've known that you meant it for the best. You just wanted to get rid of the Vampires."

"Well, Sheila's definitely intense," Oliver said, "She was already smoking in fifth grade."

"I know," Lilly said, "Once I was lookout for her."

Oliver smirked at her. "You are bad to the bone."

"It's not fair!" I ranted, "I'm the Slayer. My job requires a certain amount of fighting. I have no choice! What's Sheila's excuse?"

"Homework," Oliver explained, "She won't do it. Teachers have come to respect that. Oh, and just a tip, you might wanna keep away from pointy objects while you're working with her."

"I'm just wondering if the other Slayers ever had to go to high school."

"It's no biggie," Oliver said, "We'll have a nice little party tonight, you can work with Sheila all week with this stuff and have us help you, and everything will go great! As long as nothing bad happens."

"WHAT'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND SAY THAT FOR?"

"WHAT? Nothing bad is gonna happen!"

"Not until the dummy says 'as long as nothing bad happens,'" Lilly cut in, "It's one of the 5 Ultimate Jinxes, right up there with 'What could possibly go wrong?' Oh, I just said it!"

"What were you thinking?" I ranted again, "Or were you even thinking at all?" With that, Lilly and I walked off.

"Well, you guys don't know!" Oliver yelled after us, "Maybe this time will be different!" But I peeked over my shoulder and saw that he was hugging his satchel.

**Normal POV**

That night by the playground, a blue convertible smashed into the "Welcome to Malibu" sign.

The door opened and out came a Vampire with peroxide blonde hair. "Home, sweet home."

**Theme Song**

(Theme song plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Normal POV**

"The Master is dead," ranted one Vampire in Collin's warehouse, "Someone must take his place."

"As long as the Slayer's alive," another Vampire corrected, "whoever tries will be sharing his grave."

"Then let the man who kills her wear his crown."

"Can you do it?" Collin asked him.

"Yes," the first Vampire (or Vampire #1) said, "This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest night since the crucifixion. And I should know. I was there."

"_You_ were _there_?" Everyone turned to see the blonde Vampire walk in. "Oh, please. If everyone who says they were at the crucifixion had actually been there, it would've been like Woodstock."

"I ought to rip your throat out," said Vampire #1.

The Vampire turned away from him. "I, for one, was actually at Woodstock. I fed off a flower-person and spent the next 6 hours watching my hand move." Vampire #1 rushed at him, but he just put his fist up without turning and punched him in the face, knocking him out. "So who do you kill for fun around here?"

"Who are you?" asked Collin.

"Spike. You're that Anointed guy. I read about you. So you've got Slayer problems. I actually have experience with killing Slayers. And I can do it a lot faster than Nancy-Boy here. I offed a couple Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag." 3…2…1… He burst out, laughing. "Who am I kidding? I love to brag. There was this one Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion and…" He trailed off when he sensed someone behind him. He morphed into his human guise and then went over to her. "Drusilla." It was a girl with blackish-brown hair. "You shouldn't be walking around, you're weak."

Drusilla looked around. "Look at all the people. Are these nice people?"

"We're getting along fair enough," Spike answered.

Drusilla looked at Collin. "This one has power. I could feel it from the outside."

"Yeah, he's the big noise in these parts. Anointed and all that."

"Do you like daisies?" Drusilla asked Collin, "I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies." She turned away. "Spike, I'm cold."

Spike took his jacket off and put it around her. "I've got you."

Drusilla smiled and pricked his cheek with her fingernail. She licked off the blood that came out and then looked at Collin again.

Spike followed her gaze. "Me and Dru are moving in." The Vampire couple separated. "Now any of you wanna test who's got the big wrinkles around here? Step on up. I'll do your Slayer for you. But you, Anointed, keep your flunkies off. Deal?" Collin nodded.

Drusilla closed her eyes and faced the ground. "I can't see her. I can't see the Slayer. It's dark where she is." She opened her eyes and looked at Spike. "Kill her for me?"

"I'll chop her into itty-bitty pieces," Spike said. Drusilla smiled. Spike turned to Collin again. "So tell me about this Slayer? Is she tough?"

**Miley's POV**

"OW!" I cried as my brush tugged my hair.

"You OK, bud?" Dad asked me upon coming into my room.

"Just fine—is that a split end?" I started frantically examining my hair.

"I got the mail," Dad said, "which included a reminder about Parent-Teacher Night on Thursday." Ooh…busted. "Were you planning on telling me?"

"Uh, for the last…2 weeks."

"Miley!" Dad scolded me, "Are you afraid your teachers are going to say something?"

I sat down on my bed. "Pretty much."

Dad sat down next to me. "Well, I'm looking forward to meeting your principal."

"Won't that be something," I said, sarcastically.

"Look, bud, we went to a lot of trouble to move out here after you got kicked out of school and Jackson embarrassed himself at school kissing that girl while wearing a fake moustache." I laughed. "I just don't wanna be disappointed in you."

"That's the last thing I want, too. But I've been kind of pressured lately with…with all the Hannah stuff and homework and hanging out with Oliver and Lilly and everything."

"Wait until you get a real job. Night, bud." He walked out.

After he left, I opened one of the drawers in my dresser to reveal my Slayer utensils: a cross, a jar of holy water, and a few stakes. "I have a job."

**Oliver's POV**

Jackson and I are in the student lounge with Lilly and Miley, who are working on a banner for Parent-Teacher Night.

Lilly: So Sheila's a no-show? (Miley nods) She does go to this weird bar, the Fish Tank. Sometimes they have raids and it tends to make her tardy.

Miley: (smiles) Hey, do you think you could help me cram some French tonight? I don't want the teacher telling Dad I'm an imbecile.

Lilly: (smiles back) Sure, but I thought we were going to the Bronze tonight. And Jackson here's gonna come with.

Jackson: Trust me, she can multi-task.

Lilly: There's also the major detail of how you thought Angel might show?

Me: And if he does and she's not there he'll meet some other nice girl. Trust me, studying comes first! (everyone looks at me)

I don't know why they look at me so often. Am I that big a dork? You know what? Don't answer that.

Miley: We're going to the Bronze. I can study _and_ party _and_ do Parent-Teacher Night _and_ make my dad proud as long I don't have to—

Giles: Miley!

Miley: -fight Vampires.

Giles comes up with Jenny…er, Ms. Calendar.

Giles: (to Jenny) There is nothing in the Chronicles about an extraneous lunar cycle.

Jenny: The Order never properly calculated the Mesopotamian Calendar. You have _got_ to read something that was published after 1066.

Giles: Very funny.

Jackson: So what's up?

Giles: According to Jenny's calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous.

Miley: Let me guess. He didn't make balloon animals.

Giles: He led a crusade of Vampires. They destroyed most of the Middle East.

Miley: Well, if I survive Parent-Teacher Night, I'll deal with it.

Giles: Aren't you kind of jumping into this? This is a serious matter.

Miley: And getting kicked out of my school _again_ because I'm the Slayer and can't tell anybody is laughs aplenty? If my slaying doesn't get me expelled, I promise my banner-making won't get me killed. Just let me get through the week! If that's possible.

Giles: This Saturday's going to take a great deal of preparation.

Lilly: Well, we can help!

Me: I can whittle some stakes!

Lilly: And I can research stuff.

Jackson: And I can whittle as well, while whistling a jaunty tune! (we all look at him)

Finally! I'm not the victim!

Giles: Yes, your help would be greatly appreciated. But when it comes to the battle, Miley must fight alone. After all, she is the Slay… (sees Snyder coming down the hall) slave. Slaves, You are all slaves to the, uh…the television.

Jenny: Young people nowadays. (to Giles) Shall we go?

Giles: Yes, let's.

They both leave. Snyder comes up.

Snyder: You 3 wouldn't be helping Miley here in Sheila's place, would you?

Jackson: What? No!

Lilly: Of course not, we, uh…we—

Snyder: She ditched. Ooh, I feel an expulsion coming on!

Miley: NO! No, uh…Sheila's been helping us for hours. She just went to…get some more paint.

Snyder's looking behind her so we all turn to see Sheila come up and take off her sunglasses.

Miley: Oh, is there no more teal in the art room? I know how you wanted everything to be perfect, but we'll just have to go with what we have.

Snyder: I'm watching you 2…5. (he leaves)

Sheila: Thanks no covering. Guys a serious rodent.

Miley: No problem.

Sheila: Hey, did you really burn down a whole school building one time?

Miley: (thinks about it) …Well…not really one time.

Sheila: (smiles) Cool. (walks off)

Lilly: I thought you just burned down the gym.

Miley: Hence the way I worded it. I don't wanna get on her bad side!

**Jackson's POV**

I was sitting at our group table at the Bronze while Miley and Lilly fussed over French and Oliver was making a fool of himself on the dance floor.

"La vache…" Miley said, "doit me…touche…de la…jeudi." We both looked at her. "I was wrong. Should I have used the plural?"

"What? No!" Lilly quickly responded, "It's just that…you said 'the cow should touch me from Thursday.'"

I instantly burst into laughter. What else was I going to do? It's hilarious when Miley messes up!

"Stick a sock in it!" Miley yelled. I stopped.

"Hey, you knew it was wrong!" Lilly defended her best friend.

"Je stink!" Miley whined.

"You're not focused!" Lilly reasoned, "It's Angel miss-age!"

"Well, we didn't agree on…it was a '_maybe_ I'll see you there' kind of deal."

Oliver then ran over. "Guys, I'm alone out here! Somebody dance with me!"

"We're busy watching Miley fail," I told him. Miley glared at me.

"Come on, you've been studying for 5 whole minutes!" Oliver said.

"Huh, no wonder my brain is fried." Miley plopped down her pencil and we all got up. Miley started dancing with Oliver and Lilly and I…did the best we could.

That's when Spike came up. He went over to these 2 guys. "Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some guy outside trying to bite someone."

[Imagine record needle scratching]

The 4 of us stopped what we were doing and ran off. We found Vampire #1 outside attacking a girl. Miley ran up to him and kicked him in the face, knocking him back.

"Slayer!"

"Slayee!" Miley started fighting. "Get her out of here!" We started rushing the girl into the building. "AND A STAKE WOULD BE NICE!"

While Oliver and Lilly were calming the girl down, I started jumbling through my backpack. Book…book…pen…stake! I ran back out.

"Spike!" the Vampire was shouting when I got out there, "Give me a hand!"

"Miley!" I threw the stake at her and she caught it perfectly and dusted the guy.

Then Captain Peroxide came up, slowly applauding her. "Nice job, love."

"Who are you?" Miley asked him.

"You'll find out on Saturday."

"What happens on Saturday?"

"I kill you."

**Normal POV**

Sheila came into the alley outside of the Bronze with 2 guys. "OK, which one's Dwayne and which one's Dell? Don't tell me. Dell's the one with the tattoos. You guys weren't lying about having a Cadillac, were you? 'Cause I'm crazy about a Cad. Just feeling the leather makes me wanna-" She stopped when she noticed that the boy to her right was gone. "Where'd you go?" She looked to her left and saw that the other boy was gone. "What's going on? Where are you guys? This isn't funny!" She turned around and saw Spike. "Who are you?"

"Who do you want me to be?" Spike said, smiling.

"Did you see-"

"Those 2 losers that weren't good enough for you? They got sleepy. And you've got something a whole lot better now." He started walking off.

Sheila started running after him. "Hey, wait up! What's your name?" She walked right out of the alley, not noticing Dwayne and Dell lying dead in a pile of trash.

**Miley's POV**

Lilly, Giles, Oliver, Jenny, Jackson, and I were all researching in the library.

"Spike?" Giles suddenly asked, "Are you sure that's what the other Vampire called him?"

"Positive," Jackson and I both said.

"Well, I can't seem to find him," Giles said, "Maybe he went by a different name in times past."

"Well, whoever he is," Jenny said, "we'll need all the help we can get on Saturday."

"So, this night of St. Vigeous deal," Oliver said, "If they're gonna attack in force, are we thinking vacation time?"

"We can't run!" Lilly corrected him, "Ooh, we could hide! 'Cause if this Spike guy is leading the attack…" Lilly shuddered.

"Well, he can't be any worse than any other creature you've faced," Giles assured me.

"He's worse." We all turned to see Angel. "Once he starts something, he won't stop until everything in his path is dead."

"Hmm," Jackson thought out loud, "So he's thorough and goal-oriented."

I got up and went over to Angel. "We were at the Bronze earlier. Where were you?"

"You said you weren't certain if you were gonna show."

"I was being cool! You've been dating for, like, 200 years and you don't know what it means when a girl says maybe she'll show?"

"Wow," Lilly opened her big mouth again, "200 years of dating. I mean, even if you only had, like, 2 dates a year…" That's when Angel and I looked at her. "…that'd still be, like, 400 dates with 400 different g—why do you think they call it a mace?"

"We do have slightly more urgent matters to discuss!" Giles intercepted.

"Like keeping Dad and Snyder apart on Thursday?" I pointed out.

"And not dying on Saturday," Jenny added.

"Angel," Giles asked, "do you know if this Spike fellow goes by any other name?"

No response. We all looked to see that Angel was gone.

"I am putting a collar with little bells on that guy!" Oliver said.

**Normal POV**

Drusilla was in her room. She could hear chanting from outside. She was standing by a desk piled high with some dolls. "Miss Edith speaks out of turn." She turned one doll towards the wall. "She's a bad example and with have no cakes today."

"Darling, are you going to eat something?"

Drusilla smiled. "Spike." She faced him. "I'm not hungry. I miss Prague."

"You nearly died in Prague," Spike said, coming up to hug her waist, "Idiot mob. This is the place for us. The Hell-Mouth will restore you, put color in your cheeks—metaphorically speaking-, and in a few weeks time-"

"The stars will align and smile down on us," Drusilla finished for him, lying down on her bed.

Spike got on top of her. "And then this town will burn!"

Drusilla smiled again. "A pretty fire."

Spike rolled over next to her, tugging slightly on her long yellowish-white dress.

"They're preparing."

"St. Vigeous is coming up. Should be a party."

"The boy doesn't trust you. They follow him." Drusilla sat up. "Sometimes I think my hair will all fall out and I'll be bald."

"Never gonna happen." Spike got up. "But you've gotta do me one favor…" He pulled on a chain and down came Sheila, bound and gagged and hanging from the ceiling. "Eat something."

Drusilla took Sheila and Spike left. "You see, Miss Edith? If you'd been good, you could…" She Vamped out. "…watch like the rest." She bit deep into Sheila's neck.

**Oliver's POV**

The next morning in the library, Ashley, Jackson, and I are whittling away as Jenny comes up with more wood. Lilly and Giles are researching. Miley raises a knife…and drops it down on a cucumber which she begins to cut.

Giles: For 3 nights, the unholy ones scourge themselves into a fury, culminating in a savage attack on the night of St. Vigeous.

Jackson: Does anybody remember when Saturday night meant date night?

Miley: (giggles) You sure don't! (looks at her watch) Ooh, parents are arriving in an hour. OK, the banners are up, the lounge is comfy even by Giles' standards…what am I forgetting?

Lilly: Punch?

Miley: Punch! I need punch! (starts freaking out)

Ashley: (groans) My fingers are cramping. How long have I been doing this?

Me: (look at my watch) Well, in exactly 1 minute, it'll be…3 minutes and a half.

Ashley: (pounds the newly finished stake on the table) So can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this Spike guy is as bad as you guys say he is, the fight should be over pretty quick.

Miley looks at her, angrily. Lilly glares at her, warningly. Giles, Jackson, and I just stare at her.

Ashley: We're still all rooting for you on Saturday. I'd be there for you myself if I weren't spending the night with Amber at the salon.

Miley: (groans) You guys keep going. I'm punch-bound. (leaves)

As soon as she's gone, Jackson and I look at each other and reach out for the cucumbers…

Miley: (from the hall) NO!

We look at each other again and go back to whittling.

**Lilly's POV**

When I came up to Miley at Parent-Teacher Night, she was pouring the punch into cups.

"So what do you got?" I asked her.

"Lemonade," Miley explained, "Best I could do on such short notice. Lucky I have experience. I once made 1 when I was about 10 so that I could raise money to enter Blue Jeans in the clot contest at the county fair."

"Blue Jeans?"

"My horse. He's still a little young, but we've always been good friends."

I picked up a cup. "How much sugar did you use?" I took a sip.

"Sugar?" Miley realized, panicking.

I spit it out. "It's very good," I lied, holding my hand over my mouth to cover my puckered lips.

"OK," Miley said, "Now all I have to do is keep Dad and Snyder away from each other for the night."

I then noticed Robbie coming into the lounge. "Hey, Mr. Stewart!"

"Hey, Lilly," Robbie said, "Hey, bud. Did you do all this?"

"Yeah," Miley said. She picked up a cup. "Have some lemonade." We then both noticed Snyder coming. "Right after Lilly shows you the library!"

I led Robbie off. "Come on, Mr. Stewart." I then turned around. "No, wait! Giles and the others-"

"—are locked in there studying," Miley freaked out, "Uh, go check out the French class!"

"Great!" I led Robbie off again, leaving Miley alone to face Snyder. I glanced back to see her trying to lead him off. He just started to follow us, so I hurried to get Mr. Stewart to French class.

**Miley's POV**

At about 8:45, Ashley came up to me. "Giles has had us locked up in that library for over 2 hours working on _your_ weapons. Even slaves get minimum wage!"

"I'll give you a dollar later. Look, I have 3 lives to mess with: Miley, the Slayer, and Hannah Montana. And none of them mesh-"

"Whoa, you're Hannah-" I covered her mouth before she could freak out and give out the secret.

"I kind of left that part out for a reason!"

Ashley pulled my hand off. "Sorry!" She put her hands on her hips and then noticed Dad coming up with Jackson and Lilly. "Is that you Dad?"

I looked over to him and nodded. "He writes all my Hannah songs."

"I know. He's your manager."

"Look, I gotta-"

"Well," Dad interrupted, "I've seen every one of your classrooms. And it seems like, every time to get to one, the teacher just magically disappears."

I then started freaking out upon seeing Snyder come in. "But you haven't seen the boiler room yet! Lilly, Jackson, why don't we take Dad to see the-" No such luck. Dad bumped right into Snyder. "—principal."

"Hey, I'm Miley's dad, Robbie Ray Stewart," Dad said, offering his hand to Snyder.

Snyder just looked at him. "I need to speak to you."

Dad looked at me and then followed him to his office.

"He didn't look very happy," I worried.

"But you did such a good job!" Lilly complained.

"And when they're done talking…" Jackson pointed out.

"My guess?" Ashley chimed in, "10th high school reunion, you'll _both_ still be grounded!" Jackson and I both looked at her.

"Ashley, have some lemonade," Lilly said.

**Oliver's POV**

I am still whittling (with Jenny not that Ashley and Jackson are gone) and Giles is still researching.

Giles: Oh, here he is! I found Spike. He's known as William the Bloody. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Here's some good news: he's barely even half as old as Angel. (notices something) Uh oh.

Me: What?

Giles: He's come across 2 Slayers in the past century…and he's killed them both.

Jenny and I both stare at him. Now too scared to speak.

**Miley's POV**

Dad was in Snyder's office for what felt like hours to me. I looked at the clock. My definition of 5 hours had only been 35 minutes. Finally, Dad came out, obviously not too happy.

"In the car, now," Dad said, simply. Jackson and I both got up. "Just Miley."

Jackson looked slightly hopeful knowing that he was off the hook, but he was apparently slightly worried for me. I looked at Lilly, who was concerned as well.

Suddenly, Spike burst through the window, followed by a few Vampires. "What can I say? I couldn't wait."

**[commercial break]**

Spike started to jump at me, so I threw a chair at him. I dragged Dad, Jackson, and Lilly down the hall.

I could just barely hear Spike say "Nobody gets out! Especially the girl!"

We came up to a Vampire. I started fighting him off and at some point, Lilly and Ashley fell into a closet and got locked in. At the time, of course, none of us noticed. I was too busy knocking the Vampire out and loading the group into the science lab. "Get in! Come on!" Dad, Snyder, Jackson, and a bunch of others ran in and I followed, closing and locking the door behind us.

**Oliver's POV**

We're just getting over the news of Spike's Slayer murders when we hear the glass smashing. Giles opens the doors and the Vampires immediately start bashing on the door. I run over and help him close it and we lock it as tight as we can. Suddenly the lights go off and the emergency power comes on.

**Normal POV**

Vampire #2 came up to Spike, who was holding onto a guy. "We cut the power. Nobody got out."

"And the Slayer?" Spike asked.

"She either went that way…" Vampire #2 pointed to his right. "…or that way." He pointed to his left. "I saw others."

"You don't know?" Spike yelled. He then let go of the guy. "I like veal. You're too old to eat." He still snapped the guy's neck. "But not to kill. I feel better."

**Oliver's POV**

Giles hangs up the library phone.

Giles: They've cut the phone lines. Wait a minute…there's an old boarded-up cellar behind the stacks. Oliver, go out that way. Find Angel and bring him here.

Me: I'm not going anywhere until I know Miley and Lilly are safe!

Giles: No one will be safe if we don't get help!

I think about it for a few seconds and then give in and run out the back.

**Jackson's POV**

"Who are those people?" asked one guy, "What do they want?"

I'll tell you what they want. They want my baby sister dead! Well, I'm not gonna let them! No matter how annoying, she's still my sister!

"Well, I didn't get a good enough look," Dad said, "But I think something was up with their faces-"

"Yeah!" Snyder interrupted, "They must be on drugs! We've gotta get out of here." He moved a stool in front of the window and started to climb onto it.

"You can't go out there!" Miley yelled, "They'll kill you!"

"Don't tell me!" Snyder snapped back, "I tell you!"

Miley pulled him down. "They will kill everybody in this room! Nobody gets in or out until I say so!"

"Who do you think you are?"

"She's the one who knows how to stop 'em," I intercepted.

Miley smiled at me and started to leave, but Dad stopped her.

"Mile, are you crazy? I know you've been accused of fighting and all this, but these guys are serious. You can't go out there."

"I know." Miley pulled over a stool. "That's why I'm going up there." She got on the stool and opened the vent, crawling in.

I smiled. _That's my girl._

**Normal POV**

"Slayer!" Spike called throughout the hall, "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty! If I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry and use their bones to bash your head in!" Ashley started whining upon hearing this. Lilly quickly put her hand over her mouth, but Spike heard it. Spike went over to the closet door and was about to kick it down when…

"Hey, Spike!" Spike turned his attention to Vampire #2. "Listen…"

The 2 Vamps listened and heard Miley crawling through the vents.

"Someone's in the ceiling," Spike said in a sing-song voice.

**Miley's POV**

I came to the library in the vents and heard Giles and Jenny talking.

"…what are you doing? There are at least 3 Vampires in that hall, let alone the whole building!" That was definitely Jenny.

"I am her Watcher, Jenny! I am to protect her, no matter what the cost! I have to go! Now as soon as I-"

Before I he could finish, the ceiling started creaking and I fell through and onto the floor. I got up. "I'm OK!" I started pulling off my sweater.

"Miley!" Giles said, "You're OK!"

"How are the others?" Jenny asked.

"Snyder, Dad, Jackson, and 4 others are locked in the science lab," I explained, "I don't know where Lilly and Ashley are." I looked around. "Where's Oliver?"

"He ran out the back to get Angel," Giles explained.

"Good," I said, "OK, I'm gonna take out the Vamps in the hall. After I'm done, get to the lab and get Dad and the others out!"

"Let me help you," Giles said.

"Giles, my family, my problem. If I don't make it out, I know you'll help get them out."

"Alright. Fair enough. What's your plan?"

"They split up to hold us here, so I'm gonna take 'em one-on-one." I grabbed one of the chairs at the table, pulled it over to the hole in the ceiling, and climbed on to jump back up.

"Be careful!" Giles warned me.

I nodded and jumped back into the vents.

**Jackson's POV**

Snyder was pacing like crazy. Eventually, I got dizzy just watching.

"Why don't you just sit down?" I suggested.

"This is my school," Snyder ranted, "What I say goes and I say this is not happening!"

"Well, in that case," said one guy, "I guess the danger's over. I'm getting out of here! I'm not waiting for them to open the doors!"

"Don't be an idiot!" Dad yelled.

"I'm beginning to see a certain father-daughter resemblance," said Snyder. He helped the guy get ready to leave.

I jumped out of my seat and pulled them away. "You heard what my sister said! We can't leave!"

"She's a student!" Snyder snapped, "What does she know?"

The idiot guy (not Snyder) got onto the chair and started to pull away the metal slats blocking the window.

_This is not going to go well, _I thought.

**Normal POV**

Vampire #2 banged himself against the door to the lab. He then noticed Spike looking at him. "Yeah, it's solid."

Spike scoffed. "Use your head." He grabbed Vamp #2 by the shoulders and bashed his head into the fire emergency case, releasing an ax. He thrust it into Vamp #2's hands and then pulled away 2 other Vamps.

**Jackson's POV**

While Snyder and the idiot guy were still messing with the window, I heard a banging at the door. I went over and looked through the window and saw a Vampire bashing it with an ax. "Nyah!" I backed up.

"What is it, Jackson?" Dad asked.

Suddenly, the idiot guy finally wrestled off the slats. "I did it!" He poked his head through…and started screaming and thrashing his legs. I would've helped pull him back in, but I was afraid of getting kicked. And then he was gone. I ran over there as fast as I could and pulled the window back down.

**Oliver's POV**

Angel and I pass by a dead guy on the way to the door. For those of you playing along at home, the dead guy's the one who just went through the science lab's window.

Me: You seem to know a lot about this Spike guy, so…got a plan?

He grabs me by the throat.

Me: (choking) Good plan!

He drags me off.

**Ashley's POV**

I lisen'd 4 NE noyz. "I think hE's gon." I rEch'd 4 tha dornob, but Lilly stop'd mE.

"He cood cum bak!" shE warn'd mE.

"Wut doo wE doo?" I ask'd.

"PrA."

**Normal POV**

While Miley kept crawling through the vents, Spike grabbed a couple poles, handing one to one Vamp and giving the other to himself. He listened and then poked one through the ceiling. Miley saw a pole come up just an inch in front of her and started to back up. She went avoided the pole as best she could (they were pointy for those of you who don't know) and went through the vents faster.

**Jackson's POV**

The Vampire had almost broken through the door when Miley showed up. I ran over to the door and looked through the window in it in time to see her stake him.

"Miley, are you OK?" I asked her.

"Miley?" Dad raced over to the window.

"I'm fine, Jackson," Miley answered me.

Then Dad pushed me aside and looked through the window. "Miley, get out! We'll be alright!"

"Look, just hang on until I tell you to open the door!" Miley said. I waited until no one was looking and then poked just enough of a hole in the thin, poorly-crafted wall to listen to what happened next:

"Sheila!" Miley whispered, "Where've you been?"

"Sorry I'm late. There's some weird guys outside."

"I know they're trying to kill us. Take this."

"This should be fun."

Take what? I looked through the window again to see what was going on.

**Oliver's POV**

When Angel drags me in, Spike is poking holes in the ceiling. He drops the pole when he sees us.

Spike: Angelus!

Angel: Spike!

Spike comes over and pats Angel on the back.

Angel: I thought I always taught you to guard your perimeter. You should have someone out there!

Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots! So what's new with you? Come up against this Slayer yet?

Angel: She's cute. Gave her the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act to keep her off my back while I fed.

Spike: Man, people still fall for that Anne Rice routine! What a world!

Me: (whispering to Angel, not knowing Spike can hear) I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy!

Angel: (knees me in the gut to shut me up) Wanna a bite before we kill her?

Not to steal Miley's line, but VAMPIRE SLAYER'S VAMPIRE BOYFRIEND SAY _WHAT?_

**Miley's POV**

"Stay behind me," I warned Sheila after handing her the ax. What I didn't know at the time is that she was already a Vampire…

**[commercial break]**

"Miley, LOOK OUT!"

I whirled around to see what Jackson was talking about and saw Sheila in Vamp face, swinging the ax at me. I grabbed the ax handle, used it to pull her forward, and head-butted her, knocking her back. I swung the ax at her and chopped her head off, turning her to dust. "Jackson, now!"

Jackson unlocked and opened the door, letting Dad, Snyder, and the others out. "Come on, hurry!"

Dad stopped when he saw me. "You're coming, too!"

"In a minute! Go!" I ran off, ignoring my Dad calling my name.

**Oliver's POV**

Spike: I haven't seen you in the killing field for ages. Why are you scared of the Slayer?

Angel: Scared?

Spike: Yeah. In the old days, you would've taken her out in a heartbeat. Now look at you. This tortured thing is an act, right? You're not…housebroken?

Angel: No, I saw her kill the Master. If you think you can take her alone, be my guest. I'll just feed and run—

Spike: Nonsense! We're all friends here. We'll do it together…

After a few seconds, I hear a _SMACK!_ Angel lets me go and I see that Spike has punched him in the nose.

Spike: You think you can fool me? You're my grand-sire, man! You were my…Yoda!

Angel: Things change

Spike: Not us, man! Not demons! I can't believe this! (picks up the pole) Come on, people, this isn't a spectator sport!

The Vampires rush at us and I scream like a girl (don't tell anyone about that) and run off, Angel following me.

**Miley's POV**

"Fe fi fo fum. I smell the blood of a nice, ripe…girl." Spike faced me.

I held the ax up at Spike at noticed his pointy pole. "Do we really need weapons for this?"

"I just like them. They make me feel all manly." He dropped the pole and I dropped my ax. "The first Slayer I killed, she begged for her life. You don't strike me as the begging kind, though."

"Well, you shouldn't have come here."

"Sorry I messed up your doilies and stuff, I just got so bored. Tell you what, as a personal favor, I'll make his quick. Won't hurt a bit."

"No, Spike, it's gonna hurt a lot!" I rushed at him. We started to fight. Finally, I was able to kick him in the neck, knocking him into the wall.

"OW! Now that hurt!" He pulled a poster off the wall and threw the tacks at me. I ducked just in time. "But not as much as this will." Before he could attack again, though, someone knocked him back.

I turned to see who had come to my rescue and saw, to my surprise, Dad! With the ax! WITH THE AX? "Get away from my daughter!"

Spike sighed. "I hate my job." He jumped out the window.

Dad dropped the ax. "Nobody, especially a boy, touches my little girl."

I smirked and rolled my eyes. "Thanks, Daddy." We hugged.

**Normal POV**

Giles and Jenny were walking around the lawn of the school as the police officers showed up.

"Another fun-filled evening," Jenny said.

"Yes," Giles said, "I would understand if you decide to start avoiding me."

Jenny smiled and took his hand.

**Oliver's POV**

Angel and I are walking around the lawn, too.

Me: So my question to you is 'Why didn't you clock Spike before he could clock you?'

Angel: I told you I couldn't make the first move. I had to make sure he was buying it.

Me: And what if he had bitten me?

Angel: We would've known he bought it.

I stop walking. Angel keeps going.

**Miley's POV**

"So what'd Snyder say about me?" I asked Dad as he, Jackson, and I sat down on a bench outside the school.

"He said you were a troublemaker." I looked down at my feet. "But I couldn't care less." I looked back up. "I have 2 children who can take care of themselves." He wrapped his arms around us and looked at me. "Who are brave and resourceful…" He looked at Jackson. "…and who think of others in a near-death crisis. No matter who you 2 hang out with or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm proud of you."

Jackson and I smile at each other.

"So…" Jackson said, "…how long do you think this is gonna last before you start nagging us again."

"At least a week and a half."

"Yeah!" Jackson and I both said.

**Lilly's POV**

I was banging my head against the wall about 2 hours later after everyone was gone.

"…and if you get me out of this," Ashley was praying, "I swear I will never be mean to anyone ever again…unless they really deserve it…or if it's that time of month. In which case, I don't think You or Amber or anyone else could really hold me responsible-"

That's it! "Ask for some aspirin!"

"And could you please send me some—HEY!"

**Normal POV**

Drusilla walked up to Spike when he came back into the warehouse the next morning. "Spike! Did she hurt you?"

"It was close, baby, but…"

"Oh, come here." Drusilla hugged him.

"A Slayer with family and friends…that sure wasn't in the brochure."

"You'll kill her," Drusilla assured him, "and then we'll have a nice celebration…a party with streamers and songs."

"How's the annoying one?"

"He doesn't wanna play."

"Figures. I'll deal with this." Spike went over to Collin and Vamp #3 and knelt down before them.

"You've failed," Collin said.

"I, uh…I offer penance."

"'Penance'?" Vamp #3 cried, "The entire feast of St. Vigeous was ruined by your impatience!"

"I was rash and unreasonable," Spike said, "And if I could do it all over again…" He burst into laughter again. "Oh, who am I kidding? I'd do it exactly the same, only I'd do _this_…" He grabs Collin. "…first!" He pushed Collin into the cage and locked it, kicking Vamp #3 into a box with a loose board, thus staking him. Spike started pulling on the chain holding up the cage so that it lifted into the sunlight. "We're gonna have a little less ritual, and a little more fun around here!" He gave the chain one last good tug and then went over to Drusilla. "Let's go see what's on TV." He walked off with her, his hand in hers.

**END EPISODE**


	4. Inca Mummy Girl

Chapter 4: Inca Mummy Girl

**Oliver's POV**

Miley, Lilly, and I are walking through the rose garden outside the museum.

Miley: This is so unfair.

Lilly: I don't think it's that bad.

Miley: It's awful! Dad could've at least warned me!

Me: Well, a lot of parents are doing it this year. It's part of the whole cultural exchange deal. The exhibit, the dance…

Lilly: Oh, I have the perfect costume for the dance.

Miley: A complete stranger in my house for 2 weeks? I'm gonna go insane! They could find out about Hannah Montana or the Vampire Slayer. Or both! Oh, I'll be a danger to myself and others within 3 days.

Me: I think the exchange program's cool! It's a chance for 2 beautiful cultures to meld together!

The girls look at me.

Miley: Have you ever actually been in an exchange program before?

Me: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?

We walk into the exhibit and up comes Ashley, holding up a photo.

Ashley: This one's mine! Sven. 100% Swedish, 100% hot, and 100% staying at my house! Mine definitely the best of all the exchanges. (looks at Miley) So what's yours like? Visually, I mean.

Miley: (shrugs) I don't know. Guy-like?

Me: Hannah Montana the Vampire Slayer say what? By 'guy-like' we mean big, beefy, muscular, guy-like girl, right?

Miley: I was told 'guy.'

Ashley: You didn't look at him first? (scoffs) Wow. You're living on the edge. And not like the Ariel Moore song. (walks off)

Me: Wait a second…so the person who's gonna be staying at your house is a guy? As in male? With male parts? For 2 weeks? That spells trouble with a capital 'T' to me.

Lilly: What happened to the beautiful melding of 2 cultures?

Me: There is no melding! OK? He better keep his parts to himself!

Miley: (stops walking) Who's that?

Lilly and I stop walking, too, to see what she's talking about a see one of the students messing with a mask.

Me: Oh, that's Rodney Munson. God's gift to the grading curve. What he lacks in smarts, he makes up for in lack of smarts.

Lilly: (scoffs) You just don't like him because of that time he beat you up every day for 5 years.

Miley giggles. I glare at both of them.

Me: Yeah. I'm irrational that way.

Miley: I'd better stop him before he gets into trouble.

Lilly: (stops Miley) I got it. We're gonna have to start with the non-violent approach. (walks off)

Miley: I wasn't gonna use violence! I don't always use violence! Do I?

Me: No comment. You got nerve. You're one in a million. Life's what _you_ make it-

Miley: Don't be using my songs against me.

**Lilly's POV**

I walked over to Rodney and tapped him on the back to get his attention.

Rodney looked at me. "Hey, Lilly."

"That's probably not something you wanna be doing. You could get in trouble."

Rodney smiled. "Really? You think they'll kick me out of school?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "So are we still on for chem. tutoring tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I think I almost got the 14 natural elements memorized!"

I stopped smiling and stared at him. "There's 103."

Rodney stopped smiling, too. He was obviously worried.

5 minutes later, I was with Oliver and Miley listening to the museum guide as we walked into the Inca exhibit. "We shall now proceed to the Inca burial chamber where the human sacrifice is about to begin."

Oliver looked around. "Typical of a museum. Promise human sacrifice, deliver pots and pans."

"500 years ago," the guide continued, "the Incas chose a beautiful teenage girl to become their princess."

"I hope this story ends with 'and she lived happily ever after,'" I worried.

Oliver looked into the coffin. "No, I think it ends with 'and she became a scary, discolored, shriveled mummy.'"

"The Incan people," the guide continued, "sacrificed their princess to the mountain god Sebancaya, an offering buried alive fore eternity in this dark tomb."

"Couldn't they have at least wrapped her in those nice white bandages like in the movies?" I asked.

"The princess remained there protected only by a cursed seal…" The guide gestured to the plate in the mummy's hands. "…placed there as a warning to anyone who would wake her."

Oliver turned to Miley. "So when's exchange-o boy making his appearance?"

"His name's Ampata," Miley said, "He's gonna be at the bus station tomorrow night."

"Now," said the guide, "if you'll follow me this way please…" She led the group off.

**Normal POV**

Later, Rodney was hanging around the deserted. He went over to the mummy and picked up the seal. "Cool." He started to walk off but tripped on the side of the platform and dropped it, breaking it. "Oh, great." He bent down to pick up the pieces, but something grabbed his throat and lifted him up. He looked to see what had him and saw the mummy awakening…

**Theme song**

(Theme song plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

"So can I go?" I begged Giles as we trained.

"I think not."

I kicked and punched the training pads he was holding and he eventually dropped them and picked up some thicker ones. I rested for a few seconds to catch my breath. "Why not?"

"Because you are the Chosen One. You have responsibilities that other girls don't."

"Oh, I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, blah, I'm so stuffy, give me a scone."

"It's as if you know me," Giles said, sarcastically. I kicked him again. "Miley, your secret identities are going to be difficult enough to maintain while this exchange student is living with you."

Oliver, who was studying at the table, jumped in then. "Not _with_ her! _In the same house _as her. Am I the only one who sees that distinction?"

"SO!" I said, "I think going to the dance like a normal person would be the best way to keep my secrets! Come on, Giles, get with me here!" No response. I stepped back and prepared for an especially hard kick—

"FINE! GO!"

I put my foot down. "Thank you!"

Giles put down the training pads. "I'll just go introduce my shoulders to some ice packs."

"Great, we're going to the dance!" Oliver came up to me. "I can get the family car and be wheel man!"

"I thought you were going with Lilly," I said, picking up a water bottle.

"Well, yeah, I'm gonna _bring_ Lilly, but gonna _take_ Lilly! See, with you we're 3 and everybody's safe. Without you, we're 2. And 2 can be as bad as 1."

"Don't you dare start singing! I'm the singer in the group!"

Of course, Lilly came in then, but we didn't see her.

"Miley," Oliver said, "I love Lilly."

I can just picture her smile…wide, bright, radiant, Lilly. As happy as she could ever be, knowing that the man she loves likes her back.

"And she's my best friend, which kind of ruins that and makes her the girl I don't think about dancing with."

I can just picture her smile fading into disappointment.

But Lilly jumped in then, anyway, making us think that she'd just come in and not heard a word of that. "Hey, guys!"

Oliver looked at her. "Lilly! Hey!" He went over to her and put his arm around her. "We were just talking about happy things! Like the 3 of us going to the dance together. See? Happy!" He smiled and then noticed the pained expression she was failing to restrict. "Not happy?"

"No, uh, yes! But no…Rodney's missing."

Giles came up to us, carrying an ice pack. "Trouble with Mr. Munson again?"

"His parents said he never came home last night," Lilly explained, "And he didn't show up for class this morning."

I thought about it. "You know, I don't remember seeing him on the bus on the way home from the field trip."

"I didn't either," Lilly said, "I hope he didn't get into trouble at the museum…"

Oliver laughed. "Hey, maybe he woke up the mummy!"

Lilly giggled. "Yeah, and it rose from its tomb."

I smiled. "And attacked him."

We all shared a good group laugh and then slowly stopped as we realized how obviously possible that was.

**Lilly's POV**

Miley had called Jackson and he'd zoomed over and given us a ride to the museum, where we were currently examining the Inca exhibit.

"On the other hand," I said as we walked in, "maybe Rodney stepped out for a smoke."

"For 21 hours?" Oliver asked.

"It's addictive, you know!"

"We'll deal with that once we've ruled out evil curses," Giles said.

Miley stepped onto the platform and started to go to the coffin. "One day, I'm gonna live in a town where evil curses are ruled out without even saying." She looked into the coffin. "The mummy's still here, but the seal is broken." She picked up the biggest piece.

"Shouldn't that mean that the mummy's loose?" Jackson asked.

"And yet it's as comfy as ever," Oliver said, looking in.

Giles took the piece of the seal. "Look at these pictograms-"

Before he could say anymore, a man jumped out of nowhere, carrying a knife, and started to attack us.

Oliver ducked the knife and knocked the man into the coffin. He jumped on the guy's back and the guy knocked him off and ran away. "OK, I just saved us, right?"

"Something did," Miley said.

"We'll worry about details later," said Giles, "Let's just get out of here before he comes back."

While they were all rushing off, I took one last look at the mummy and noticed something… "Giles?" I could hear them stop walking. "Were the Incas very advanced?"

"Yes," Giles said, obviously not understanding my question, "yes, very."

"Did they have orthodontists?"

They came back onto the platform to see what I was talking about and looked at the mummy to see metal braces on its teeth.

**Oliver's POV**

The 5 of us come back into the library.

Lilly: Rodney looked like he'd been dead for 500 years! How's that possible?

Jackson: Maybe we should ask the guy with the big knife.

Miley: I don't think he seemed overly chatty.

Lilly: Judging by the way he bolted when he saw Rodney, I'd say he was just as freaked out as we were.

Giles: My resources on this subject are extremely limited. I take it that this particular mummy was from the Sebancaya region of eastern Peru. It's very remote. If there's an answer…it's locked in the seal. (looks at the seal) It's gonna take me weeks to translate this. We'll start tonight with—

Miley: Ampata!

Giles: I was going to suggest a group research session, but—

Miley: No, I'm late! I promised Dad that Jackson and I would pick him up!

Me: Miley! Where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover you've never met whose trade is the breaking of hearts?

Miley: Ampata's there all alone! And I don't know how good his English is either. He's from South America. (idea hits her) Hey! Maybe he could translate the seal!

Me: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old "let me translate that ancient seal for you" trick. Do you know how many times I've used that?

**Normal POV**

Ampata was waiting at the bus station alone when he heard something. "Hello? Is anyone there?" Suddenly, he saw the mummy coming toward him. Before he could react, she grabbed him and kissed him. His body began to shrivel and dry up.

**Oliver's POV**

Jackson, Lilly, Miley, and I are walking up to the bus station (Jackson has us parked just outside it) looking for the exchange student.

Miley: (looks at her watch) 40 minutes late. Welcome to America!

Lilly: What if he left already?

Miley: Ampata? (looks at Jackson)

Jackson: (takes his sister's hint) Ampata!

Miley: Ampata Gutierrez?

Me: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? 'Cause I only know Hola, Adios, Doritos, and Chihuahua.

Miley and Lilly look at me.

Miley: (rolls her eyes) Ampata!

Ampata: Here!

One of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen comes out of the shadows and smiles at us. I look at Jackson, who is also staring at her but eventually shrugs.

Ampata: (smiles again) I am Ampata.

Me: Ay Carumba! I can also say that!

**Miley's POV**

I led Ampata into the house, Jackson, Lilly, and Oliver following. "So this is the house."

"It's very nice!" said Ampata.

Jackson nodded and went over to the fridge. "Would you like a drink?" He opened the door and started looking through it. "We've got milk…older milk…juice…"

"I think I'll take the juice." Ampata went over to the island and sat down.

"So, Ampata," Lilly said, going over to sit next to her as Jackson started fixing Ampata her drink, "you're a girl."

"Yes, for many years now."

"Well, it's just that we were told a boy was coming," Lilly said.

"It's just one of those crazy mix-ups, Lil!" Oliver said, going over to sit on the other side of Ampata.

"So," I said, going over to sit at the table, "have you ever been in America before?"

"Uh, I have toured," Ampata answered.

"Where'd you go?" Jackson asked as he handed her a glass of juice.

"I was taken to Atlanta, Boston, New York…"

"Wow!" Lilly said, "That sounds exciting! What was it like?"

"Oh, I didn't see much."

"Well," Oliver said, "your English is very bueno!"

Ampata smiled. "Thanks. I listened much."

"Well, that's good," Oliver said, "because I talk much."

The 2 exchanged a laugh. Lilly, Jackson, and I exchanged a look.

After a while, I led Ampata into my room. "Sorry, it's so small. Our guest bedroom's kind of occupied at the moment."

"Don't worry," Ampata said, sitting down on my bed, "My old room was much smaller."

I sat down next to her. "So what's it like back home?"

"It's…cramped…and very dead."

"Then you'll feel right at home in Malibu."

"Oh, no! You have so much here!"

"Well, how about your friends?"

Ampata half-smiled and looked at the pictures on my desk of me, Lilly, and Oliver and of me, Dad, and Jackson. "There's only me."

"I've been there. But, hey! You'll meet lots of people tomorrow!"

"Thank you! You must teach me everything about your life. I want to blend right in."

Huh. Talk about irony. I always hated irony. "1 normal life coming up!"

**Normal POV**

At school the next morning, Ashley was with her new boyfriend. "Devon, I told you I'd be at the dance tonight, but I am _not_ 1 of your little groupies. I won't be all wide-eyed, looking up at you, standing on the edge of the stage."

"Got it," said Devon.

"So I'll see you afterwards?"

"Great. Where do you wanna meet?"

"I'll be standing at the edge of the stage."

Devon smiled and then looked over her shoulder. "With that guy?"

Ashley looked, too, and saw Sven and groaned. "Sven! Momento! Needa!" She turned back to Devon. "This whole exchange student thing is a real nightmare. They don't even speak American." She sighed and then smiled. "So, I'll see you later?" He smiled, too, and she kissed him on the cheek. "Later!" She ran off. Then she noticed that Sven wasn't following her to the building. "SVEN! COME!"

Sven groaned and followed her.

Devon laughed silently and then went over to another guy. "Oz!" The guy looked at him. "What do you think?"

"Of what?" Oz asked.

"Of Ashley!"

"She's a wonderland tour."

"Oh, come on, she's hot! Let me guess: not your type? Man, what does a girl have to do to impress you?"

"Well, it involves a feather boa and a theme to 'Grease.' I can't discuss it here."

"You're too picky, man! Do you know how many girls you could have? Your lead guitar, Oz! Come on!"

"I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any girl who can walk and talk."

"She doesn't have to talk."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly and I are walking through the halls together.

Lilly: I've worked really hard on my costume. I think it's pretty cool.

Me: OK, but what about me? I gotta think.

Lilly: Well, it's a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress-up alternatives.

Me: And a corresponding number of mocking alternatives. All aimed at me!

Lilly: Bavarians are cool.

Me: (thinking out loud) OK, no shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers, and definitely no lederhosen.

Lilly: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? OK, that came out wrong.

**Miley's POV**

I was leading Ampata down the hall. "Your first day of school. Nervous?"

"It is just more people than I have seen in a long time," Ampata said.

"Ah, don't worry. You'll have no problems making friends. As a matter of fact, I know someone who's dying to meet you."

**Lilly's POV**

The gang (except Jackson and, of course, Ashley) was assembled in the library.

"How do you do?" Giles asked Ampata as he shook her hand.

"Hi," Ampata said, smiling.

"I was wondering if you could translate this." Giles handed her the seal.

"Well, that was in no way awkward," Miley said. She then noticed Ampata's face. "What's wrong?"

"Well…" Ampata carefully laid the seal on the table. "Why are you asking me?"

"Well," Giles said, "it's an artifact from your region. It's from the tomb of an Incan mummy, actually. We're trying to translate it as a…a project for our…"

"Our archaeology club!" I quickly thought up.

Giles nodded. "Yes, yes, exactly."

"It's broken," Ampata said, examining the seal, "Where are the other pieces?"

"That's all we found," Miley said.

"Well, it's very old and valuable," said Ampata, handing the seal back to Giles, "You should hide it!"

"Well, is there anything you recognize here?" Giles asked her, ignoring her suggestion, "This chap with the knife for instance?"

"Well, I don't know the exact word…I believe it is…bodyguard?"

"'Bodyguard'?" Giles asked, taking the seal back, "Interesting."

"If I understand right," Ampata said, "The legend says he guards the mummy against those who would disturb her."

"Well," Giles said, "that's a very good starting point for our…club."

"Oh!" Miley said, "And as club president, I have lots of stuff to do. Lots of…boring stuff. Lilly, maybe you could-"

"Stay with Ampata for the day?" Oliver jumped in, "I'd love to!"

Ampata smiled. "Yes, that will be fun." With that, she walked off with him.

I could think of a few things to say to that…but some have words I'm not allowed to say…

"Right," Giles said, "I'll continue with the translation. Miley, you work on researching the bodyguard thing. Lilly…" He then noticed that I wasn't listening.

I was still staring off after the spot where Oliver had been. "Boy…they really like each other."

**Oliver's POV**

I am with Ampata in the bleachers on the football field.

Me: (holding up a Twinkie) And this is called a snack food.

Ampata: Snack food?

Me: Yeah, it's a delicious, golden, spongy cake filled with a delightful, creamy, white substance of goodness. And this is how you eat it.

I stuff the whole thing in my mouth and she smiles.

Ampata: But now I can't try it.

Me: (holding up another, my mouth still full) That's why you bring 2.

Ampata: (smiles and takes it) OK, here goes.

She follows my actions, but is unable to fit the whole thing in there.

Me: (mouth still full) Good, huh? The best part is that they have no ingredients a human can pronounce. So it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in your stomach.

I finally finish eating it.

Ampata: (smiling, her own mouth full) You are very strange.

Me: Girls always tell me that! Right before they run away!

Ampata: (finishes eating it) Relax, I like it.

Me: I like you like it!

She smiles and laughs.

Me: Please, don't learn from my English.

**Miley's POV**

"Ha!" I finally exclaimed, "Or possible ha! Lilly, do you think this matches?" I showed her the book, but she was off in her own world, idly playing with— "Hey! What're you doing with Beary Bear?" I grabbed him back.

"Sorry!" Lilly quickly said, "I'm caring about the mummies!"

I hugged Beary tight to my chest. "Ampata's only staying for 2 weeks."

"Yeah and then Oliver can find someone else who's not me to obsess about. At least with you I knew he didn't have a shot. I have a choice: I can spend my life waiting for Oliver to go out with every other girl in the world or I can just get on with my life."

"Good for you," I said, kissing Beary and putting him back in my bag where he was safe.

Lilly looked at me. "Well, I didn't choose yet."

Giles then rushed up. "Girls! Look at this! Rodney's killer might be the mummy. It implies that the mummy is capable of feeding on the life force of a person, effectively freeze-drying them, you might say."

"So we just have to stop the mummy," I said, "The question is: how?"

"Well," Giles said, "the answer to that is still somewhere in this seal…or somewhere in the rest of it."

**Oliver's POV**

Just when I thought I had a shot, the bodyguard jumps at us with his knife.

Bodyguard: You stole the seal! Where is it?

I try to attack him, but, clumsy me, I fall down 2 rows of the bleachers. He tries to stab me, but I grab his wrist before the knife can make contact. As was obvious to happen, Ampata screamed.

Bodyguard: (looks at her) It is you!

I kick the bodyguard off and he falls to the ground (which is very bad because we're about 2/3 of the way up the bleachers). Ampata and I grab our things and run off.

**Lilly's POV**

Giles handed Ampata a cup of tea. "Here you go."

"Why's this guy so into us?" I asked, "What's he want?"

"Well, he said 'give me the seal,'" Oliver said.

"Apparently, this is more than we realized," Giles said, "I don't know what we should do about it."

"Destroy the seal!" Ampata cried. Giles looked at her. "If you don't, someone could die!"

"I'm afraid someone already has," Giles said.

"The man with the knife killed someone?"

"No, not exactly," Miley said.

"You're not telling me everything!"

Oliver sighed. "You're right. And it's time we do. We're not an archaeology club-" Giles cleared his throat to stop him and then Miley and I both glared at him. "We're…in a crime club! Which is kind of like a chess club except with crime…and no chess…"

"Please understand me," Ampata said, "That seal nearly got us killed. It must be destroyed!" She got up from her seat and stormed out. Oliver quickly followed her.

I looked at Miley as if I was telepathically telling her how hurt I was right now.

**Oliver's POV**

I walk over to Ampata, who is sitting on a bench. I sit next to her.

Me: Ampata, listen to me. Nobody's going to hurt you. I won't let them.

Ampata: Your investigation is dangerous. I do not want that. Just normal life!

She walks over to the drinking fountain.

Me: (under my breath) Me, too.

Lilly comes out of the library and walks over to me.

Lilly: Is she OK?

Me: She's upset. I'm trying to convince her that our lives aren't just danger and peril out here.

Lilly: Good luck with that. (looks at Ampata) You should take her to the dance.

Me: That's a good idea! We could all go! We could even invite Jackson!

Lilly: No, I mean, just the 2 of you.

Me: But you were psyched. You have your costume—

Lilly: I'll see you there.

Me: (smiling at her) You know what, Lil? You're my best friend.

Lilly: I know. (walks off)

**Miley's POV**

"I don't get it," I told Giles, "Why would the bodyguard be so uptight about this piece of broken rock?"

"Perhaps he wishes to put it back together with the other pieces," Giles said.

"If he has them. We didn't find them."

"And if he didn't, then they'd still be at the museum."

"So we should go there and find them. And odds are he'll show up, too."

"And we'll be ready."

"Hey, look at us! We came up with a plan! And a great one, at that."

"Alright. We'll meet there tonight after it closes."

"No! Bad plan! I have others plans! Dance plans!" Giles gave me a look. "Cancelled plans."

**Oliver's POV**

Me: OK, Ampata, I have something to tell you. It's a secret, and it's a bit scary…I like you! And I wanna take you to the dance.

Ampata: Why was that so scary?

Me: Well, because you never know if a girl is gonna say 'yes' or rip out your still beating heart and stomp on it.

Ampata: Then you are very courageous. And I like you, too.

Me: That's great! Hey, you're not a praying mantis, are you? (she looks at me funny) Sorry. Someone else.

Ampata: I will return to you. (starts to walk off)

Me: Where are you going?

Ampata: Where you cannot follow.

I cock my head. She opened the door to the girls' bathroom. I get it and sit down on a bench just outside the bathroom.

**Normal POV**

Ampata walked into the bathroom. She looked in the mirror and was shocked to see the bodyguard behind her. "I beg you…" She turned around to face him. "…don't kill me."

"You are already dead. Have been for 500 years."

"But it's not fair. I was innocent!"

"The people you kill now to make yourself live, they are innocent."

"Please! I am in love!"

"You are the Chosen One. You must die. You have no choice." He swung the knife at her, but she grabbed his wrist and pinned him to the sinks.

"Yes, I do." She kissed him.

**Oliver's POV**

Ampata finally comes out, smiling. I smile back and get up.

Ampata: I have thought. The dance? I will go with you.

I smile and take her hand. We walk off together.

**Miley's POV**

Ampata came into my room in her Incan costume. "Miley, I do not have any lipstick."

"Oh, you can use mine," I said, gesturing to the desk.

She then noticed the trunk by my bed. "What's that?"

"Oh, the station sent the rest of your stuff."

"Oh, I almost forgot. I'll unpack it later."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it." I started to open the trunk.

Ampata stopped me. "But you must get ready for the dance!"

"I'm not going. I have work to do. Crime club work. It's nothing you should worry about."

"I am not worried, thanks to Oliver."

"He seems very happy to be around you."

"I'm happy, too." Ampata picked a lipstick and held it up.

I shook my head. "Clashes. I think there's a gold one there somewhere."

"Thank you. You remind me a lot of the Incan Princess."

I smiled. While she kept going with the lipsticks, I silently opened one trunk and…pulled out a pair of boy's briefs?

"They told her she was the only one who could save her people from the Nether World. Out of all her people…" She opened the drawer where I kept my Slayer stuff. "…she was the only one-"

I quickly closed the drawer. "…chosen."

"You know the story?"

I took out the gold lipstick. "It's fairly familiar."

"She was 16, like us. She was offered as a sacrifice. Who knows what she had to give up?"

"Who knows…" I went over to the second trunk. "I'll just unpack the rest of your stuff for you-" I lifted the lid.

"No! Let me get it!"

Of course, the doorbell rang and I didn't get to look inside. "Oh! That's Oliver and Lilly! I'll get it!" I closed the trunk and went downstairs. I opened the front door and Oliver came in dressed like Clint Eastwood. "What culture are you?"

"I'm the culture of Leone," Oliver explained, "It's somewhere in Italy, pretending to be Montana. What about you? Culture of White Trash?"

"New line-up. You and Lilly are taking Ampata. Giles and I are hunting mummies."

"What about Jackson?"

"Big test for college. Where's Lilly?"

"She's not coming…with us."

"Oh! You and Ampata are on a date."

"Yep."

Ampata came down. "Hello, Oliver."

Oliver just stared at her and stammered like a babbling fool.

"I can translate American salivating boy talk," I said, "He said you look beautiful." He stammered to me. "You're welcome."

Jackson came down the stairs. "Going to college." He then noticed Ampata. "Well, don't you look stunning."

"Hey!" Oliver said, "My date!"

Ampata walked over to Oliver and hugged him. "I did try to talk your sister into going, Jackson, but she is very stubborn."

"I'm glad someone sees that," Jackson said.

Ampata smiled. "Good night then." She and Oliver left.

"Be careful!" I called after them.

"Look at that," Jackson said after they were gone, "2 days in our fair country and Ampata already seems like she belongs here." He left.

"Yeah. How 'bout that?" I turned and went back to my room to wait for Giles.

**Ashley's POV**

(Dingoes Ate My Baby **[Steve Rushton]** are playing "Game Over")

I cAm in2 tha Bronz. I look'd arownd 2 find Amber.

_I'm kind of ordinary_

_To me, you were sort of scary_

_But you seemed to like me and that_

_Don't happen that much…_

"Ha, Am!"

"Ha, Ash!" Amber sed, "Wher's Sven?"

"O, I keep trIEn 2 dich him," I explAn'd, "He's lIk 1 uv thOz dogs U lEv at tha Grand Canyon on vAkAshun N thA folO U bak acros 4 stAtz." I then nOtis'd Sven cumEn 4 us. "C? Mi On pursonal boomarAn."

…_Level 1, you played me_

_2, you paused me_

_3, I realized…_

"He's kind uv Qt," sed Amber.

"PlEz." I look'd at Sven. "U! Get punchE!" He looks at mE, obVuslE not understandEn. "U! Froot drEnkE!"

"I'll tAk car uv this." Amber took Sven off.

**Oliver's POV**

Ampata and I come into the Bronze.

…_I was advised to walk away_

_But you blinded me enough to stay_

_I'm through with all your lies and_

_This is where it ends_

_Yeah, you played to win_

_I was taken in_

_But now you are out of time… _

I notice Lilly in her Eskimo costume and lead Ampata over to her.

Lilly: Wow, you guys look great.

Ampata: I love your costume. It's…very authentic.

Me: Yeah, you look…snug.

Lilly: Thanks. That's exactly what I was going for. Where's Miley?

She looks around stiffly, hardly able to move in her outfit.

**Miley's POV**

I opened the door to find Giles.

"Oh, good, you're home."

"Yeah. Not at the dance. Not with my friends. Not with a life. What are you doing here? I thought we were going to the museum to find the bodyguard."

"He's already been found. In the girls' restroom, mummified."

"Why would the mummy kill her own bodyguard?"

"Well, I've cross-reference and retranslated and found out that the bodyguard was actually supposed to stop the mummy from waking up."

"So Ampata translated wrong." I then realized something. "Hold on…she was scared of the seal from minute 1." _DING!_ Another revelation. "Her trunks!" I ran up the stairs and Giles followed.

Giles opened one trunk while I opened the other. "It's all boys' clothes. Why would Ampata carry this?"

"How 'bout this one?" I added, "What girl carries a mummified corpse and doesn't even pack lipstick?"

**Normal POV**

(Dingoes Ate My Baby **[Jonas Brothers]** are now playing "When You Look Me in the Eyes")

_If the heart is always searching,_

_Can you ever find a home?_

_I've been looking for that someone_

_I'll never make it on my own…_

Lilly watched Oliver and Ampata on the dance floor. A tear ran down her face as she realized her fate. She never would be with him.

…_Dreams can't take the_

_Place of loving you_

_There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true_

_When you look me in the eyes…_

"Hey," Oz whispered to Devon, "Who's that girl?"

Devon looked at Ampata. "I think she's a Peruvian exchange student."

"No her…the Eskimo." Oz stared at Lilly.

…_When you look me in the eyes_

_I catch a glimpse of heaven_

_I find_

_My paradise_

_When you look me in the eyes…_

**Miley's POV**

Giles is driving me to the museum in his car…as slow as possible.

"Come on! Can't you put your foot down?"

"It is down!"

"1 of these days, you're gonna have to get a car."

**Normal POV**

…_How long will I be waiting_

_To be with you again?_

_Gonna tell you that I love you_

_In the best way that I can…_

Oliver gazed into Ampata's eyes as they continued dancing, closer now.

…_I can't take a_

_Day without you here_

_You're the light that makes my darkness disappear_

_When you look me in the eyes… _

Ampata leaned in to kiss and then saw her hand start to mummify and ran off.

"OK, at least I can rule out something I said," said Oliver.

Ampata noticed Rico and pulled him away.

**Miley's POV**

"I should've guessed," I told Giles, "Ampata wanted us to hide the seal and then destroy it."

"Well, we already know that the seal was used to contain the mummy…maybe putting it back together will trap her again! I'll drop you off at the Bronze and go to the museum and try to put the seal back."

"And I'll try to get to Oliver before he gets all kiss-y with the mummy."

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver came up to me. "Have you seen Ampata?" I moved my shoulders as best I could in this outfit. "OK, what was that?"

"I shrugged."

"Next time, maybe you should just say 'shrug.'" He walked off.

"Sigh."

Then Sven walked by with Amber. "I thought this exchange thing would be cool, but look what I got stuck with! Is Ashley even from this country?"

Huh.

**Normal POV**

Ampata had led Rico backstage.

"Your hands feel kind of rough…" Rico said, unable to see that they were getting all mummified. "Hey, aren't you here with Oliver Oken?"

"Does it look like I'm here with Oliver?" She moved in for the kiss, when…

"AMPATA!" Oliver showed up and Rico fled. "Why'd you run off?"

Ampata looked at him, hiding her hand. "Because…I do not deserve you."

"You think _you_ don't deserve _me_? Man, I love you!"

Ampata looked at him again and smiled, crying.

Oliver stopped smiling. "Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion?"

"I am very happy…and very sad."

"Well, you can talk to me…"

Ampata smiled as he gazed into her eyes and they kissed.

**Oliver's POV**

I am feeling a little weird. I'm suddenly getting weaker and weaker until Ampata lets go.

Ampata: I can't!

I fall to the ground, gasping for breath.

Ampata: Oliver, I'm so sorry! (looks up suddenly) The seal! (runs off)

**Normal POV**

Miley approached Lilly. "Lilly! Where's Oliver?"

"He's looking for Ampata."

"We have to find them first. Ampata's the mummy!"

"Oh." Lilly smiled when she realized that that meant Oliver couldn't be with her. "Good!" She then realized Oliver's danger and stopped smiling. "Oliver!" Lilly led Miley backstage.

Oz approached Lilly when he saw her. "I…" Lilly just ran by, too panicked to hear him. "Who is that girl?"

**Oliver's POV**

I'm leaning against a wall when Lilly and Miley rush up.

Lilly: Oliver! (helps me stand up) Where's Ampata?

Me: I don't know…Man, that was some kiss! (Miley grabs my other arm as helps Lilly drag me off) She said something about the seal.

Miley: Giles!

Me: What about him?

Lilly: He doesn't know?

Miley: We'll tell him on the way!

We run off as I regain my strength.

**Normal POV**

Giles smiled. "Just one last piece." Before he could glue it back together, Ampata came up behind him and kicked him in the back of the head, knocking him down. She grabbed the seal and threw it down to the ground, breaking it into a million pieces. She threw Giles into the coffin.

Miley came up behind her. "I'll say one thing about you Incan mummies. You don't kiss and tell."

Ampata jumped away and tried to grab Miley, who jumped out of the way, flying through the air and landing on the pillar. "You've been keeping secrets. You're not like other girls."

Miley smirked. "And you are?" The 2 started to fight. Ampata kicked Miley down and threw her into the coffin with Giles. Ampata closed the stone lid and ran off.

Lilly made the mistake of coming in then.

Ampata grabbed her by the neck. "This won't hurt…" She leaned in—

"AMPATA!" Both girls looked to see Oliver. "Let her go."

"Oliver, we can still be together. Just let me have this one. Otherwise, it is the end, for me and for us."

"NO!" Oliver pulled Lilly away before Ampata could do kiss her. "You want life? You're gonna have to take mine. Can you do that?"

Ampata looked at him and considered… "Yes!"

"OK, not the answer I was going for-" Ampata grabbed him and started to pull him in but he pushed her off. Oliver closed his eyes for a second and then looked again and saw the mummy. Suddenly, she crumbled down to dust.

Miley used her Slayer strength to bust off the lib of the coffin. She looked at Oliver and Lilly and knew that she and Giles had missed something.

**Oliver's POV**

Miley and I are at school the next morning.

Me: I'm really the fun guy, aren't I? I have the worst taste in women, present company excluded, ever!

Miley: Ampata wasn't evil…at least, not at first. And I think she really liked you.

Me: Yeah, but I think the whole sucking the life out of people through kissing thing would've been a huge strain on the relationship.

Miley: Look, she was a normal girl and got killed. I know how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing.

Me: But you did. You died.

Miley: (smiles at me) I had you to bring me back.

I smile at her, thinking about how lucky I am to have such great friends…even if I can't get a decent girlfriend.

**END EPISODE**


	5. Reptile Boy

Chapter 5: Reptile Boy

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly, Miley, Jackson, and I are sitting on Jackson and Miley's family couch watching TV.

Miley: Is she dying?

Me: I think she's singing.

We stare at the Hindi woman dancing around her living room with the telephone.

Jackson: To a telephone in Hindi? OK…like that's entertainment!

Me: Yeah, why is she singing?

Lilly: She's sad because her lover gave her 12 gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their…maypole…fish thing.

Miley: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor!

Lilly: Because of thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.

Me: Just think, we figured that just because we have no money, we could still have a great evening…and out came this.

Lilly: Oh! We could go the Bronze, sneak in our own tea bags, and ask for hot water!

Jackson: Hop off the outlaw train, Lil, before you end us all up in jail!

Miley: Well, I, for one, am giddy! There's no apocalypse to battle, no Vampires or demons to slay, and I'm here with all my friends…and my brother! (tilts her head at the TV) How does the water buffalo fit in again?

**Normal POV**

At the fraternity house at the local college, a girl came up the balcony and jumped off. She landed on the lawn (not necessarily on her feet, I might add) and ran off. She came up to a brick wall and climbed over it, jumping into the bushes on the other side. She looked over the wall one last time and saw a bunch of guys in brown cloaks and hoods. Her eyes widened and she ran through the graveyard, trying to get away. Just when she figured she was home-free, she bumped into someone. It was one of the fraternity boys, wearing one of the cloaks.

"Whoa, Callie! Where are you going? The party's just getting started."

Callie whimpered, unable to do anything, and the cloak guys dragged her off.

**Theme song**

(Theme song plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Lilly's POV**

Miley and I passed Ashley in the halls, long enough to listen to what she was talking about with Amber/.

Ashley was laughing her head off. "See? Dr. Debbie says that when a man is talking to you, make serious eye contact, really listen, and laugh at everything he says." She started fake laughing again, this time louder and more annoying.

Miley and I went back to walking. "So you dreamt about Angel again?"

"Yeah. 3 nights in a row."

"What'd he do in the dream?"

"Oh…stuff."

"Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could just feel his lips and smell his hair?"

"It had surround-sound. I'm just thinking about him so much lately!"

"You 2 are so right for each other! Except for the, uh…Vampire-Slayer thing, but the undead part doesn't really make him evil, remember?"

"I just can't take the fact that I can't have a relationship with him."

"Not during the day…maybe you could hang out at night? Or do some non-relationship things like get coffee?"

Miley looked at me.

"It's not a date! It's a caffeinated beverage!"

**Oliver's POV**

I walk up behind Ashley in the school hall. She is talking to Amber.

Ashley: There is just no comparison between college guys and high school boys. (notices me) I mean, look at that.

Me: So, Ash, you're dating college guys now?

Ashley: I happen to be with a very hot Delta Zeta Kappa right now. Don't worry, I'm sure your pizza delivery career will take you many exciting places.

I have no comeback and just walk away. I find Miley and Lilly in time for Miley to prepare to run off.

Miley: I almost forgot! I have to train with Giles! (shrugs) Aw, well. There hasn't been much paranormal activity lately, he won't be disappointed.

**Miley's POV**

Boy, was I off. I must have been in the library for a half hour listening to Giles rant.

"…Just because the paranormal is more normal and less…para of late is no excuse for tardiness or letting your guard down."

"I haven't let my guard down."

"Oh, really?" Giles got behind me. "You yawned your way through weapons training yesterday and then skipped hand-to-hand entirely. Will you be prepared if a demon sneaks up behind you and does this?" He didn't need to move an inch before I sensed that he was swinging at my right shoulder. I grabbed his wrist and twisted it, holding him by the arm in front of me. "Well, I'm not a demon. Which means you can let go of me!" I complied. "Thank you. When you live on top of a mystical convergence, it's only a matter of time before hell breaks loose. Now is the time when you should train more strictly, hunt and patrol more keenly, and hone your skills day and night."

"And the little slice of my life from 7 to, say…7:05 in the morning, can I do what I want then?"

"Miley, do you think I don't know what it's like to be 16?"

"No, I think you don't know what it's like to be 16 and a girl and the Slayer and a pop star."

Giles considered that… "Fair enough."

"How about what it's like to stake Vampires when you're serious falling for one? My job doesn't really do wonders for my social life."

"That's exactly where being different comes in handy."

"Yeah, who needs a social life when you live on top of the Hell-Mouth?"

"Miley, you have a duty, a purpose, a commitment in life. How many people your age can say that?"

"Are we counting the famous people here? 'Cause if not, I'd say none."

That was it for him. I could tell he was snapping. "Well, here's a hard fact of life: we can't always get what we want and we all have to do things we don't like! And you have hand-to-hand this afternoon and patrol tonight. So come her right after school's done, do your homework, and don't dawdle with your friends!" That's where I snapped. I gave him the puppy dog face. "And don't think sitting there pouting is going to change my mind." I still wasn't breaking. He looked away. "Still not getting to me."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly, Miley, and I are walking out of the school.

Me: (I sigh) What a day!

Lilly: You skipped 3 classes!

Me: Yeah, and they just flew by.

Lilly: (turns to Miley) Aren't you supposed to be in the library, studying with Giles?

Miley: I'm dawdling with my friends!

Me: And that's just the way we like it.

Ashley runs by us up to a black van.

Lilly: What's her problem?

**Ashley's POV**

I cAm up 2 tha van N took of mI sunglases az tha windO rOl'd down.

"Ashley," sed Richard.

"Richard!" I respond, "Nis car!"

"So, we'r thrOEn a litl get-togethr N wE wer wondrEn if U cood cum. It's gonna B a lot uv fun!"

OK. I'm mAkEn thE I contact N lisenEn…tIm 4 tha laf. I crak up, but Richard N Tom (tha gI he's with) don't get it. I tAk tha hint. "I mEn, shur! I'd luv 2 cum!"

"So hoo's Ur frend?"

I turn arownd N rEalIz hE's tawkEn abowt Miley. "Her?"

"She's amazing!" Tom sed, "N gorjus!"

Her? Gorjus? Ya rIt! Mit az wel plA along. "O, Miley's not rElE a frend, she's…mor lIk a sister. We'r that clOs."

"Then Y don't U introdoos us?" Tom ask'd.

Ya, I kind uv rEl'd mIself in2 that 1. "OK."

**Miley's POV**

"So, tonight: channel 59!" Oliver said, "Indian TV! Lies, cowboys, snakes in boots, and incomprehensible storylines! It's gonna be great!"

Ashley then came over and pulled me away. "Come on, Richard and his fraternity brother wanna meet you."

"Uh, I believe we were dawdling here!" Oliver complained.

Ashley led me up to 2 boys, the taller one of which was obviously Richard. "Hi, sweetheart, I'm Richard." (See?) "And you are?"

"So not interested." I started to walk off, but Ashley pulled me back, fake laughing again (this time at a much lower volume).

"She's such a comedian!"

"So she likes to play hard-to-get?" Richard asked.

_3 things: 1, ew! 2, you're an idiot! And 3, EW!_

"No, Rich, I think you're playing easy-to-resist," said the other guy.

_Well, hello! Never mind. I'm into Angel, buddy! Deal with it! _I, of course, started to walk away, but he followed me.

"Feel free to ignore him, I do all the time."

I stopped. _What the hey. Angel and I aren't going anywhere anytime soon._

"I'm Tom Warner. I'm a senior at Malibu U. And I…just feel like a complete dolt meeting you this way, so…here I stand in all my doltishness."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly and I are within earshot of the 2 of them, but they can't hear us, so I do what any guy would do at a time like this…

Me: Ha ha, right. Like she's gonna fall for that.

**Miley's POV**

"I'm Miley Stewart," I told Tom, "My older brother goes to Malibu U."

"Wow. I'm surprised I haven't met him. So you're a senior here?"

"Junior."

"Oh, me, too! Except, I'm a senior and I'm in college." I smiled, obviously. "So, we have that in common…I major in history."

I shrugged. "History bores me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week."

"Don't worry. Nothing happened last week, trust me, I was there."

**Oliver's POV**

Me: She's gonna walk away…now!

Nothing.

Me: Now!

**Miley's POV**

"So, uh," Tom continued, "My friend invited your friend to a party we're having this weekend." I looked over at Ashley and saw her doing the fake laugh again. "You know, actually, he's not even really my friend. I only joined fraternity because my dad and grandpa were in it before me. It meant a lot to them."

**Oliver's POV**

Me: OK, boots, start a-walking!

**Miley's POV**

"…You know, I talk too much anyway. These are really dull parties with really dull people, so…would you like to come and save me from a really dull fate?"

"I wish I could, but I'm sort of…involved."

"Of course, you are. But thanks for letting me ramble."

"You know, people sometimes underestimate the value of a good ramble."

"MILEY!"

I turned and saw Giles. "Uh oh. I-I gotta go. It was nice to meet you."

"Same here," Tom said as I walked off.

I went over to Oliver and Lilly to get my bag.

"I hate these guys," Oliver said, as he handed me my stuff, "Everything they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys?"

"Yeah, with their charmed lives and movie star good looks and more money than you could count?" Lilly said as I walked off, "I'm hating…"

I followed Giles into the library. He gave me a simple speech (which I wasn't listening to and therefore didn't hear) and then we got right down to the training.

"Alright," Giles said, "I'm going to attack you." He handed me a pole. "For your safety, I won't be landing any punches."

"Oh, please don't."

He swung at me. I held the pole in front of his and then used it to push him back onto the table.

"Right, you have patrol tonight and I'll see you in the morning."

_That night at the cemetery…_

I strolled around the gravestones, stake in my pocket, just in case, looking for anything suspicious. Suddenly, I heard something jingle under my foot. I looked down, bent down, and picked up a bracelet…or rather half a bracelet. It had the letter E-N-T on it and half of the chain tied to the end.

"It's got blood on it."

I whirled around in a mixture of fright and shock and saw Angel. " Hi, nice to see you. Blood?"

"I can smell it."

"Oh." I looked at the bracelet again. "It's pretty thin. I can't see it. Of course, the bracelet most likely belonged to a girl. You know, I was just thinking, wouldn't funny if we actually had a conversation that didn't involve blood? In any way whatsoever?"

"Are you saying you wanna go on a date?"

"No."

"You don't wanna have a date?"

"I never said anything about a date!"

"Right, you probably just wanna have some coffee or something."

Wow. Talk about irony. But, boy, was Lilly right!

"I knew this was gonna happen." He started to walk off, but I stopped him.

"What? What do you think is gonna happen?"

"Look, you're 16. I'm 241."

"I've done the math."

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. You don't know what you want-"

"No, I do. I want out of this conversation!" I started to walk off, but this time he stopped me.

"Listen. If we date, one thing is gonna lead to another."

"One thing already has led to another! I'm getting songs off you either way, actually, that aren't gonna be released and-"

"Miley! This is serious! I'm just trying to protect you! This could get out of control."

"Are you just tuning in? Isn't that how it's supposed to be?" I think I snapped him there. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me in, so close I would've felt his heartbeat had he had any.

"This isn't some fairy tale! When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after."

"No…when you kiss me, I wanna die." I pulled myself free and walked off.

_Next morning at school…_

I was getting ready to leave class when Ashley came up to me. "Miley! You look great today! And your hair's…alright, I respect you too much to lie to you, the hair's a little…Anyway, that's not the point. The fraternities have to have a certain balance at their party or something. Richard explained it all to me but I was so busy really listening that I didn't hear much. The deal is, they need you to go. And if you don't, I can't. And if I don't prove to Amber that I'm ready, she's never gonna let me go! We're that close! And we're talking about Richard Anderson here, OK? As in Anderson Farms, Anderson Aeronautics, and Anderson Cosmetics." [She became a little emotional on that last part.] "So you see why I need to go! Miley, these men are rich! And I am not being shallow, I mean, think of all the poor people I could help with all my money!"

"I'll go."

"You'll go? THAT'S GREAT! THANK YOU, MILEY!" She hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. I pushed her off. "We are getting so close, we probably are like sisters! With really different hair!" She walked off.

Mean girl say what?

**Normal POV**

In the fraternity house, something was going on in the stone basement.

Richard was among the hooded guys, with a boy looking to join up. "I pledge my life and my death…"

"I pledge my life and my death…" the guy repeated.

Richard picked up a sword. "…to the Delta Zeta Kappas and to Machida, whom we serve."

"…to the Delta Zeta Kappas and to Machida, whom we serve."

Richard started to carve a symbol in the boy's chest. "On oath before my assembled brethren…"

"On oath before my assembled brethren…" the guy repeated, ignoring the pain.

"…I promise to keep our secret till the day of my death."

"…I promise to keep our secret till the day of my death."

Richard lowered to sword. "In blood I was baptized. In blood I shall reign. In his name."

"In blood I was baptized. In blood I shall reign. In his name."

Richard smiled. "You are now one of us."

"In his name!" the boy cried.

"In his name," the other fraternities said.

"Alright, time for a drink!" Richard said, handing out beers. He went over to the wall, where Callie was chained to the ceiling. "So what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Let me go!" Callie pleaded.

"Hmm, let me think…NO!" Richard laughed. "Man, I love high school girls!" As he started to drink, Callie started whimpering and crying.

**Lilly's POV**

I gathered up my stuff in the lounge as Miley and Oliver and I started to head to class. "You're going to a fraternity party?" I asked Miley in shock, "What made you change your mind?"

"Angel."

"He's going with you?" I turned to Oliver. "She's going on a date with Angel!"

"I'm ecstatic."

"I'm not going with Angel! He pretty much dumped me last night. I'm going with—egad—Ashley."

"Ashley?" I turned to Oliver as Miley walked off. "Did I sound jealous just then, 'cause I'm not…" I turned back to Miley. "ASHLEY?" I ran after her, Oliver just behind me.

"Oh, come on," Oliver said, "Ashley's so much better for her than Angel."

I gave him a look. "But Angel likes you! Why would he-"

"Lilly, he barely says 2 words to me."

"Don't you hate that?" (3 guesses who said that?)

"And when he does, he treats me like a child! At least Tom can carry a conversation."

"Tom?" Oliver asked, "Who's Tom?"

"The frat guy!" I said.

"Uh-uh! Miley, I don't think so! Frying pan, fire, see where I'm going with this?"

We came to the library in time to see Giles fumbling with a sword. He dropped it and then noticed us (me smiling). "I didn't notice you 3…creeping about." He threw the sword into the cage. "So, Miley, how did the patrol go last night?"

"I found this." Miley tossed the bracelet she'd found at him.

He caught it perfectly. "E-N-T?"

"I've seen something like that before…" I went over to examine it.

"It's broken in 2. There's blood on it." We all looked at Miley. "Angel showed up. He could smell it."

"Aw, smelling blood." Oliver sat on the counter. "That's the guy you wanna party with! Now here's what we're gonna do: Miley can make the rounds again tonight and we can call Jackson and stay here and research."

"Yes, yes, good idea," Giles said.

"Uh, hello!" Miley intervened, "I'm standing right here! And I'm not available! I…have a ton of homework to do and…my dad's not feeling OK and I'm not too good myself."

OK, not to steal Miley's line but, VAMPIRE SLAYER SAY WHAT?

"Oh, of course," Giles said, "If you're not well…"

"I can still go on early in the evening and maybe just before midnight-"

"No, you should stay with your father."

"OK." Miley left the library. Oliver and I looked at each other and followed her. We caught her. "OK, say it."

"You lied to Giles!" I scolded her, crossing my arms.

"I wasn't lying, I was…protecting him from the information he couldn't be able to digest properly."

"Look, your dad isn't sick and you'd rather be going to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking and probably smoking than do what's right! I heard a lot of wild things go on at frat parties."

"Guys, 24/7 I'm busy saving the world. It'd be nice to actually have some time to myself for once and just have some fun!"

**Miley's POV**

Later in the lounge, Ashley was telling me what to do. Again. "This isn't about fun!" Figures. Should've seen that coming. I can never have what I want. "This is about duty. Your duty! To help me achieve permanent prosperity! Now do's and don'ts: don't wear black, silk, chiffon, or spandex. Those are my trademarks. And don't do that weird thing with your hair."

And I repeat, MEAN GIRL SAY WHAT? "What about my-"

"Don't interrupt. Do be interested if someone should speak to you, which I highly doubt is possible when you're Miley. Oh! And at the appropriate intervals." She did her huge fake laugh again. Idiot. "Do lie to your dad about where we're going. It's a fraternity party and there will be drinking."

Oliver then came over, Lilly close behind him. "Hey, girls."

"Hey, Oken," Ashley said, "You know, you should join us tonight. You belong with the rich and powerful men…in Topsy-Turvy Town!"

"Or you could just join us now?" I suggested, politely pulling a chair out for him.

"Nah, I gotta…" Oliver held up his granola bar. "…digest and all." He and Lilly walked over to the couch and sat down.

"Now, makeup…Oh, well. Give it your all and keep to the shadows. We're gonna have a blast!"

That's it. I snapped. I banged my head against the table in frustration.

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly and I are sitting on the couch in the lounge while Miley keeps talking to Ashley…as you…already know. Anyway…

Lilly: I still can't believe Miley lied to Giles. My world's all askew.

Me: Miley's lying. Miley's going to frat parties. That's not askew! That's cockeyed!

Lilly: Askew means cockeyed.

Me: Oh.

Lilly: I guess there's nothing we can do about it. We'll help Giles tonight.

Me: I'm going to the party.

Lilly: WHAT?

Me: I gotta keep my eye on Miley. Those frat guys creep me out.

Lilly: You wanna protect her? (I nod) Prove that you're just as good as those rich, snotty guys.

Me: Yep.

Lilly: (pats my knee) Good luck. (gets up and walks away)

**Ashley's POV**

Miley N I drIv up 2 tha frat hows. I park in tha drIvwA…N bang in2 tha car in front uv mE. "O, Y do thA park sO clOs 2 U?" I chek mI hAr N turn 2 Miley. "R U redE 4 this?"

"I dunno. MaB this wasn't such a good IdEa."

"Me 2! Let's gO!" I got owt.

**Miley's POV**

"You know what's so cool about college?" Ashley asked me as we walked into the frat house, "Diversity. You've got all the rich people, and then you've got all the others." She then noticed her guy coming. "Richard!"

Richard came up. "Welcome, ladies!" He handed us each a drink.

D-R-I-N-K. That spells "trouble."

"Is there alcohol in this?" I instantly asked.

"Just a smidge."

Ashley glared at me. "Come one, Miley, just a smidge!" Of course, she didn't care. She went ahead and got herself drunk. Well, maybe not completely, I mean, she still didn't like me.

"I'll just…" I put the drink on the table.

"I understand," Richard said, "When I was your age, I wasn't into grown-up stuff either." Frat boy say what? Was he calling me a little girl? He turned to Ashley. "You seen the multi-media room?"

"You mean the one with the cherry wood oak paneling and the 48-inch surround-sound television on satellite feed? No. Wanna show me?"

"What about-"

"Oh, Miley? She's happiest by herself." With that, Ashley and Richard walked off, leaving me all alone.

**Oliver's POV**

I peek my head through a side window, look around, and crawl in.

("World War III" by Jonas Brothers plays)

I lose my balance coming through the window and fall on the floor. I quickly pick myself.

_Tonight I walked into the bedroom_

_You were visibly upset_

_Telling me I made a bad move_

_But I didn't do nothing…_

I look around the place and don't see anyone I recognize **[Miley is behind him and doesn't see him either] **until I notice a tray of hors-d'oeuvres. I, of course, run after it, not having eaten in a few hours.

**Miley's POV**

I looked at the drink again. Hmm… I started to pick it up…

"New girl!" I looked up and saw a football player running at me.

"May I have this dance?" I felt myself being pulled away. Once I was safe, I looked at my savior and saw that it was Tom.

"Thanks," I instantly said as he led me onto the dance floor.

…_No, you can't have a World War 3_

_If there's only one side fighting_

_And you know_

_Whoa-oh_

_That there's lessons left to learn… _

"You know, we're not all a bunch of drunken idiots. Some of us are sober dummies." I had to smile at that. They used to sort fraternity by grade-point-average (I know because my dad told me), but now it goes by if you're drunk or not. "I'm really glad you decided to come." I stopped smiling and looked at my feet. "But you're not?"

"I shouldn't be here."

"Because you're seeing someone?"

"No."

"You're not seeing someone?"

"Someone's not seeing me."

"So why shouldn't you be here?"

"I have…obligations. It's complicated."

"You're big on responsibility. You know, there is such a thing as being too mature. You should relax. Enjoy yourself."

"You think I'm too mature?"

"I talk too much. Have you picked up on that one yet?" Tom looked at the spot where we'd been standing. "I think the Hulk is gone, you don't have to dance with me-"

"He might come back," I added as quickly as possible, pulling him closer.

**Oliver's POV**

I approach 2 girls as I'm eating the hors-d'oeuvres.

Me: So have either of you seen a couple girls here? One's about… (I hold up my hand) yea high? (2 guys walk up) Hey, boys.

First boy: We've got a crasher!

Second boy: New pledge!

They drag me off, chanting "new pledge." Uh oh.

**Miley's POV**

I walked out onto the patio, getting a little tired of the party, as soon as Tom and I had stopped dancing. Suddenly, I heard (and felt) something crunching below my foot. I looked and saw a piece of broken glass. I bent down and picked it up. I looked up and saw the glass door on the balcony shattered.

"You OK?"

I dropped the glass and whirled around. "Tom. I…was just…thinking. About…things."

Before he could say anything, Richard came out and handed us both drinks. "To my Argentinean junk bonds that just matured into double digits!"

"Uh…to maturity!" Tom said, holding up his drink.

I looked at mine and sighed. "What the hey. I'm tired of being mature." With that, I drank the whole thing in pretty much one gulp. That was my biggest mistake of…the week.

**Lilly's POV**

Giles and I were trying to figure out what the bracelet said.

"Bent," I suggested, typing it out.

"Sent," Giles added. I typed it.

"Rent."

"Lent. Uh, dent?"

"Went. Kent. Kent! That's it! Kent Preparatory School! Just outside of town! That's where I've seen these bracelets!" I typed up the school's website. "Let's see if there's anything in the newsletter about a missing girl." I pulled up the latest issue of the newsletter, revealing a picture of a girl on the front page. I looked at the title of the article: "Callie, Our Hearts and Prayers Are with You."

**Miley's POV**

I wobbled up to the stairs, trying to figure out why I was so groggy. I looked up into the next room to see what was going on. It was kind of hazy, but I could just make out someone in a skirt dancing. _Oh, that poor girl. _I eventually found out that was Oliver. HA HA HA! Anyway, I crawled up the stairs and saw a bed in the room at the top. "I'll just lie down for a bit…" A second after I fell on the bed, I fell asleep.

**Normal POV**

Richard came into the room and saw Miley on the bed. He smiled, evilly, and reached out—

"Get away from her!" Tom pushed him against the wall.

"I wasn't doing anything!"

"I saw what you were doing!"

"I was just having a little fun."

"Now is not the time for fun, you pervert. She's here for the pleasure of the one we serve."

"In his name…"

"And that goes for the other one, too." Tom and Richard both looked at the floor by the bed to see Ashley lying there.

**Lilly's POV**

"Callie Megan Anderson," Giles explained after reading the newsletter, "Missing for over a week. No one's seen her."

"This being the Hell-Mouth," I said, "I guess we can rule out any and every good possibility."

"Alright, I'll call Miley."

"NO!"

"Why not?"

_Oh, boy… _"Well, because Miley…and Mr. Stewart…"

"…are all sick. You're right. There's no point in disturbing them until we know more."

_Whew! Glad that's over. _I turned back to the computer and then noticed something. "You mean, like if there are others? Brittany Oswald, junior at St. Michael's, disappeared a year ago, along with Kelly Purcell, sophomore at Grant…almost to the day."

"An anniversary, or perhaps some other event significant to the killer."

"So now there's a killer? We don't know-"

"No, but…this being the Hell-Mouth and all. I'm going to call Miley."

"Good idea! Call Angel!" Giles gave me a confused look. "Uh…he was there when Miley found it. You know, we're gonna need all the help we can get." Giles agreed with that for some reason.

**Oliver's POV**

The 2 guys kick me out.

First boy: Party's over, dork! Go home!

Me: Wait! A friend of mine was here.

Second boy: (ignores me) You know, in this light, with the wig on and all, you're still ugly! (laughs with the other guy and goes back into the frat house)

I get up and through everything in the trash…and notice something.

**Miley's POV**

When I woke up, Ashley and I were shackled to the ceiling of a cave-like place.

"Miley?" Ashley asked as soon as she woke up, "Where are we?"

"Basement as far as I can tell."

"What's happening?"

"They drugged us."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

Ashley started whining. "I wanna go home."

"No one's going home. Ever." Ashley and I turned to see a girl, also shackled to the ceiling. "Look, one of them is different than the others. Nicer."

"Tom…" I whispered.

"He's the one to watch out for."

Alright, that's it! I started pulling the chains with my Slayer strength to withdraw them from the ceiling.

Tom looked at me. "She's last."

"Last?" Ashley exclaimed, "For what? WHO'S FIRST?"

Tom didn't answer, just laid some rocks on the floor.

"3 stones…" I figured out, "3 of us." Ashley started panicking. "Relax! We can get through this."

"Why'd I ever let you talk me into coming here?"

And I repeat my repeat: MEAN GIRL SAY WHAT?

**Lilly's POV**

Jackson and Angel came in at the same time. Giles had called Jackson's cell phone and asked him to come over, too. Boy, am I thankful Giles didn't mention Miley and Robbie being sick.

"She found the bracelet at the cemetery," Angel explained, "near the south wall."

I was too busy staring at the window in fascination.

"Lilly?" I turned to Giles. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, it just…the reflection thing…that Angel doesn't have…Angel, how do you shave?"

Angel, Jackson, and Giles all looked at each other.

"Wait a minute," Jackson said, "the south wall of the cemetery is right by the frat house at Malibu U." We all looked at him. "What? I go there! I'm not part of the frat house but we college students tend to know these things."

"A fraternity?" Giles asked. Jackson and I both nodded.

Angel looked at Giles. "Could they be taking these girls?"

"I suppose it's probable."

"We'd better check it out."

The guys started to leave. Uh oh. That's it! Time to crack!

"Miley!"

They stopped.

Giles faced me first. "We don't absolutely know this. We shouldn't disturb her-"

"Is there! With Ashley. They went to a party."

Jackson stared at me. "You let my little sister go to a frat party?"

Giles stared, too. "She lied to me?"

Angel just stared at the floor before finally looking at me. "Did…Did she have a date?"

"Well…" I groaned and glared at him. "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? She wouldn't have even gone to the party if you hadn't given her the brush-off!" I looked at Jackson. "And you're hardly ever around because of college unless you're insulting her and, then again, I'm certain she likes you that much anyway." I turned to Giles. "And you never let her do anything except school, training, and patrol! I mean, I know she's the Chosen One, but she needs a little time off every once in a while and because of you, she's 16 going on 40!" Back to Angel. "And you! You're gonna live forever and you don't have time for a CUP OF COFFEE?" All 3 guys just stared at me, all 4 of us speechless. "O-OK, I don't feel any better and Miley's in trouble and we gotta help her." I walked through them and left.

**Miley's POV**

Tom was now holding a sword. "Machida."

"In his name…" the other boys said.

"We who serve you, we who receive all that you bestow, call upon you in this holy hour."

"In this holy hour…"

"We have no wealth, no possession, except that which you give us."

"Except that which you give us…"

"We have no power, no place in this world, except that which you give us."

"Except that which you give us…"

Ashley looked at me. "What are they? Some sort of psycho cult?" I shrugged and then nodded. "Do something!"

"It's been a year since our last offering. A year in which our bounty overflowed. We come before you with fresh offerings."

"'Offerings'?" Ashley asked, nervously, "Is he talking about us?"

"Do you see anyone else chained up in here?" the girl asked.

"Accept our offering and bless us with your power. Machida!"

"Machida!"

Tom tossed the stones into a well. "Come forth, and let your terrible countenance look upon your servants. We call you, Machida."

"In his name! Machida!"

"There's something down there," Ashley whined, "And he's gonna throw us down there with it!"

"I don't think so," I told her, "I don't think we go to it. I think it comes to us."

Suddenly, a half-man, half-snake creature sprung out of the well.

**[commercial break]**

"For he shall rise from the depths," Tom continued as I kept trying to tug out my chains, "and we shall tremble before him. He who is the source of all we inherit and all we possess. Machida!"

"Machida!"

"And if he is pleased with our offerings, then our fortune shall increase."

"Machida! Let our fortunes increase!"

"And on the 10th day of the 10th month, he shall be enhungered, and we shall feed him."

"'Feed him'?" Ashley whined again, "'FEED HIM'?"

As I kept trying to break loose and Ashley kept whining, Machida started coming for us.

**Oliver's POV**

I hear Lilly: Looks like everyone's gone.

I head towards her voice and see her with Giles and Jackson and Angel. I tap Angel shoulder and he spins around.

Me: (I quickly pull down the hood of my new outfit) What are you guys doing here?

Lilly: Well, a bunch of girls are missing and Miley and the frat boys might be involved and are you wearing makeup?

Me: (I wipe my face again) No. Look, Miley and Ashley are still inside, the car's here.

I scoot away the branches of the bushes to reveal that the frat boys had hidden Ashley's convertible with the license plate "PRNSS A" on it.

Giles: Why are you wearing that?

Me: Oh, I found it in the trash. I saw the frat guys wearing them when I looked in the window. They went into the basement. I was gonna use this to sneak in when I heard you guys.

Giles: They must be doing some sort of ritual.

Jackson: With the missing girls.

Angel: (Vamps out) With Miley!

Me: (amazed) OK, that _is_ the guy you wanna party with.

**Miley's POV**

_Alright, break-the-chains plan isn't working, let's try a different approach._ "Hey, reptile boy!"

Tom glares at me. "No woman speaks to him!"

I ignore him and turn back to Machida before he can get to Ashley. "You don't want her. Look at her. She's all skin and bones. A half hour later, you'll be hungry again."

Tom growled and approached me. "I told you to shut up!" He punched me in the face and held up the sword. "Speak again and I'll cut your throat."

**Oliver's POV**

I walk up to the door of the frat house and knock, making sure my head is down so that the frat boy guarding the basement can't see my face and recognize me.

Me: I got locked out dumping the trash. Let me in. Don't let me miss the, uh…you know what.

The door opens. I get tired of this act, knowing I can't hold it up, and pull my hood down.

Me: Alright, where are they?

Before I can keep going with the tough guy act, Angel comes up and punches the guy in the face.

**Miley's POV**

As I kept attempting to tug out the chains, 2 of the frat boys unchained Ashley and held her.

Tom then looked at the ceiling of the basement. "Something's going on upstairs." He looked at 2 of the other brothers. "Go!" The 2 left. Tom turned back to Machida. "Feed!"

Machida went back to Ashley.

I gave one final pull and the chains broke loose. I immediately started to fight the frat boys, throwing the chains at Machida and wrapping them around his arms to restrain him from eating Ashley. He pulled them just like I had, and broke them off my hands. "Thank you!" I went back to fighting.

**Oliver's POV**

Angel throws the frat boy to the ground, finally knocking him out. Meanwhile, I'm on another guy's back, pounding him.

Me: That's for the wig! (as I punch again, Lilly jumped over the counter and goes through the door to the basement) That's for the skirt!

Lilly: (comes back up) Some guys are attacking Miley and Ashley and that girl Callie! And there's a big snake in the basement!

Me: That's for the makeup! (I pound my fist into the back of his head, knocking him out) And that's for the past 16 and a half years of my life!

Lilly: GUYS! (we all look at her) Miley! Ashley! Missing girl! Frat boys! Snake! Basement! NOW!

We all run downstairs.

**Miley's POV**

Tom came at me with his sword. "You brat! I'll serve you to him in pieces, little girl!"

I felt the anger welling up inside me and I kicked him in the face. "Nobody calls me 'little girl'!" I started whaling on him while Lilly came down and freed the girl (whose name is Callie, apparently), Giles came down and started helping Ashley, and Oliver and Angel came down to deal with Machida and the other frat boys. I finally wrench the sword from Tom's grip. I looked at Ashley and Machida. Giles had succeeded in knocking out the frat boys holding Ashley, but Machida had grabbed her before she could run away. "Let her go, wormy!" I swung the swung at him, slicing his stomach open and cutting him in half, making him drop Ashley and fall down the well.

Ashley got up. "You did it! You saved us!" She hugged Angel. "I've never been so happy to see anyone in my whole…" She then let go. "You guys." She punched Angel in the arm. "I hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around! And it always happens to me!" Angel backed away and threw Tom at her. "And you!" She grabbed him by the shirt. "You're going to jail for 15,000 years, mister!" She groaned and dragged him up the stairs.

Lilly and Oliver and Jackson looked at each other, shrugged, and helped poor little injured Callie up the stairs.

I turned to Giles. Before he could say anything, I reacted to the warning I knew was coming. "I told one lie, I had one drink."

"And nearly got devoured by a giant snake demon. I believe the words 'let that be a lesson' would be a tad redundant at this juncture."

I smiled. "I'm sorry."

"So am I."

I stared at him. "Stuffy, old, English Watcher say what?"

"1: I'm not stuffy and old." I smiled. "2: I've been driving you too hard. And it appears that this wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for that. I'm sorry. I'll try to calm down."

"That's all I need. Then again, I did get a great song out of this last night." I walked out.

"What?"

**Ashley's POV**

Rico cAm up 2 mE with a capachEnO N a mufn. "Thank U, Rico." I look at it. "Did wE 4get sumthEn?"

"No. Sinamin, choklat, haf-caf, non-fat…" I look'd at him N hE rEalIz'd his mistAk. "Xtra fOm!" He grab'd tha capachEnO N I took tha mufn N wAv'd him off.

I went Ovr 2 tha gang. "Hi skool gIz R thE onlE wA 2 gO." I wawk'd off.

**Miley's POV**

Oliver was reading us a newspaper at our table at the Bronze as Ashley left. "Says here that he was sentenced to consecutive life sentences. Investigators found the bones of the missing girls in a huge cavern beneath the frat house…along with several other bones dating back 50 years." Lilly and I both stuck our tongues out in disgust. "A surprising number of big heads of major corporations who were former Delta Zeta Kappas are suffering from huge profit loss. As well as suicide in the board room. Hmm, starve a snake, lose a fortune."

"Boy, am I glad I was never invited to join up," said Jackson.

Lilly looked at me. "Have you heard from Angel?" As soon as she asked, Angel came up behind Oliver, who groaned.

"Angel, Angel, Angel! Why does every conversation we have end up going back to the that freak?" Jackson pointed behind him. "What?" Oliver turned around and then slowly and nervously came back. "Oh. Hey, Angel."

Angel paid no heed to this and looked at me. "Uh…hey, Miley." I smiled and said nothing. I know how much he loves my smile. "I hear this place, uh, serves coffee." We all look at him in surprise. "I was thinking you and I could…get some…sometime…if you want."

I guess even Vampires get nervous. I smiled wider and saw him smile back (such a rare happening). "Yeah, sometime. I'll let you know." I get up and walk onto the stage, remembering it's karaoke night (you'd be surprised how many times that comes up) and start singing the song I'd mentioned to Giles._ " Aahhh…ah-ah…aahh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…Aahhh…ah-ah…aahh-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. It's been like this from the start, one piece after another to make my heart, you mistake the game for being smart, 'stand here,' 'sell this,' and 'hit your mark.' But the sound of the steel, and the crush, and the grind, it all screams 'who am I to decide my life?' But in time, it all dies, there's nothing left inside, just rusted metal that was never even mine. I would scream, but I'm just this hollow shell, waiting here, begging 'please, set me free so I can feel!' Hey! Stop trying to live my life for me, I need to breathe, I'm not your robot! Stop telling me I'm part of the big machine, I'm breaking free…can't you see? I can love! I can speak! Without somebody else operating me! You gave me eyes and now I see, I'm not your robot, I'm just me. All this time, I've been misled, there was nothing but cross-wires in my head. I can touch and think, but now I feel it doesn't matter at all till you say its real. I would scream, but I'm just this hollow shell, waiting here, begging 'please, set me free so I can feel!' Hey! Stop trying to live my life for me, I need to breathe, I'm not your robot! Stop telling me I'm part of the big machine, I'm breaking free…can't you see? I can love! I can speak! Without somebody else operating me! You gave me eyes and now I see, I'm not your robot, I'm just me. Aahh…ah-ah…ah-ah…I'm not your robot, I'm just me! Aahh…ah-ah…ah-ah…I'm not your robot… I would scream, but I'm just this hollow shell, waiting here, begging 'please, set me free so I can feel!' Hey! Stop trying to live my life for me, I need to breathe, I'm not your robot! Stop telling me I'm part of the big machine, I'm breaking free…can't you see? I can love! I can speak! Without somebody else operating me! You gave me eyes and now I see, I'm not your robot, I'm just me. Aahh…ah-ah…ah-ah…I'm not your robot, I'm just me! Aahh…ah-ah…ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah…I'm not just your robot!_"

**END EPISODE**


	6. Halloween

Chapter 6: Halloween

**Normal POV**

Miley was in a pumpkin patch. She fell onto the grass just next to a few hay-bales a sign counting down the days to Halloween. She got out a stake and got up to dust the Vampire. But he grabbed a scarecrow and held it in front of him, making the stake pierce it instead. The Vampire threw the scarecrow aside and kicked her back.

Neither of them were aware than another Vampire was taping them.

Miley finally pulled out the pumpkin patch sign and stuck the Vampire in the heart with it, turning him to dust.

The other Vampire left.

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Angel's POV**

(Hannah Montana's "One in a Million" plays)

I waited at a table in the Bronze for Miley to show up. Knowing that she was Hannah Montana, the song just made me think of her.

_How did I get here?_

_I turned around and there you were_

_I didn't think twice or rationalize_

'_Cause somehow I knew…_

"I know." I looked and saw Ashley sit next to me. "Is the Bronze so not happening tonight or what?"

_No idea what that means._ "Hi."

Ashley just nods. "Hi."

"I'm just waiting for Miley." _Hopefully, that'll make her leave._

"Great! I'm supposed to be meeting Devon. But he's nowhere to be seen. It's like he thinks being in a band gives him an obligation to flake. Well, his loss is your incredible gain."

_Oh, well. I guess I have no other way to pass the time until Miley gets here._

**Miley's POV**

I ran into the Bronze. _Oh, I hope Angel's not mad at me for being late! _I then noticed him sitting with Ashley. _Oh… _I did what any sensible girl would've done: turned around and started to leave.

**Angel's POV**

"So I told Devon 'You call that leather interior? My Barbie dream car had nicer seats!'"

I smiled…and then noticed Miley leaving and instantly got up. "Miley!" I ran over to her and stopped her.

She looked at me and smiled. It was obvious that she was forcing it. "Hi. Sorry, I'm…"

"…late."

"Yeah. Got held up at work."

I pulled a piece of hay out of her hair. "I can see that."

Miley scoffed. "Hay!" She snickered. "Get it?" I smiled. "But, seriously, it's a look. A seasonal look!"

Of course, Ashley chose that moment to come up and ruin it. "Miley! Love the hair. It just screams street urchin!" She walked off.

Miley was, by then, the farthest away from smiling she'd ever been (I could tell). "I…I need to go." She started to leave.

I stopped her again. "Don't listen to her. You're beautiful."

She smiled. For real this time. "That's sweet. You're a terrible liar, but you're sweet."

OK, I had to smile at that. "Look, I thought we had-"

"A date, I know. You hear that?"

…_All this time I wasn't looking for love_

_Trying to make things work, it wasn't good enough_

_Till I thought it through,_

_Said "I'm done,"_

_And stumbled into the arms of the one… _

"That's how I feel about you, but I didn't write it. That's Hannah singing, not Miley. The horrible thing about my secret when I'm being the Slayer? I made up Hannah so that I could live a normal life _and_ be famous. But I can't do that if I'm constantly having to slay Vampires, one of which I'm dating! My whole life I had the ability to be a normal girl with a country singer dad and think about my family and little girl things. Then my mom died, I was called, and we moved here. You know what I'm being forced to think about now? Ambush tactics and beheading! I don't care what Hilary Duff says, this is not what dreams are made of." She stormed out.

I didn't think about it like that. I feel sorry for her.

Then, of course, Ashley, again, shows up at exactly the wrong time with exactly the wrong thing to say. "Cappuccino?"

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver, Miley, and I came into the hall at school in time to see Snyder stop a girl.

"You're volunteering," Snyder said, handing her a clipboard and pen.

"But I have to get to class!"

Snyder shrugged. We walked past him.

"Snyder must be in charge of the volunteer tick-or-treat safety program this year," I said.

"Note his interesting take on the volunteer concept," Oliver added.

"What's the deal?" Miley asked as she reached her locker and started opening it.

"Oh, a bunch of little kids need people to take them trick-or-treating," Oliver explained, "Sign up and get your own pack of sugar-hyped little runts for the night."

Miley opened her locker. "Yikes! I'll stick to Vampires." She closed it.

Snyder then came up and spun her around to face him. "Miss Stewart. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for. Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples, one desperate cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy." He dragged her over to the sign-up table.

Oliver and I followed them.

"Wow," Miley said, "I-I'd love to sign up, but I…recently developed carpal tunnel syndrome and can no longer hold a flashlight."

Snyder glared at her and she realized that that's the worst excuse ever and gave in, signing up.

"The program starts at 4," Snyder explained, "The children have to be home by 6."

Oliver stifled a snicker, thinking this was the funniest thing of the day, but I just glared at him. Then we both stopped when we realized Snyder was forcing us, too.

**Oliver's POV**

Me: (as the 3 of us make our way to the lounge) I can't believe this! We have to get dressed up and the whole deal?

Lilly: Snyder said costumes were mandatory.

Miley: Great. I was gonna stay in and do the family tradition of turning off all the lights and watching scary movies and then buying our own candy the next morning when it's on sale. 1 night a year, I get to take a break, and now its been stolen from me.

Me: Halloween quiet? I assumed it'd be a great big Vamp scare-a-palooza.

Miley: (shakes her head as she sits down on the couch next to Lilly) Nah. Giles said the Vampires like to take Halloween off. It's like dead for the undead.

I shrug, lay my backpack on the table, and go over to the vending machine. I put in a few coins and hit a button. Nothing. I hit the button again. Nothing. I kick it repeatedly.

Larry: Oken!

Me: (I turn to see Larry approaching) Hey, Larry! You're looking Cro-Mag as usual. What can I do you for?

Larry: You and Miley Stewart…you're just friends, right? You're not going out or anything?

Me: Alas, no. I do like to think about it less as a friendship and more as a solid foundation for future bliss.

Larry: Hmm… (looks at Miley) Do you think she'd go out with me?

Me: Well…that's a tough question—no, not a chance.

Larry: (frowns and looks at me) Why not? I heard some guys say she was fast.

Me: I hope you mean like the wind.

Larry: You know what I mean.

Me: That's my friend you're talking about!

Larry: What're you gonna do about it?

Me: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do about it: (I grab him by the shirt) something manly!

Larry smiles and pushes me off. He grabs my shirt with his left hand, balls up his fist, and pulls back for the punch…and then Miley comes up behind him, grabs his wrist, and slams him into the vending machine, knocking out my drink.

Miley: Go!

Larry runs off.

Me: (I grab my drink) Why'd you do that? Larry was about to pummel me!

Miley: Forget about it.

Me: "Forget about it"? Maybe in 15 or 20 years when my rep as a sissy fades!

Miley: Don't you think you're overreact—

Me: A black eye heals, Miley. But cowardice has an unlimited shelf life!

I whimper and walk away.

**Miley's POV**

I sat back down next to Lilly, who'd obviously seen the whole thing. "I think I just violated the guy code big time."

"Poor Oliver. Boys are so fragile. Speaking of which, how was the date?"

"Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slaying and showed up looking trashed."

"Was he mad?"

"That's the thing. He was completely the opposite. Ashley was with him."

"Miley, Angel would never fall for her act. She's not his type."

"Are you sure? I don't know what his type is. I've known him for less than a year and he's not the kind of person to over-share."

"True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel."

"Yeah, it's too bad. That stuff is private."

"Also…Giles keeps them in his office…in his personal files."

"And most importantly, it would be wrong."

20 minutes later, we were sneaking in. Lilly and I walked through the doors, making sure Giles wasn't there. I went in first, looked through the door to his office…

"Miley!"

I whirled around to see Giles in the cage. "Nothing!" I caught myself. "Hi!"

"Yes, I just wanted to talk to you about tomorrow night. Since it should be calm, you should work on some new battle techniques."

"You're beginning to scare me, Giles," I said, gesturing to Lilly to come in while Giles was looking at his book, "You need to have some fun once in a while." Lilly shook her head and mouthed "no." Giles looked back at me so I pulled my hand back and made it look like I was scratching my head. "You know, there's this place you can go, it's dark, and there's these moving pictures that tell a story!"

"Ha ha," Giles said, sarcastically. Lilly finally came in, as quietly as possible. "I'll have you know that I have very many relaxing hobbies."

"Such as?" I asked him, waving to Lilly to let her know she could go on.

"Well, uh…I enjoy cross-referencing." He grabbed a stack of books and started to head to his office, so I grabbed some of the books and paced him to draw his attention back to me.

"So!" I distract him as Lilly finally makes it to the office door, "How come Halloween such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become?"

"It's interesting, act—Not to you, I suspect. What is it you're after?" He grabbed the books and started to head back to his office, but I paced him again.

"Of course, it's of interest to me! I'm the Slayer! I need to know these things! You can't keep me in the dark any longer." Lilly opened the door. Giles heard it and started to turn around, but I pulled him back. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"Miley, I really don't have time for these g-"

"Ms. Calendar said you were a babe!"

Giles looked at me as Lilly glared at me before ducking into the office. "A babe?"

"Yeah! A big hunk of…burning…something or other. What do you think of that?"

"Well, um…I don't—a hunk of burning what?"

"Look, you know how disgusting it is for me to even contemplate you grown-ups smooching…" I then saw Lilly rushing out of the office with the diaries. "But I think you should go for it!"

"Miley," Giles said as Lilly hurried out of the library, "I appreciate your interest but-"

"—but I've overstepped my bounds," I said, starting to slowly back out, "It's none of my business. Sweet nibblets, what was I thinking? Oh, shame! Bye!" I ran out. I followed Lilly into the girls' bathroom and we sat on the sinks and started going through the diaries. Finally, we came to a drawing of a noble woman with a tiny waist and a billowing gown. "Man, look at her!"

"Who is she?" Lilly asked, cocking her head.

"I don't know but it dates 1775."

Lilly sighed. "Angel was 18…and probably still human."

"So that's the kind of girl he hung around? She's pretty coiffed."

"Well, she is a noble woman, which means being beautiful is sort of her job."

"And clearly, this girl was a workaholic. I'll never be like this."

"Yes, you can, Miley! You're way better than that! She's got a…weird waist! Like that's real!" I just looked at her. "OK, let me try it this way. Miley, you're smart, funny, pretty, strong, a great singer, a good friend, and you're totally cute." I smiled. "And now…" She took off her bracelet and put it around mine. "…you have my lucky bracelet."

I look at the beaded wire that says "LILLY" on the back and smile. "Thanks, Lilly. You're a great friend, too." We hugged. I then went back on. "Must've been wonderful. Put on some fabulous gown, go to a ball like a princess, and have horses, servants, and yet more gowns!"

"Yeah, Miley-rella, I think I prefer being able to vote…in 2 years."

Ashley then came in and started looking at herself in the mirror. "So, Miley. You ran off last night and left poor little Angel all by his lonesome. Good thing I was there to comfort him."

"I'll bet you did," I said.

"So what's his story, anyway? I never see him around."

"Not during the day, anyway," Lilly said.

"Oh, please! Don't tell me he still lives at home and…has to wait for his dad to come home before he can use the car."

OK, flashback: Mean girl say what? "Ashley, I think his parents have been dead for a couple hundred years now."

"Oh, good! Wait, what?"

"Angel's a Vampire, I thought you knew."

"Oh! He's a Vampire! But the cuddly kind, right? Like a blood-sucking Carebear with fangs?"

"It's true!" Lilly objected.

Ashley scoffed, crossed her arms, and started to walk towards us. "You know what I think? I think you're trying to scare me off! Afraid of the competition. Now look here, Miley. You may be hot stuff when it comes to demons, Vampires, and even singing, but when it comes to dating…" She finally got right in our faces. "…I'm the Slayer." She walked out.

"Are you a little scared right now?" Lilly asked.

**Lilly's POV**

I walked up to Miley in Ethan's Costume Shop, surrounded by little kids picking out their Halloween costumes.

Miley smiled at me. "So what'd you get?"

"A time-honored classic." I held up the Ghost costume I'd picked out.

Miley stopped smiling. "Lil, can I give you a little friendly advice?"

"It's not spooky enough?"

"Let me put it this way: I hope this bracelet you gave me helps me find a better costume. You're never gonna get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween!"

"Free candy?"

"It's 'Come-As-You-Aren't' night. The perfect night for a girl like you to go sexy and wild with no repercussions."

"I don't get wild! Wild on me equals spaz!"

"Don't underestimate yourself, Lilly! You've got it in you! Is it my turn to give you the bracelet for support?"

I glare at her and look over her shoulder, smiling at what I see. "Hey, Oliver!" He came over to us. "What'd you get?"

He held up a toy rifle.

"That's not a costume," Miley said.

He gave Miley a look and then turned to me. "I got fatigues from an Army surplus. Call me $2 Costume King, baby!"

"Look, Oliver," Miley said, "I'm really sorry about this morning."

"Miley, I'm trying to repress."

"Sorry! I promise from now on, I'll let you get pummeled."

"Thank you! You know, I actually could've-" He cut himself off when he saw that Miley was distracted. She started walking forward. "Uh, hello! That was our touching reconciliation moment!"

"Sorry, I just…" Miley came up to a gorgeous red frilly 18-century gown. I sighed in amazement and smiled at her. The bracelet worked!

The owner then came out and noticed Miley with the dress. "Oh, please! Let me!" He pulled it off and held it up to Miley. We all looked at her reflection. She was beautiful! All she needed was a tweaked Hannah wig and she had the perfect costume.

"It's beautiful," Miley sighed, "But I can't afford it."

"Nonsense. I'm so moved, I'll make you an offer you can't refuse."

Miley smiled and hugged the dress.

**Normal POV**

Spike was in his warehouse, watching the video of Miley's fight. "Here it comes, rewind that!" The Vampire who'd taken the video pulled back. "She's tricky," Spike said, pacing, "Baby likes to play." He came to the staking. "You see that? The way she stakes him with that thing? That's what's called resourceful. Replay it again."

Drusilla came up while the video was restarting. "Miss Edith needs her tea."

Spike smiled and pulled her in. "Come here, poodle."

"Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see?"

"Eyeballs to entrails. That's why I've gotta study this Slayer. Once I know I can kill her, I'll kill her and you can have your run of hell. Get strong again."

"Don't worry, everything's been switched, and now it's being pulled again. Realities conjoined. Outside to inside. She was weak once. Now it's making her weak again."

"Really? Did my pet have a vision?"

"You know what I miss? Leeches."

"Come on, talk to your baby. What'd you see? What's this about the realities? What's making the Slayer weak?"

"Tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow's Halloween, love, nothing happens that night."

"Someone's come to change it all. Someone new."

_At Ethan's…_

Ethan walked into his office and approached a statue. He pressed his hands together, winced, and pulled them apart to reveal new wounds on them, blood flowing free. "The world that denies thee, thou inhabit." He smeared the blood on his eyelids. "The peace that ignores thee, thou corrupt." He smeared a cross on his forehead. "Chaos. I remain, as ever, thy faithful and degenerate son."

**Miley's POV**

I looked at myself in the mirror in my room and then went out into the hall to the door to the bathroom where Lilly was changing.

"Where're you meeting Angel?" Lilly's voice came through the door.

"Here. After trick-or-treating. Dad's going to be out and Jackson at college."

"Does he know about your costume?"

"Nope! I wanna surprise him. Call it a blast from the past. I'll show him I can coif it up with the best of them! Now come out! You can't hide in there all night!"

"OK, but…promise you won't laugh?"

I roll my eyes. "I promise."

Lilly came out wearing the costume I'd gathered for her: boots; a short, black leather skirt; and a wrap-around burgundy top. She was obviously uncomfortable because she started inching towards her Ghost costume.

"Lilly, you look fine!" She grabbed the Ghost sheet. "Really!"

"This just isn't me."

"What'd I tell you at the costume shop?" The doorbell rang. "That's Oliver." I went down the stairs and opened the door, letting him in.

Oliver came in wearing his soldier costume. "Private Oken reporting for-" He then noticed my outfit. "Miley! Mistress of Miledom, Duchess of Midonia! I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!"

"Thank you, kind sir," I said, curtsying, "But wait until you see-" Lilly came down the stairs, covered in her Ghost sheet with the word "BOO!" written across the chest. "—Casper."

Jackson came down the stairs then and noticed Lilly's costume on his way out. "Hey, Lilly. Nice costume." He snickered and left.

_At the school…_

Snyder came up to me with my group. "This is your group, Stewart. No need to speak to them. Last thing they need is your influence. Just bring them back in one piece and I won't expel you." He started to leave.

I semi-curtsied at the kids. "Hi."

"Ah, ah!" Snyder stopped me. I shut up.

**Oliver's POV**

I am messing with my toy rifle when Larry comes up to me.

Larry: Where's your bodyguard, Oken? Curling her hair or knitting a sweater? (walks off)

Me: This isn't over, pal! (muttering to myself) And she's got a bodyguard of her own when she's Hannah. I don't know how her dad talked her into that.

**Ashley's POV**

I wawk'd up 2 Oz in mI costUm. "Hi, Oz."

"Hi…Hannah?"

I look'd down at mI whIt cowboi boots, old bloo jEns (see wut I did ther?), N red lethr jacket, playing with mI blond wig. "It's mI cosUm. R U gIz plAEn 2nIt?"

"Yeah, at tha sheltr."

"Iz Mr. I'm-tha-lEd-sEngr-I'm-sO-grAt-I-don't-evn-hav-2-shO-up-4-mI-dAt-or-evn-cal gonna B ther?"

"Yeah, U nO, hE'z just gOEn bI 'Devon' now."

"Wel, U can tel him that I don't cAr, N that I didn't evn menshun it…N that I didn't evn C U."

"So wut dO I tel him?"

"NothEn! Get with tha prOgram!"

"Huh. Y can't I mEt a nIs gurl lIk U?"

I wawk'd off in a huff N then turn'd arownd agen wen I herd a bump. I saw Lilly in her GhOst costUm N Oz, hoo had aparentlE bump'd in2 her.

"Sorry."

"Sorry!"

"Sorry."

"Sorry."

"Sorry…"

ThA both wawk'd awA.

**Oliver's POV**

I am briefing my group.

Me: OK, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also pack an extra costume and hit the same house twice, but its risky. Only go there for chocolate, understand? (they all nod) Good. Let's move out!

We head off.

**Miley's POV**

My group came up to me.

"What'd Miss Davis give you?" I asked them. They all held up toothbrushes. "She must be stopped. Let's hit one more house, we still have time before we have to go back." I led them down the street.

**Normal POV**

Meanwhile, Ethan (the owner of the shop, of course) as chanting in his private room. "Janus, evoco vestram animam. Exaudi meam causam. Carpe noctem pro consilio vestro. Veni, appare et nobis monstra quod est infinita potestas."

**Lilly's POV**

I rang the doorbell for the kids and an old lady opened up.

"Trick-or-treat!" the little kids cried.

**Normal POV**

"Persona se corpum et sanguium commutandum est. Vestra sancta praesentia concrescet viscera. Janus! Sume noctem!"

**Miley's POV**

A wind was blowing as the kids hit their last house. Something wasn't quite right.

**Lilly's POV**

The lady looked into her candy bucket. "Oh, dear. Am I all out?"

**Normal POV**

Ethan clapped his hands together. "Showtime!"

**Lilly's POV**

"I could've sworn I had more candy," the lady said.

It must have been then that the kids transformed into actual demons.

"I'm sorry, mister monster," the lady said, bending down to one of the kids, "Maybe I-"

The kid was actually a monster. He grabbed her neck and started to strangle her.

"Hey!" I commanded him, "Let her go!"

Another one of the kids attacked him, making him let go but start fighting the other kid, instead.

"Stop!" I yelled as the old lady ran back into her house, slamming the door shut and locking it, "What're you doing?" Suddenly, I was feeling a little weak and all the kids were transforming. I couldn't hold the pain any longer and it finally took me over entirely. I fell to the ground as all the kids ran away. "I…I can't breathe…" I was unaware at the time that I was going under the hold of a spell that put me into a mystical death.

**Oliver's POV**

I jerk back, feeling like I've been punched in the gut, and see that my toy rifle's been replaced by an actual fully loaded M-16. I'm an actual soldier!

**Lilly's POV**

Finally, the pain calmed down. I stood up and then noticed that not only was I wearing my sexy outfit now…but I was also lying on the porch in my Ghost costume. "I…I'm a real Ghost!" I then heard a gunshot. "Oliver?" I ran for him and found him in the streets. "Oliver!" He faced me and pointed his gun at me. "Oliver, it's me! Lilly!"

"I don't know any Lilly!"

"Quit messing around! This is no time for jokes!"

"What in the world's going on here?"

I then realized what was going on. "You…You don't know me?"

He put down his gun. "Lady, I suggest you find cover." He started to walk away.

"No, wait!" I got in front of him…and he walked right through me.

Oliver looked at me and held his gun up at me again. "What are you?"

"Oliver, listen to me! I'm on your side, I swear! Something crazy is happening. I was dressed as a Ghost for Halloween and now I'm an actual Ghost. And you were supposed to be a soldier and I guess now you're a real soldier."

"You expect me to believe that?"

A monster then showed up behind us. Oliver whirled around and pointed his gun at it.

"No!" I cried, jumping in front of him, "No guns! That's a little kid in there!"

"Step out of the way, ma'am."

OK, new approach. "No guns! That's an order, Private!" He hesitantly lowered the rifle. "OK, we just need to find…" I then noticed the one thing we were looking for just across the street. "Miley!" We ran up to her. "Miley, are you OK?"

Miley looked at the monsters across the street.

"What's going on? Do you have any-"

Miley fainted.

**[commercial break]**

Oliver started firing at the monsters anyway while I was helping Miley up.

"Miley, are you alright?" I asked Miley as she stood up.

"Miley?" Miley asked. Her voice didn't contain any trace of her Tennessee accent. It was frail and weak and…somewhat European.

I looked at Oliver. "She's not Miley."

"Who's Miley?" Oliver asked, lowering his rifle.

"Are you—wait a minute." I looked at Miley. "What year is it?"

Miley looked at me like I was crazy. "1775, I believe."

"Miley, come on, snap out of it!" I commanded her, "It's me, Lilly! I helped you tweak that wig!" I started pulling on the brunette-tinted Hannah wig I'd helped her highlight.

"Ow!" Miley pulled her hair away. "What're you doing?"

"That's real?"

"What's going on? Who are you?"

"We're your friends!"

"F-Friends? Friends of whom? I don't understand…your dress."

I looked down at my outfit. "You forced me into it!"

Miley sighed. "Everything is strange. Where am I? How did I come to be here?"

"Breathe, Miley, you're gonna faint again." I looked at Oliver. "How're we gonna get through this without the Slayer?"

"What's a Slayer?"

A monster jumped out of the tree and started to attack Miley, who screamed. Oliver whacked it with his rifle, knocking it out.

"I suggest we get inside before any-"

Oliver was interrupted by Miley screaming. "A demon! A DEMON!" She got behind him…and an SUV drove by.

"That's not a demon, that's a car!" I told her.

"What does it want?"

Oliver looked at me. "Is this woman insane?"

"She's never seen a car."

"She's never seen a car?"

"She thinks she's from the past."

"And you're a Ghost."

"Yes! Now let's get inside!"

"I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here. Where do we go?"

I thought about that. "We can stay at a friend's." I led them to Miley's beach house and we went in the back, entering the kitchen. "Hello? Mr. Stewart? Jackson?" I sighed and led them in. "They're both gone. Come on!" I closed the door behind them and locked it.

"Where are we?" Miley asked.

"Your place," I said, going over to the deck doors and pulling down the shades. "We just need to-" I was interrupted by a knocking on the front door, which already had the shade pulled down. Oliver started to go across the living room to it. "No, don't open it!"

"It could be a civilian."

"Or a mini-demon!"

Miley went over to the book shelf wall and picked up a picture of the 3 of us…and a hint of Jackson, who Miley was pushing out of the picture. "This could be me."

"It is you!" I told her. I went over to her and held up her right wrist, revealing the bracelet I'd given her. "I gave this yesterday morning."

Miley looked at the charms that spelled "LILLY" and then back at the picture. "No…no, this can't be me!" She put the picture back down. "This is some other girl! I would never wear that…that low apparel!" She took off the bracelet and threw it at me, making it go right through me. "This is yours, not mine, it has your name on it! I hate this place! And I hate you! And I just wanna go home!" She started crying. I tried to put my arm around her, but it went right through her.

I sighed. "You are home." I went over to Oliver. "Why couldn't she have dressed up like Hannah like Ashley did? At least then she'd still be herself." I then realized something. "Oh, boy…Ashley thinks she's Miley!" It was then that we heard a woman screaming. "Civilian!"

"Affirmative!" Oliver started to open the door.

Miley ran up to me. "Surely he'll not desert us?"

"Whatever!"

Oliver ran outside and came back a few minutes later with Ashley.

Ashley's clothes were torn a little. She ripped her wig off. "What's going on?"

"OK, your name is Ashley, your not Hannah Montana, you go to high school with us, and the real Hannah Montana is really Miley Stewart, who currently thinks she's a 18th-century noblewoman."

"Yeah, that's nice, Lilly. You went mental when?"

"You know us?"

"Yeah, what's the name game?" She looked at her outfit, groaned, sat on the couch, and started pulling off her boots. "I was attacked by Jo-Jo, the Dog-faced Boy. Can you get me some glue? I broke a heel. Do you think Party-Town is gonna give me my money back for this? Not likely!"

Oliver went up the hall to the closet, came back, and tossed Ashley some glue.

"OK," I said, "I'll go get help. You guys stay here and if something tries to get in, just…fight it off!"

"But it's not our place to fight!" Miley whined, grabbing onto Oliver's arm, "Surely some men will come protect us, like this handsome stranger."

"What's her deal?" Ashley asked me.

"I-It's like amnesia, they don't know who they are. Just sit tight." I walked around her.

"Who died and made her the boss?" I heard Ashley ask.

I sure answered that question when I walked through the wall behind her.

**Normal POV**

Spike walked through the streets, passing by several monsters. "Well, this is just…neat!"

**Miley's POV**

I still remember that night perfectly.

Oliver blocked each door/window with a chair from the dining room/kitchen of our house. He looked at Ashley. "You! Go check upstairs!" Ashley left.

18th-century me turned to Oliver. "Surely there's somewhere we can go, a safe haven."

"Lady said stay put."

"You take orders from a woman? Are you feeble in some way?" HA HA! Looking back at that, I think it's kind of funny.

"Ma'am, in the Army, we have a saying: 'sit down and shut the-' Whoa…" He picked up the picture of the 3 of us (and a hint of Jackson). "That Lilly must have been right. Maybe we really do have some sort of amnesia."

"I'm not sure what that is, but I'm sure I don't have it. I bathe quite often!" OK, that one was just stupid.

"How do you explain this, then?" Oliver asked, holding up the picture and the bracelet Lilly had given me.

"I don't! I was brought up a proper lady! I wasn't meant to understand things! I was just meant to look pretty and a nice gentleman would marry me, maybe a baron!"

"This ain't no tea party princess. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to learn to fight."

"Fight these creatures?" I scoffed and crossed my arms. "I'd sooner die."

"Then you'll die."

Angel then pushed the kitchen door open and wrestled his way in, blocking it again with the chair once he was inside. "OK, good, you guys are here." He walked over to us. "I'm glad you're safe. It's total chaos out there."

Oliver and I looked at each other and then turned back to Angel. "Who are you?"

**Lilly's POV**

I ran into the library and looked around. I could just barely see Giles in his office and hear sirens and wailing in the distance. I jumped through the wall to his office. "Giles!"

"Ah!" Giles was obviously startled by this.

"Hi!"

"Ah…uh…huh?"

**Angel's POV**

"OK, somebody wanna fill me in on what's going on here?" I asked Miley and Oliver, unaware at the time of their…changes.

"Do you live here?" Oliver asked.

"No," I answered, misunderstanding the question, "And you know that." I turned to Miley. "Miley…why are you wearing your wig?" I tried to pull it off and she shrieked slightly.

"Why does everyone keep trying to pull my hair like that?"

Ashley came in. "Long story short, they don't know who they are. Everyone's turned into their costumes or something." She smiled. "How are you?" Once again, wrong thing said at the wrong time. She's improved since then with the whole airhead thing, but not too much. The lights suddenly went out and Miley grabbed onto her in fright. "Do you mind?" Miley let go.

Oliver looked at me. "You take princess and secure the kitchen." He looked at Ashley. "Cowgirl, you're with me." Ashley followed him upstairs.

"But I don't wanna go with you!" Miley whined, "I like the man with the musket!" She started to run after him, but I pulled her back.

"Come on," I said.

"Do you have a musket?"

I glared at her and dragged her back into the living room…to find that the kitchen door was open. "I didn't leave that open." Before Miley could react, a Vampire jumped at us from behind the island. I knocked him to the ground. "Miley! Get a stake!" I looked at her and saw her pick up a knife. _OK, that's not gonna work. _"Hurry up!" She looked at me and saw me with my game face on. She screamed at the top of her lungs, threw the knife at me, and ran out. "Miley, wait!" I yelled, pulling the knife out of my shoulder. Too late. She had already fled the deck.

**Lilly's POV**

Giles came up to me in the library. I was skimming a book. "I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus, I can't turn the page."

"Well, uh…let's review. Everyone became what they were masquerading as?"

"Right, Oliver was a soldier and Miley was an 18th-century girl."

"And your costume?"

I looked at my outfit. "I'm a Ghost!"

"Yes, uh…a Ghost of what, exactly?"

I glared at him. "Miley forced me into this. I put the Ghost costume on over it. But this is nothing. You should've seen what Ashley was wearing. She was dressed like Hannah Montana!"

"She thinks she's Miley?"

"That's the thing! She doesn't. She's the same old Ashley." Then it hit me. "Wait a minute…Party-Town! She said she got her costume at Party-Town!"

"And everyone who changed, they acquired their costumes where?"

"We got ours at a new place, Ethan's."

"Let's go check it out."

I raced through the library doors…and Giles, moving too fast too think, attempted the same thing and bumped his head on the door. I came back through. "Sorry!" I went back. Giles opened the doors and followed me.

**Normal POV**

Angel, Oliver, and Ashley walked down a street.

"Are you sure she came this way?" Oliver asked Angel.

"No."

"She'll be OK," Ashley pointed out.

"_Miley_ would be OK," Angel corrected her, "Whoever she is now, she's helpless."

The 3 passed by a tree, unaware that Spike was hiding behind it.

"Do you hear that?" Spike asked his monster friends, "Somewhere out here is the _tenderest_ meat you've ever tasted. And all we have to do is find it first."

**Miley's POV**

18th-century me walked through an alley and came to Larry, dressed as a pirate.

"Pretty, pretty!" Larry started at me and I whirled around and ran away.

**Lilly's POV**

"Hello?" Giles called as soon as we'd come into the costume shop, "Anybody home?"

I then noticed the curtain leading to the back partially open. "Giles…"

Giles saw it, too, and went over there. I followed him. We found a statue in the private room, its eyes glowing green.

"Giles, what is it?"

"Janus, Roman mythical god. It primarily means the division of self. Male and female, light and dark."

"Chunky and creamy. Oh, sorry that's peanut butter." Ethan appeared.

Giles stared at Ethan, apparently in shock. "Lilly, get out of here."

"What? Why?"

"Just go!" I obeyed, but could just hear Giles say "Hello, Ethan" before I left.

The last thing I heard before leaving the shop entirely was Ethan's voice: "Hello, Ripper."

**Miley's POV**

Larry finally grabbed 18th-century me. Suddenly, Oliver appeared, whacked Larry with the rifle, and started fighting him.

Ashley came up to me. "Are you OK, Miley?"

I then caught sight of Angel and screamed, backing up into a crate.

"What's your problem?" Ashley asked.

"That man! He-He's a Vampire!"

Ashley sighed, rolled her eyes, and looked at Angel. "She's got this thing where she thinks—oh, forget it." She looked at me. "It's OK. Angel's a good Vampire. He would never do anything to hurt you."

I stood up. "In truth?"

"Absolutely. He's our friend."

Angel ran over to Oliver and Larry and kicked Larry in stomach.

Oliver punched Larry in the nose, knocking him out. "It's weird. Beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure."

Before Ashley could laugh, Lilly ran up to us. "Guys!"

"Lilly," Angel said.

"We gotta get inside!" she said, nodding behind her.

We all looked and saw Spike headed for us with a whole gang of monsters.

"This way!" Angel said, pointing to a warehouse, "Come on!" We followed him inside.

**Normal POV**

"What?" Ethan said, "No hug? Aren't you pleased to see your old mate, Rupert?"

"I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you," Giles responded, "This Halloween stunt stinks of Ethan Rayne."

"Yes, it does, doesn't it? Don't wish to blow my own trumpet, but it's genius. The very embodiment of 'be careful what you wish for.'"

"It's sick and brutal and it harms the innocents."

"And we all know you're a champion of the innocents and all things pure and good. It's quite an act you've got going on there."

"It's no act, it's who I am."

"Who you are? The Watcher? Sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? Don't think so. I know who you are, Rupert, what you're capable of. But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you came from."

"Break the spell, Ethan. Then leave and never come back."

"Why should I? What's in it for me?"

"You get to live."

"Oh, Rupert, you're scaring me!"

Giles smacked Ethan in the gut and then in the back of the head, making him fall to the ground.

**Lilly's POV**

Angel opened the warehouse door for us. "Come on!"

Oliver hurried in first. "Check and see if there are any other ways in!" he commanded Angel, who hurried off. I ran in, then.

Ashley followed, with Miley hanging onto her arm. "Oh, yay, more clinging."

Suddenly, the monsters sprung in. Angel started fighting them off, along with Oliver, and then Spike showed up.

**Normal POV**

Giles kicked Ethan again.

"And you said Ripper was long gone."

"Tell me how to reverse the spell."

"Say 'please.'"

Giles kicked Ethan again, and the magician winced in pain.

**Angel's POV**

The monsters caught up with us. 2 restricted me; one held onto Oliver; Ashley cowered in the corner, surrounded by monsters; and Lilly stood alone, unable to do anything.

Spike approached Miley, who backed away, whimpering, into a crate. "Look at you. All shaking, terrified, whimpering and begging, all alone…lost little lamb." He slapped her, knocking her onto the crate. "I love it!"

I tried to pull myself free. "Miley!" I couldn't do anything to help her.

**Normal POV**

Giles kicked Ethan again. "Tell me how to reverse the spell!"

"Janus," Ethan got out, "Break the statue."

Giles grabbed the statue and held it over his head…

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver finally broke free and punched his monster in the face. He grabbed his rifle.

"That guy you can shoot!" I informed him.

**Normal POV**

Giles broke the statue.

**Oliver's POV**

I lift up the rifle and see that it's a toy again. My memories come flooding back as all the other monsters revert back to children. Spike notices this and then realizes that he's not holding Miley's hair, but her tweaked Hannah wig.

Miley: Honey, I'm home.

He looks at her and she punches him in the face. She grabs a pipe and swings it onto his back, making him fall to the floor.

Miley: You know what? It's good to be me. Too bad I don't have a stake.

She throws him into the crate instead.

Miley: That'll have to do for now.

**Normal POV**

Giles looked behind him and saw that Ethan was gone.

**Oliver's POV**

Spike gets up, growls at us, and retreats.

Me: (I walk over to Miley) Hey, Mile. Welcome back.

Miley: It's good to be back.

Ashley: You guys remember what happened?

Me: It was way creepy, too. It was like I was there but couldn't get out.

Ashley: I know the feeling. I think the outfit's a little tight. They didn't have my size.

Angel: (looks at Miley) You OK?

Miley: (smiles) Yeah. I'm fine.

Ashley: Uh, hello! It felt like I was talking! My lips were moving!

Me: Give it a rest, Ash! You're never gonna get between these 2. Believe me, I know.

Ashley: (looks at the kids) I guess we'd better get them back to their parents.

Me: Yeah, everybody seems to… (I look around) Where's Lilly?

**Normal POV**

Lilly was back on the porch she'd "died" on. She got up and tore off the sheet. She took a few deep breaths and then tossed the sheet in the nearest trash can.

Oz drove by in his van, listening to Ashley Tisdale, and stopped at the intersection when he saw Lilly walk by.

_Baby, I can see us moving like that (like that)_

_Baby, I can see us kissing like that (like that)_

_We don't need no more that he said, she said… _

"Who is that girl?"

**Miley's POV**

I walked into my room and sat down on my bed next to Angel, wearing my old outfit. "Well, it's back to little old 21st-century me."

"I don't get it, Miley. Why'd you think I'd like you better if you were dressed like that?"

"'Cause I wanted to be a real girl for once, the fancy kind you liked when you were my age." Angel snickered. "What's funny now?"

"I hated the women back then, especially the nobles."

"Seriously? Sweet nibblets!"

"Yeah, they were all incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the whole lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone…exciting, interesting, adventurous…someone like you."

I smiled. "Really?" Angel nodded. "You'd be interested in a farm girl who's dad was a country singer, who's brother is a simpering moron himself, and who's only hobbies are slaying Vampires, like yourself, and singing?"

"Miley, let's not get carried away. I love to hear you sing."

"Hmm…That's funny." I pulled out my guitar. "I just so happened to have gotten a few songs out of you."

Angel smiled.

" _I've been stranded on a lonely street, got lost in the shadows, fell hard in the battle, heard cries and the suffering, walked through the darkness, left broken and heartless. I'm calling out, can you hear my voice? I'm gonna find you through all the noise, you know there's nothing that I wouldn't do, shine your light as I reach for you. My heart beats for love, my heart beats for love, it's the sound that I hear, tells me not to give up, it breathes in my chest and it runs through my blood, my heart beats for love, my heart beats for love. Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah…_" Angel wrapped his arms around my waist and I smiled. "_…I've been told at least 1,000 times 'it's not worth the struggle, the hurt, or the trouble. I keep running up to these front lines, no, I won't surrender, I'll wait here forever. Standing here with my flag held high, can't you see that it's worth the fight? My heart beats for love, my heart beats for love, it's the sound that I hear, tells me not to give up, it breathes in my chest and it runs through my blood, my heart beats for love, my heart beats for love. Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yeah…_" I cradled my head on his shoulder. "_…I march across this battlefield, screaming out, do you hear me now? I'm holding on to stand my ground, screaming out, do you hear me? My heart beats for love, my heart beats for love, it's the sound that I hear, tells me not to give up, it breathes in my chest and it runs through my blood, my heart beats for love, my heart beats for love. My heart beats for love, my heart beats for love, it's the sound that I hear, tells me not to give up, it breathes in my chest and it runs through my blood, my heart beats for love, my heart beats for love. Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh for love… _" We gazed into each other's eyes and kissed, long and passionate.

**Normal POV**

Giles went into Ethan's the next morning. The place was entirely deserted. He looked at the counter and saw a note there. He read it:

"Be seeing you."

**END EPISODE**


	7. Lie to Me

Chapter 7: Lie to Me

**Normal POV**

A little boy was sitting on a swing in the park. "Come on, Mom. She's always late."

"Are you lost?" The boy turned to see Drusilla.

"No…I'm waiting for my mom. She's supposed to pick me up."

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Drusilla asked as she stepped forward.

The boy got up and back away. "No…"

Drusilla stopped at the swing-set and caressed the side. "My mummy used to sing to me every night. _ …Run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch… _What do you think your mum will sing when they find your body?"

The boy was suddenly scared and nervous. "I'm not supposed to talk to people I don't know."

Drusilla smiled. "Well, see, I'm not a person, so-"

Angel suddenly stepped in front of her. He looked at the boy. "Run home."

The boy nodded and ran away.

"Angel?"

Angel faced Drusilla. "Hello, Drusilla."

"Do you remember the song my mum used to sing to me?"

Angel glared at her. "I remember. Now leave. I'm giving you and Spike that chance."

"Or you'll hurt me? No…you can't, not anymore."

"Look, if you don't leave, things will go badly…for all of us."

Drusilla whimpered. "My dear boy's gone all away, hasn't he? To her…"

"Who?"

"The girl…the singer…the Slayer…"

Neither of them were aware that Miley was standing on a nearby building and was now watching them.

"…Your heart stinks of her. Poor little thing has no idea that the power she holds isn't hers…no idea what's in store."

Miley leaned forward enough so that she could hear.

"This can't go on, Drusilla, it has to end."

Drusilla tilted her head and pulled Angel forward. It looked to Miley like she was about to kiss him. "Oh, no, pet…this is just the beginning." She walked away, keeping her eyes on him.

Miley felt herself tearing up slightly, so she got up and ran away.

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Normal POV**

"It's a secret!" Jenny said as she led Giles down the stairs to the school hallway.

"What kind of secret?"

"Uh, the kind that's secret! You know, when I don't actually tell you what it is?"

"Well, I think that it's customary when 2 people are going out on an evening that they both have an idea of where they're going."

"Oh, come on! Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Well, I, uh…how will I know what to wear?"

Jenny looked at his tweed suit. "Do you have anything else?"

Giles looked, too. "Not exactly, no."

Jenny giggled. "Rupert, you're just gonna have to trust me."

"Alright! I put myself in your hands!"

"Ooh, that sounds like fun! Tomorrow night, 7:30." She walked off.

Miley came up. "Hey."

"Hello." Giles started for the library, Miley at his side. "So how did the hunt go last night?"

"Nothing Vampire-y."

"Well, I've been researching this Spike. I can't figure out why he's here."

"You'll figure it out."

Giles looked at her. "Are you alright? You seem a little glum."

"I'm fine."

Giles knew that was a lie. They stopped at the library doors. "Why don't you take the night off?"

Miley half-smiled. "That would be nice."

"Yes, you could spend some time with Angel."

Miley looked at him. "I don't know. He may have other plans." She stormed off, leaving Giles to wonder what was wrong.

**Lilly's POV**

In history class, I passed Miley a note: "Do you know who she was?"

"It seems like Louis XVI was a pretty weak king," said one boy.

"Fair enough," said the teacher, "Any other impressions?"

"Well," Ashley got started (oh, boy), "I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her! She worked really hard to look that good and people don't appreciate that kind of effort."

Miley finally handed me a reply note while the teacher wasn't looking: "No. Dark hair, old dress, pretty!" I gave her a sympathetic look and started writing my reply.

"And I know the peasants were all depressed-"

"Uh," Oliver interrupted her, "I think you mean 'oppressed.'"

"Whatever!" Ashley said, "We can learn that in French!" She scoffed. "Anyway, they get like that and they're all 'let's lose some heads.' Yeah, that's fair! And Marie Antoinette cared about them! She was gonna give them cake!"

"Well, that's a very interesting perspective," said the teacher.

I handed Miley the note while he wasn't looking: "Vampire?"

**Miley's POV**

"I don't know," I told Lilly after class, "They seemed pretty friendly."

"Who's friendly?" Oliver came up to us.

"No one," I quickly snapped back.

"Angel and a girl," Lilly said.

I looked at her. "Lilly, when you and I talk, do you hear it or is it just a big roaring in your ear?"

"Hey!" Oliver said, "You are my 2 best girl buds. And if Angel's hurting one of you or doing something wrong, I wanna know! 'Cause it gives me a happy!" Lilly and I glared at him as we sat down in the lounge.

"Well," I said, "I'm glad someone's happy."

"Hey," said Jackson, sitting down next to me, "What're we talking about?"

"Angel may be cheating on Miley," Lilly said. I gave her a look. "Right, roaring, got it."

"Hmm, so what're we up for tonight to cheer up little sis?" Jackson asked, "How about a crazed group dance party at the Bronze?" I crossed my arms, depressed. "OK…very calm dance party at the Bronze?" I gave him a gloomy look and he seemed to get the message. "Moping at the Bronze."

"I'd suggest a box of Oreos dipped in apple juice, but I think she's over that phase." Jackson and I both turned, surprised to hear that voice.

"Travis?" I asked when I saw my blonde Tennessee best friend, "Travis Beady?" I got up and hugged him.

"Hey, Smiley Miley!" He let go and gave Jackson the "manly embrace" as they call it (you know, they shake hands and pull into a half-hug?).

"What're you doing here?" Jackson asked.

"Matriculating," said our old ranch neighbor, "I'm finishing my senior year at Seaview High. My Dad got transferred."

I squealed. "This is great!"

"I didn't think you'd remember me."

"Remember you? You and I were fifth-grade crushes!"

"So you 2 know each other!" Oliver intervened.

"Oh!" I realized, "Uh, Travis, this Oliver Oken and Lilly Truscott. Oliver, Lilly, this is Travis Beady, our old ranch neighbor in Crowley Corners. He and I went to elementary together. I didn't know you skipped a grade."

"Sixth grade. I studied a lot after you and I started going to different schools. But Dad got the transfer and _BOOM!_ He dragged he out of Crowley Corners and pulled me in here."

"So," Lilly said, "you 2 were sweeties in fifth grade?"

"We tried," Travis explained, "It didn't really work out."

I groaned. "It was awful. I was in my room for hours listening to Avril Lavigne." Lilly, Jackson, and Oliver all looked at me. "Of course, it was the…clean versions." I hurriedly turned back to Travis. "So are you doing anything tonight? We're going to the Bronze, this cool dance club, and you have to come."

"Oh, I'd love to! But if you guys already have plans, I'd hate to impose-"

"No, only in the literal sense!" Oliver said. I glared at him.

"OK, I just gotta get my admission papers in order." Travis walked off.

"Well, I'll take you there!" I said, grabbing his arm, "Jackson has to go back to college and I'll see Lilly and Oliver in French." I looked back at my friends (and brother). "Later, guys!" I led Travis off.

**Lilly's POV**

"'This is Travis,'" Oliver said as soon as Miley was gone, "'my best friend of all Western friends!' Yeah, right."

"Oh, that's what that song's about?" I realized.

**Miley's POV**

I found Travis with Jackson, Lilly, and Oliver at the pool table at the Bronze that night. "Hey, Travis, you made it!"

"Wasn't hard to find the place," Travis pointed out.

"Travis was just telling us about your middle school beauty pageant," Lilly said, "and how your cousin Luann poisoned you and did pig calls."

I glared at him and Jackson both (knowing that my brother must have had something to do with it). "Will you 2 stop it? The more people you tell, the more I have to kill!"

"You can't touch me, Stewart," said Travis, "I know all your darkest secrets."

"Wanna bet?" Lilly and Oliver both asked.

I was about to glared at them when I saw Angel at the bar and ran over to him. "Angel! Hi! What're you doing here?"

"Hey!" Angel said, smiling at me, "I was hoping you'd show."

I then noticed he had a drink in his hand. "Oh, you drink!" I caught myself. "Uh, drinks! Non-blood things."

He just looked at me. "There's a lot about me you don't know."

"Oh, I believe that."

**Oliver's POV**

Travis: (sees Miley with Angel) Who's that?

Lilly: That's Angel.

Me: Miley's beau.

Jackson: Her special friend.

Travis: He's not at school, right? He looks older than her.

Me: Oh, you're not wrong.

**Miley's POV**

"So what'd you do last night?" I asked Angel, trying to sound casual so that he didn't know I'd "spied on him."

"Nothing."

"Nothing at all? You ceased to exist?"

"No, I mean I stayed at my place and read."

I looked around. "Oh." I quickly rushed through my brain, contemplating every topic of conversation I could think of, and came up with nothing, so I just walked back to the pool table without another word. "Hey."

Travis looked at me. "Did you not want a drink or anything?"

"Oh…I-I'm not thirsty."

"Hey, Angel," Lilly said.

I whirled around and saw that he'd followed me. "Oh, uh, Travis, this is Angel. Angel, this is Travis Beady, I went to elementary school with him, back in Crowley Corners."

"Nice to meet you." Angel shook Travis' hand.

"Whoa!" Travis said, "Cold hands."

"Oh, you're not wrong," Oliver said. I glared at him.

"So," Angel said, "you're here visiting the Stewarts?"

"Oh, no, I'm actually here to stay. My dad got transferred so I'm going to finish school here."

"Uh, you know, it's getting kind of crowded in here," I said. I looked at Travis. "You wanna…take a walk, observe the streets?"

"Uh…sure! That'd be nice."

"OK." I looked at my friends (and brother). "I'll see you guys later." We walked off. I led Ford into the alley just outside the Bronze.

"So that was your boyfriend?" he asked.

"Uh, no. Yeah. Maybe! It's complicated!"

"Sorry!"

I then heard a noise. _Oh, great. A Vampire at a time like this?_ "Uh, my purse! I left my purse back at the club. Could you go get it for me?"

"Uh, I guess."

"Good. Go. Run! Now!" As soon as Travis was gone, I ran for the Vampire around the corner and kicked him in the face. I pulled a stake out of my pocket and started fighting. I eventually pinned him to the brick wall and staked him. I turned around and saw Travis behind me. "Travis! Uh…" I dropped the stake. "There was a cat! A-A big cat! And another cat came along and they…they started fighting! The cats. I pulled them apart and they ran off."

"Oh. I thought you were just slaying a Vampire."

I stared at him. "Fifth grade ex-boyfriend/Tennessee farm boy say what?"

"Miley, I know you're the Slayer. And Hannah Montana."

**Lilly's POV**

"Just like that he told you?" I asked Miley later on the phone in my room.

"Just like that," she answered, "Said he found out right before I got booted."

"Wow! It's neat!"

"Yeah, I guess it is. I don't have to constantly worry that he's going to find out my 2 biggest secrets. It just makes everything easier!"

**Normal POV**

Travis headed down an alley. He came to "the Sunset Club" and knocked on the door. The view-port opened and closed and the door opened, let him in, and closed. Travis walked around the place. Heavy metal music was playing and everyone was dressed in dark clothes and makeup.

"Hey, Travis!" A boy walked up. "How'd it go?"

"Good."

"Good? That's it? That's all we know? When are we-"

"Soon!"

"OK! But you could give me a little more information here, I'm trusting you! I'm out on a limb here and the lease on the place is almost up."

"Marvin-"

"Diego! It's Diego now!"

"OK! Relax! Everything's gonna be fine. Just make sure you're ready when I say."

"Look, I just think I should be in on the plan."

"Diego! You've gotta trust me. A couple more days…and we'll be Vampires."

**Lilly's POV**

I was brushing my hair in my room when I heard a knocking on my glass doors that led outside my mother's house. I looked at them to see who it was and saw Angel standing on the porch. I quickly dropped my brush on my bed and ran over to open the doors. "Angel, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Oh." I gestured for him to come in. He just stood there. I repeated the gesture.

"Uh…Lilly, I can't come in unless you invite me."

"Oh! I invite you…to come in."

Angel walked in, allowing me to close the door. "Listen, if this is a bad time-"

"No! It's just that…I'm not supposed to have boys in my room without mom's permission."

"Well, I promise to behave myself. Look, I need you to help me…track someone down." He nodded to my laptop.

"Oh! Right!" I grabbed my laptop and sat down on my bed, laying it on my lap. "Who do you want me to search for?"

"Travis Beady."

"Vampire Slayer's Vampire boyfriend say what?" Angel just stared at me. "Sorry, Miley's line. Uh…if I tell you something you don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?"

"You're gonna tell me I'm jealous."

I quickly started typing. "Well, you are exhibiting the common behavior."

"I never used to get this way." He sat down next to me. We looked at each other and quickly inched away. "Things used to be pretty simple. I spent a hundred years just hanging around, feeling guilty for the things I did…really honed on my brooding skills." I smiled and went back to typing. "And then she comes along." I stopped typing and faced him again, really intent on listening now. "I've never known anyone like her. She's 3 different people and none of them have anything in common. So, yeah, I start to get jealous. But I still know people and my gut tells me that this is the wrong guy."

I went back to typing. "I get where you're coming from. But if nothing weird turns up—hey, that's weird."

"What?" He looked at the laptop.

"Well, Travis said that he got registered in the school system and everything but his name isn't on the records. Usually they transfer your grades and stuff, but there's nothing in here about him at all!"

"He said he was in school with you guys."

"Well, let me see if I can-"

"LILLY! Are you still up?"

"Eep!" I raced up and started to push Angel out. "You gotta get out! I'M JUST GOING TO BED NOW, MOM!" I pushed Angel onto the porch. "Come by tomorrow at sunset. I'll have something figured out by then."

"OK, just don't tell Miley what we're doing."

"You want me to lie to her? It's by best friend we're talking about!"

"Just don't bring it up until we know it's something."

"Fine. It's probably nothing, anyway."

"That'd be nice."

**Miley's POV**

I walked into the school hall with Travis and caught sight of Lilly at the drinking fountain. "Lilly!" She didn't even press the button before starting to walk off and then coming back. _What's up with her?_ "What's up?"

"Nothing." She smiled innocently, but I could tell there was something wrong.

"You wanna hang with us? We're cafeteria-bound."

"I'm going to the computer lab to work on some school work, so…now time for hanging. Hey, Travis."

"Hey," he said in return.

"Alright, Lilly, fess up."

"What?" she asked me. I could tell she was a little shocked.

"You put extra sugar in your Sugar Crunchies this morning again, didn't you?"

She laughed out loud. "Just a little. I gotta go." She hurried off.

"Nice girl," Travis said.

"Yeah, they don't come like her," I added.

Giles came up to us. "Miley!" I went over to him and he started searching his pockets. "Ms. Calendar and I are going…somewhere tonight and she's given me the number of her…" He pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to me. "…wireless telephone in case you need me for…" He then noticed Travis. "…help with studying or-"

"Giles," I interrupted him, "Travis knows I'm the Slayer…and Hannah Montana."

"Oh! Uh…" He pulled me off to the side. "Miley, you aren't confessing your secrets to impress this boy, are you?"

"I didn't tell him. He knew. He figured out on his own right before I moved. Now go experience this thing we call fun. Go!"

He nodded and head back to the library.

_That night…_

I led Travis around the school. "And on the right, you'll see the beautiful campus. I think you've seen all there is of Malibu now. Beach, beach, a few celebrities, and more beach."

"Well, it's…really…"

"Feel free say 'dull,' 'wet,' 'boring,' or any of the above."

"I think it's cool. Just needs some more animals."

"Oh, you poor, naïve, Tennessee boy." We then noticed some Vampires.

"More Vampires?"

"Must be the weather." I pulled out a stake and cross and handed the cross to him. He smiled and pulled out a stake of his own. I smiled, too. "Stay close to me." I led him to the side of the building and looked around the corner.

"Maybe they were just passing through."

I faced him. "I don't think so." I spun around, moving my foot with my body so that I kicked the Vampire that was coming around the corner. The girl turned around and a guy came up in her place. I started fighting him while Travis started to attack the girl. The man pulled me over a railing and away from Travis. I punched him in the face, pulled my stake back up and dusted him. I got up and ran back over to the railing. I grabbed it and swung to see Travis crouched on the ground. "What happened?"

He looked at me and held up the stake. "I killed her. I staked her and she turned to dust. It was…amazing."

I looked at him surprise…and then noticed that there were no ashes.

**Oliver's POV**

Angel, Lilly, Jackson and I are headed down the alley to the Sunset Club.

Lilly: The only thing I could track down was this address. I still couldn't find anything incriminating.

Angel: He leaves no paper trail, no records—that's incriminating enough.

Jackson: This guy was my friend since I was in first grade. He helped Mom and Dad with the farm! I can't believe we're thinking he's evil!

Angel sighs and knocks on the metal door. The viewport opens.

Angel: We're friends of Travis'.

The door opened. We all walk in.

Lilly: (looks at her colorfully striped knitted sweater) Boy, we blend right in!

Jackson: (looks at his own bright T-shirt) Yeah. In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs.

Me: You know, I never understood that phrase.

Jackson: Well, I think it has something to do with—

Angel: Let's look around. You guys check downstairs. (walks off)

Me: Sure, Bossy the Cow.

Jackson: (looking around as we walk down the stairs) Are either of you noticing a them here?

Lilly: As in 'Vampires! Yay!'?

Jackson: That's the one.

A pretty blonde girl comes up to us.

Pretty blonde girl: Hi, I'm Chanterelle. You guys are newbies, I can tell.

Lilly: What? No! We come here all the time.

Chanterelle: Don't be ashamed. It's cool that you're open to it. We welcome anyone who's interested in the Lonely Ones.

Me: Who?

Angel: Vampires.

We all look at Angel, who has just caught up with us and heard the whole thing.

Jackson: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy-fanged, bite-y ones.

Chanterelle: So many people make that misconception. But they who walk with the night are not interested in harming anyone. They are creatures above us. Exalted!

Angel: You're a fool.

I glare at him.

Chanterelle: (scoffs) No need to be so confrontational about it. Other views besides yours may be valid, you know. (walks off)

Lilly: Nice meeting you!

Jackson: (glares at Angel, too) You really are a people person. I was about to ask her out!

Angel: I've seen enough. I've seen people like this before. They're children making up stories about friendly Vampires just to comfort themselves in the dark. They don't anything about Vampires. What they are, how they live, how they dress—

A guy comes up dressed exactly like Angel. The 2 look each other up and down and then the guy leaves.

Lilly: Wow, that was weird.

Me: You know, I'm still curious about why Travis Beady, country best friend of the Slayer, is hanging with a bunch of Vampire wannabes.

Jackson: Alright, something's up with him. I'll admit that. But how do we tell Miley?

We all walk off.

_Later…_

I walked into the library, followed by Giles and Jenny. "Sorry to interrupt you guys in the middle of…stuff, but it seemed really weird."

"No, you did the right thing," Giles said.

Jenny stopped in her tracks. "You hated it that much?"

"No!" Giles quickly said, "But Vampires on campus is…it could have implications."

"You could've just said something."

"Honestly I've always been interested in monster trucks."

I was half-amused and half-confused. Hey, that's good! I should use that! "You took him to monster trucks?"

"I thought it would be a change!" Jenny defended herself. She turned back to Giles. "We could've just left."

"And miss the nitro-burning funny cars? No, couldn't have that."

"Can we get back to Vampires here?" I intercepted, "These guys were here for a reason."

"Yes, and we must ascertain what that reason is." Giles went over to his books and I followed. "Where's your friend?"

"He went home," I explained.

"Ah, yes. The less he's involved, the better."

"He did bag a Vamp the first time out." Giles opened one of his books as I spoke. "Gotta give him credit for…that." I'd noticed an old picture of the girl Angel had been with. I picked up the picture. "Who's this?"

"Uh, she's called Drusilla," Giles explained, "She's Spike's sire. She was killed by an angry mob in Prague."

"Well, they don't make angry mobs like they used to. This girl's alive—more or less. I saw her with Angel."

Jenny came over to us. "I thought Angel was one of the good guys."

"He is," I said, laying down the picture.

"I think maybe we should read up on Drusilla," said Giles, walking off to his office, "I believe my own research is-" He stopped when the Vampire Travis had "killed" jumped out of his office and jumped him.

I ran over there and pushed her off. Before I could fight her, she ran off.

"My books!" Giles said, "She took one of my books!"

I stared after her. "That's the Vampire Travis said he killed."

**Normal POV**

Drusilla was walking around a cage in the warehouse. "You sing the sweetest little song," she said to the dead bird, "Won't you sing for me? Don't you love me anymore?"

Spike came up to her. "Darling! I heard a funny thing just now. One of our friends tells me that you went out on the hunt the other night."

"My tummy was growling. And you were out." Drusilla turned back to the bird. "Come on, I'll pout if you don't sing."

"Did you meet anyone? Anyone interesting? Like Angel?"

"Angel."

"Yeah. So what'd you talk about? Old times? It's a little off, you 2 being so friendly with him being the enemy and all that."

"I'll give you a seed if you sing."

"The bird's dead, Dru. You put it in a cage, didn't feed it, and now it's dead. Just like the last one!" Drusilla looked at him, cowered, and whined. "Oh, I'm sorry, pet. I'm a bad, rude man. I just don't like you going out so weak and all. Would you like a new bird? One that's not dead?"

"This is so cool." Spike whirled around and saw Travis standing amongst some crates. "I could totally live here."

"DO I HAVE ANYONE ON WATCH HERE?" Spike yelled, "IT'S CALLED SECURITY, PEOPLE! IS EVERYONE ASLEEP?" He walked over to Travis. "Or did we finally get a restaurant that delivers?"

"I know who you are."

"Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what?"

"I came looking for you, Spike. You are Spike, right? William the Bloody?"

"You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting." The blonde Vampire then came in and handed him the book she stole. Spike began to leaf through it. "Great, this'll be very useful." He turned back to Travis. "So how'd you find me?"

"That doesn't matter," Travis said, jumping down from the crate, "I've got something to offer you. I'm pretty certain this is the part where you take out a watch and say I've got 30 seconds to convince you not to kill me. It's traditional."

"Well…" Spike slammed the book shut and dropped it. "I don't go much for tradition." He lifted Travis up by the ear.

"Wait, love!" Drusilla stopped him.

Spike looked at her for a few seconds and then dropped Travis. "Well?"

Travis got up and sighed. "I wanna be like you. A Vampire."

"I've known you for 2 minutes and I don't like you. I'm not gonna make you live forever." Spike turned to Drusilla. "Can I eat him now, love?"

"How about this? You turn me and my friends, and I'll give you the Slayer."

**Miley's POV**

I was sitting at the island in the kitchen that night when I got home, drinking a smoothie I'd got at Rico's just before it'd closed.

Then Angel came up to the double door and opened the top half. "Hey. Can I come in?"

I half-smiled. "Sure." He did. "Hey, I thought that once you were invited, you could always just walk on in."

"I can. I was just being polite." He closed the door. "We need to talk."

"Do we?" I picked up my smoothie and walked over to the couch in the living room and sat down.

"It's about your friend, Travis. He's not what he seems."

"Who is these days?" I hinted. He didn't seem to get it.

"Lilly ran him on her computer."

"Lilly?"

"We found his address, checked it out with Oliver and Jackson, and it turned out-"

"And Oliver and Jackson. Wow. Everybody's in but me. It's like one great big conspiracy!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the people I trust. Who's Drusilla?" He realized what I was talking about and looked at his feet. "And don't lie to me. I'm sick and tired of it!"

"Some lies are necessary. Sometimes the truth is worse. You live long enough, you find that out."

"I can take it. I'm living 3 lives, I should understand-"

"Do you love me?"

I stared at him. "Vampire Slayer's Vampire boyfriend say what?"

"Do you?"

I half-smiled again. "I love you. Truly and honestly. But I don't know if I trust you."

"Maybe you shouldn't do either." He started to leave.

"I'm the one who should decide!"

He faced me. "I did a lot of unconscionable when I was turned. Drusilla was the worst. She was…an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet-"

"And you made her a Vampire and she turned Spike."

"First, I made her insane. I killed all her family. Everyone she loved. Visited every mental torture I could devise. She fled to a convent. On the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon."

"Wow. I did ask for the truth."

"Travis is part of some Vampire-worshipping society. I don't know what he wants from you, but you can't trust him."

I stared at Angel. I didn't know what to say. My best friend from Tennessee was practically evil? I didn't even have the sense to say "say what?"

_The next morning…_

Travis came to me in the quad. "Miley! I had a great time last night. Well, an interesting time."

I smiled. "I'm glad."

"Do you wanna go out again tonight?"

"I'm not busy. And neither is Hannah Montana."

"I sort of had an idea. It's kind of a secret. I wanna surprise you."

"I like surprises."

"Can you meet me here at 9?"

"No problem."

He smiled. "It's gonna be fun." He walked off.

I just stood there for a while before walking off.

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver and I were sitting on the stairs when Miley came up.

"Miley!" I said, "Did Angel tell you-"

"He told me everything."

"I'm sorry we kept it from you."

She smiled. "It's OK. It's not like I haven't kept secrets from you."

I smiled, too. "When Angel came to my room, he was really concerned for you. And we didn't wanna say anything in case we were wrong."

"Did you find out what Travis was up to?" Oliver asked.

Miley shook her head. "I will." She left.

Oliver looked at me. "Angel was in your room?"

"Ours is a forbidden love."

**Normal POV**

Chanterelle was sitting next to Diego at a table in the Sunset Club, drumming her fingers impatiently.

Travis came down the stairs, ignoring Diego. "Chanterelle, is everything ready?"

"Of course, it's ready," said Diego, loudly to try to get his attention, "I took care of it."

"Is it time?" Chanterelle asked, "Tonight?"

"Why?" Travis asked, coming over to her, "You nervous?"

"Yes. No. I'm ready for change. Do you think they'll bless us?"

"I know they will," said Travis, smiling. She smiled back.

"So are your friends coming?" asked Diego.

"What're you talking about?"

"Your friends. The ones that came last night. 3 guys and a girl."

Travis groaned. "Sweet nibblets! Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I have to do everything around here! So sorry, Mr. Flawless Plan, it slipped my mind."

"It's gonna be alright, right?" Chanterelle asked, "They're not gonna let us down? I need them to bless me."

"Everything's gonna be fine," Travis assured her.

"No, it's really not." They all turned to see Miley at the top of the stairs, making her way down with her arms crossed at them. "Sorry, Travis, I just couldn't wait till tonight. I'm rash and impulsive. It's a flaw!"

"We all have flaws," Travis said.

"I'm still fuzzy on exactly what yours is," said Miley as she reached the bottom of the stairs, "I think it has something to do with being a lying scumbag!"

"Everybody lies."

"What do you want? What is this all about?"

"I'm gonna be one of them. A Vampire."

"You know, Vampires are a little picky about who they turn—oh, mud crunkies. You were gonna offer them a trade."

"I don't think I wanna talk anymore."

Miley grabbed Travis by the throat and pinned him to the table. "Well, I feel awfully chatty! You, my best friend in all of Tennessee, were going to give them me!" He nodded. "You had to know I'd figure it out."

"Actually," he choked out, smiling, "I was counting on it."

Miley let go and let him straighten up. "So what's gonna happen tonight?"

Travis smiled again. "It's already happening."

Diego slammed the metal door shut with a loud clang. Miley ran up there and started to pull on it with her Slayer strength, but it wouldn't budge.

"It's rigged up special," Travis explained, "Once it's been closed, it can only be opened from the outside. As soon as the sun sets, they'll be coming."

"Travis, if these people are still here when they get here-" Miley started.

"We'll be changed," Diego interrupted, "All of us."

"We'll ascend to a new level of consciousness," said Chanterelle, "Become like them, like the Lonely Ones."

"This is the end, Mile," Travis said, "No one's getting out of here alive."

**Miley's POV**

I hurried back down the stairs. "There's gotta be another way out of here."

"This is a bomb shelter, Miley," Travis said, "I knew I wasn't gonna be able to overpower you, but this is solid concrete."

"At least let them go!" I argued.

"Why are you fighting this?" asked Chanterelle, "It's what we want! It's our chance for immortality. This is a beautiful day. Can't you see that?"

"What I see is that," I ranted, "right after the sun goes down, Spike and his friends are coming down to have dinner at an all-you-can-eat moron bar!"

"That's it!" Diego shouted, "I think we should gag her."

I faced him. "I think you should try."

"She's an unbeliever," Diego continued, "She taints us."

"I'm trying to save you!" I continued, "You are playing in some serious traffic here, do you understand that? You're going to die! The only hope you have is to get out of this pit right now and, sweet nibblets, could you have a dorkier outfit?"

Travis smiled. "I gotta agree with her, Diego, you look like a big ninny." His alarm went off. "6:27. Sunset."

**Normal POV**

Spike marched out of the warehouse with his troops. "When we get there, everybody spread out. 2 men on the door. First priority is the Slayer. Everything else is fair game. And remember! Share, people!" He went over to Drusilla. "You sure you're up for this?"

"I want a treat," she said, "A special treat."

"And a special one you'll have." Spike marched off with Drusilla on his arm.

**Miley's POV**

I ran up the stairs to the door to try it again.

Travis followed me. "You just don't give up, do you? That's a good quality in a person. Some lazy people would just lay around and take it. But us-"

"'Us'?" I glared at him. "So we have something in common now?"

"More than you think."

"Well, let me explain something to you. You're what I call the bad guy. The others aren't gonna get changed, are they? They're just the appetizer."

"Technically, yes. But I'm in. I will become immortal."

"Well, newsflash, that's not how it works! You die, and a demon sets up shop in your old house. And it walks, and it talks, and it looks like you, sounds like you, and it has your memories, but it is not you!"

"It's better than nothing."

"Your life is nothing now? Travis, I know you and this is not you! These people don't deserve to die!"

"Well, neither do I. But, apparently, no one took that into consideration!" I then realized what he was up to. "I look good, don't I? Well, let me tell you something: I've got maybe 6 months left! And by then, what they bury won't even look like me. It'll be bald and shriveled and smell bad and I'm not going out that way." I turned away. "Sorry, Smiley. Did I mess up your rant?"

"No, I'm sorry." I faced him. "I had no idea. But what you're doing is still wrong."

"Hey, you say so yourself. Nobody's perfect. These people are just sheep. They wanna be Vampires because they're lonely, miserable, and/or bored. I don't have a choice."

"You do have a choice! Frankly, it's not a good choice, but you still got it! You're opting for mass murder here and no matter what you say, nothing's going to make that OK!"

"You think I need to justify myself to you?"

"I think this is all part of your little fantasy dream! Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do! And if those Vampires come in and start feeding, I'm gonna kill you myself!"

Travis stared at me. "You know what, Smiley? I really did miss you." As soon as he said that, I heard a car outside come to a screeching halt.

"Travis, help me stop this." He just stared at me. "Please." Nothing. I leaned over the rail. "People, listen to me! This isn't the mother-ship! This is ugly death come to pay!" Travis punched me and knocked me over the rail. I collapsed on a table.

Suddenly, the door burst open and in came Spike, followed by his buddies. Chanterelle came up to him. He met her in the middle of the stairs, sporting his game face, and ripped the choker from her neck, making her start to cry in fear. "Take them all. Save the Slayer and her friend for me."

While the Vampires launched out, I jumped up. Travis came at me with a crowbar, but I just had to grab it before it could make contact to head-butt him hard enough to knock him out. While the Vampires kept feasting, I caught sight of Drusilla at the top of the stairs. I jumped up there, passing by Spike and Chanterelle, and pulled out a stake and held it up to her. "Spike!"

He looked at me. Drusilla stared at the stake poised against her heart. "EVERYBODY STOP!" All the other Vamps stopped feeding, too.

"Good idea," I said, "Now let them all go or your girlfriend fits in an ashtray."

"Spike?" Drusilla said, frightened.

"It's gonna be alright, baby," said Spike, "LET THEM ALL GO!" All the Vamps let go of their victims, who ran out.

"Down the stairs," I commanded him. Spike backed away. I forced Drusilla ahead, knocking her into his arms. I ran out, put the stake away, and slammed the door shut.

"Uh," I could hear Spike from the other side, "where's the doorknob?"

**Oliver's POV**

Jackson, Lilly, Angel, and I meet Miley in the alley outside the Sunset Club.

Miley: Yeah, you showed up faster than a jackrabbit.

Lilly: Vampires?

Miley: They're contained. They'll get out eventually, though. We should go. We can come back when they're gone.

Jackson: Whoa, whoa. Come back?

Miley: For the body.

**Normal POV**

Travis finally woke up. "What happened?"

Spike looked at him, still holding tight to Drusilla. "We're locked in a basement."

"Miley?"

"She's not locked in a basement." Spike approached him.

Travis stood up. "Hey, I delivered."

"Yeah, I suppose you did."

"So, what about my reward?"

The 2 boys just stared at each other.

**Miley's POV**

I came back to the club to find the door broken and twisted. I looked down and saw Travis lying there. "Travis!" I ran over there and touched his dead body, crying. "Travis…"

_The next night…_

I laid a rose on Travis' grave. "I don't know what to say."

Giles was standing next to me. "You needn't say anything."

"It'd be simpler if I could just hate him. I think he wanted me to. Really, he was just scared." I wiped away a few more tears. "Nothing's simple anymore. I'm constantly trying to work it out. Who to love, who to hate, who to trust. It's like the more I know, the more confused I get."

"I believe that's called growing up."

"Does it ever get easy?"

"You mean life?" I nodded. "What do you want me to say?"

Travis suddenly rose from his grave. With no effort, whatsoever, I staked him and he burst into ashes.

I looked at Giles. "Lie to me."

Giles pulled me off. "Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguishable, and we always defeat them and save the day. Nobody ever dies and everybody lives happily ever after."

**[black out]**

"Liar."

**END EPISODE**


	8. Dark Age

Chapter 8: The Dark Age

**Normal POV**

A man in a suit, carrying a briefcase, ran up to the school and met the custodian.

"Can I help you?" asked the custodian.

"Rupert Giles! I need to see him!"

"Uh, he's our librarian. Next building over, first door on your left." The man ran off. "You're welcome."

The man stopped in his tracks when he reached the library door. He heard a moan and whirled around to see a woman come out of the shadows, her eyes flashing yellow as she revealed that she was dead and rotting. "Deirdre?"

"Hello, Philip."

Philip quickly started to back up and tripped on a curb, dropping his briefcase. He scrambled to his feet and started to pound on the library door and pull on the doorknob. It was locked. "Help! Somebody, please help!"

**Miley's POV**

(Sabrina Bryan's "Be You" is playing)

…_You just gotta be you_

_And nobody else_

_You're the original_

_And you do it so well…_

I was doing step aerobics in the library to the beat of the song.

Giles was sitting next to me, covering his ears. "Must we have this 'music' playing?"

"I'm aerobicising!" I told him, "I must have a beat!"

…_You're the star_

_It's your world_

_Everything that you do_

_So remember to be yourself_

'_Cause you gotta be you _

"Wonderful," Giles said, obviously not knowing that I could hear him, "You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears."

**Normal POV**

Deirdre finally got a hold of Philip. He trembled with fear as she began to choke him.

**Miley's POV**

I stepped down and shut off the boom box.

"Ah, very good!" Giles said, taking his hands off his ears, "The rest is silence."

**Normal POV**

Philip fell from Deirdre's grip, dead. She fell to the pavement and disintegrated into a puddle of blue liquid…which melted into Philip's body.

**Theme song**

(Theme song plays)

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Normal POV**

Giles was having a nightmare.

_He was flashing back to when he was little. He saw rituals taking place…him being a part of them. "Time to go to sleep." That's when he screamed at the sight of the demon._

Giles awoke with a start. He looked around his room. He was relieved that it'd just been a dream…but a little concerned about what it could mean (no rhyme intended).

**Lilly's POV**

Miley and I were sitting on a bench in the quad at school the next morning.

"I'm on a beach," Miley said, "but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm lying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Zac Efron's massaging my feet!"

"Ooh!" I said, impressed, "OK…I'm in Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, because I'm in a quaint little restaurant, and they don't have anywhere to put me so they have to sit me next to someone and it's Orlando Bloom!"

"What's with your whole Orlando Bloom thing? He doesn't even know you exist."

I scoffed. "Yet! But one of these days, you are going to watch the Lilly Bloom."

"Lilly Bloom?"

"I know! How cool is that?"

Oliver came up, followed by Jackson. "What are you 2 girls up to?"

"Playing a fun little game of 'Anywhere But Here,'" Miley explained.

"Ooh!" Jackson said, "Catherine Zeta-Jones at the waterslide park!"

"You never come up with anything new."

"I'm just not fickle like you 2!"

"Oh!" Oliver punched in, "Kate Beckinsale at the waterslide park!"

"Nice!" Jackson high-fived Jackson.

I rolled my eyes and looked at Miley. "Do you think Giles ever played 'Anywhere But Here' in school?" I glanced at him coming toward us.

"Are you kidding?" Oliver asked, "He lives for school! He's actually still bitter that there are only 12 grades!"

"He probably sat in math class thinking 'This could use more math,'" Miley pointed out.

"Come on," I said, glaring at them, "You don't think he ever got restless as a kid?"

"Seriously?" Jackson asked, "His diapers were tweed!" He and Oliver bust out laughing.

"I see you've had time to bond," said Miley, "As if 1 Jackson was enough." She called Giles over. "Morning," she said once he was with us, "Is that tweed?"

"What? Oh, yes. Now, look, tonight is, uh…very important." He headed inside.

"There's a shocker." Miley got up and followed him and we followed her. "So what's up tonight?"

"A medical transport is delivering the next month's supply of blood to the hospital."

"Ah, a Vampire Meals-On-Wheels," Miley commented.

"Hopefully not," said Giles, "We'll meet outside the hospital at 8:30 sharp. I'll bring the weaponry."

"And I'll bring the trail mix."

"Just don't be late."

"Have I ever let you down?"

"Should I answer that or just glare?"

Jenny came up to us as we reached the library. "Morning, England."

"Uh…" Giles started, "Good morning, Ms.…I—Jenny."

I smiled. "Feel the passion," I whispered to Oliver and Jackson, who both smiled back.

Jenny looked at me. "Lilly…"

I coughed. "Coughing, not speaking." I coughed some more.

"We still on for tomorrow?" she asked me. I nodded.

"What's tomorrow?" Jackson asked.

"I'm reviewing some computer basics for a couple students who've fallen behind," Jenny explained, "Lilly's helping out for extra credit."

Oliver giggled. "Those poor kids have to go to school on Saturday."

"9 am OK with you, Oliver?"

Oliver's smile faded and he slowly nodded.

"OK, Ashley's gonna meet us," Jenny added.

"Ooh!" Oliver said, "Did you hear that? A bonus day, plus Ashley! Mix in a little surgery and it's my best day ever."

Jenny rolled her eyes and looked at Giles. "Walk me to class?"

Giles smiled. "Pleasure."

"Look at them," Miley said as we watched them walk off.

"A twosome of cuteness," Jackson added.

"Can't you just imagine them getting together?" I asked. After a few seconds, we all looked at each other in disgust at that picture.

**Normal POV**

"Oh, thank you so much for loaning me the Forrester book," Jenny said as the 2 of them reached the classroom, "It's wonderful."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it," said Giles.

"So romantic," Jenny continued, "So evocative."

"The edition was my father's. I must have read it 20 times."

"Yeah, you know how you have to dog-ear your favorite pages so that you can get back to them?"

Giles stared at her. "What?"

"Well, I must have turned over every page, so I just started underlining all the pages I really wanted to discuss."

"U-Underline?"

"But then, of course, I spilled coffee all over it. I can't ever read it-"

"It was a first edition!" Giles whined, not believing this.

Jenny smiled, stifling a giggle. "I'm lying, Rupert. The book's fine." She took it out of her bag and held it up. "I just love to watch you squirm." She handed him the book.

Giles smiled in relief and took it. "Yes, well…I trust I gave you a good squirm."

"Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a fuddy-duddy?"

"Nobody ever seems to tell me anything else."

"Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a sexy fuddy-duddy?"

Giles stared at her. "No, I believe that part was generally left out. I can't imagine why."

"This weekend." Jenny leaned in close. "We can hang out." Before they could kiss, the bell rang and students were swarming the halls.

Giles cleared his throat. "Saturday, then."

"Right, uh, Saturday night. I'll see if I can make you squirm some more."

They looked at each other for a few more minutes before going their separate ways.

_In the library…_

Giles walked in to discover a detective and 2 police officers.

"Rupert Giles?" asked the detective.

"Yes?" Giles said, more of a follow-up question than an answer.

"Detective Winslow. You're going to have to come with me."

"Why?"

"There was a homicide on campus last night. The victim had no identification, but he was carrying a slip of paper with your name and address on it."

"My name?"

Of course, Ashley chose that moment to come in. "Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday, and now I have to read some computer book. I mean, what's the point of that? Isn't the idea of computer supposed to replace books?"

"Ashley!" Giles cut her off, "I'm a little busy right now!"

Ashley noticed the police officers. "Oh, great! Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street! I was going one way!"

"ASHLEY!"

"What?" Ashley cried, "Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! I can take a hint!" 3…2…1… "What's the hint?"

"To come back later." Ashley sighed, rolled her eyes, and left. Giles turned back to the detective. "So where'd you want me to go?"

_At the city morgue…_

Giles followed an attendant and the detective into the morgue.

"Have you had your breakfast?" asked the attendant.

"No," Giles answered.

"That was probably a good idea." The attendant pulled out the drawer holding Philip's body and pulled back the sheet. Giles just stared.

"You know him?" asked the detective.

"I did. His name's Philip Henry. He was a friend of mine in London, but I haven't spoken to him in 20 years."

"Can you think of any reason why he'd want to contact you?"

"No."

The detective lifted up the sleeve of Philip's shirt to reveal a black mark. "Do you know what it is?"

Giles continued to stare. "No, I…I don't."

**Miley's POV**

I was leaning against the wall by the hospital ER entrance, waiting on Giles impatiently. "'Don't be late.' Sweet nibblets." I pulled out my cell phone to try to call him but didn't even dial the number before the van pulled up. Out came the driver. I smiled and put my phone back in my bag. "All's well that ends with cute ER doctors, I always say." The driver left the container there and got into the van. I stopped smiling. "Since when do doctors take deliveries?" The van drove off. Then the "doctors" opened the container and one of them pulled out one of the blood pouches and started sucking on it. He was a Vampire! I raced over there and started to fight. I knocked down the first one and then the second. I got out a stake and whirled around to attack the one behind me—"Angel!"

"Miley!" Angel looked behind me. "Look out!"

I whirled around again. We started to fight and eventually dusted #1 and #2 and chased the other one off. I opened the lid on the container to check on the blood. "How'd you know about this?" I asked Angel.

"It's delivery day. Everyone knows about this." He examined with me. "Looks like they only got the one bag."

I closed it. "Do you think you can make sure the hospital gets the rest?" Angel nodded and took it. "Thanks. I'm worried about Giles. He was supposed to be here to help."

"Maybe he's late."

I stared at him. "Giles? Who counts tardiness as the 8th deadly sin?"

"Right. Go."

I ran off.

_At Giles' apartment…_

I knocked on Giles' door.

He opened the viewport and looked at me. "Miley! It's late. Are you alright?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Did you forget? Vampires, hospital, handy carryout packets of blood?"

"Oh! Sorry, were you hurt?"

"No. My feelings a little. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong! I'm just in the middle of something extremely important and, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to say 'good night' now." With that, he closed the viewport. I left.

**Normal POV**

Giles was on the phone. "Yes, I'm sorry to disturb you. I realize it's 5 in the morning over there…I'm trying to reach Deirdre Page. My name is Rupert Giles. It's terribly important." He listened for a few seconds. "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that. When did…pass away?" A few more seconds. "That recently? Oh, yes, we were friends when we were young. My condolences." He hung up and looked at a list on a piece of paper. There were 5 names on it: Thomas Scutliff, Philip Henry, Deirdre Page, Ethan Rayne, and Rupert Giles. The first 2 were crossed off and now he crossed off the third. He got up and went into the bathroom. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal the same mark that Philip had had on his own arm. He splashed some water in his face and looked in the mirror. "So…you're back."

_At the city morgue…_

Philip's eyes opened. He pulled the sheet away and pulled himself out of the drawer, his eyes glowing yellow briefly.

**[commercial break]**

A morgue attendant came into the room. He opened a storage bay, checked the tag, closed it, and kept going. He kept going, that is, until he reached Philip's tray and discovered him missing. Before he could consider what was going on, Philip came up behind him and lifted a body bag over his head, trapping him in it and knocking him into the empty storage bay before closing it and walking away.

**Oliver's POV**

Jenny leads me, Lilly, and Ashley down the hall in the school to the computer classroom.

Ashley: This isn't right. School on a Saturday. It throws off my internal clock!

Me: When are we going to need computers in real life anyway?

Jenny: Let's see…home, school, work, games.

Me: You know, computers are on the way out. Paper's gonna make a great comeback!

Lilly: And the abacus! You don't see enough abaci.

We all go into the room and the 3 of us kids sit down next to each other, each in front of a computer. Jenny goes to the front.

Jenny: Alright, guys, the first thing we're gonna do is…Miley!

Miley comes in with Jackson.

Me: (I stand up) Sit here, guys! Demilitarize the zone amid me and Ashley!

Miley: Actually…(turns to Jenny) we need to talk to you for a second.

Jenny: Something wrong?

Jackson: I tried to get an answer to that same question the whole ride over here. Some crisis that requires instant action? (makes a karate kick and slams his foot into Jenny's desk)

Miley: (sighs and rolls her eyes) It's Giles. He didn't show up when he was supposed to last night, and then, when I went over to his house, he was acting all anti-Giles. He wouldn't let me in, he looked really bad, and I think he might have been drinking.

Lilly: Uh…tea, right? (Miley shakes her head)

Jackson: I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. No one can be as clean as Uncle Earl when he chased that rolling quarter through the car wash! (we all look at him) What?

Miley: (groans) So none of you have noticed anything weird about him lately?

Lilly and Jenny shake their heads. I follow.

Jackson: I've been to busy with college.

Ashley: He seemed perfectly fine yesterday when I saw him talking to the police about a homicide. (we all stare at her) What?

**Miley's POV**

I ran into the library. I started to go into Giles office and then heard a noise coming from the stacks. I walked over to the stairs, slowly, and looked to see who was there. It was Ethan. "Hey! I remember you! You sold me that dress for Halloween and nearly got us all killed!"

"I'm pleased you remember. You look great, Hannah."

"Crazy, evil costume guy say what?"

"Oh, come on, little girl-" Before he could say any more, I punched him in the jaw. Nobody calls me little girl! "OK, that hurt. We're even now, right?"

"I'll let you know when we're even. What're you doing here?"

"Snooping around. It's one of my virtues."

"Oh, I've got a great idea: why don't I call the police right now and have them arrest you for breaking and entering so that I can get back to my Saturday?"

"Yeah, the police. They'll have all those questions they'll need Rupert to answer."

"You know Giles."

"We go back. Way back. You wouldn't happen to know where he is, do you?"

**Normal POV**

Giles was having his nightmare again.

_The tattoo on his arm…a demon…Deirdre in her rotted corpse form…eyes glowing yellow…a phone ringing…_

A phone ringing? Giles snapped awake on his desk again and fumbled to pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Giles?" Miley asked from the other end.

"Miley. Unless it's an emergency, I'll have to see you on Monday."

"What's the Mark of Eyghon?"

Giles stared blankly into space, surprised to hear those words from her.

"Giles?" Miley asked.

"Cat got his tongue?" Ethan asked her.

Miley glared at him and then went back to Giles. "I'm in your office with someone who claims to be a friend of yours. Ethan Rayne?"

"He's there with you?" Giles asked, "Listen, Miley, you're in grave danger while he's there. I want you to put the phone down and get out of the library as soon as possible."

"I'm not going anywhere until you give me some answers!" Miley demanded. Suddenly, Philip smashed through the window and into the library. Ethan stepped behind Miley and held her in front of him, making her drop the phone.

"Miley?" Giles asked. When he received no answer, he quickly hung up and ran out.

**Miley's POV**

I kicked Corpse Guy in the chest and made him roll over the counter. He just got back up again and jumped back over. "Ethan!"

Oliver, Jackson, Lilly, Ashley, and Jenny came in.

"Don't let him get away!" I cried.

Oliver and Jackson started to wrestle Corpse Guy. Ethan tried to make his way out, but Ashley knees him in the crotch, making him collapse. I ran over to Corpse Guy and went back to punching him. Eventually, the 3 of us knocked him out cold in the cage and trapped him in it.

**Oliver's POV**

Ethan is sitting at the table, Miley watching him. The rest of us watch Corpse Guy.

Lilly: I'm not gonna get close enough to feel for a pulse. He looks dead.

Jackson: Except for the walking and attacking my sister part.

Ethan: He's dead. Sorry, Philip. I really am.

Giles: (comes in) Is everyone alright?

Ashley: Super! I kicked a guy!

Me: We're OK. Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial. (I look at Philip) Been meaning to thank you for that.

Giles: (looks at Philip) It can't be.

Ethan: Yes, it can. (Ethan looks at him) Hello, Ripper.

Giles: I thought I told you to leave town.

Ethan: You did. I didn't.

Ashley: Why did he just call you "Ripper"?

Giles: (grabs Ethan by the shirt and lifts him up) You should've left when I told you to. You put these people in danger, people I care about!

Ethan: If you care so much about them, why didn't you leave town? (pushes him off) I know you've been having the dreams. I have, too. We both know what's coming.

Miley: What dreams? Giles, what's going on here?

Ethan: Tell her, Ripper.

Giles: (looks at her) Miley, I—

Suddenly, Philip wakes up and starts to pry his way out of the cage. He knocks the door open, knocking over Jenny and knocking her out.

Giles: JENNY! (goes over to help her)

Miley kicks Philip a few times, forcing him against the cage. Suddenly, he shivers and disintegrates into a puddle of blue mass. We all stare at it.

Lilly: Now there's something you don't see everyday.

Ashley: I'm gonna be in therapy until I'm 30.

Miley: (looks around) Where's Ethan?

It must be around that time, when we're all looking, the blue ooze makes its way into Jenny. Giles hears her stir and helps her up.

Giles: Jenny…

Jenny: Ow. (cradles her hand)

Giles: Careful. Are you OK? Can you stand?

Jenny: (stands up straight) I think so.

Ashley: This is what happens when you have school on Saturday. (I give her a look)

Giles: (pulls Jenny close) It's gonna be alright.

Jenny: Promise?

Giles: I promise.

Jenny: I believe you. (she hugs him and none of us notice her eyes flash yellow)

**Lilly's POV**

Giles was sitting next to Jenny at the table in the library, stroking her hair. "How's your head?"

"Throbbing," she answered.

Miley came back into the library. "I lost Ethan. Giles, what's going on?"

"It's complicated, Miley," said Giles, "And, quite frankly, it's private."

"I don't care what's private! I care that dead guys are attacking us! I care about you weekending in your apartment, completely lost and oblivious to everything else!"

"I wasn't…" Giles stood up. "I was trying to find a solution."

"Giles, share! What's the Mark of Eyghon?"

"This is not your battle! And as your Watcher, I'm telling you unequivocally to stay out it! Now, I have to get Jenny back home." Giles helped Jenny up and led her out.

Miley looked at us as soon as they were gone. "We have work to do. Lil, you find out anything you can about this."

"I'll search the 'net," I said, turning on my laptop, "but 'Mark of Eyghon' sounds like a Giles and his books sort of thing."

"Then we'll start researching," Miley said, going into the stacks to get some books. She looked over the balcony. "Oliver, Jackson, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files?"

"I feel pretty good about it," said Jackson, getting up from his chair, "Does that make me evil?" He thought about it and shook his head, smiling. "Nah. Come on, Oliver." Oliver stood up, too, and followed him.

Ashley hopped off the counter. "What about me? I care about Giles."

"Uh…" Miley thought it over. "Work with the guys."

Ashley's smile disappeared. "Uh, when I say 'care'…"

"ASHLEY!"

"OK, OK!"

**Normal POV**

Giles helped Jenny relax on the couch and gave her a cup of hot chocolate.

"Thanks for bringing me here," said Jenny, "Not quite ready to be home alone yet."

"Look, Jenny…I'm so sorry about all of this. I never for you to be involved in all this."

"So I got involved. That's what happens when 2 people get involved."

Giles smiled. He started to move to kiss her, but stopped himself. "However, I really am going to have to get you home. I'm not a very safe person to be around at the moment."

"Nothing's safe in this world, Rupert. Don't you know that by now?"

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly: AHA! It's not Egyptian, it's Etruscan! (goes over to Miley with her book) It's just mistaken for Egyptian because of the design, but any idiot could see that it predates their iconology. (sees Miley looking at her) Anyway, the Mark of Eyghon is only worn by his initiates. "Eyghon, the Sleepwalker, can only exist in this reality by possessing a dead or unconscious host. Temporary possession imbues the host with a euphoric feeling of power."

Miley: What about non-temporary?

Lilly: Uh…"Unless the proper rituals are performed, the possession will be permanent and Eyghon will be born from within the host."

Ashley: I'm guessing ew!

Lilly: Wait, listen. "Once called, Eyghon can take possession of the dead, but it's demonic energy soon disintegrates the body and must jump to the nearest dead or unconscious body to continue living."

Jackson: But the dead guy's all puddle now. Does that mean the demon's gone? I mean, there was no dead to jump into.

Me: No dead, but someone unconscious.

**Normal POV**

While Giles was in the kitchen, Jenny yanked the phone cord from the wall.

"What was that?" asked Giles.

"What was what?"

"I thought I heard something." Giles came out of the kitchen.

"I didn't."

"Alright." He sat down next to her. "A few more minutes and I can take you home."

"You could take me home…or you could stay here and take advantage of me for a while."

Giles was caught off-guard. "Uh, Jenny…I am quite attracted to you…but now really isn't the time."

"There's never been a better time. You just don't change, do you? 'It's not right.' 'It wouldn't be proper.' 'Someone could get hurt.' You're like a woman, Ripper. You cry at every funeral. You never had the strength for me. You don't deserve me. But guess what? You've got me." Then her voice got deeper. "Under your skin." She knocked him over the couch and onto the floor behind it. When he got up, her face had turned into Eyghon's. "Was it good for you?" She slammed him into the wall. "You never had the stomach. But that's OK, because I'm about to rip it out!" She leaned in to attack, but was knocked back by Miley.

"Back off!" Miley yelled.

Eyghon just laughed. "3 down, 2 to go. See you around." It jumped out the window.

Miley looked at Giles. "You OK?"

"It...It got Jenny! Oh, what have I done."

"Giles! We're gonna take care of this. In the meantime...care to share?"

"This is different!" He looked at her. "I created it."

**Miley's POV**

"I was 21," Giles explained to me as we sat on his couch, "I was studying history at Oxford and, of course, the occult by night. I hated it. I dropped out. I went to London...and fell in with the worst crowd that would have me. We practiced magic, small things for pleasure or gain...until Ethan and I discovered something bigger. Eyghon. One of us would go into a deep sleep and the others would summon him. We were such fools. One of us, Randall, he lost control. Eyghon took him completely. We tried to exorcise the demon, but it killed him. We thought we were free of the demon after that, but now he's back to kill us all one by one."

"Then it's after Ethan." I got up. "I better beat it there."

"Miley, I don't know how to stop it without killing Jenny."

"The others are working on it. I'll just try to contain it until we can figure something out." I started to leave.

"Miley?" I turned to face him. "I'm sorry."

I half-smiled. "I know." I left.

_At Ethan's..._

I peeked through the door and looked around. "Hello?" I walked in. "Ethan?" I closed the door. "Giles told me everything. It's coming for you."

"And you came to protect me?" I turned to face him. He was just standing behind me. "I'm touched."

"Don't worry, it's nothing personal. To protect Giles, I have to protect you."

"Well, he'll find us. The mark is like a homing beacon."

"It's OK. I'm not that into running. We'll have to just hide until the coast is clear. Is there a back way in?"

"The back door, but it's locked. Sealed shut."

"Good. We'll set up there."

"Oh no, please." He gestured that I should go first. I scoffed and did so...only to be knocked in the head. "Ladies first."

**Normal POV**

Quite some ways away, someone was watching every one of these events through a crystal ball. "Hmm..." The person was obviously a girl. "Time to shake things up a little." She picked up a bag and poured several glowing rocks on the floor: 3 green, 2 purple, and 1 red. She picked up a green. "3 lifelines. 3 of transformation, 2 of memory recreation, and 1 of rewind. Let's see..." She looked through the crystal ball to see Ethan laying Miley's unconscious body on a table. "Oh, yes, the rope that she cuts through with a loose nail...how about this?" She laid the rock in front of the crystal ball and chanted a little. The rock's glow faded until it was a normal gray rock...and the rope in the back room of Ethan's store shimmered and turned into a pair of handcuffs.

**[commercial break goes here]**

**Miley's POV**

I felt myself coming back into consciousness. I looked around as my vision came back into focus to see that I was face-down on the table in Ethan's backroom and my wrists were tied beneath it.

"Wakey, wakey," Ethan said, "You're missing all the fun."

"What fun?"

"Your initiation." Ethan dropped a tray on the table...a tray loaded with tattoo instruments. I instantly realized what he was up to.

"I'm not interested in joining your little club." I started struggling with the ropes, hoping my strength could pry through them, but they were metal handcuffs and I'd been drugged.

"Oh, come on, Hannah, you're all into saving people. Think of it this way: you're giving your life for me by making the demon take you in my place."

"I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow it?"

Ethan smirked and picked up a needle. "OK, this may sting a little, but that'll get better when the searing pain kicks in. You can scream if you like."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly: We need to figure out how to kill this thing and we need to do it fast. (sips some tea)

Jackson: Hot lava!

Lilly: That's a heretic.

Me: Ooh, bury a potato! No, wait, that's for warts. Who writes this stuff?

Ashley: I got it! "The for sure way to kill a demon is to cut off its head."

Me: Oh, sure. We just find Ms. Calendar and decapitate her. She'll be the first headless computer teacher in the school! Do you think anyone will notice?

Ashley: (slams her book on the table) Do you know what you need besides a decent girlfriend, Oken? A brain!

Me: That's it! (I stand up) 12 years of you and I'm snapping! I don't care that you're a girl, I'm tossing you down!

Ashley: (stands up, too) I've seen you fight! And don't think I can't take you!

Lilly: (slams her book down and stand up) WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! Our friends are in trouble! We have to put our heads together and get them out of it! So you 2 need to get along!

Jackson smiles and nods.

Lilly: And Jackson, wipe that grin off your face!

He does.

Lilly: And if you 3 aren't all with me 110% then get out my library!

Jackson: (sighs) I'm in.

Ashley: We're sorry.

Me: We'll be good.

Lilly: (sits back down, as do Ashley and I) OK, we've done all the research, we just need to figure out how to use it.

Me: Oh, hey! Why don't just get another dead body for the demon to jump into!

Ashley: Oh, yeah! We could lure it to the cemetery-

Lilly: That won't kill the demon. While it will get it out of Ms. Calendar, it will only give the demon a change of scenery. (_DING!_) Hey! I got it! I GOT IT! (jumps up and runs for the phone)

Jackson: She's good.

**Miley's POV**

Ethan stopped "working". "It appears I've missed my calling as an artist.

"Ethan, listen to me!" I said, "This is a bad idea! You're dealing with something very dangerous!"

"Maybe, but at least I've got Eyghon off my scent," he said. He picked up a bottle of sulfuric acid. I, naturally, gasped. "Relax. I'm finished with you. This is for me." I looked away and saw the my feet's restraints were loose. I instantly started inching my foot out of the chains and toward the floor, where Ethan had left the key to the handcuffs "out of my reach". If I could get my foot out and reach the key, I could probably get it to my hands and undo my restraints. I started my plan, ignoring Ethan's cries as he poured the acid on his mark.

**Normal POV**

Giles was sitting on his couch, moping, when, suddenly, he was grabbed by the visions and knocked onto the floor. He saw flashes of Ethan and the mark. "Ethan..." Finally, it ended with Miley and her condition. "No...NO!" He raced out of the apartment and for Ethan's shop.

**Miley's POV**

Ethan finished wrapping his arm in a bandage. "Well, I hate to mutilate and run, but..." He trailed off when he saw the back door-which he'd claimed had been locked, I might add-rattling.

I turned just in time to see the door explode and reveal Jenny/Eyghon. "It's your time, Ethan."

I finally released my foot. I kicked Eyghon away with my free foot and started inching the key towards me. As soon as I got the key close to me, it slid out of my grip. "Sweet nibblets!" Before I could try again, Eyghon came up on me, ripping the table in 2 and slipping me off of it but leaving the handcuffs around my wrists.

But then Giles came up to the door. "Eyghon!" It looked at him. "Take me!"

"Giles, no!" I cried as Eyghon's eyes flashed. But I was still tied. Eyghon threw me aside and went for Giles.

Eyghon pinned him to the wall. "I've been waiting a long time for this." But, before she could get to Giles, Angel ran in. He bashed her into the wall and started to choke her.

Lilly, Oliver, Jackson, and Ashley ran in.

"He's killing her!" Giles yelled.

Lilly stopped him. "No, trust me! This is gonna work!"

Oliver ran over to help me. "Where's the key?"

"I don't know!" I said.

Oliver looked around. Ethan was gone. He finally found the key...jammed in a loose floorboard. He went for it...

**Normal POV**

The girl zapped the crystal ball.

**Miley's POV**

...and Eyghon pried out of Angel's grip long enough to kick the table into Oliver's gut and knock him out against the wall. Angel went back to attacking Eyghon as Jackson ran to help me. But before Jackson could get very far, Jenny returned and Angel jumped back into the wall. Giles raced to Jenny's side, apparently not noticing Angel's plight: his body was being knocked around the floor as his 2 demons fought it out inside it. Suddenly, he fell to the floor and Eyghon came out. Then Eyghon leaped out of his body in full form. We all looked at the huge fearful demon for a second since it was obviously too powerful for anyone besides me and Angel to fight and I was tied and he was weakened.

Eyghon looked at me. "You're...not...her..." Then, without a body to occupy, he crumbled to ashes.

**Normal POV**

The girl screamed and kicked the table, almost knocking off the crystal ball. "I just can't kill her, can I?" She groaned, got up from her chair, and kicked it, knocking it to the ground and bashing it into splinters. Then she calmed down. "At least I've still got the end of year 5."

**Oliver's POV**

I had come to in time to see Eyghon, but now I am wrestling myself out from under the table.

Me: I got the key! I got the key!

I run to help Miley out of her handcuffs and she immediately runs for Angel.

Giles: Jenny... (helps her up)

Jenny: Rupert... (she hands on to his body, almost fatally weak)

Miley: (to Angel) You knew the demon was going to go for the nearest dead body once it was in danger.

Angel: So I put it in danger.

Lilly: And it jumped.

Angel: (Miley helps him up) But I've had a demon inside me for the past 200 years. It was just waiting for a good fight.

Miley: Winner and still champion.

Jackson: Uh...I think Ethan disappeared again.

Miley: Oh, mud crunkies. And I so wanted to hit him. Did you know he knew I was Hannah?

Lilly: You're kidding!

Ashley: Well, at least it's over. And this whole thing proves my point, which stands to reason: NO GOOD CAN COME FROM SCHOOL ON SATURDAY!

**Lilly's POV**

At school on Monday, the 4 of us were walking across the quad.

"You know what the worst part is?" asked Miley, "I can't wear any accessories on my wrist for the next week because they're still sore _and_ I was saving up for some new shoes, money which I now have to blow by getting this stupid tattoo removed before my dad sees it."

Jackson smirked again.

"Wipe that grin off your face!"

Jackson looked at her. "No wonder you and Lilly are best friends. You have _everything _in common!"

Oliver smiled and looked at me. "You know, putting that demon into Angel was pretty brave. _And_ clever."

"You know, I wasn't sure it was going to work," I said, inside storing his compliment in my heart forever.

"But it did," said Miley.

"Like a charm," said Jackson. He looked at his watch. "Well, back to college." And off he ran.

Miley looked at me. "You know, maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher."

"I don't think I could handle it," I said, "I don't know how Giles _exists._"

"Well, I don't think he has a choice," said Miley. She looked across the quad to see him walking into the building. She smiled. "But we're still lucky to have him."

**Normal POV**

Giles ran up to Jenny. "Jenny!"

She faced him. "Rupert. Hi."

"Uh, I tried to call you last night to see how you were."

"Yeah, I left my phone off the hook. I seem to need a lot of sleep lately. But I'm fine. Well, not running in the hills, wind in my hair, 'hills are alive with the sound of music' fine, but I'm coping."

"Well, I'd like to help."

"I know," said Jenny.

"Perhaps we could go out some time?"

"Yeah. Sure. Sometime." She walked off.

**Miley's POV**

I walked up to Giles as Jenny walked off. "Is she OK?"

"The hills are not alive."

Watcher say what? "I'm sorry to hear that...I think."

"I don't think she'll ever forgive me. I never wanted you to see that side of me."

"Don't worry, I know what'll cheer you up. We still have training in 5." I took a CD out of my bag. "Brought some music for it. Come on, say it. You know you want to."

"It's not music, it's just noise."

"There we go." I put up the CD. "Come on." I led him into the library.

"Led Zeppelin. Now that's music."

"I didn't hear that!"

**END EPISODE**


	9. What's My Line? 1

Chapter 9: What's My Line? pt. 1

**Oliver's POV**

Miley, Lilly, and I are at a table at school together, taking an aptitude test.

Me: "Are you a people person or do you prefer keeping your own company?" Well, what if I'm a people person who keeps his own company by default?

Miley: So mark "none of the above".

Me: There is no "none of the above"! That would introduce too many variables in their number-crunching mushroom heads.

Lilly: I'm sensing bitterness.

Me: No, it's just that…people can't tell from one personality quiz what we're gonna end up as for the rest of our lives. It's ridiculous!

Lilly: I'm actually excited to find out what career I might have.

Me: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark. (I slam my pencil on the table)

Lilly: You're not gonna be young forever.

Me: No, but I will always remain on the stupid side. (I look at the girls) OK, let's not rush to disagree.

Miley: You're not stupid.

I give her a sarcastic grin, then look up when I hear Amber and Ashley going by with their tests.

Amber: Do I aspire to help my fellow man? Duh! Cosmetics! (marks her paper)

Ashley: Ditto. As long as my men aren't boring, dumb, or something gross.

Me: Amber Addison and Ashley DeWitt, always ready to give a helping hand to the rich and beautiful.

Ashley: Which, lucky for us, excludes you…

Both: Twice! Ooh! (locks fingers) Ss…

I have no comeback, so they walk away.

Me: Is murder always a crime?

Miley: (sets down her pencil and groans) I shouldn't even be taking this test anyway. No matter what it says, we all know my future is set in stone.

Me: Twice over. High risk both times…sub-minimum wage/coolest job ever…

Miley: Wigs and pointy wooden things… I wouldn't even be bothering with this if it weren't for old Snyder. This is his hoop of the week and I'm not staying in school unless I'm jumping.

Lilly: You're not even a teensy bit curious about what kind of job you could've had?

Miley: Lilly, do the words "sealed in fate" mean anything to you?

Me: You know, with that attitude, you could have a bright future at the DMV.

Miley: Sure, as soon as Hell freezes over and all the Vampires retreat. I'd say my future is pretty much a non-issue.

**Normal POV**

Drusilla was looking through some tarot cards.

Spike paced behind her.

Another Vamp was translating the book they'd stolen from Giles' library. "Looks like…'deprimere…ille bubula…linter."

Spike held up a dictionary and leafed through it. "Debase…the beef…canoe." The Vamp gave him a nervous, idiotic smile. Spike punched him in the face. "Now why does that sound not right?"

"Spike?" Drusilla said, "Come dance?"

"NOT NOW!" Spike yelled, "Give us some peace, would you? Can't you see I'm working?"

Drusilla sniffed and stood up from her chair, starting to pout and whine like a little puppy.

Spike went over to her. "I'm sorry, kitten. It's this manuscript. It's supposed to hold your cure, but it's speaking gibberish. Even Dalton here, who's supposed to be the big brains, can't make heads or tails out of it."

Drusilla looked at him. "I need to go change Miss Edith." She started to leave.

Spike stopped her. "Forgive me! You know I can't stand to see you like this. We're running out of time! It's the Slayer! Every time I turn around, she's messing something up."

Drusilla smiled at him. "Shush, pet…you'll make it alright."

Spike leaned in to kiss her and then went back to Dalton. "Alright, enlighten me."

"Well, it looks like Latin, but I'm pretty sure it's not. I don't even think it's a language!"

"THEN MAKE IT A LANGUAGE!" Spike yelled, "Isn't that what a transcriber does?" He grabbed Dalton by the shirt and hoisted him up. "You know, some people find pain very inspirational."

Drusilla looked at her cards. "Spike…" Spike looked at her and she looked at him. "He can't help you. Not without…" She pointed at the card. "…the key."

"Key?" Spike dropped Dalton back on the chair. "The book's in some kind of code?" He went over to Drusilla and looked at the card with a mausoleum on it. "Is that where we'll find this key?" Drusilla nodded. "Great! I'll send the boys pronto!"

"Now can we dance?"

"Oh, I'll dance with you, kitten." He picked up bridal-style. "On the Slayer's grave!" He started spinning her around the room.

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

I walked through the graveyard that night on patrol and came to a mausoleum…who'd left their lights on. I peeked through the open door to see what that was about and saw a Vampire prying through one of the coffins. I slowly and quietly shut the door, walked back down the steps, and faced the door, waiting for him to come out. Finally, he came out with something wrapped in a cloth. "Does 'rest in peace' have no sanctity among you people?" I asked, startling him and making him turn to face me, "Oh, wait, I forgot, you're not a people." Suddenly, another Vampire jumped me from behind. I flipped him onto a gravestone and kicked him in the gut before staking him. "One down…" I turned around and looked around to see that the other Vamp had disappeared.. "…one gone." I sighed and left.

_A half hour later…_

I climbed onto the balcony outside my room and opened my doors.

Angel was on my bed, holding my teddy bear. Upon hearing the doors open, he jumped up. "Miley. You scared me."

"Now you know what that feels like." I dropped my bag on the floor. "Come for some quality time with Beary?"

"Huh?"

"The bear."

"Beary the bear?"

"I was 3. And I'm not changing his name now, that would just confuse him!"

Angel smiled. "Right." He put Beary back on the pillow. "So, uh…"

"Angel, you don't have to whisper. Dad's visiting Mamma in Tennessee."

"Then why'd you climb in through the window?"

"Habit."

"I just wanted to see if you were OK. I have a bad feeling."

I threw my hand in the air. "There's a surprise. Angel comes with bad news." He sighed and turned away. I caught myself and sighed. "I'm sorry. I've been…cranky all day. We're having this thing at school—"

"Career week?"

"How'd you know?"

"I lurk."

"Right. Then you should know it's a whole week of 'What's My Line?' and I don't get to play. Sometimes…" I trailed off.

"What is it?"

I looked at the mirror on my makeup table.

"It's OK…"

Angel wasn't in the reflection, just me.

"You can tell me."

I sighed again. "The Cliff Notes version? I wish I could have a normal life. That's why I came up with Hannah Montana in the first place, so I could live a normal life. And I still don't get to have one! I just want everything to be the way it was before—"

"Before me?"

I shook my head and took his hand. "No, Angel. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that actually makes sense. It's just…when we moved here, I just wanted things to be different, and I got more than I asked for. And things get messed up so much…I just wish we could all be regular kids."

Angel scoffed. "Yeah, right. I'll never be a kid." He got up from the bed and started walking around the room.

"OK…then a regular kid and her cradle-robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend."

Angel looked at me and smiled.

I couldn't help but laugh back.

Angel looked at the pictures on the makeup table. There was the family picture of me, Dad, Mom, and Jackson; the picture of me, Lilly, and Oliver (and a slight glimpse of Jackson); and a picture of me riding Blue Jeans. Angel picked up my Blue Jeans picture. "This part of your country life?"

I smiled. "Blue Jeans." He looked at me. "My horse." I got up from my bed. "I kind of miss that guy. He was pretty much my best friend on the farm in Tennessee. I rode on him everyday, I did my best thinking riding on him. We grew up together. It's like we have some sort of psychic connection. He was my escape when Mom got sick."

Angel sensed that my mentioning Mom was making me a little sad and he put his arm around me. "Better?"

"A little."

"So when was the last time you step in the saddle?"

"A couple hundred demons ago."

"Well, there's a stable out past Route 17 and the hands are gone on Tuesday nights."

I looked at him and smiled. "Tomorrow's Tuesday."

He smiled back. "I know."

**Oliver's POV**

The next morning, I walk up to the board that had the test results in time to see Ashley reading her result on the A-D list.

Ashley: "Personal shopper or motivational speaker."

Me: "Motivational speaker"? On what? "10 ways to a more annoying you"?

Ashley: (scoffs and flips through the M-P list) Why don't we see what you… (stops flipping and starts laughing her head off)

Ashley is almost doubling over with laughter and has to walk away.

Me: What?

I instantly start flipping back to the page with my results.

**Lilly's POV**

"You and Angel?" I asked Miley as we walked through the quad, "Horseback-riding? Alone?"

"Unless something pops up. But I'm in full 'see-no-evil' mode."

"Angel and horses…"

"I know, talk about the best of both worlds."

I laughed.

Oliver ran up to us. "Would you 2 say you know me better than anyone else? Maybe even better than I know myself?"

"What's this about?" I asked.

"When you look at me…do think 'prison guard'?"

Both of us started stifling our laughter and having a hard time with it.

"Uh…" Miley said, "Crossing guard, maybe, but prison warden…well, at least you're on the right side of the bars."

"Ha, ha, ha," Oliver said, sarcastically, "Laugh now, missy. But they happened to have assigned you to 'singer' and 'law enforcement professionals'."

Miley stopped walking, staring at the ground ahead of us. "Law enforcement. As in police?"

"As in polyester, doughnuts, and brutality."

Miley groaned and kept walking.

"But…doughnuts!" I added.

"Well, I'll jump off that bridge when I come to it," Miley said. She then noticed Giles walking through the halls to the library and just barely avoiding knocking over the stack of books he was struggling to carry. "Guess I better go deal with Giles first." She walked off. "Police?"

I looked at Oliver. "You didn't happen to check to see what seminar I was assigned to, did you?"

"I did and you weren't."

"I wasn't on the list? But I handed it in! I used a number 2 pencil!"

"Your name wasn't up there, Lil." Oliver walked off.

I stared after him, confused, and then went to check the board.

**Miley's POV**

I came into the library just in time to see Giles carefully lay the stack of books on the table. As soon as he turned away, it started to topple over. I raced over there and pushed the books back into place.

Giles looked at me and realized what had happened. "Ah, Miley. Thank you. I have been indexing the Watcher diaries over the past few centuries and I must say that many of them were surprisingly pompous and numbingly long-winded."

"Color me stunned," I said, sarcastically.

"I trust last night's patrol went well?"

"Until one out of 2 Vamps stole something from a jumbo mausoleum. Had tools, flashlights, whole enchilada." I then noticed Giles pacing. "You're in pace mode, what's up?"

"This Vampire that escaped…did you see what he took?"

"No, but I'll take a wild guess and say it was something old. Figured it was everyday Vamp hijinks."

"What if it wasn't? It could be something serious! If you had made an effort to be more thorough in your observations—"

"Giles! Calm down! I've heard the phrase 'have a cow' but you're about to have the whole barn! And, you know, if you don't like the way I do my job, maybe you should hire someone else. Oh, wait, there is no one else! Not as long as I'm alive!" I sat down. "Hey, there's a good decision: no life or dead. Wouldn't be much of a change if I were dead. Either way, I'm bored, constricted, never get to shop, and my hair and fingernails still continue to grow. So, really, when you think about it, what's the difference?"

"Miley! Our main concern right now is figuring out what it is that Vampire stole!"

**Normal POV**

Drusilla lay in her bed. Spike had just presented her with a golden cross held on a velvet pillow with gold tassels.

"This is it then?" Spike asked her.

"It hums. I can hear it."

"Once you're well again, we'll have a coronation down Main Street, invite everyone, and feast for 7 nights."

Dalton came up behind them. "What about the Slayer? She almost blew the whole thing for us. She's trouble."

Spike whirled around to angrily face him. "You DON'T say?" He turned back to Drusilla. "We've gotta do something. We'll never cure you with her breathing down our necks." He snapped his fingers. "I'll bring in the big guns. That ought to take care of her."

"'Big guns'?" asked Dalton.

Drusilla laid out 3 tarot cards. One was a Cyclops, one was a centipede, and one was a panther.

Spike smiled. "The Order of Taraka."

"The bounty hunters?" Dalton cried.

"They're coming to my party," said Drusilla, "3 of them."

"Yes, but…the Order of Taraka…" Dalton said, "Isn't that kind of overkill?"

"No," said Spike, "I think it's just-enough-kill."

**Lilly's POV**

I moped through the school halls the next morning.

"Lillian Truscott?"

I turned around and saw 2 guys in dark suits. "Uh…y-yeah?"

"Come with us." They pulled me off and into a curtained-off area of the lounge.

I looked at them. "What is all this?"

"You been selected to meet with Mr. McCarthy, the recruiter for the world's leading software concern. His flight was delayed but he should be here any minute." He gestured for me to sit down on the couch.

I did. "But I didn't even get my test back."

"The test was irrelevant. We've been tracking you for some time."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I would think so. We're extremely selective. Only one other student passed our test." Without another word, they both left.

I stared after them, confused, then turned around in my seat and saw a blonde boy with spiky hair devouring a tray of shrimp cocktail.

He looked at me for a second, then suddenly did a double take. He stared at me for a few seconds, looking me up and down, and then held out the tray for me. "Shrimp?"

**Miley's POV**

Giles and I walked through the graveyard entrance. Of course, I was several paces ahead of him.

"Miley, slow down!" he called.

"Giles, we have work to do. Get with the program."

"You're behaving rather immaturely," he said, finally catching up and panting every few words.

"Because I _am_ immature! I'm a teen! I have yet to mature!"

"I was…" Pant. "simply offering…" Pant. "some…" Pant. "constructive criticism!" Pant.

"No, you weren't! You were harsh! You're acting like I picked this gig. The gig I picked was Hannah; for the Slayer, I was the picked!"

"What you have…" Pant. "on the Slayer side of your life…" Pant. "is more than…" Pant. "a gig." Pant. "It's a sacred duty…" Pant. "which…" Pant. "shouldn't prevent you from…" Pant. "securing some form of…" Pant. "gainful employment. Like I did."

"Giles, a Watcher and a librarian go together like bacon and eggs. If someone asks you to spend all your days with books, you don't blink an eye! What am I supposed to do juggling 3 lives?"

Giles finally caught his breath. "Well, I guess that…what I meant was…I suppose what I'm trying to say is…have you ever considered a career in law enforcement?"

I glared at him for a few seconds, then groaned and pointed at the mausoleum.

"What? Oh, yes!" Giles ran off. I followed him into the chamber where he turned on his flashlight and examined the part of the wall that the Vamp had broken into. "This is a reliquary. Used to house items of a religious significance." He shined the light at the name on the crypt. "DuLac. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."

"I hate when you say that."

"Josephus DuLac belonged to a religious sect that was excommunicated by the Vatican at the turn of the century and sent here to Malibu to be buried here." He turned back to me, turning off his flashlight. "You remember the book that was stolen from the library a few weeks ago?" I nodded. "It was written by DuLac. In all that's been going on, it slipped my mind."

"And I'm guessing it wasn't a 'Taste of the Vatican' cookbook."

"No. The book was said to contain horrible spells and rituals of unspeakable evil that would reap absolute terror. However, it was written in archaic Latin so that only the sect members could understand it." He started out the mausoleum.

I followed him. "So everything's cool then."

"No, it's not. First, the book was stolen, and now, something of DuLac's was stolen from his tomb."

"You don't think the Vamps found a way to read the book."

"Something's coming, Miley. And whatever it is, I can guarantee it's not good."

**Normal POV**

A plane landed at the airport.

A guy walked into the cargo bay for an inspection. He looked around and finally noticed… "Hey! You're not supposed to be in here!" Someone kicked him in the face, knocking him back.

A blonde girl of about Miley's age emerged from the plane and ran off.

**Oliver's POV**

Giles, Miley, Jackson, Lilly, and I are collected in the library.

Lilly: So Giles is sure that the Vampire who stole the book is connected to the one Miley slayed last night? Or is it slew?

Giles: Both are correct. And yes, I'm sure. DuLac was both a theologian and a mathematician. I recently read about an invention of his that he called "the DuLac cross." The cross was more than a mere symbol, it was used to understand certain texts, decipher certain symbols and so on.

Miley: So you're saying these Vamps went to all this trouble for your basic decoder ring?

Giles: I suppose so.

Lilly: (reading) According to this, DuLac destroyed every cross except the one that was buried with him. Why destroy your own work?

Giles: Perhaps he feared what would happen if it fell into the wrong hands.

Jackson: A fear we will soon get to experience up close and personal.

Giles: Unless we can preempt their plans by discovering what's in that book before they do. Which means we can expect to be here later tonight.

Lilly: Oh, goody! Research party!

Me: Lil, you need a life in the worst way possible. (she smacks me)

Miley: (gathering her stuff) Speaking of, I really have to bail. But I promise I'll be up bright and early tomorrow morning and ready to slay.

Giles: This is a matter of urgency, Miley.

Miley: And I realize that. But, you have to admit, Jackson and I both kind of lack in the book area—one less than the other. (Jackson looks at her) I mean, you and Lilly are the brains of the operation anyway. The 2 of us and Oliver would just be here for moral support.

Me: Yeah, but it's more fun with all of us. Hey! Here's an idea: you get us some snacks!

Miley looks at Lilly and mouths "help me."

Lilly: Uh…maybe Miley should go! You know, gather up her strength! Big battle ahead.

Giles: Yes, I suppose you're right, Lilly. Very well, Miley, you can go.

Miley runs off without wasting another second.

Jackson: But Donettes are a vital part of my thinking process!

Miley: Sorry, Jackson, I gotta bail! (leaves)

**Miley's POV**

By sunrise, I was at the stable, picking out a horse. As soon as the stable hands left, I jumped over the fence and went to saddle up the cinnamon-brown pony I finally picked. I put on the blanket, saddle, and straps. I then got my own helmet and pads and jumped on. Just after sunset, I kicked off. The horse started to trot along the path under the darkened sky that was slowly lighting up with the moon and stars. I was so alive in the saddle that I finally just started going around in circles in the ring…not noticing the deformed figure hiding in the shadows…

**[commercial break]**

I kept riding the horse, smiling widely. I was so happy even if Blue Jeans was mine. I would always miss that little guy…or big guy. Finally, I decided to go a little faster…and the horse kicked me off against the railing and trotted back to his stable. I recovered from the fall and stared after him. I shrugged. "Guess he wanted to go to bed." As I started to get up, someone grabbed me from behind. I whirled around and punched him, but he didn't seem to take the hit too hard. I wasn't that surprised considering he had one eyes and dozens of scars on his face alone. "Uh oh." Before I could make another move, he grabbed me by the throat and pinned me to the rail.

"MILEY!" Angel came up in his game face and knocked the Cyclops off me. He started to fight him, but clearly wasn't enough alone.

Still recovering from my falls, I got an idea. I ran to the stable. "Come on, boy! I need you here!" I grabbed the horse's reins and led him back to the ring. Just when Angel was about to fall, I let the horse loose and he ran at the Cyclops, knocking him down. I took the reins off the horse and tied them around the Cyclops' neck, strangling him until he finally collapsed, dead. The horse ran back to his stable again.

**Normal POV**

Drusilla turned over the Cyclops tarot card. "He's passing under our feet right now."

Spike came up to her. "No worries. We're close to decoding the manuscript. All we need is a little more time."

"Time is ours. It brings the Slayer closer to them."

**Miley's POV**

I started massaging my neck as Angel examined the body. "The Hell-Mouth presents: Dead Guy in Horse Valley."

Angel held up the guy's ring. "You're in trouble. Do you know what this ring means?"

"Misty and I just killed a rodeo champ?"

"I'm serious! You should go home and wait till you hear from me."

I stopped him from walking off and looked at him closer. "Are you OK? You're hurt…" I started to touch the cut above his eye, but he pushed my hand away.

"Forget about me, Miley. This is bad. We need to get you out of here?"

"What do you mean? Hide?"

"Look, we need to get you someplace safe!"

"What about you?" I reached up to him again, but he shook me off. "Don't be a baby, I'm not gonna hurt you."

"It's not that, I… You shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this."

I then realized he was still in Vamp mode. "Oh." I took his hand with one hand and his shoulder with the other. "I didn't even notice." We leaned in until finally we were kissing. Somehow, in my mind, all the world just seemed to fade away…

**Normal POV**

Not far away from the entrance, the blonde girl from the airport looked over at them. Angel still in his game face, she knew something was up with these 2. She walked away.

**Oliver's POV**

The next morning, Giles investigates the strange ring under a magnifying lamp.

Miley: This guy was hardcore, Giles. And Angel was all power-freaked about this ring.

Giles: I'm afraid he was not overreacting. This ring is only worn by members of the Order of Taraka, the most deadly breed of assassins, a society dating back to King Solomon.

Miley: So, why are they after me?

Lilly: 'Cause you're the scourge against the Underworld?

Miley: I haven't been that scourge-y lately!

Giles: I suppose the best thing we can do is…find a secure location, somewhere out of the way, and go there until we can decide the best course of action.

Miley: Alright, now you and Angel are both saying to head for the hills. What's going on? Why can't I face these guys?

Giles: They're a breed apart, Miley. Unlike Vampires, they have no earthly desires other than to find their target…and eliminate it…no matter who gets in the way. You can kill as many as you like, but they'll just keep coming. Where there's one, there's gonna be another and another and another and nothing will make any difference. They won't stop coming until the job is done. Each one works alone, his own way. Some are human…but some are not. And the worst part is…you're never gonna know who they are until they strike.

**Miley's POV**

I walked through the halls of the school, trying to be as aware of my surroundings as possible. Suddenly, a kid slammed his locker door shut, making me jump at the sound. I kept going, getting a few glances before finally quickening my pace. Out of the blue, someone came up behind me. I grabbed his hand and pinned him against the wall. "Try it!"

The spiky-haired blonde boy looked back at me. "What?"

"Oh!" I let go. "I'm so sorry, I—"

"I still don't get what I'm supposed to try."

"No! Don't worry about it, I had you confused with someone else. I…" I stared at him for a few more seconds and then walked off.

I could just barely hear him say "That is a tense person."

**Lilly's POV**

I kept going through a book as Giles cleaned his glasses and Oliver searched another book. "I wish there was more we could do."

"We're doing all we can do," said Giles, "The only course of action we have right now is trying to figure out what was in that stolen book."

"It's just… I've never seen Miley like that. She just took off."

Jackson walked in, hanging up his cell phone. "Well, she didn't go home. I let our phone ring a few hundred times before I remembered that Dad's out of town. And Miley's cell instantly went to voicemail, so it must be off or dead."

"Maybe she unplugged the house phone," suggested Giles.

Jackson laughed. "Yeah, right! It's a statistical improbability for a 16-year-old girl to be able to unplug a real phone."

Oliver and I nodded.

Giles sighed. "I suppose she took my words of caution a little too alarmingly."

"You think?" I asked, heavy with sarcasm.

"Well, it's good that she took you seriously," Oliver said, "We know that she's safe. But I just wish we knew where she was safe."

**Miley's POV**

I walked into Angel's apartment and looked around. He wasn't in there. I walked over to his bed and laid down on it, letting a few tears drop on the pillow before slowly drifting off to sleep and dreaming about him and me kissing at the stables…

**Angel's POV**

I walked into the local snitch's bar.

"We're closed! Can't you read the sign?"

I walked into the light so Willy could see who I was.

"Angel! Whoa, didn't really recognize you in the dark there. What can I do for you this fine night?"

"I need some information."

"No thanks, man. I'm off that route. I'm traveling the straight and narrow now."

"Yeah, and I'm taking up sunbathing." I started to approach him. That ought to intimidate him.

"Listen, man, I treat you Vamps good! I don't hassle you, you don't hassle me, we all enjoy the patronage of the establishment, and everybody wins!"

"Who sent them?"

"Who?"

"The Order of Taraka."

"Guess I'm out of the loop."

"Let me try again. The Order of Taraka is after the Slayer." I finally cornered him. "Was it Spike?"

"Look, Angel, I've got some real good pigs' blood in the back, so—"

I grabbed him and pushed his head into the bar. "You know, I'm a little rusty at killing humans. This could take a while."

"Forget you! Spike will kill me, man!"

"I'll take care of Spike."

"You know, he ordered those guys. He sick of your girl getting in his way!"

"Where can I find him?"

"I tell you, I'm gonna need some relocating expenses. It'll cost you."

I grabbed his throat and pushed him against the wall. "It'll cost who?"

"OK, OK! He and that freaky chick of his are—"

Before he could finished, someone came up behind me and pushed me against the bar. I turned around to see a blonde girl with light blue eyes. Now that I'm thinking about it, she was kind of pretty. But that's not important! She punched me in the face, knocking me over the bar. I jumped back over, kicking her away, but she smashed into a chair, knocking it pieces. She wrestled me to the ground and grabbed one of the wooden legs…

**[commercial break]**

I knocked the girl against the bar before she could stake me. She just recovered and knocked me through the doorway leading to the back room. I kicked her in the stomach, but she kicked me in the face, knocking me back into a cage. As I tried to get up from the floor, she got in there and pulled down the shelf, releasing a bunch of barrels. I jumped out of the way, but she had left the cage already and was now hanging onto the door.

I got up from the floor. "Tell me who you are and I won't hurt you!" She started laughing. "You think this is funny?"

She closed the door and locked it. I jumped up after her, but she had the keys already and was now holding them out of my reach. "I think it's funny now." She held the keys behind her back. "Now. That girl I saw you with…"

"Stay away from her!"

"I don't think you're really in any position to threaten."

"When I get out of here, I'm gonna do more than threaten!"

"Well, then I suggest you move quickly." She looked at the window. "Eastern exposure. Sun will be up in a few hours." She turned back to me and stuffed the keys in her pocket. "More than enough time for me to find your girlfriend." She left.

As soon as she was gone, I started trying to knock down the cage door. I wasn't gonna let anyone hurt Miley! But the cage was locked tightly enough that I couldn't break it…

**Jackson's POV**

I was still in the library with Giles (who was on the phone, waiting for Oliver to answer) and Lilly (who was asleep).

Finally, Oliver answered.

"Oliver?" asked Giles, "No, I haven't heard from Miley yet. You better go to her house and check for her. I would send Jackson, but he's one Twinkie away from a sugar coma." In my defense, they're creamy and delicious! And it helps me keep my focus when I'm studying. It sure has helped at MCC. "Well, right now." Guy has a crush on my sister for like 5 months and he hesitates to check on her? What's the deal? "I don't know! Get Ashley to drive you!" Oh, that's the deal. No wheels. I didn't mean to rhyme there. "Goodbye." He hung up. He turned to the sleeping Lilly. "Lilly. Wake up, Lilly."

"Don't warn the tadpoles!" Lilly said as she snapped awake. She noticed Giles and me. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We're still in the library, Lil," I said.

Lilly looked around. "Oh. Guess I fell asleep."

"I'll say," I said, "'Don't warn the tadpoles'?"

"I…I have frog fear."

"Oh," Giles said, elbowing me in the stomach to warn me against laughing at her. He turned back to his book. "Fortunately, I think I may have found something. It's a description of the DuLac manuscript. It's a ritual. I haven't been able to decipher the exact details, but I believe the main purpose is to restore a sick or weak Vampire to full health."

"A Vampire like Drusilla?" Lilly asked.

"Exactly like Drusilla."

**Normal POV**

Dalton came into the room with Spike and Drusilla and handed Spike a few pages of his translation.

Spike read some and smiled. "I think he's got it, Dru! The key to your cure…"

"It was right in front of us the whole time," Drusilla sighed, weakly.

Spike took her hand to calm her down and looked at her tarot cards. The top card on the deck was one of an angel.

**Oliver's POV**

Ashley pulls up in front of Miley's house and the 2 of us walk up to the deck leading to the front door.

Ashley: I can't believe you! You drag me right out of bed 2 hours before my big shopping spree and make me drive you all the way here? What am I, mass transportation?

Me: A lot of guys think so, but it's mainly just locker room talk.

Ashley: Great. Now I'm your taxi _AND_ your punching bag!

Me: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.

Ashley: Who are you? The Burger King?

I turn to the door. The shades over the doors on the other side are closed, so I knock.

Me: MILEY! (nothing) Come on, Ashley. You wanna be a member of the Scooby Gang, you gotta be willing to be inconvenienced every now and then.

I walk around the deck to the back doors and start trying them.

Ashley: (following me) Oh, sure. 'Cause I lay awake every night dreaming that you guys will be my best friends. And that my first husband will be a balding, demented homeless guy!

Me: (wrestling the door open) Miley could be in trouble. (I walk in)

Ashley: (following me again) And if she is, what are you gonna do about it? In case you haven't noticed, you're the damsel in distress and she's the super-singer.

Me: At least I'm a damsel who cares, which is more than I can say for you. MILEY! (I go upstairs)

**Ashley's POV**

FInalE! He wuz gon! I sat down on tha cowch and wAt'd 4 somethEn 2 hap'n. AnEthEn wuz betr than hangEn with him! Then ther wuz a nok on tha dor. I went ovr 2 ansr it. It wuz a gI in a soot.

"Hi," sed tha gI in tha soot, "I'm Norman with…" He held up hiz cAs. "…Blush BUtiful Skin CAr and Cozmetix. I wuz wondrEn if I cood intrest U in sum frE sampls?"

I smIl'd. "FrE cozmetix?"

He nod'd.

"Get in hEr!" I let him in and clOz'd tha dor. In mI defens, it sownd'd lIk a temptEn ofr at tha tIm! If I'd nOwn it mIt hav gotn mE kil'd, I wood've sent him of!

**Angel's POV**

I kept slamming myself and the barrels into the cage door trying to get it to at least crack. Nothing would happen. I looked out the window. The sun would be rising soon. If I couldn't get out by the time the sun broke off the horizon and it's light hit the cage, I was a goner. Let me rephrase that: I was dust.

**Miley's POV**

I was peacefully sleeping in Angel's bed for about 5 hours. Finally, my eyes popped open upon hearing the sound of soft approaching footsteps. I waited for the person to come close and swung my fist at whatever it was. I flipped off the bed as the person regained her composure and saw that she was a fairly pretty blonde girl. "You must be #2." She swung at me and I ducked her blow and kicked her in the stomach, knocking her back into the wall. "Thanks for the wake up call, but I'll stick with my clock radio. It plays Jesse McCartney!" The girl grabbed a sword and started winging at me. For some reason, I question why Angel leaves swords in his apartment, but I guess he takes the being prepared thing a little too seriously. I grabbed another nearby sword (that, however, wasn't a good call for him) and swung at her. As soon as our swords collided, they were both thrown across the room and we switched back to the hand-to-hand (and foot-to-foot). I aimed to kick her, but she dodged it easily. "Oh, don't make me start a chick fight!"

"I didn't come for a chick fight. Plus, it's so immature and underrated."

"I know, right?"

The girl aimed to hit me again but I dodged it. I kicked her in the dodging process, knocking her in the face. She kicked me in return.

**Normal POV**

While this kept going on, the person with the crystal ball was watching through…well, through the crystal ball. "No, no! NO! She wasn't supposed to come out! That's what the whole spell was for, to keep her out and Miley in!" She then remembered something… "Oh, well. In her position, she'll die at the end of the year."

**Miley's POV**

I dodged another attack and we were finally back in the same battle positions.

"Who are you?" the girl asked.

"Who am I?" I asked in return, "_You_ attacked _me_! Who are _you_?"

She glared at me. "I'm Buffy. The Vampire Slayer."

I stared at her. "Fake blonde who's obviously a Vampire trying to impersonate me say what?"

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	10. What's My Line? 2

ALRIGHT! I just reread my reviews on this story and I am sick and tired of the bad reviews I got on the first story. Give it a chance, people! You're not letting me tell the story before you drop it. If you read my shaking of chapter 8, you'll know that. I'm especially gonna mix it up from here on out! Starting with this chapter in particuar:

Chapter 10: What's My Line? pt. 2

**Miley's POV**

I stared down the girl who claimed her name was Buffy. "OK, one more time: you're the who?"

"I'm the Slayer."

"OK, nice cover story, but here's a little tip: you might wanna use it on someone who's not the actual Slayer."

"You can't stop me. Even if you kill me, another Slayer will be called to take my place."

"STOP IT! I'm the real Slayer!"

Buffy scoffed. "That's ridiculous. There's one at a time, and I'm her."

I sighed. "OK, as I would've said back in Tennessee, I've got a proposition for you: You back off, I back off. No one gets wiggy till we go to my Watcher and figure this out."

Buffy considered. "No kick-o, no fight-o?"

"No punch-o, no hit-o."

Buffy nodded and relaxed her stance before crossing her arms. "I accept your proposition."

I put down my fists. "OK, let me get this straight: you were sent here?"

"From Sunnydale, by _my_ Watcher."

"To do what exactly?"

Buffy sighed. "My duty. To kill Vampires."

**Normal POV**

Angel was still locked in the cage, trying to get out. He turned and saw the sunlight starting to come through the window, just 3 feet from the wall farthest from him. He slammed himself against the cage door, ready to rush out, but still couldn't break it.

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchell Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

I brought Buffy into the library to meet Giles and we explained what was going on.

"You said your Watcher was Sam Zabutto?" asked Giles.

"Yeah," Buffy answered.

"Yes, he is very respected among the Watcher community."

I looked at him. "Wait, you're saying she's the real deal?"

"I'm not sure as of yet. What'd you say your name was?"

"Buffy. Buffy Summers."

Lilly walked in about then. "Hi, guys. What you up to?"

Buffy looked at her. "Uh…we were just…"

"Slayer stuff," I intercepted before she could embarrass herself.

Buffy and Lilly both looked at me. "She knows?" They looked at each other.

Giles approached Buffy. "Uh, Buffy, there are a few people, civilians, Miley's friends and brother, who know of her identity. Lilly is one of them."

"You allow this?" asked Buffy, "Sam's always going on and on about 'the Slayer can't have friends, she must operate in secret for security, blah, blah, blah.' Granted, I don't listen to him, I actually have 2 friends who know behind his back, but they couldn't tag along because I was sneaking into the storage unit of the airplane coming over here, it's a long story."

Lilly stepped up. "OK, what is going on here? Who are you?"

"Apparently, there's been a really big mix-up," I explained, "It seems that this little bottle blonde is another Slayer."

"'Another Slayer'?" Lilly asked.

"'Bottle blonde'?" Buffy asked.

Lilly sighed. "Is that even possible? I mean, 2 Slayers at the same time?"

"Not to my knowledge, no," said Giles, "The rule is that one Slayer cannot be called until another has died…oh no. Miley, you did die."

"She died?" Buffy asked.

"She drowned, she was revived."

"I was only gone for like minute," I corrected.

"It doesn't matter how long. You were physically dead. You weren't revived and 'reinstated' until after Buffy here was called."

"Thus, 2 Slayers," Lilly translated.

"It would seem so."

I groaned and looked at Buffy. "Look, you really can't be here. There's been a mistake. I'm not dead, so your services are not required. Plus, having you around kind of creeps me out a bit." I started to push her out, but she stopped me.

"I can't just leave. I was sent here for a reason. Sam said all the signs indicate that a very dark power is about to rise in Malibu."

"And what's your plan to find this 'dark power'? Attack people randomly until you find it?"

She scoffed. "Of course not!"

"Then why'd you attack me?"

"I thought you were a Vampire!"

"Wow. A swing and a miss for the rookie. What a surprise! Then again, I did think you were a demon sent to kill me, but that's different."

"Hey, I had a good reason to believe you were evil. Did I not see you kissing a Vampire?"

Lilly scoffed and stepped in. "Miley would never do that! Oh…except sometimes she does that. But only with Angel!" She looked at me. "Right?" I nodded. "Right!"

"'Angel'?" asked Buffy, "Don't you mean Angelus? I've read about him! He's a monster!"

"Not anymore," Giles explained, "He was cursed by gypsies, given a soul. He's good now."

"I refuse to believe that. He seemed like a perfectly violent animal when I…"

I looked at her. "When you what?"

She looked at me. "I—"

I grabbed her and lifted her. "What did you do?"

**Normal POV**

Angel was huddled in a corner trying to escape the sunlight. He was practically too weak to move. Suddenly, the cage door opened and Willy pulled him out. He dragged him off, using his body to shield him from the sunlight, and pushed him down a hatch into the sewers. He jumped in after him. Angel was still too weak to get up.

Spike came up to the 2.

"There you go," said Willy, "Give him a couple days, he'll be as good as new."

A couple thug Vampires came up.

Willy stopped them. "Hey, we had a deal."

Spike handed him a large wad of cash. "Come on, don't you trust me?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." He took the money while the Vamps dragged off Angel. "What do you wanna do with him, anyway?"

"I was thinking dinner and movie. Don't wanna rush into anything." He walked off.

**Ashley's POV**

I wuz goEn thru Norman's cAs. "Do U hav anEthing in rAsin? I nO U woodn't think sO, but I'm both a wintr N a sumr."

"$9.99, tax included."

"U sed that alredy. Do U hav anEthing in tha berE familE?"

"R ther anEmOr lAdEs in tha hous?"

"O, they're not hOm. U nO, nothEn personl, but U mIt wanna look intu selEn dicshunarEs or…sum…" I saw a wurm crawl out uv his slEv. Uh oh. & EW, EW, EW, EW!

**Oliver's POV**

I come back down the stairs to see Ashley talking to a guy in a suit.

Me: Hey, what's up here?

Ashley: Uh, he was a salesman and he was just leaving. Thank you!

She started to push him out, but he wouldn't budge.

Me: (I sigh) OK, Mary Kay, time to go…

I then see worms crawling on the floor around him. I back away. Slowly, he starts to turn into a bunch of worms.

Me: Time to run!

Me and Ashley race off and into the cellar. We close the door behind us. The worms start to come out from under the door, but we stomped them.

Me: Cover the door with something!

I grab a broom and start brushing the worms back under the door.

Ashley: (hands me some duck tape) Here. I don't do worms.

I sigh and take it. Then I tape over the clearing beneath the door and stomp on any remaining worms.

Me: Well, this ought to be fun.

**Miley's POV**

I raced into Willy's Bar. "ANGEL!" I looked around. He wasn't there. I ran to the storage room in the back where Buffy said she'd locked him in a cage but he wasn't there either.

Buffy walked into the cage. "No ashes."

I looked at her. "What?"

"When a Vampire combusts, he leaves ashes."

"I know the drill."

"So I didn't kill him."

"And I don't have to kill you."

Willy walked in about then. "Hey. Wow, a lot of tension in this room."

Buffy punched him in the face and knocked him onto the floor in the doorway leading back to the main room.

"Doesn't anyone just 'hello' where you come from?" I asked her.

"This one's dirty, I can feel it."

I pushed her off of him. "Good for you, Percepto-girl, but we're not really gonna get much out of him if he's, oh, say…" I grabbed him and pinned him to the bar. "…unconscious! Now where's Angel?"

"Old Angel? You thought I was gonna let him fry? I saved him in the nick of time! 5 more minutes and he would've been burnt to a crisp."

"Where'd he go?"

"He went underground. You know, to recuperate."

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"Absolutely!"

I let go of him.

"Then Angel should be OK," said Buffy, "I guess we should go back to see Giles, tell him what happened."

I nodded and followed her out.

"Hey, before you go…" We turned to face Willy. "…I have a question. Have either of you girls ever considered modeling or…?"

I groaned, rolled my eyes, and left, Buffy following. "I got enough going on in the pop culture area already."

"What?" Buffy asked me as soon as we were out of earshot of anyone.

"Oh, I'm Hannah Montana."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Honest truth."

**Normal POV**

Drusilla lay in her bed.

Spike came up to her and stroked her hair, waking her up.

"I was dreaming," Drusilla sighed.

"Of what, pet?"

"We were in Paris. You had a branding iron."

Spike walked over to the door. "I brought you something." He opened the door and let the Vamp thugs drag in a bound and gagged Angel. "Your sire, sweet."

"Angel?" Drusilla sat up in bed and looked at him.

"The one and only," said Spike, "Now all we need's the new moon tonight and he will die and you'll be restored."

Drusilla smiled. "Spike? Let me have him? Until the moon?"

"Alright, you can play, but don't kill him."

Drusilla smiled wider. "Bring him to me."

Spike grabbed Angel and threw him at Drusilla.

Drusilla glared at him. "You've been a very bad daddy." She slapped him.

He looked at her, too powerless to do anything.

**Lilly's POV**

Miley and I walked down the halls with Buffy while Giles led us through the school.

"Well, Buffy," said Giles, "I've conferred with your Watcher we both agree that until this matter with Spike and Drusilla is resolved that you 2 should work together."

"Oh, that'll be a treat," Miley muttered.

"So we think that this Spike is trying to revive his girlfriend?" asked Buffy.

"Yes," answered Giles, "I also believe that this is the dark power to which your Watcher was referring. You see, Drusilla's not only evil, she's also quite insane. If she's restored to her full health, there's no telling what she'll do."

"Then we have to stop Spike."

Miley leaned in. "Oh, good idea! Let's go! Charge!"

"Miley!" Giles scolded. He turned back to Buffy. "I'm sorry, it's just that it's a little more complicated than that. Spike is quite dangerous. He even stooped so low as to summon the Order of Teraka to come after Miley."

Buffy thought about that. "Order of Teraka…where have I heard of them? Oh! Right, I read about them in the Dramius texts."

"Really? Which volume?"

"I think it was 6."

"How do you know all this?" asked Miley.

"My Watcher forced me to study up so I'd be 'prepared.'"

"Well, maybe you'd like to show me where you read about the Order?" Giles asked Buffy.

"Sure. But don't expect me to be all book girl. I'm more of the shopping kind, but my Watcher won't let me at it."

Miley stopped her from walking off. "Really?"

"Yeah—"

"Come on, before you 2 make some noise," Giles said, pulling Buffy off. I'd just like to say how dumb a joke that was on Miley's song. But before he pulled her completely off, he came back over to Miley. "Oh, and Miley, Snyder is looking for you."

"Oh, right. The stupid career fair."

"Correct. It's best you make an appearance. Just…put on your old blue jeans."

"Stop making such awful plays on my songs!" Miley scolded.

"Wait, she's a student here?" asked Buffy, "My Watcher makes me home school."

"No, Miley attends school here. That's why I became the librarian."

"Right. I bet she's a cheerleader, too, just to rub it in my face."

"Actually, she had to give up cheerleading—"

Miley cleared her throat, letting Giles know to stop talking.

Buffy looked at Miley, obviously jealous.

"Anyway, let's go deal with the book thing," said Giles, pulling Buffy off.

"Looks like Buffy's not quite as happy with her job as you are," I told Miley.

"Guess not. And yet she's still getting all laugh-y with _my_ Watcher. 'Volume 6, ha-ha-ha!'"

"I'm starting to think _somebody's jealous! _"

"No, I'm not. And stop _singing! _"

"Look, Miley, there's nothing to worry about. No one could ever replace you. And even if they could, they'd have 3 lives to live up to."

Miley shrugged. "I guess you're right."

"Of course I'm right!"

"But _I'm_ wondering if it would be so bad being replaced."

"What? Letting Buffy take over? Like, after Spike and the Order are over just saying 'Buffy, you take the job you despise so much and I'll take my friends to Disneyland and then on a trip to Europe on a concert tour'? I mean, you wouldn't force her to do it forever, right?"

"No, Disneyland would probably get the tiniest bit boring after a few months."

I scoffed/laughed. "I doubt it!"

Miley smiled. "Yeah, got a point there. What I mean is, like career day stuff. Maybe even have a normal life."

**Oliver's POV**

Ashley and I are still stuck in Miley's basement. I am sitting down while Ashley paces. I finally get tired of watching her and groan.

Me: Could you _please_ sit down or change your pattern or something? You're making me queasy!

Ashley: Because you're just sitting there while we're supposed to be coming up with a plan!

Me: I have a plan: we wait and Miley saves us.

Ashley: How will she even know where to find us?

Me: (I glare at her) Ashley, this is Miley's house. Odds are, she'll find us. Or Jackson will, but I'd prefer Miley.

Ashley: Well, what if neither of them come? What am I supposed to do? Just waste away down here with you? I don't think so!

She starts for the stairs. I stop her.

Me: Where do you think you're going?

Ashley: To see if he's gone!

Me: Oh, brilliant idea! What if he hasn't?

Ashley: Oh, right. So we just wait down here for a so-called "hero" to come along. Great! Sorry, I forgot I was stranded with a LOSER!

Me: ME? You're the one that let him in here IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Ashley: HE LOOKED NORMAL!

Me: What? Is he supposed to have T-shirt or a sign around his neck saying "assassin"? All it took was the idea of a new makeover and you were at his feet nuzzling him like a cat!

Ashley: That's it! I'm out of here! I'd rather be worm food than look at your pathetic face!

Me: Then go! I'm not stopping you!

Ashley: Oh, right. I'll bet you'd let any girl just go off to her doom!

Me: Not just any girl. You're special!

Ashley: I can't believe I'm spending what may very well be my last few moments on Earth locked in a basement WITH YOU!

Me: Well, I hope these are my last few moments! 3 more seconds with you and I'm gonna—

Ashley: Gonna what, you little coward?

Me: Moron!

Ashley: I _HATE_ YOU!

Me: I HATE _YOU_!

We look at each other for a few more seconds and then suddenly find ourselves kissing and grabbing onto each other. After a few moments, we separate.

Me: We've gotta get out of here.

Ashley: Yeah, I think the lack of oxygen is getting to me.

We make our way to the door, armed with any useful household cleaning devices we can find (Ashley with a hand-vac and me with a broom) and open it, looking around for any possible sign of mealworms or the guy. Nothing.

Ashley: OK, good, he's gone.

We instantly race for the nearest door. After we make it outside, I hear Ashley screaming and look to see her covered in mealworms.

Ashley: They fell off the ceiling! Get them off me now!

I grab the hose and start rinsing her off at full blast.

Ashley: Oh, good, they're all gone!

I keep spraying her.

Ashley: Oliver, they're all off!

She snatches the hose and hits me with it until I turn it off.

Me: Let's go!

We race to the car and speed off.

**Lilly's POV**

Miley and I are walking down the career fair hall.

Miley sighed. "OK, so my test said that I should look into law enforcement so I'm going there for now." She then turned around and saw something. She turned back to me. "Lilly, don't look but that guy over there is totally checking you out!"

I look. "Oh, that's Oz. And he's…coming over here right now!"

"Told you!" Miley walked off.

Oz comes up to me. "Hey."

"Hi. Uh, your hair…is brown."

"Yeah, sometimes. So did you decide? You gonna be a Corporate Computer Suit Guy?"

"I'm gonna finish high school first at the very least. What about you?"

"I'm not really a computer guy. Or a work-of-any-kind person."

"Wait. Then why'd they select you?"

"I sort of test well. Which is good, except it leads to jobs."

"So what's your ambition? Your goal in life?"

"Oh, E-flat, diminished ninth."

I look at him, holding up my smile but confused. "What?"

"Oh, well, the E-flat is doable, but that diminished ninth is a man's chord. You could lose a finger."

I nod, pretending to understand.

**Miley's POV**

I stood at the law enforcement table.

A lady dressed like a cop came up. "Alright." She picked up a clipboard. "I'm gonna take role here first. Miley Stewart."

I guess I should've known something was wrong from the way my name, neither my first or last name beginning in a letter that's pretty close to the beginning of the alphabet, was first. But I still raised my hand.

The cop calmly put down her clipboard. Then she quickly drew her gun.

I reacted instantly and jumped out of the way, knocking the gun upwards in the process so that she hit the ceiling.

Obviously, panic set in. People all over the place were ducking for cover.

I knocked down the "cop" and took her gun, throwing it through the window. Unfortunately, she had a backup. I dove over the table, knocking an innocent out of the way. "EVERYONE DOWN!" I got up and started to run.

"LOOK OUT!" Oz cried behind me.

I whirled around and saw her aiming at me again. I tuck-and-rolled out of the way, making her round hit the window.

**Lilly's POV**

Oz grabbed me and pulled me down and out of the way. The next shot that was meant for Miley was knocked into his arm.

"Oz!" I cried, grabbing him.

**Miley's POV**

I finally tackled the "cop" to the ground, knocking the backup gun out of her hands. Then, of course, she proceeds to pull out a pistol from her boot. I roll over and out of the way, kicking her arm to make the bullet hit the wall by a door as a teacher walks out of that room. I jump up and punch the "cop", making her drop the pistol. She gets up and grabs Rico (who was sitting nearby watching the whole thing) as a hostage. She slowly made her way to the door and then finally dropped him and ran out.

I ran over to Lilly, who was holding Oz. "What happened? Is he OK?"

"I don't know! He was shot!"

"I'm OK," said Oz, "It's just a flesh wound." He slowly got up. "But wow. I was shot. It's painful."

Buffy ran up. "I saw the whole thing. Is she gone?"

I nodded, unhappily.

Rico came up to us. "Was that a demonstration?"

**Jackson's POV**

My sister was attacked again. She was lucky she wasn't shot this time!

Lilly was wrapping up her knee, which had gotten a little sore from the attack.

"I'm telling you guys," said Miley, "She was definitely a Teraka girl. And way gun happy."

"Is this Oz fellow gonna be OK?" asked Giles.

"Paramedic said it was just a scrape," said Lilly.

Oliver and Ashley then came in.

Buffy started up.

"Down, girl!" Miley stopped her.

"What happened?" Oliver asked upon seeing Miley's condition and Buffy.

"We had a run-in with a rather violent Teraka," Giles explained.

"Under disguise of a cop," I added.

"And who's she?" Oliver asked, gesturing to Buffy.

"Extra Slayer," Miley answered.

"Cool."

"You wanna talk Order of Teraka?" asked Ashley, coming to sit down, "We just met King Freak."

Oliver, meanwhile, sat down next to Buffy. "So you're a Slayer. I like that in a woman."

"Uh…thanks?"

"So this assassin you encountered," said Giles, "What did he look like?"

"Well, like…" Oliver then noticed a mealworm drop out of Ashley's hair. "Like that."

Ashley screamed. "OH! That's it! I'm showering!" She ran off.

"Man, Oliver," said Lilly, "You and bug people. What's up with that?"

"Oh, no, no, no!" said Oliver, "This was a man who was _of_ bugs. Not a man who _was_ a bug." He slammed shut the biology book that the mealworm had dropped on and killed it in doing so.

"Well, the important thing is that everyone is alright," said Giles, "We've had several close calls. It's quite clear that we're under dangerous attack."

"Oh, these Teraka are definitely serious," Miley said, "Luckily for me, so is Buffy here."

"But I fear the worst is still yet to come," Giles corrected, "I discovered the remaining ingredients for Drusilla's cure: the ritual must take place in a church on a new moon and it requires the presence of her sire."

Miley suddenly looked concerned.

"But the new moon is tonight," said Buffy.

"Exactly," said Giles, "And I'm sure the assassins want Miley out of the way soon to stop her from stopping the whole thing."

"But they need Drusilla's sire?" asked Miley, "You mean, the Vamp that made her?"

"Yes. Why?"

Miley looked sad. "Angel. He's Drusilla's sire!"

"Man, that guy got some major neck in his day!" said Oliver. Lilly smacked him in the shoulder as hard as she could.

Miley got up from her seat. "Giles, will this ritual kill him?"

"I…"

"Giles!"

Giles sighed. "Yes. I'm afraid it will."

Miley took a few seconds to reel from that. "We have to find this church! We have to find where this ritual is gonna take place."

"And we must work quickly," said Giles, "We only have 5 hours until sundown."

"Don't worry, Miley," Lilly said, "We'll save Angel."

"Angel?" asked Buffy, "But our priority is to stop Drusilla!"

"Look!" Miley snapped, "You've got your priorities and I've got mine. Right now, they mesh. So are you gonna help me or are you gonna get out of my way?"

Buffy considered this. She sighed. "I'm with you."

"Good. 'Cause I've had it! Spike has crossed the line and now he's going down! You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, oh, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!"

Meow.

**Normal POV**

Drusilla had Angel tied to the posts of her canopy bed by his wrists. She lifted the lid of an elegant wooden box and pulled out a bottle of holy water. "_ Run and catch, run and catch, the lamb is caught in the blackberry patch. _My mummy used to eat raw lemons." She ran her fingers across his chest. "She loved the way they made her mouth tingle." She let a little of the water drip onto his skin. It burnt like acid, but he stifled a scream. "Her favorite was custard. Brandied pears—"

"Dru—"

"Shh! …and pomegranates." She climbed onto the bed behind him. "They made her fingers all red." She poured a little more holy water on him but he wouldn't let himself scream. She moved back around to in front of him. "Do you remember?"

"If I could—"

She knelt down in front of him. "Bite your tongue! They used to eat cake and eggs and honey…and then you came and ripped their throats out." She emptied the bottle onto him.

He couldn't contain himself any longer. He screamed at the top of his lungs (not that he used them).

**Oliver's POV**

Giles comes up to Lilly carrying a stack of books. He looks at her laptop.

Giles: There are 43 churches in the Malibu area alone? Doesn't that seem a bit excessive?

Lilly: Religious freedom, Giles, religious freedom. Then again, I guess the evil vibe from the Hell-Mouth does make people pray harder.

Giles: Right. Well, keep looking. Try to see if any of them are closed or abandoned.

Me: (I drop a book on the table) We've got monsters, we've got demons, no bug dude or police lady.

Giles: (hands Jackson a book) We should have better luck with this one. There's a section devoted entirely to the Order of Teraka.

**Miley's POV**

While the gang was researching and stuff, I was in Giles' office with Buffy.

Buffy looked through the window at Oliver and Jackson and Lilly and Ashley. "All 4 of them know you're the Slayer?"

"Yup."

"Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?"

"Nope. Guess I didn't get the handbook."

Buffy picked up a crossbow.

"Whoa, careful with that thing!"

"Relax! My Watcher made sure to carefully train me in every weapon in his hoard—" She accidentally let the bolt loose and it broke the lamp on Giles' desk.

"What was that?" Giles voice came from the library.

"Nothing!" I answered, "Buffy killed the bad lamp!"

"Sorry!" Buffy called. She put down the crossbow. "Trigger mechanism is different on this one. Maybe when this is all over, you can show me how to use it?"

"Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of pizza party/movie fest. Anything not involving the undead."

Buffy smiled.

**Oliver's POV**

I finally found a sketch of the bug guy that had shown up in Miley's house.

Me: Aha! Here we go! I am bug man, hear me roar.

While Giles and the others come have a look, I start reading the article.

Me: OK, he can only be killed when he's in his disassembled state. (I look at Ashley) "Disassembled". That means when he's broken down into his little buggy parts.

Ashley: I know what it means, dork-head.

I take mock offense.

Me: Dork-head? You slash me with your words!

**Miley's POV**

Buffy sighed. "Your life is so much different than mine."

"How different?" I asked, carving a stake.

"I was always told that the things you do, the stuff you learn, that it all distracts me from my calling. Everything you do…friends, school, even family."

"Even family?"

"You have a brother in there who knows everything about you despite your constant bickering, I don't even have that. I'm an only child. My dad left when I was little and my mom dropped me with my Watcher a few years back. I keep on forgetting them. That how serious some people think my calling is. My Watcher told my mom that I was a potential Slayer and she assumed she was doing the right thing by leaving me with him. He trained me, I hardly ever saw her…" She looked at me. "But I don't feel sorry for myself. Why should you?"

"I don't know, it's just…it sounds so lonely."

Buffy sighed, wiping off a knife. "Maybe."

Jackson walked in. "Excuse me, ladies." He grabbed a book and saw Buffy. "Nice knife."

"Thanks."

Jackson walked out.

"Let me guess: dating isn't permitted by your Watcher either? Of course, since that was my brother…"

"Don't worry. I'm not allowed to speak to boys."

"Unless you're pummeling them." I smiled…then I realized something. "Wait a minute…"

"What?"

I got up from my chair. "That sleazy guy we battered in that bar."

"You think he might help us?"

"I think we might make him!"

**Normal POV**

Angel was in even more pain than ever.

Drusilla leaned in front of him, holding a fresh pitcher of holy water. "Say 'uncle.' Oh, that's right. You killed my uncle." She poured the water on him.

Spike walked in. "That's it then. Off to church."

"It makes pretty colors," Drusilla sighed.

Spike scoffed. "We'll be seeing him die shortly. Never been much for the pre-show." He started to let down Angel's bonds.

"Too bad," Angel said, "That's what Dru liked best if I recall."

Spike stopped. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Ask her. She's knows what I mean."

Spike looked at Drusilla. "Well?"

Drusilla didn't stop looking at Angel. "Ruff! Bad dog."

"You ought to let me talk to him, Dru," said Angel, "Sounds like your boy could use some pointers." He looked at Spike as he tore off the bonds. "She loves to be teased."

"Keep your trap shut."

"Oh, you should take better care of her, Spike. The way she touched me just now? I can tell she's not satisfied."

"Shut up!"

"Or maybe you 2 just don't have the fire that we had."

"THAT'S IT!" Spike tore off a bedpost and moved to stake Angel with it.

"Spike, NO!" Drusilla cried.

Spike stopped. "Oh, right! Almost got me there. Aren't you a 'throw yourself to the lions' sort of fellow these days. Well, the lions are onto you: if I kill you now, you go quick and Dru here doesn't have a chance; but if I kill you slow and revive her, then your little Miley-bu farm girl and all her little Scooby gang friends die slow and suffer."

"Spike," Drusilla sighed, "The moon is rising. It's almost time."

Spike looked at Angel. "Sorry, Angelus. Looks like you go the hard way. Along with the rest of this miserable town."

**Miley's POV**

I slammed Willy into the bar.

"I'm telling you!" Willy cried, "I don't know where Angel is!"

"Fine. Then what about this ritual?"

"I don't know a thing. It's all hush-hush."

"Oh, just hit him, Miley!" Buffy groaned.

"She likes to hit," I told Willy.

Willy, of course, got scared and gave it up. "OK, OK, maybe I did hear something. Yeah, it's all coming back to me. But I'd have to take you there."

"Fine, then let's go," I said, dragging him off.

"Right," said Buffy, "Let's just get the others and run for it."

I stopped and faced her. "Excuse me? By the time we're done running to Giles, this whole thing could've gone down!"

"But it's procedure—"

"It's brainless, that's what it is!"

"Hey, it's kind of hard to get away from what you're taught as a kid."

"Well, you're gonna have to! We have to save Angel!"

"He's a Vampire! He doesn't deserve to live! Am I the only one that sees that?"

"Apparently so!"

"Is that all you're worried about? Your stinking boyfriend? Are you that big a fool?"

I wanted to fight her back. But something stopped me and moved my feet out the door, leading Willy out with me.

I could just barely hear Buffy sigh. "Good riddance then."

_At the church…_

Willy led me through an arched doorway. "Here you go." He gave me over to the cop girl and a bunch of Vampires. "Don't say your friend Willy don't ever come through in a pinch."

Uh oh.

**Normal POV**

Spike paced across the platform of the church. "Eligor. I name thee. Bringer of war, prisoners, pariahs, and grand obscenity." He approached Angel and Drusilla, who were strapped to a chain hanging from the ceiling, Angel's hand tied to it above his head. "Eligor. Wretched master of decay. Bring your black medicine." He put on a glove and picked up the DuLac cross. "Come and restore your most impious and murderous child." He took a dagger out of the cross and laid the rest of the cross back on the altar. "From the blood of the sire, she is risen." Drusilla grabbed Angel's bound hand. "From the blood of the sire, she shall be restored." In one swift motion, he stabbed Angel and Drusilla's hands. Angel screamed but Drusilla just smiled. A blindingly bright light emerged from them and Drusilla could feel his energy pouring into her. "Right then! Now we just let it come to a simmering boil and remove from the low flame."

Willy walked in with the assassins and Vamps close behind, carrying Miley. "Payday, pal! I got your Slayer!"

Spike stormed over there. "You brought her here? Now?"

"You said you wanted her."

"Yes, dead! Pinhead!"

Miley looked at Angel.

"That's not what I heard. Words was there was a bounty on her head, dead _or alive_."

"Well, you heard wrong."

"Angel…" Miley whispered, seeing him in pain.

"Yup." Spike walked over to her. "Bugs me, too. No offense, Norman. Just seeing Angel like that is so…painful. But don't worry. Another 5 minutes and he'll be dead. But I don't feel too bad for him, he's got something you don't."

"What's that?"

"5 minutes. Patrice!"

The cop pulled out her gun. Before she could shoot, an arrow came and knocked it out of her hand, lodging itself in the wall.

Buffy came up with the crossbow. She dropped it in a pew and jumped Patrice. She tackled her.

Miley fought her way out of the hold of the Vamps.

Buffy and Miley both jumped in front of Spike in a battle stance.

"What's this?" asked Spike.

"It's your lucky day, Spike," Miley said.

"2 Slayers." Buffy kicked him.

**Oliver's POV**

We all race in (except Ashley) and see Buffy and Miley fighting everyone. I get ready for my part.

Me: Hey, larvae boy! (bug man looks at me) Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you, you giant stink bug!

He races after me. I race to the door and close it behind me to join Ashley.

Me: (as the bugs climb under the door) Welcome, my little pretties.

**Miley's POV**

Buffy and I were now fighting Spike and Patrice.

Buffy punched Spike. He moved to punch her back, but she ducked it and kicked him in the shin.

At the same exact time, I kicked Patrice, knocking the gun out of her hands. "And switch!"

Buffy and I both jumped over the pew.

I tackled Spike.

Spike looked at me. "Rather be fighting you anyway."

"Feeling's mutual." I punched him in the nose.

Buffy knocked over Patrice, holding her hand with her arms and her neck with her foot. Buffy finally dug her heel in, snapping her neck.

**Oliver's POV**

Ashley and I finish stomping the worms…but she's gone and gotten herself into the spirit.

Ashley: (stomping like crazy) Die! Die! Die! Die!

Me: They are dead!

I pull her off.

**Miley's POV**

Spike finally got away from me. At least far enough away to see Willy the snitch trying to escape. "Where do you think you're going?"

I seize the moment and go to remove the dagger from Angel and Drusilla's hands.

"Now, there's a way in which this isn't my fault," said Willy.

"They tricked you!"

"They were duplicitous."

"Fine." Spike Vamped and grabbed him. "Then I'll only kill you just this once." He leaned in for the bite.

"Spike!"

Spike turned and saw Drusilla getting weaker as I tried to untie them. I didn't get a chance to finish before he came up and shoved me, giving Willy a chance to escape. Naturally, Spike and I emerged into another fight.

**Lilly's POV**

Giles grabbed the arms of the Vamp I was trying to fight.

"Hold him steady!" I instructed, picking up a stake and pressing it into the Vamp's heart.

Meanwhile, Buffy fell between a couple of pews nearby and kicked a Vamp. The Vamp sliced at her, tearing her top. She glared at him. "That's my favorite shirt!" She kicked him in the face and got into a _heated_ fight. In fact, she kicked the Vamp so far back that she knocked over a lit torch and set a couple drapes on fire. "Oops."

I saw Spike get Miley far enough away from the altar for him to take down Drusilla. "Sorry, baby, gotta go." He held her in his arms and started pulling her off. "I hope it was enough."

**Miley's POV**

As soon as Spike and Drusilla started heading out, Angel collapsed. I crawled over to him. I yanked the chain that had been holding him from the ceiling and swung it over my head a few times to gain momentum before throwing it at Spike.

It flew over his head. "Missed me!"

"Wasn't aiming at you!"

The chain wrapped around a couple of rusted organ pipes, weighing them down enough to knock them over and collapse the piano entirely over Spike and Drusilla.

I started helping up Angel.

Buffy came up and supported the side I wasn't holding. "Let's get him out of here!"

We carried him out of the flames before anyone could light up and we all left.

**Lilly's POV**

The next morning, I was reading in the lounge.

Oz came up and sat down next to me. "Animal cracker?"

I looked at him holding up the box and smiled. "No, thank you. How's your arm?"

"Better. Doesn't hurt as much."

"Can you still play guitar?"

"Not well, but not worse." He started trying to open the box.

I opened it for him. "You know, I never really thanked you."

"Don't. I don't do thanks. I get all read and have to bail, it's not pretty."

"Well, then forget the whole thing. Especially the part where I owe you my life."

He was about to make a comeback, but he stopped when he pulled out an animal cracker. "Oh, look, a monkey! And he has a little hat and pants!"

"Oh, yeah, I see."

"Yeah, and he's the only animal cracker allowed to wear clothes."

I, naturally, smiled sweetly.

"Wow. You have an amazing smile." He pulled out a hippo. "So, I was wondering. Do the other animals feel ripped that they don't get to wear clothes? Like, is the hippo going 'Where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!'"

I started laughing.

"And the monkey's saying 'I mock you with my monkey pants.'"

I started laughing harder, grabbing my side.

"And then there's this whole big coup at the zoo."

"The monkey's French?"

"All monkeys are French. Did you not know that?"

**Oliver's POV**

Ashley's walking down a hall. I reach through the empty classroom's door and pull her in.

Me: We need to talk.

Ashley starts to leave, but I stop her. I look up and down the hall and close the door.

Me: OK, so, here's the deal. We don't have to run every time we see each other in the hall.

Ashley: Right. OK. Why not?

Me: Because there's a complete explanation for what happened.

Ashley: You're a pervert?

Me: ME?

Ashley nods.

Me: No, I seem to recall I was the jumpee my friend!

Ashley: As if! You probably spent months planning this!

Me: (sarcastically) Right, Ashley. I hired a giant bug man to kill Miley just so I could kiss you.

Ashley: Fine! Whatever! Point is, don't try it again!

Me: Don't worry about it! The memory of your lips on mine alone makes my blood run cold!

Ashley: If you dare breathe a word of this—

Me: Like I would wanna let anyone know.

Ashley: Then it's erased!

Me: Never happened!

Ashley: Fine!

Me: Fine!

Ashley: Good!

Me: Good!

Ashley: GOOD!

We stare at each other…and start kissing again.

**Miley's POV**

In front of the school, I was walking Buffy to her taxi.

"Thanks for giving me your shirt, Miley," Buffy said.

"No problem. Looks better one…well, me, but no worries."

Buffy smiled. "How did you pay for my ticket anyway?"

"Long story."

"Right."

"Look, I…I just wanted to thank you for helping me save Angel."

Buffy half-smiled. "Yeah, I'm not telling my Watcher that. A Slayer in love with a Vampire, it's just too weird."

"Tell me about it."

"But he is pretty cute."

"I just hope the Council doesn't fire me for dating him."

"Man, you always do that."

"What?"

"You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are."

"You get that from a handbook or something?"

"From you."

I smiled. "Guess it's not really something you can fight. I'm a freak."

"At least you're not the only one."

"Not anymore anyway."

Buffy smiled.

I started for her.

"Don't hug me."

"Right."

Buffy started to get into the taxi.

"Oh, and Buffy?"

She faced me…and I saw a dark-skinned girl with curly brunette hair standing in her place. I blinked.

**Normal POV**

Buffy didn't see Miley either. She saw…herself. She blinked harder.

**Miley's POV**

The vision cleared. "Uh…take care."

"Right." Buffy got in the cab.

Something wasn't right…

**Normal POV**

That night, the church had burned itself down and such put out the fire.

Spike lay amongst the rubble. He was unconscious, but not dust.

"Don't worry, dear heart." Drusilla came up in Vamp mode and pulled him up from the rubble by his arm. "I'll take care of you. Make sure you get your strength back." She carried him in her arms and smiled. "Like me." She carried him out of the church.

**END EPISODE**

Hope you enjoyed. Keep reading. And from now on, NO BAD REVIEWS! If you don't like it, don't read it!


	11. Ted

Chapter 11: Ted

**Miley's POV**

Oliver and Lilly were walking ahead of me as we made our way through the theater. I didn't hear the first part so I'll give you a loose sketch of what I did hear:

"You don't know what you're talking about," said Oliver.

"I'm telling you," Lilly was talking, "He was obviously in charge."

"He was a puppet!"

"He didn't seem like the kind of guy who'd let himself be used."

"Well, let's ask Miley! Miley, who was the real brains of the operation, Bert or Ernie?"

I blinked. "What?"

"Sesame Street? 'Rubber ducky, you're the one'? Boy, someone was raised in a culture free environment!"

"Sorry! I was just—"

"Thinking?" Lilly asked.

"No! Not thinking, just having a lot of happy non-thoughts. I love it when things are quiet around here."

"I know," said Oliver, "With Spike and Drusilla out of the way…"

"And we get to watch the new Ashton Kutcher movie!"

"So we're sure there are no more Terakan assassins coming?" Lilly asked.

"Angel's sources say the contract's off."

"How is Angel, pretend I care?" Oliver asked.

I smiled. "He's doing a lot better?"

"So you're loving playing nursemaid?" asked Lilly.

"Yup."

"Is it better than playing naughty stewardess?" 3 guesses who said that.

"Oliver!" Lilly got it.

I gave him a quick glare and looked around a corner…

"So, Kutcher, my man. The Kutch king. Volcanic Ash."

Of course, Lilly and I immediately turned around…to see Jackson standing there. All 3 of us screamed.

"Well, this suddenly got awkward," said Oliver.

"What are you doing here?" I asked my brother.

"Getting girls! What are you doing here?"

"Watching a movie, that's what people do at the _movies_!"

Before this could keep going, I thought I heard whimpering and groaning or something like that. In fact, all 4 of us heard it and ducked down behind a sign for a movie.

I started fishing through my bag until I came to a stake. Clenching it tightly behind my back, I slowly got out from behind the sign and turned the corner…

…to see Dad standing there kissing a brown-haired woman. I instantly dropped the stake and the 2 parted.

"Whoa!" I said, "What's going on here?"

"Uh…" Dad backed away. "Miley, this is Margo."

Margo looked at me. "Oh, you must be his daughter. I've heard so much about you."

I looked at Dad. "I hope not too much."

"Well, more than I've herd about Jackson."

"Yeah, that's more like it."

Jackson got out from behind the sign and walked up to me. "I'm right here!" He turned to Dad. "So who's this?"

"I'm Margo Diamond," she answered, "I'm your Dad's girlfriend."

I looked at her with wide eyes. "Girl I caught kissing my daddy say what?"

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchel Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

While Lilly and Oliver were in the kitchen with Margo, Jackson and I were interrogating Dad.

"So all those 'meetings' you've been having lately were really dates?" Jackson gathered.

"Right," Dad said, "I bet you're pretty upset with me for not telling you."

"I just wish we knew something about this woman," I said, "What does she do for a living? Does she have any kids? A soundproof basement where no one can hear our screams?"

Dad looked at me. "Real estate agent, no, and she lives in an apartment. Look, I was looking for the right time to introduce you guys but…I guess there never really was a right time, was there?"

I sighed. "No, I guess not." I glanced over at the kitchen, where Lilly and Oliver were helping Margo make dinner. "How'd you meet?"

"Well, a friend was looking to move and he came to her and I tagged along and we just bumped into each other."

"So you took her to the theater, lied to us about it, and smooched her in the halls."

"You weren't supposed to see that."

"Obviously not." I walked off into the kitchen to see Lilly and Oliver laughing with Margo. "Hey."

Margo looked at me. "So did you and your dad work everything out?"

"Yup. Guess I gotta get used to you."

Margo smiled. Then she walked off to the side and gestured for me to follow her. I did. And she started talking. "Look, Miley, I just wanted to apologize. This wasn't how I wanted us to meet. I wanted it to be…well, perfect. But I'm pretty fond of your father. And I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to replace your mother, I know how much he loved her—he talks about her all the time. And I know you and Jackson are the most important things in his life now…so I guess that makes you pretty important to me, too."

Apparently, Dad overheard. He walked up to her. "Look, Mile, we really want you to be OK with this."

Margo looked at him and then back at me. "_We _really want you to be OK with this."

I half-smiled. "I'm OK."

"You are?" Margo asked.

I nodded. "Really, I am."

_Later…_

_At the park…_

I threw the Vamp into a tree. When no branch or breaking bark got anywhere near his heart, I grabbed him again, punched him in the face a few times, and tossed him onto a trashcan. As he got up, I grabbed the trashcan's lid and used it as a shield from his punches and kicks while Giles ran up to see how I was doing. Finally, I threw the trashcan lid aside and punched the Vamp again.

"Uh, Miley?" Giles tried to jump in, "I think he's—"

I grabbed the lid back and hit the Vamp upside the head with it. Then downside the head. Then I dropped the lid again and punched and kicked him in every inch of his body, not letting him get a swing in edgewise.

"It's staking time, really, don't you think?"

I rolled my eyes, ignoring him, and kneed the Vamp in the groin. Then clocked him in the jaw. Then kicked him in the knee, making him buckle to the ground. And finally yanked my stake out and pressed it into his heart, dusting him. I went to sit next to Giles on the nearest bench, trying to regain my breath. "Any others?"

"For their sakes, I certainly hope not."

I looked at him. "What? I kill Vampires, it's my job."

"Yes, but it's not very mandatory to beat them to a bloody pulp beforehand." He looked at me. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah! Sure! Fine! EVERYTHING'S PERFECT!"

Giles backed away.

I got up from the bench and started pacing. "I killed a Vamp here on Wednesday. What's so special about this place?"

"Well, they're scattered. Now that their leaders are gone, they naturally return to the easiest feeding grounds."

"Vampires are creeps."

"Yes, that's why one slays them."

"I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along and then the Vampires just come along and they kill people and they take over your house and they start schmoozing your friends with their stupid mini-pizzas—!"

"MILEY!"

I stopped.

"I believe the subtext here is quickly becoming…well, text. Is there something you'd like to share?"

I threw my hands in the air. "Absolutely nothing!"

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly and I are walking through the school halls with Miley.

Miley: If you say one more word, you won't have to be a Vampire for me to put a stake through your heart!

Me: Did you even bother to taste her stuff? That was some good eats!

Miley: Great. So she's a good cook. What does that really tell you about a person?

Me: Uh…everything!

Lilly: You don't like her?

Miley: I don't know her! All I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and has a thing for my dad, which he simply reciprocates!

Me: (I gasp sarcastically) What kind of monster is she?

Lilly: (sighs) Look, Miley, I can understand how you're feeling, I've been through a branch of it myself. Separation anxiety, the mother figure being pushed away, conflict with the father figure—

Miley: Oh, you bet there's a conflict! This is terrible! He's happy!

Me: (not understanding, I might point out) Issues much?

Miley groans and storms off. Lilly and I exchange glances and race after her. We follow her to the couch in the student lounge and sit down on the one across from her.

Miley: OK, I admit it. It's weird. Seeing my dad all over this girl who's so seemingly perfect alone is definitely a ticket to therapy land… But it's more than that. I just can't picture him with anyone else but Mom. (practically starts crying but holds back) But I'm still good at sensing when there's something wrong with someone and there's definitely something wrong with this…Margo.

About then, I see Margo walking up to us.

Me: Margo!

Miley: Yes, Margo. Who'd you think I was talking about?

Me: Margo! Who's here. Hey, Margo.

Miley then notices Margo walking up to us.

Margo: Hi, kids!

Miley: What are you doing here?

Margo: The guidance counselor's looking to move. Thought I'd stop by. By the way… (sits down next to Miley) Do you like mini-golf?

Me: (without thinking, as usual) Who doesn't?

Miley, of course, gives me the standard glare.

Margo: Well, your dad and I were thinking of dragging you 3 and your brother out to the course on Saturday. I'm already planning. I'm even packing a picnic basket. I'll have cookies.

Me: (again, without thinking) We'll take it!

Miley: (instantly) Yes, but we, unfortunately, have that… (looks at Lilly for support) …thing on Saturday.

Lilly: (gets it) Oh, right, that thing! (glares at me) That thing!

Me: But…cookies! Can't we cancel the thing? I mean, we do that thing all the time. I'm tired of doing that thing. (back to Margo) We're in!

Margo: Great! See you then! (walks off)

Miley moans and leans back in her seat.

Me: Cookies!

**Normal POV**

Ms. Calendar was in her classroom gathering assignments and stuff.

Giles walked in. "Hello, Jenny."

Jenny looked at him and smiled. "Rupert. Hi."

"Uh…some of your textbooks were sent to the library by mistake. Do you want me to bring them by or…?"

"That's OK. I'll send some of the kids by to pick them up."

"Oh. …Good." He started to leave.

"Pretty flimsy excuse for coming by to see me."

Giles turned back around to look at her. "You should've heard some of the ones I threw out at the bathroom mirror."

Jenny smiled.

"I just wanted to come by to see how you were doing."

"Pretty well, actually. I stayed out of mortal danger for 3 whole weeks. I could get used to it. Only problem is that I'm having trouble sleeping."

"Of course. You need time."

"Or possibly some space. I know you're concerned, but you don't need to constantly poke around and give me the puppy dog eyes. It's a bit disconcerting. It's also making me feel back that I don't feel better."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…disconcert or…make 'dog eyes'…"

Jenny half-smiled.

"I'm just worried… I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm sorry." He left.

Jenny stared after him and went back to gathering papers.

**Angel's POV**

Miley was in my abandoned apartment, bandaging my hand. And ranting. Like crazy.

"…and Dad was all like 'do you think Margo will like this?' and 'this is Margo's favorite food' and 'Margo likes this TV show' and 'Margo said the funniest thing' and I said 'that's great, Dad' and he accused me of being sarcastic—I mean, I was but I just don't want to talk about Margo all the time!"

"Are you planning on talking about something else at some point?"

Miley stopped. "I'm sorry…" She stopped. "I just have so much to deal with. I don't need some new woman in my life turning my whole life upside-down. Then again, the whole Miley/Slayer/Hannah Montana thing kind of already did that twice so this would turn it right-side-up then down again."

I half-smiled (would've been full if I weren't so brooding). "Well, maybe your dad does need a new woman in his life. It's been 4 years since he lost your mom. That's gotta be tough on him."

"And Jackson and I aren't enough to hold that together?" She thought about that. "And I'm not enough to hold that together?"

That time I did give her a full smile. It's funny 'cause it's true. "Look, loneliness is a scary thing in life."

"OK, so Dad needs a girl to talk to and it doesn't have to be me. Does it have to be Margo?"

"Then who? Is there someone out there that'll satisfy you?"

"My mom?"

I sighed. I had no answer for that.

"I know it's not gonna happen…it's just… It was hard on me and Jackson, too, you know? And I just can't picture him with anyone else but Mom."

I looked at her. "I know you're upset…"

"Yeah…" She sighed. "You know what? Fine. I'll give her a chance. I'll play mini-golf, I'll smile, I'll curtsy, I'll be the dutiful daughter. I just miss Mom so much. So much I got a song out of it."

"If you need to get it out of your system, there's a guitar in the cabinet."

She looked at me.

"It was there when I moved in, I swear."

She smiled and went to get it. Once she had it, she sat down and started playing.

I leaned back in my seat and let her beautiful voice wash over me.

"_ Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la. You used to call me your angel, said I was sent straight down from heaven, you'd hold me close in your arms, I loved the way you felt so strong, I never wanted you to leave, I wanted you to stay here holding me! I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while, and even though it's different now, you're still here somehow, my heart won't let you go and I need you to know I miss you, sha-la-la-la-la, I miss you. You used to call me your dreamer, and now I'm living out my dream, oh, how I wish you could see everything that's happening for me, I'm thinking back on the past, it's true the time went flying by too fast! I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while, and even though it's different now, you're still here somehow, my heart won't let you go and I need you to know I miss you, sha-la-la-la-la, I miss you. I know you're in a better place, yeah, but I wish that I could see your face, oh, I know you're where you need to be, even though it's not here with me! I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while, and even though it's different now, you're still here somehow, my heart won't let you go and I need you to know I miss you, sha-la-la-la-la, I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while, and even though it's different now, you're still here somehow, my heart won't let you go and I need you to know I miss you, sha-la-la-la-la, I miss you. _" She strummed a few chords and stopped singing.

I smiled at her. "Kiss me."

She smiled. Widely. "Finally, something I wanna do!" She set the guitar down and we kissed.

**Oliver's POV**

We are at the mini-golf course on Saturday. I lead the gang to the next hole.

Me: Ah, the dreaded 5-par cuckoo clock. So many have come but so few have conquered.

I put the ball in place and study my shot.

Robbie: The picnic was nice, Margo. I especially like the cookies.

Me: Mm, cookies…

This comment throws my shot off and I knock it into the water hazard. I instantly begin to grab it.

Margo: So, Miley, you're a pretty girl. I bet the boys are just lined up around the block to get a date with you.

Miley: Not really.

Lilly: Oh, they are, but she's only interested in—

Miley coughs.

Lilly: (gets the signal) –her studies. Yup. "Book-cracker Miley." It's kind of her nickname.

Margo: Good. (lines up her shot) I bet that means your grades will be picking up soon.

Miley: My grades? (looks at her dad) How does she know about my grades?

Robbie: I told her. She wants to know everything about you and Jackson.

Miley looks concerned and glances at Jackson.

**Miley's POV**

I hit my shot on the next hole. Unfortunately, my Slayer strength kicked in and I hit a little too hard, knocking it directly over the hole.

"Ooh, bad shot," said Margo.

I started going to get the ball and start over.

"Don't worry, Mile, we won't count it," said Dad.

"We won't?" asked Margo.

I looked at her. Why wouldn't we start over? Even worse, why would she think we shouldn't?

"Margo, it's just mini-golf," Dad told her.

"I know, but those are the rules," Margo continued, "And we teach her is what she takes out into the world." She turned to me. "I don't mean to overstep my bounds, this is between you and your dad, but I just think right is right and wrong is wrong."

Dad shrugged. "She does have a point."

"Fine, I'll just hit my ball from the other side of the castle." I went around the cardboard castle. No one was there. I shrugged. _Worth a shot. No pun intended._ I grabbed the ball and tossed it into the hole. "Hey, how about that? Got a hole in 2!"

"I don't think so."

I whirled around. Margo was there. "Alright, you can fine my score or something."

"I think you're missing the point here. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Why don't people see that?"

"Relax, it's just a game."

"Right. 'It's just a game.' 'Do your own thing.' Well, I'm not wired that way. And I'm here to tell you that it is _not_ a game, that is _does_ count, and that I won't stand for this kind of malarkey in my house."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not _in_ your house."

Suddenly, Margo grabbed me. "If you ever speak to me like that again, you little smart-aleck, I will—" She cut herself and let me go when she noticed the others coming up. "Hey, guys! I made a few too many cookies, so they're more if you want them."

While Oliver was diving for the picnic basket, I was staring Margo in confusion. Had she just tried to threaten me? No, worse…she _had_ threatened me.

**[commercial break]**

On Monday morning, I walked into the kitchen.

Dad looked at me. "Morning, bud. I got orange juice and cinnamon rolls."

I smiled and started eating a cinnamon roll…

"Margo made them."

…and stopped halfway there and instantly put it back down.

Dad looked at me. "What?"

"I just would like to have something to eat around here that Margo didn't make." I started making myself a bowl of cereal.

"Oh, come on, Mile. I know you're not used to me having a girlfriend—"

"She threatened me."

Dad blinked. "Huh?"

"She threatened me, Dad! She called me a smart-aleck."

"She also called you a cheater."

I looked at him.

"She told me what happened."

"Yeah, I put the ball in the hole. So sue me. Put me in jail. But she just freaked out about it!"

"Mile, look. Margo said we should give you some time to come around. You got 10 hours. 'Cause Margo is making dinner tonight and I want you home by 6." He glanced at the tray of cinnamon rolls and finally grabbed one and ate it. "Hey, this is pretty good."

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly: What do you mean check her out?

Lilly, Miley, and I are walking through the school quad, talking about Margo. Jackson is at college.

Miley: I mean, investigate her. Find out her secrets. Hack into her life.

Me: Can you say "overreaction"?

Miley: Can you say "intensive care ward"?

Lilly: Miley, it seems like you want her to be in some cult or something.

Miley: The girl lost her senses over mini-golf!

Me: So she's a little uptight. Last I heard, that's not a Slaying offense.

Of course, Miley gave me a glare.

Me: Don't give me the look, I'm on your side. I'm just saying that there's some things in life you have to accept.

Miley: And I'm just saying Margo ain't one of them.

Just then, Ashley walks by.

Me: Hey, Ash, nice outfit.

Ashley: (stops and gives me a look) Oh, very funny.

Me: …not really.

Ashley: What are you saying?

Me …nice outfit?

Ashley: Well, why don't you keep your mouth shut?

She storms off. I look at the others.

Me: Excuse me for a sec.

I race after Ashley.

Lilly: (I distantly hear her) What's up with them?

I finally catch Ashley in the hallway.

Ashley: What's wrong with you?

Me: I complimented you!

Ashley: In front of your friends! They're gonna know!

Me: Know what? That we kissed? Look, we don't tell, they don't know. You wanna go into the janitor's closet and make out?

Ashley: Man, is that all you ever think about? …OK.

We grasp each other's hands and sneak into the closet, locking the door.

**Lilly's POV**

Miley and I were now sitting on a bench.

"Lil, I'm not wrong here," Miley was saying, "Margo has a problem with me. The way she acts…it's like she thinks I'm in the way or something. And Dad's been all different since she came along."

"Different like happy?" I asked.

"Happy like 'Dukes of Hazard' marathon. Come on, help me?"

I consider and finally sigh, remembering our friendship pact: "No secrets, no fighting, and help each other." Sometimes, we had a little trouble with the first 2 rules, but we never break the third. "You know I will. What do you want me to look for?"

"Start small. Find me where she works?"

**Miley's POV**

I sneak into the real estate office, sticking to the shadows. I hid behind a water cooler and watched as a customer walked up to Margo.

"Excuse me," said the customer, "I'm here to check on the offer I made on a house the other day."

Margo laughed. "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

The customer looked taken aback. "Well, lady, you're not gonna sell many houses that way."

Margo looked at him. "Oh, sorry, I'm on the phone." She pointed to her headset. "You know, let me call you back." She hung up and started talking to the customer.

"You're new here, aren't you?"

I jumped up and looked at the guy talking to me. "Uh…"

"I'm Neal."

"I'm M…Linda. Melinda. I'm just checking the place out." I looked at Margo talking to the customer and typing away at the same time. "Wow, that lady's a saleswoman. Guess she's the one to beat around here?"

"Nobody beats the Machine. Woman's a genius. Knows everything about houses, never loses a client—if I sound bitter, I am."

"Well, nobody likes an overachiever. But I bet she has a few ex-husbands and a family to support."

"No, just a boyfriend. You know, I'm amazed she let him clutter her desk."

I looked and saw that the only on the desk besides the computer was a picture of Dad.

"At least she's taking off for the wedding."

I instantly whirled around to look at him in shock. "'The wedding'?"

"Yeah, she's got it set for a few months from now. Heard she's already got a dress. Believe me, I am counting the days." With that, he walked off.

I hid behind the water cooler again and waited until Margo decided to walk off with the customer. Once she was gone, I went over to her desk and examined the picture. Then it struck me as familiar. I took it out of the frame and realized that it was folded over to fit the frame. I unfolded it to reveal that it was the picture of the family from the fridge. But Margo had folded over me and Jackson.

_That night…_

Jackson was still at school so I was alone with Margo and Dad.

"So how was school today, Miley?" Margo asked me, "Learn anything?"

"Quite a bit, actually," I answered.

"Good." Margo then realized that I wasn't eating. "You gonna eat that?"

I sighed, not wanting to answer. Then I finally decided I would get it out of my system: "Are you 2 engaged?"

Dad practically started choking on his drink and looked at me. "No! What gave you that idea?"

"Let me handle this one, Robbie," said Margo, "Miley, your dad and I are taking it one step at a time. And if things go the way I hope, maybe he'll ask me to tie the knot. Hopefully, someday soon. Now how would you feel about that?"

"I'd feel like killing myself," I told her without thinking.

"Miley!" Dad scolded me.

"It's OK, I told her to be honest," said Margo. She turned back to me. "Sweetheart, you better get used to me. Because I'm not going anywhere."

THAT'S IT! I'd had enough of her! I turned to Dad. "May I be excused?"

"You can go to your room, young lady."

I sighed, got up, and left. Once I was in my room, I decided I'd go do my job so Giles wouldn't be on my case in the morning. I grabbed a stake and snuck out the window and off to the cemetery. I sat on a headstone. For a half hour. "Vampires… Here, Vampires…" Nothing. Slow night. I finally got up, left, went home, and snuck back in through the window…to find Margo sitting on my bed. "What are you doing in here?"

"Your father told you to go to your room, Miley. We both know he didn't mean you could go gallivanting across town!"

"First of all, this is _my _room and no one is allowed in here without my permission. Second…" I then noticed my Slayer stuff lying on the floor and the doors to my Hannah closet open. "You've been going through my things? That's my personal property!"

"I don't see how it's any different from snooping around my office." She picked up my diary. "What exactly is a Vampire Slayer?"

"None of your business."

"Beg to differ. Everything you do is nothing _but_ my business. Starting with this little charade of pretending you're Hannah Montana—"

"I think you should leave. Now!"

"Or what?" She got up. "You'll slay me? I'm real. I'm not some goblin you made up in your diary. Psychiatrists have a word for this: delusional. So from now on, you'll do what I say when I say or I'll show this to your father and both you _and_ your brother will spend your best dating years behind the walls of a mental institution. Yes, I went through his stuff, too. Your father and I are gonna be happy together, little girl, and you 2 are not gonna stand in our way. Good night!" She started to storm off.

I wasn't gonna stand for that. No one orders me around and _no one_ calls me little girl! I grabbed her hand holding my diary. "That's mine and you're not going anywhere with it."

"Take your hand off me. Now."

"I don't think so—"

She backhanded me. Hard.

Of course, I took that as an act of war. Any right-minded person would. So I instantly glared at her. "Oh, I was so hoping you'd do that." I punched her. I grabbed my diary and threw it on the bed.

She got up and knocked me onto the bed.

I grabbed her shin with my feet and tugged on it, yanking it enough to pull her to the ground again. I jumped up and threw her through the door and into the hall. The fight kept going down the hall.

Unfortunately for me, Dad saw. "Miley!"

Too late. I gave her one last kick and she fell down the stairs, landing by the piano.

Dad raced over to her unmoving body and inspected her. "She's dead."

I stared at her in disbelief. Uh oh.

**[commercial break]**

Later, the police was at the house, examining everything.

I was at the precinct with the main detective. "She was in my room. We kind of got into an argument."

"Was this the first time?" asked the detective.

"No. She threatened me…"

"Tonight?"

"No, a few days ago. Tonight, it was just…she stole my diary. I tried to get it back but she just wouldn't let me and…that's about when she hit me."

"Where?"

I indicated the spot where she'd hit me.

He looked. "Doesn't look like she hit you very hard."

I looked at him. "I don't bruise easily. Well, actually, I bruise like a cantaloupe, but they heal fast."

"So you've been hit before tonight?"

"Yes."

"By Margo?"

"No."

"Huh?"

"Look, I told you what happened! It was an accident, I didn't mean to…" I sighed.

"I believe you. Sometimes, things get out of hand."

I looked down.

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly and I are sitting in the student lounge. Then we notice Miley walking sadly up with Jackson.

Lilly: Miley! How've you been? Why are you here?

Miley: I couldn't stay home. Dad won't even look at me. (sits down next to Lilly as Jackson sits next to me)

Lilly: What happened?

Miley: We got in a fight and I really let her have it.

Lilly: The papers said she fell.

Miley: Oh, she fell. Hard.

Me: So what was she?

Miley: (looks at me) What?

Me: Come on, what was she? Demon? Another bug? Some sort of dark beast with the secrets to real estate and exquisite cuisine? I mean, we are talking creature feature, right?

Miley looks at me and then at her feet. Then I get it.

Me: Oh…

Miley: She was a person. And I killed her.

Jackson: It was an accident, Miles.

Miley: Jackson, I may be the Slayer, but I had no right to hurt her like that. Even if she did start it.

Jackson: Mile, I don't know exactly what happened last night. But I do know you. And I know that you would never intentionally hurt someone like that unless—

Miley: -unless they're dating my dad?

Yeah, none of us have a response to that.

Miley: (grabs her bag) I gotta go. (leaves)

**Lilly's POV**

Later, Ashley, Jackson, and I were surfing for info on the computers in the library. Giles was going over a few books in the cage.

Oliver was pacing. "Man, this is killing me! I just know that woman was up to something. Oh, if I could just get my hands on her—"

I, of course, gave him a look.

"—earlier this week."

"I thought you liked her," said Ashley.

"I like a lot of things that aren't good for me. But I know that Miley, no way, no how, would purposely go putting the hurt on an innocent."

"So we've gotta somehow prove that Margo wasn't innocent," said Jackson.

Oliver started going through his bag. "I am making some space for weapons. If that creep ends up making Miley go to jail, I am gonna lose it and I wanna be able to incapacitate myself before it makes me strangle—ooh, cookies!" He pulled out a zip-lock bag and opened it, pulling out a chocolate chip cookie.

"I don't get it," said Ashley, "If Miley's the Slayer, shouldn't she have—"

"What, a license to kill?" asked Jackson as Oliver started eating the cookie.

"Well, not for fun, obviously," said Ashley, "But she's like Superman. Shouldn't she have a 'get-out-of-jail-free' card for accidents? Or shouldn't there be different rules for her?"

"Look, Miley is _not_ going to jail!" I snapped, "It's not fair!"

"Whatever the authorities have planned for her," said Giles, "it can't be worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life and the guilt is hard to bear. It won't go away anytime soon."

"And I guess you should know," said Ashley, "Seeing as you helped to raise the demon that killed that guy that one time."

Giles glared at her. "Thank you for that, Ashley."

"You're welcome!"

I groaned. I quickly changed the subject: "So, Giles, taking over tonight?"

"Miley's not in any shape to take the patrol," Giles said, stuffing some weapons in a bag, "The least I can do is pick up the slack."

"Giles, you really shouldn't go out there without a Slayer," said Jackson.

"Until Miley regains her equilibrium, there is no Slayer. You guys keep investigating and I'll go to work."

"Be careful," I said.

"I will," Giles said, nodding before he left.

I finally pulled up Margo's profile. "Well, the only picture here is an employee ID. No mug-shot. She's got no criminal record!"

"Hey, she's not the kind of person that would go off breaking people out of jail," Oliver quickly defended her. Wait, defended her?

I looked at him. "What?"

"Yeah, Margo's a nice girl. I'm willing to stick up for her."

"What happened to 'this is killing me'?" asked Ashley.

"Well, worrying is not gonna solve our problems, is it?" Oliver said, shaking his cookie at her.

Then the cookie caught my eye. I snatched it and looked at it.

_Later…_

"I got it!" I raced up to the others, holding up the cookie in another zip-lock bag like it was evidence. "Apparently, the secret ingredient is not love."

"What'd you find?" asked Jackson.

"Well, I'm not positive, but I think there's traces of Dematorin in it. It's like a tranquilizer, it keeps you all mellow and compliant and shares components with Ecstasy."

"Nice work, Lil!" said Oliver, "This is evidence! Real evidence that Margo was some kind of crook! You are the best human ever and I adore you! …Well, that might be the cookies talking, but still, you rock!" I smiled. He did say "might."

Ashley then stopped typing. "And our little search finally hit pay dirt. No criminal record, but there's personal records, marriage certificates, and an address to go with our picture." She printed everything and handed it to me.

I snatched it. "Let's go get our Slayer back on her feet." As we walked out, I started thinking. "You know, the Dematorin isn't all I found in the cookies, there was something else. Not something that made the cookie, something that was the cookie."

"Uh…the cookie?" asked Jackson, scoffing.

"No, it was something else…I think it was a spell…"

**Normal POV**

Giles warily walked through the cemetery. Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching. He whirled around and held up a flashlight and a cross. "Ah!"

Jenny looked at him. "Yeah, I get that reaction from men all the time."

"Jenny, what are you doing here?" asked Giles.

"I saw your car and wanted to apologize. I was really harsh the other day and I'm so sorry. I mean, I know how bad you feel about putting me in danger last week…and—"

"—right in harm's view now."

Jenny whirled around and saw a Vampire coming for them.

**Miley's POV**

I was sitting cross-legged on my bed reading when it happened. First, I heard footsteps. "Dad? Jackson?" I walked over to the door to the hall and opened it. No one was there. "OK…" I closed it and locked it. Then I went over to the double doors leading to the deck and looked outside. No one there either. "Must have imagined it." I started to open the door to get some fresh air…and it wouldn't opened it. I examined it and saw the problem. "Nailed it shut. Well, it's official. This day couldn't get any worse." I turned around and gasped at what I saw…Margo.

Margo smiled. "Beg to differ."

**[commercial break]**

I started backing up. This was too freaky even for me. "But…you're dead."

"That's right. You killed me. Do we have something to say about that?"

"What are you?"

Margo scoffed. "I'm a salesman! You should've remembered: no matter how hard you pull them down…" She grabbed me arm and threw me across the room, knocking me into my makeup table and knocking it over in the process. "…a good salesman always bounces back."

**Normal POV**

Jenny jumped out of the way of the Vampire. It then crashed into Giles, knocking him down.

Giles held his cross in the Vamp's face. "MY BAG!"

Jenny started fumbling with the bag until she grabbed the crossbow.

Giles punched the Vampire, who wasn't fazed. So he punched harder and it pulled away enough for Giles to kick him off. While the Vamp was scrambling, Giles jumped up. The Vamp, however, jumped up and started wrestling with him.

Jenny finally loaded the bolt into the crossbow and aimed, but the Vamp's tussle with Giles wasn't giving her a clear shot.

**Miley's POV**

I jumped up and kicked Margo in the gut. She flinched, but she wasn't really affected. I punched her twice, but she just grabbed me by the throat and pinned me to the wall.

"See, I had to shut down for a while to get you off my back," Margo explained, "Your brother would go about his business at school and you'd deal with having killed me." She laughed. "You should've seen the ME's face when I got off the table, it was a hoot." She stopped laughing. "But fun's over, though." She grabbed my throat with her other hand and squeezed.

**Normal POV**

Jenny kept waiting for a point where she had a clear shot at the Vamp's heart. Finally, Giles got the Vamp in a headlock. "Say good night, big guy." She let the bolt fly…just as the Vamp tugged Giles enough to pull him into the line of fire and let the bolt hit him in the shoulder. "RUPERT!" She dropped the crossbow and started at him.

The Vamp backhanded her. "Nice shot, lady."

Jenny looked at him…

Giles yanked the bolt from his shoulder and stabbed the Vamp in the chest. The Vamp fell to the ground, exploding into ashes on the way.

Jenny just stared in shock and relief.

**Miley's POV**

I was choking. No doubt I was about to suffocate. Then I caught sight of a nail file lying in the heap that was the makeup table and snatched, stabbing Margo in the shoulder with it.

Margo pulled away, letting the nail file cut her. "That wasn't playing fair!" She looked at her wound. Then I looked. There was no blood. There was just wires and sparks and smoke. She was a robot! "You think you can just kill me with a scrap of metal?" She snatched the nail file and squeezed it. It broke into pieces. "You're about to find out…" She jerked her head back…her hair falling back to reveal pointed ears. "It's a beautiful day. Makes you feel like you're 18 again!" She turned back to me. "…I'm not wired that way."

I stared at her. What was going on?

Then she heard the sound of a door closing downstairs. So she kicked me in the head and knocked me out. Just before fading out, I stay her yank the door open despite the lock and race downstairs. "Don't worry about me and your father! We're gonna be very happy together!" With that, everything went black.

**Oliver's POV**

I look in the window of Margo's place. Dark and empty. I break the windowpane and push all the broken glass out of the way so we can climb in.

Lilly: (helping me climb in as she goes through the papers with Jackson) Careful!

I open the door from the inside and let Lilly, Jackson, and Ashley in.

Me: Better look around. And check for cookies. (everyone looks at me) For evidence!

Lilly: So far, I've counted like 6 marriage certificates. And no divorce papers. (realizes something) Whoa! The date on the first marriage is 1927! Marge must've married young. Like before she was a zygote young.

Ashley: That can't be possible. It must have printed wrong. (finishes looking and sighs) It doesn't look like anybody worked here, let alone lived here. I mean, look at this rug! It so doesn't go with the rest of the décor.

I then move the rug to reveal a trapdoor. Of course, I open in and we all start to climb in.

**Normal POV**

Robbie heard footsteps coming into the kitchen as he was going through the silverware. He sighed and put everything down. "Look, Mile, we need to—" He then saw who was coming. "Margo!"

"Robbie!" Margo pounced on him with a hug.

"But…but you're dead!"

"I was. For like 10 minutes. The doctors said that any longer could've caused brain damage but I'm alright!"

"Well, why didn't you tell us?"

"Nobody knew. They took me to the morgue. I was unconscious forever until the ME started the inspection and woke me up. It's a miracle!"

Robbie sighed. "Look, about Miley…she didn't mean to—"

"I know. Don't worry about Miley and Jackson…don't worry about a thing. Momma's here."

**Oliver's POV**

We look around the basement. An old record player starts playing old music when we turn on the lights and the place is furnished like an apartment. From 75 years ago.

Ashley: Nice place. If it's the 50's and you're a psycho.

Lilly: (finally realizes something) Hey, hand me that magnifying glass.

Jackson sees the magnifying glass she's referring to lying on a table and hands it to her.

Lilly: (looks at the picture with it) Look, at Margo's ears. They're pointed. She's an Elf! Her natural charm to make people love her must be in the Dematorin instead of her airs. That's why the cookies were enchanted and didn't just tranquilize us.

I then notice a door. I open in and look in the closet…and quickly shut it. I start out.

Jackson: Where are you going? We need evidence!

Me: We've got it!

Ashley: What's in the closet?

Me: Her first 6 husbands.

**Normal POV**

"You know what brought me back, Robbie?" asked Margo as Robbie started putting up some old dishes, "It was you. I couldn't go into that light, I had to come back for you."

"Maybe you should sit down—"

"I'm fine! Never better!"

"Look, I think we should talk about how to break the news to Miley and Jackson. I mean, they're the ones—"

Margo glared at him. "Do we have to talk about Miley and Jackson right now? Oh, don't worry about poor old Margo! She's just the one that died!" She grabbed him by the arm. "Marry me, please. Run away with me. Forget about those 2 little twerps. You and I…" She jerked her head back again. "Want a little gravy with that?" She looked back at him. "…can go someplace where we'll always be happy."

"Nyah!" Robbie raced off.

"Robbie, wait!" She growled. "I should've stuck with my incarnate." She raced off after him, her circuitry giving off the noises of a short and making her head twitch as she walked.

_At the graveyard…_

Jenny held a handkerchief to Giles' wound. "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to…I was just trying to—"

"It's alright. I don't think it went in too far. One of the advantages of tweed."

She took away the handkerchief. There was blood on it. "We should still get you to the hospital."

"Yes, please move slowly."

_Back at Miley's house…_

Margo caught up with Robbie and grabbed his arm again. "You're gonna love the house I got us. It's furnished just the way you like it. I spent a lot of…" She jerked her head again. "…telling me what to do!" She looked back at him. "…time decorating."

"Then I better go pack!" He started off again, but she didn't let him go.

"I already have everything for you. I know everything about you. He left me once. I wouldn't stand for it. I made myself like this. I made him come back. Again and again and again. He just wouldn't love me like you do. He doesn't know like you learned. Husband and wife is forever." She twitched. "Forever."

Just then, Miley kicked her own door down.

Margo heard it. "Let's go." She started to drag Robbie off.

"I don't think so!" Robbie pulled himself free.

Margo glared at him. "She told you, didn't she? You know about it—she's tearing us apart!" She glared down the hall. "Miley, come out!" She twitched. "I don't stand for this malarkey in my house!"

"Aunt Marge?"

Margo whirled around.

Miley whacked her as hard as she could with a frying pan. "This is my house!" She honed all her strength and smacked the frying pan on Margo's head, breaking it until the wiring broke and overloaded. She was gone.

**Miley's POV**

Dad and I were on the porch the next morning.

"You wanna rent a movie tonight?" I asked, trying to help him cheer up.

"Sure. Just nothing with horror. Or romance. Or women."

"Well, that really narrows down the list."

Dad smiled. "I'm sorry, Mile, it's just…that whole situation back there was kind of freaky."

"Don't you know that men dating robots happens all the time?"

Dad smiled again. "Well, I keep getting scared that she's just gonna jump out at me. Especially after what they found in her apartment. It was horrible."

"Trust me, she's not coming back. She's in a scrap heap."

For that, we exchanged some laughs. I'm just happy I was able to get by with the robot story without telling him what was really going on with me.

**Oliver's POV**

As Miley, Lilly, Jackson, Ashley, and I make our way down the halls to the library, I start going over what we know.

Me: So I am Margo, the sickly Elf. It's the 20's and my natural love-charm is wearing off as I slowly die, making my "true love" leave me. Since I can't hold onto him or my own life, I build a better Margo and put my soul into her, allowing her to get rid of her charm and put it in her Dematorin stash, which allows her to enchant anyone who gets in the way of getting to the makeshift incarnate of her "true love" and then she just keeps bringing him back, locking him in the "bunker-of-love" until he dies and then taking each next one. This last time, she can't get to her incarnate and sets her sights on a lonely widower who knows what it's like to lose someone and would never leave her after such so she goes after him, constantly trying to get his kids out of the way, and ends up as a scrap heap in a pile of crazy.

Miley: That's pretty much it, yeah.

Lilly: The sad part is that the real Elf-Margo must've been a genius beyond real estate. There were design features in that robot that—

Miley: Lil, tell me you didn't keep any parts.

Lilly: Not any big ones. (Miley gives her a look) I'll take them to the junkyard later.

Ashley: Can we drop the subject?

Jackson: Absolutely.

Miley: I'm with you. I plan to forget the whole thing.

She goes into the library and immediately comes back.

Miley: That's it! I give up! Do I have to pull the fire alarm every time I walk into a room?

We wonder what she was talking about as she walks off and decide to look…to find Giles and Jenny kissing.

**Normal POV**

The sorceress saw all this in her crystal ball. "Elf? How'd that get worked in there?" She waved her hand over the crystal ball.

_Hannah crawled on her knees into the back room. "Me and my chauffeur must discuss this in private and I must insist you let no one know I was here!" She went into the backroom and closed the door._

_"Absolutely!" said Margo, "Trying to forget about it myself." She sat down at her desk and turned the phone back on. While she started talking, she looked in the mirror…and brushed her hair back to reveal pointed ears._

"She was already a Wizard World Elf? How'd I miss that?" She snapped her fingers and the crystal ball's light went out. "At least she's dead and I don't have to worry about it. Hope I didn't miss anything else…"

**END EPISODE**


	12. Bad Eggs

Chapter 12: Bad Eggs

**Miley's POV**

"Dad, it was under $100!" I was complaining as Dad led me through the mall.

"You looked like a streetwalker!" Dad said.

"A thin streetwalker," I responded. He looked at me. "Guess that's not the winning argument."

"Look, you were just too young to wear that," Dad replied.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna be too young to wear it until I'm too old to wear it."

"That's the idea." Dad stopped walking. "OK, I'll go get us something to eat, you go pick up the guitar I went to get repaired."

"Got it." I started to walk off, then looked at him. "Why can't we just use Lucky Lulu?"

"Hey, Lulu's special…and she's, like most older California women, having some work done on her neck."

I smiled and walked off. But halfway down the escalator, I got the feeling that something wasn't right. I looked around and saw a cowboy-dressed guy talking to a girl. And that cowboy guy was definitely a Vampire! I instantly raced to follow them. I caught up with them in an old arcade. I looked around for them and found them at a pinball machine.

The girl was playing away and paying no attention to the cowboy guy.

"Turn around," said the cowboy, "I got something to show you."

"Wait a sec," said the girl, "This is my high score."

The cowboy guy, in Vamp form, took off his hat and brushed away her hair. "Well, ain't you just got the prettiest little neck I ever did see."

I sighed. "Wow. You guys never come up with any new lines, do you?"

The girl looked at me, finally turning away from her game. "Do you mind? We were talking here."

I got an idea. I walked closer to the Vamp. "But you promised me you'd never cheat on me again, honey."

The girl got the message and picked up her bag. "I'd better go."

The Vamp smirked. "But I ain't done yet."

That's when the girl looked at him. Upon seeing his face, she ran out at top speed.

The Vamp put on his hat and started walking closer to me. "Alright, sugar. Giddy-up."

I punched him in the face. Then, to keep him from fighting back, I kneed him in the groin. He instantly grabbed it in pain, giving me an opportunity to knock him back into an old skeeball machine.

The Vamp looked at me and smiled. "Oh, you're a rough one, ain't you? I like that." He moved to punch me, but I ducked. Unfortunately, that gave him a chance to grab me and throw me into the pinball machine. He grabbed me by the shirt. "You must be that Slayer I been hearing so much about. Hear you're from my homeland."

"Yeah, and I thought I ditched your kind of Vamps when I left Tennessee!" I kicked him.

He smirked at me. "Lyle Gorch. Pleased to meet you."

I smacked him as hard as I could, throwing him back into a token machine. "Pleasure's mine." I jumped off the machine and onto him.

He tuck-and-rolled out of the way, making sure he didn't drop his hat, while I whipped out my stake. He glared at me. "This ain't over." With that, he ran off.

I sighed. "Oh, sure. They say they'll call." I put up my stake and ran off. I met my dad in the food court and the first thing he noticed was the one thing I forgot.

"Where's my guitar?" he asked.

Of course, I started panicking. _Oops._

"Let me guess. Distracted by a boy?"

"Technically," I said as I sat down.

"Miley…"

"I can go get it now. I'll be done in 2 minutes tops!"

"They're closed. I'll just have to fit it in tomorrow."

"I'm really sorry, I—"

"A little responsibility is all I ask. I know you've got 2 lives to juggle and all…"

I sighed again. "You have no idea."

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchel Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Oliver's POV**

Ashley and I are kissing in the closet.

Ashley: Oliver…I'm kind of worried…we're gonna miss class…

I turn on the light.

Me: You know, this would go a lot better if you didn't talk.

Ashley: Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off.

She turns off the light. We go back to kissing. Then I process what she said and yank on the cord to turn the lights on again.

Me: What are you saying? That you can't look at me when we do this?

Ashley: No, it's not that I can't, it's just more…I don't want to.

Me: Great. That's just dandy. We're repulsed by each other. How are we supposed to work this stuff out? I mean, we're already hiding from our friends—

Ashley: Well, I should hope so. I mean, please.

Me: All-in-all, this is just not what I call a big self-esteem booster.

Ashley: Tell me about it. Just look at you! And, tell me, where did you get those shoes?

Me: OK, you know what? I don't need this.

Ashley: Ditto!

We both reach for the doorknob. Our hands collide. Suddenly, we're kissing again. Then we fall on the floor. Then we simultaneously reach for the cord and turn the lights off.

**Lilly's POV**

Oliver and I walked into the library to find Miley and Giles going over some stuff.

"Hey," said Miley, "Sorry I wasn't in class. Vampire stuff. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was absent?"

"I think the word you're looking for is 'absent,'" I said, "Tardy people show. And, yes, he did notice. So he wanted me to give you this." I handed her…

"A sack of flour?" Miley asked, "As far as punishments go, this is fairly abstract."

"No, it's your baby!"

"OK, now I get it even less."

"It's one of those home ec. 'pretend-it's-your-kid things."

Oliver nodded and put his arm around me. "And Lilly and I got paired up. Coincidence?"

"Oliver, everyone picked partners and we were the only 2 left!"

Miley looked at her flour. "What, I can't take care of this thing! I'm not good at taking care of things! I killed my Furbie! Literally, I sat on it and it broke."

"You'll do fine!" Oliver said, "The only thing that stresses me is when do we tell little Ollie Jr. he's adopted?"

I just had to smirk at that one. "Ollie Jr.? You're lucky it's a boy."

"I'll just lay that one off on my partner," Miley said, "Who'd I get?"

I hesitated. "Well…there were an uneven number of students and…you didn't show, so…"

Miley looked at me. "I'm a single mother?"

"Jackson can help you out."

"Oh, no!" Miley was even more worried now. "And do you know what else that says about me? I'm doomed to lead my father's life! How deeply scary is that?"

"How about this?" Oliver suggested, "It says nothing because it means nothing because this whole flour experiment is completely pointless!"

"Aha!" Giles walked up with a book. "It seems this Lyle Gorch is rather famous with the Vamps." He showed us a picture. "That's Lyle and that's his brother Tector. They're from Abilene. They earned their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886. And that was before they became Vampires. But the good news is that they're not amongst the great thinkers of our time. I doubt that they're up to much, probably just brought here by the Hell-Mouth's energy."

"Enough said," said Oliver, "I propose Miley slays them. All in favor?"

"Aye," I added.

"I don't think we should underestimate them," said Giles, "You may even need to have some help if…" He then noticed something wrong. "We are you all carrying sacks of flour."

I ignored the question and looked at Miley smilingly. "Hey, maybe Angel can help you."

Giles looked at me and nodded. "Yes. Yes, not a bad idea. Strength in numbers."

"Right," Oliver said, "I see a lot of hunting getting done in that scenario."

Miley gave him a look. "Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion."

**Miley's POV**

OK, so maybe I exaggerated a little on my comeback. That night in the graveyard, Angel and I were kissing like crazy.

I parted a little. "You know, this really isn't hunting in the classical sense. We should…"

Angel nodded. "Right."

3…2…1… We started kissing again. Finally, we stopped. We started looking around.

"You see anything?" I asked him.

"No."

"OK, enough hunting."

"Yeah."

We kept kissing.

**Normal POV**

In a nearby tree, the Gorch brothers were watching.

"That the Slayer?" Tector asked.

"Yup," Lyle answered.

"Ain't that Angelus with her?"

"Yep."

"Well, how come she ain't slaying? And how come he's about to make me sick?"

"I don't know, Tector. How come you're always asking so many stupid questions?"

"So. You wanna take him or do you want me to?"

"I say we leave it. Wait till she's alone."

"Why? You scared?"

"No. I could whip 'em both right now if I wanted to."

"Then why don't you?"

"'Cause I got me a plan. And I'm the one that does the thinking, remember?"

"Yeah. You do the thinking, Lyle. That's definitely your department. So why don't you tell me why we can't just kill them now?"

**Miley's POV**

I went through some stuff in my room that night. "OK, flour baby. Let's see…feeding, check. Burping, ugh. Check. Diapers…sort of. In theory, I guess." I got in bed, the flour in a blanket bed I'd put together on my bedside table. I smiled at it. "Night, Flour-ence." I then turned out the light and rolled over to go to sleep. So I didn't see something weird going on with the flour…as in a slimy tentacle popping out of it and worming its way over to me! Ew!

**[commercial break]**

I woke up to my alarm clock beeping annoyingly. I slammed it off. I took my sack of flour downstairs to the kitchen to find Dad and Jackson eating away.

Jackson smirked at me. "Hey, Miles. How's the parenting going?"

I looked at him. "Fine."

Jackson looked at me. "What, no witty comeback?"

"Your brother's right," said Dad, "Are you feeling OK, Bud?"

I sighed. "I'm fine, Dad, just feeling a little funky."

Dad felt my head. "You don't have a fever."

"It's not that. I just didn't sleep well."

"What's the matter, your flour keep you up all night?" Jackson asked.

I glared at him. "You're killing me. Parenting's a pain."

"Wait till it starts dating," Dad said, smirking.

I smiled at him and grabbed some toast before walking off with my flour.

**Oliver's POV**

Giles walks out of the stacks to see me, Lilly, Miley, and Jackson there.

Giles: Oh. Why are you 4 hanging about? Don't you have classes to attend?

Lilly: Health class kind of got cancelled. Mr. Whitmore is out.

Jackson: And I've got free period at college for like the next 20 minutes.

Giles: Oh. Very well. Could you guys give me a hand?

Miley, Lilly, and Jackson: No.

Me: Sure.

I walked into the stacks, leaving Lilly and Miley to handle our 2 sacks of flour.

Giles: How did the hunt go last night, Miley?

Miley: No go.

Giles: 'No' you didn't go or 'no' you were unsuccessful?

Miley: No Gorches.

Jackson: Apparently Miley has decided that the problem with the English language is all those pesky words.

Me: Here, let me translate for her. You. Angel. Big. Smoochies?

Miley: Shut. Up.

Giles: It's true, Miley, you and Lilly do a seem a bit sluggish.

Jackson: On the other hand, I'm just lazy.

Lilly: Maybe it's something we ate.

Me: Or perhaps it's the burden of motherhood. I notice how seriously you 2 are taking this flour thing.

Lilly and Miley held the flour sacks closer. Ashley then walked in.

Ashley: Figures you guys would all be hanging in the dungeon when something major is going on. Mr. Whitmore didn't show today. He's missing. Presumed dead.

Giles: Presumed by whom?

Ashley: Well, me.

Giles: I think we should give him a few hours before we give up on him.

Ashley: Well, I think we should look around. Don't _you_, _Oliver_?

Me: It can wait.

Ashley: Well, his body could fall out of a closet somewhere. So we should check some closets to see if he's in a closet.

I finally get where she's going.

Me: You're right. There could be a closet. Let's go.

I run off with her.

**Miley's POV**

"Have you noticed them getting weirder?" Lilly asked.

I sighed. "They're weird." I looked at Giles. "Should I feel bad about not looking for Mr. Whitmore?"

"You should save your energy for hunting the Gorches," said Giles, "Besides, if you're still feeling sluggish…"

"No worries," Lilly said, "Angel's helping out, right?"

"He does what he can," I said.

_That night…_

Yeah, you guessed it. Angel and I were kissing in the graveyard again.

I pulled myself enough away from him to breathe. "As much as I hate to say this, we should really go kill some bad guys."

"It's late, you should get home," Angel said.

"What about the Gorches?"

"I'll hunt."

"Really? You'd do that?"

"It's not like I have an early day tomorrow."

"Right. I still have to go home and take care of my flour."

"What?"

"That faux parenting gig we're doing at school. Like I'm gonna have kids anytime soon. I mean, maybe sometime in the future, you know, when I'm done having a life. Or, 3 lives. You know what I mean. Right now, kids would be just a little too much to deal with."

Angel sighed. "I wouldn't know. I don't…well, you know, I can't…"

I got it. "Oh! Right. That's OK, um…I guess I knew there was some stuff you guys couldn't really do. Like get a tan or eat Italian or make baby Vampires."

"Well, the garlic thing is kind of a myth, but… So you don't really think about the future?"

I sighed. "Angel…when I look into the future…all I see is you. All I want is you."

Angel nodded. "I know the feeling."

With that, we kept kissing.

**Normal POV**

A security guard was checking around the school. Suddenly, he heard a weird noise. He followed it and saw that the basement door that was supposed to be locked was open. He went through it to inspect the area. As he turned on his flashlight, the sound kept getting closer. "Hello? Anyone down here?" He came to a storage area. He pushed some boxes out of the way to find a hole in the wall. As he peeked in, someone came up behind him and knocked him in the head with a crowbar, knocking him out. The someone pulled him out of the hole and into the light to reveal himself as Mr. Whitmore, the missing teacher.

**Miley's POV**

I walked into my room through the double glass doors and went to check on my flour…to find it shaking. I leaned in closer, turning on my light. At the last minute, it burst open, letting loose a demonic creature shaped like a scorpion and made up of some sort of flabby substance. I jumped out of the way before it could jump on me, making it land on the floor and scurry under my bed with a screech. I looked around for something I could use as a weapon and came across an iron. I grabbed it and began to sneak closer to the creature. I knelt down by my bed and whipped up the bed-skirt…to find the underside empty. Nothing. The creature was gone. I started looking around to see where it would've gone. Suddenly, it fell from the ceiling and onto my shoulder. I quickly whipped it off and it scurried across the floor to hide behind my desk. I rapidly swapped my iron for a knife I kept on my desk and began to prepare to stab it. I walked over to my bed…and sensed its creeping presence on the wall behind me. I whirled around and stabbed it, making it screech even louder. I kept cutting and cutting until I knew it was dead. Once I was sure I was safe, I grabbed the phone and dialed Lilly.

_"Hello?"_

"Lilly, are you OK?"

_"Why shouldn't I be?"_

"Your flour, is it doing anything?"

_"Doing what?"_

"Break it! Break it right now! Tear up the paper and smash whatever's inside with something really heavy!"

_"Miley, what's up with you?"_

"My flour. It went postal on me. It hatched this creepy-crawly. It attacked me!"

_"Are you OK?"_

"Yeah. But what about your flour?"

_"It's totally normal. Oliver and I are taking turns watching it and tonight is my turn so I put it in the pantry."_

"Oh. Wait, didn't you watch it last night?"

_"Long story. Look, maybe your flour was a trap. Something the Gorch brothers planted for you."_

I realized she had a point and sighed. "You're right. I overreacted. I shouldn't have woken you. Go back to sleep."

_"Are you sure?"_

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

**Normal POV**

"OK, I'll see you tomorrow," Lilly said. Finally, she hung up…laying the phone right next to her broken flour sack. Or should I say egg sac. As she hung up the phone, her expression faded and her face was totally blank.

**Miley's POV**

I hung up the phone. That's when I heard Dad coming. My first instinct was to pull my blanket enough down from the covers to block his view of the dead creature. Of course, me on the phone in the middle of the night, fully dressed…yeah, you can guess where that went.

_The next morning…_

I walked up to school, bummed that I was now grounded. The first person I saw that I knew was Ashley. I smiled at her teddy bear backpack. "Nice bear."

Ashley looked at me. "I'll have you know my dad gave me this bear years ago. It's designer! I just wasn't wearing it for a while because these trends started up with it amongst the preschoolers. But then it hit me: I'm the one who started this whole nationwide school craze. What do I have to be ashamed of?"

I looked at her. "OK, Soliloquy Girl, I just wanted to ask about your flour."

"It's in my bear."

"So your flour isn't acting odd or anything?"

"It doesn't act anything, Miley, it's an egg. It doesn't emote." With that, Ashley walked off.

Lilly walked up to me. "Hey."

"Hi," I said. The 2 of us started to walk towards Oliver while Jackson and Ashley walked up (yeah, Ashley didn't stay gone long, did she?).

"So," Lilly said, "Any more hatchling activity last night?"

"No. You were probably right. Just something the Vamps left for me. Besides, everyone else's flour seems perfectly normal."

"So you brought the thing that attacked you?" asked Jackson.

"Yeah, Giles wanted to see it. He's in full research mode."

"Well, bring it to the science lab," said Lilly, "And I'll get Giles and we'll analyze it."

"Great. You know what I always say: a day without an autopsy is like a day without sunshine."

Oliver was sitting on a bench examining a sack of flour one of the other students had left. As we walked up, he noticed a tear in the bag, saw what was inside, and fell over backwards, shrieking like a little girl.

**Oliver's POV**

Miley, Jackson, Ashley, and I were all in the science lab, looking at the creature in the dissection tray.

Me: Can I just say (I shudder)?

Jackson: I'll see your (shudders) and raise you a (acts disgusted).

Ashley: What is it?

Me: We don't know what it is, Ash, that's why we're here. Capische?

Lilly walked up.

Miley: Where's Giles? I thought you went to get him.

Lilly: He said to get started and that he'll be here as soon as possible.

Jackson: OK then. Let's get started. Dissect it or something.

Miley: You're college boy.

She handed him a scalpel.

Jackson: Me? What—we don't even know what we're looking for!

None of us notice a party going on in Ash's backpack.

Me: Well, at least we know what happened to Mr. Whitmore.

Ashley: He saw this and ran away?

Miley: Try "best-case scenario."

Lilly: It's possible Mr. Whitmore wasn't even harmed. Maybe the offspring simply used him to return to the mother bezoar.

Me: Oh. What?

Suddenly, Ashley faints.

Jackson: Hey, what's going on—

Suddenly, Ashley jumps back up and whacks him and Miley with a pole. Lilly then grabs a blender or something and knocks me out. Yes, I was beaten by a girl and I admitted it.

**Miley's POV**

I turn on the light in the broom closet we're locked in. I lean over to wake up Jackson and Oliver. "Boys! Come on! Wake up!"

Jackson gets up, rubbing his head. "Ow, my head!"

Oliver looks at us, groaning. "Last time Ash dragged me in here, it was a lot nicer." Jackson and I both looked at him. "Uh, nothing. Crazy talk. Head trauma."

"What's going on with the girls?" Jackson asked.

"I don't know, but it has something to do with the hatchlings," I said, trying to get the door open, "I'm sure of it."

"What, are they possessed?"

"I don't know but they sure wanted us out of the way."

"So why not kill us?" asked Oliver, "Why drag us in here?"

I then caught sight of the answer to his question. "Uh, because of that!"

Oliver looked to see 2 sacks of flour on the floor. "OH! Bad now!"

I grabbed a tool box from the shelf and, with all my might, slammed it on the egg sacs, smashing them before the hatchlings could…well, hatch. I then kicked open the lock and opened the door to the broom closet, racing out at full speed with the boys. We ran to the library. "Giles!" I cried.

"Giles!" Oliver said. Nothing. "He must be out somewhere."

"Well, he picked some time to get a life," Jackson said, "What do we do now?"

"Nothing," I said, "We can't fight these things until we know something about them."

"Lilly said something," said Oliver, "A name."

"Right, uh…a bozo! No, not a bozo."

"A bezoar!"

"That's it! OK. Now we…look it up."

"In what?"

"A book?" I caught sight of a book on the table. I went for it. "Giles said he was gonna try to find something." I looked at the illustration to see that it matched the hatchlings. "And I'd say he found something."

Jackson then felt something under his foot and looked to see the remains of a flour sack. "I'd say something found him."

I quickly read the book. "'Pre-prehistoric parasite. The mother hibernates underground laying eggs. The offspring, once hatched, then attach themselves to a host and takes control of their motor functions through neural clamping.' So people are taking orders from momma bezoar."

"Which begs the question," said Jackson, "'what does momma want?'"

"Somebody help me!" we heard Rico whining in the hall, "Get this thing off me! Get it off me! AAHH! Help!"

All 3 of us raced into the hall to see what was wrong.

I raced up to Rico. "You OK?"

Rico looked at me. "I'm fine. I slipped." With that, he walked off.

I looked at the boys. "I think I hear Mommy calling."

"Uh-huh," said Oliver as the 3 of us started to follow Rico.

We followed him into the basement to find a hole in the wall. We, of course, followed Rico through it. We stopped at a corner and looked to see all the infected people digging up something.

"What are they digging up?" Jackson asked.

I stood up a little higher and just barely got a glimpse of what was obviously the momma. "Sweet nibblets."

"So what do we do now?" asked Oliver.

"Well, we can't let them spread those eggs," I said, catching sight of the eggs they were collecting and stuffing in, you guessed it, flour sacks.

"I'll handle it. Can you hold down the fort?"

"Well, I'm gonna need a weapon. A big one." I walked off. Jackson stayed where he was to spy. Oliver went to deal with the egg issue. I made my way into the basement…to find the Gorch brothers there.

"I told you this weren't over," said Lyle.

"She's so cute," said Tector, "And little. Think we can keep her?"

"Guys, this really isn't the time," I said.

"Oh, it's gonna be," said Lyle.

Both of them started to attack, so I ducked out of the way and kicked them in the guts, knocking them back. Lyle jumped me again…and both of us fell through the hole and into the bezoar chamber.

Infected Lilly looked at me and Lyle. "Kill them."

Some of the mind-slaves started at us. I quickly did a spin-kick to knock them out and let Lyle fend for himself.

"What's going on here?" Lyle asked as he smacked back someone.

"Long story!" I responded, kicking someone back myself. Then Lyle moved to hit me.

**Oliver's POV**

I follow Ashley through a hall since she's carrying a carton of the flour eggs. I quickly grab it and throw it out of the way. She moves to hit me but I duck just in time.

Me: Ashley, I don't wanna hurt you. Some of the time.

I move for the flour eggs but she smacks me in the back of the head.

Me: OW! That's it, sister! It's on!

I kick her in the gut, knocking her down.

**Miley's POV**

I was still fighting off Lyle and the infected people at the same time.

Tector then came down. Before he could join the fight, he caught sight of the momma bezoar. "Well, lookee here." Suddenly, the eye opened to look at him. "Well, hello." A tentacle reached out and grabbed him. It pulled him in and we didn't see him again.

Lyle saw the whole thing, too. "Tector!" Nothing. "Tector?" He turned to glare at me. "This is all your fault!"

I looked at him. "How?"

He just grabbed me and flipped me. While I was down, Infected Lilly came at me with a pickaxe. I jumped out of the way, letting the pickaxe implant itself on the ground and not my head. But that's when the momma bezoar reached a tentacle out to grab my feet. I grabbed the pickaxe as she pulled me in, hoping it would stay. It didn't. It got pulled in with me. But it did give me a weapon. And while I was in the hole, I gave the momma bezoar a hack-and-slash I knew would kill her. It did. And as it died, all the infected people fainted and the bezoar babies released them and died as well. I came out of the whole covered in guts. Yeah, ew. But that did scare off Lyle.

"You're right," said Lyle, "It's over." With that, he ran off at full speed.

**Oliver's POV**

Giles is trying to calm the masses.

Giles: It was a, uh, gas leak, everyone. Don't worry, you'll be fine. These gas things, they will happen.

He walks up to me.

Giles: Uh, what really happened?

Me: I'll tell you later. Stick with the gas thing for now.

With that, he walks off, leaving me alone with Jackson, Ashley, and Lilly.

Jackson: How are you girls doing?

Lilly looks at me.

Lilly: Did I really hit you?

Me: Yeah. Knocked me out.

Ashley: And did I really hit you?

Me: Yes! OK, everyone hit me!

Ashley: Good. Not because I hit you, I just don't wanna be left out.

**Miley's POV**

Dad walked up to me. "There you are! What happened?"

I sighed. "Gas leak. Bad things."

"Yeah. Why weren't you coming home when it happened?"

"In case you haven't noticed, nobody did."

"Yeah, but you're grounded."

I then caught onto the flaw in my plan. "Oh. Right. I'm double now?"

"Oh yeah. You're not leaving your room."

I nodded. "Got it. I won't leave my room."

_That night…_

Angel and I were kissing again.

"Are you sure you're not gonna get in trouble?" Angel asked.

"Hey, I earned this," I said, "Besides, I'm not breaking any rules."

"Miley! Are you going to bed?"

"In a minute, Dad!" I kept kissing Angel from the balcony of my room. Totally found a loophole.

**END EPISODE**


	13. Surprise 1

Chapter 13: Surprise

**Miley's POV**

I tossed and turned in bed. Finally, I got up and walked down the hall. I walked through a door to find myself in the Bronze.

I found Lilly sitting at a table, talking to a monkey. "_Le hippo a pique ton pantalon_."

From studying French, I realize that she said "the hippo stole his pants." Wondering what she meant, I walked over to her.

She and the monkey both smiled at me and waved.

I gingerly waved back and walked off. I walked up to Dad.

Dad looked at me. "Do you really think you're ready, Bud?"

I looked at him. "What?"

Suddenly, he dropped the plate he was holding, letting it fall to the floor and shatter. He simply walked off.

I walked in the other direction. Suddenly, the dance floor cleared down the center to reveal Angel standing there. I looked at him and smiled.

He started to walk closer.

I walked closer to him.

But by the time we were 5 feet away, Drusilla walked up behind him in Vamp mode and staked him.

"ANGEL!" I reached for him but his hand turned to dust before we could touch and the rest of him fell soon after. I looked at Drusilla.

Drusilla, still in Vamp mode, smirked. "Happy birthday, Miley."

That's when I woke up. The whole thing had been a dream. But it felt so real…

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchel Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

I frantically knocked on the door to Angel's abandoned apartment.

"Hold on." Angel answered. He took one look at me and knew something was wrong. "Hey. Is everything OK?"

"That's what I was gonna ask you," I told him, "You're OK, right?"

"Sure. I'm fine."

I walked in.

He closed the door. "What's up?"

"I had a dream…that Drusilla was alive."

Angel looked at me, concerned. "What happened?"

I sighed, sadly. "She killed you. Right in front of me."

"It was just a dream, it wasn't real."

"But it felt so real…"

"It wasn't. I'm right here."

"Angel, it's happened before. The dreams I had about the Master, they came true."

"But still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?"

I hesitated. "I dreamt that Giles and I opened up an office-supply warehouse in Vegas." We both had to laugh at that. "Yeah, I don't see that coming true any time soon."

"So you see my point."

I smiled. "Yeah, I do." I stopped smiling. "But what if Drusilla _is _alive? We never saw any ashes or a body."

"She's not. And even if she was, we'd deal."

"But what if she's—"

Before I could worry anymore, he pulled me in for a kiss. I'll saw no more: Meow!

Angel finally parted. "What if what?"

I looked at him. "I'm sorry, were we talking?"

He smiled and we kept kissing. Let's just say I think I lost count of the seconds at 30.

I let go. "Sorry, I have to go to school."

"I know."

I started to leave but found myself pulled back in and we kept kissing even more.

"You have to go to school."

"I know." I started to walk closer to the door. "Here I go…headed for the door… Look at me, I've turned into Lilly!"

Angel smiled.

I, leaning against the door, turned to look at him one last time…and found myself kissing him again. I felt it, we both did. There was that spark that'd never fade. So why did I get the feeling it wasn't ours?

Angel pulled away after a while. "You know, you still haven't told me what you wanted for your birthday."

I smiled at him. "Surprise me."

With that, we kissed one last time.

I smiled wider. "This is nice. I kind of like seeing you first thing in the morning."

"It's bedtime for me," Angel pointed out half-jokingly.

"Well, then I like seeing you at bedtime. Um…you know what I mean."

"I think so."

Pause for giggles.

Angel looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"I like being around you," I answered, "And the part at the end of the day where we say goodbye? It's getting harder."

"Yeah. It is."

**Lilly's POV**

"'I like seeing you at bedtime'?" I asked Miley as the 2 of us made our way to school, "You actually _said_ that?"

"Totally unplanned," Miley explained, "It just came out."

"And he was into it? He wants to see you at bedtime, too?"

"I think so. He's cool about it. Of course, he's cool about everything with the whole brooding thing going on."

"Well, maybe it's just that he _is _cool. He would never push. He's not the pushy type."

Miley sighed. "Lil, what am I gonna do?"

"Well, what do you _wanna_ do?"

"I don't know. I mean, want isn't always the right thing to do. To act on want can be wrong. But to not act…I mean, what if I never feel this way again?"

"_Carpe diem_. You told me that once."

"'Fish of the day'?"

"Not carp! _Carpe_! It means 'seize the day.'"

"Right. And I think I will. You know, once you get to a certain point where seizing is sort of inevitable."

I looked bright and cheery suddenly. "Wow."

"What?" Miley followed my gaze to see Oz sitting nearby playing with his guitar. "Oh! Any spark-age?"

"He's nice. And I like his hands."

"Aha! A fixation on an insignificant detail! Definite crush sign!"

"Well, I don't know. He's a senior."

"You think he's too old 'cause he's a year older? Please! _My _boyfriend had a bicentennial!"

"That's true. I guess I just…"

"You can't spend the rest of your life waiting for Oliver to wake up and smell the hottie. If he really likes you, he'll get with you someday. But in the meantime, there's still a probability that he won't so you gotta get out there, girl! And I'm sure Oz could be the cool for you. Make a move. Do the talking thing."

"Well, what if the talking thing becomes the awkward silence thing?"

"Well, you won't know until you try." With that, Miley walked off.

I sighed and started over to Oz.

Oz stopped playing his guitar and smiled. "Hey."

"Do you guys have a gig tonight?"

"No. Practice. See, our band's kind of moving towards this new sound…because right now, we stink on ice. So…practice."

"I think you guys sound good."

"Thanks."

"I bet you have a lot of groupies."

"Well, actually, I'm living groupie free nowadays. I'm clean."

"Oh." I smiled.

"I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night. And I'm kind of nervous about it actually."

I smiled wider. "Well, if it helps, I'm gonna say 'yes!'"

"Cool. So…here goes: will you go out with me tomorrow night?"

I then realized the flaw in our plan. "Oh! No, I can't!"

"See? I like that you're unpredictable."

"It's just that…it's Miley's birthday. And we're throwing her a surprise party."

"That's OK."

"But you could come! If you wanted."

"I don't wanna crash."

"No, it's fine! You could be…my date."

Oz smiled. "Alright. I'm in."

I walked off, beaming. "I said 'date'!"

**Oliver's POV**

I was looking at Ashley in the hall as she opened her locker.

Me: So, Miley's birthday party tomorrow night.

Ashley: Just 'cause she's Miss Save-the-World-then-Write-a-Top-10-Song doesn't mean we have to make a big deal about it.

Me: You could at least act helpful.

Ashley: I am! I have to cook!

I look at her.

Ashley: I'm chips-and-dips girl.

Me: Ooh! Horrors! All that opening and stirring!

Ashley: And shopping and carrying!

Me: (sarcastically) You should have someone to do that for you.

Ashley: That's what I keep telling my father, but does he listen?

Me: Look, anyway…you're going…and I'm going…maybe we should…go?

Ashley: Why?

Me: Well, because, even though our friends don't know, we are kind of dating…

Ashley: Oliver, making out in a broom closet is not dating. You don't call it a date until a guy spends money.

Me: Fine. I'll spend _then _we'll make out. Whatever. I just think it's some kind of whack that we have to hide from our friends.

Ashley: Well, of course, _you _feel that way. _You _have nothing to be ashamed of! _I_,on the other hand, have EVERYTHING to be ashamed of.

Me: You know what? Forget it.

I walk off. Giles walks up to me in the hall by the stairwell.

Giles: There you are. Is everything in order for the party?

Me: Everything's set and ready to go. You ready to get down, man?

Nothing.

Giles: Oh! Here comes Miley! Remember, discretion is the first part of valor.

Me: You could've just said 'Shh!' Man, are all you Brits such dictionary dorks?

Miley walks up.

Giles: Miley, are you alright? You seem a bit fatigued.

Miley: Rough night. I had a dream that Drusilla was alive and that she killed Angel. It just really freaked me out.

Giles: Are you sure the dream wasn't another Slayer dream?

Miley: See, that's the thing! I don't know! And I don't wanna start freaking out over nothing.

Giles: Still, best to be on the alert. If Drusilla is alive, it could be a fairly cataclysmic state of affairs.

Me: Again with all the words! Can't you say 'we'd be in trouble'?

Giles: Go to class, Oliver.

Me: Gone.

I walk off. Just before leaving, I look back at Giles.

Me: Notice the economy of phrasing 'gone.' It's simple. Direct.

With _that _said, I walked off.

**Normal POV**

Dalton walked into the chamber. "I have your package."

"Just put it on the table with the others," Spike said, rolling up in a wheelchair, still not quite having gotten over the flaming church incident. He sighed. "You're dead-set on this whole thing, aren't you, pet? You sure you don't wanna have your party in Vienna?"

Drusilla walked up. "But the invitations are sent."

"Yeah. It's just that I'm so sick of this place. Nothing ever does what it's supposed to."

"My gatherings are always perfect. Remember Spain? The bulls?"

Spike smiled. "I remember, sweet." He sighed. "But Malibu's cursed for us. Angel and the Slayer see to that."

"Shh! I've got good games for everyone." She kissed him. "You'll see." She walked over to the table to look at the flower arrangement. "These flowers…are wrong. They're all…wrong!" She groaned. "I can't abide them!" She screams and began tearing at them.

Spike sighed. "Let's try something different with the flowers then."

Drusilla calmed down. She smiled. "Can I open one?"

Spike smirked. "Just a peek, love."

Drusilla walked over to a wooden box and opened the hatch, looking in.

"Do you like it, baby?"

She smiled. "It reeks of death. This will be the best party ever."

"Why's that?"

"Because…it will be the last." With that, she closed the box.

**Miley's POV**

"Big birthday mall bash," said Dad as he walked around the kitchen, "Don't forget."

I smiled. "Miss a Dad-sponsored shopping opportunity? How could I forget that?"

Jackson smirked. "So, sis. 17 feel any different than 16?"

"Funny you should ask. You know, I woke up feeling more responsible, mature, and level-headed." I looked at Dad, fluttering my eyes.

Dad nodded. "Really? That's uncanny."

"I know. I now possess the qualities one looks for in a…licensed driver?"

"Bud…"

"You said we'd talk about it when I turned 17. Well, here I am! 17!"

Dad sighed, holding up a dirty dish. "Do you really think you're ready, Mile?"

I recognized that sentence. From my dream! I became even more apparent when he dropped the dish he was holding and it smashed to pieces on the floor.

**Normal POV**

Ms. Calendar walked into her classroom. She began to go over some things on her desk…when a man walked up to her.

The man sighed. "Jenny Calendar."

Jenny whirled around. "You startled me."

"You look well," he said in a thick Romanian accent.

"Yes, I'm fine. Sorry I haven't written lately, I've just been pretty busy."

"I cannot imagine what is so important that you would ignore your responsibility to your people."

"I've been working, and…"

"The elder woman has been reading signs. Something is different."

"Nothing has changed. The curse still holds."

"But his pain is lessening. She can feel it."

"There is…"

"There is what?"

Jenny sighed. "A girl."

"What? How could you let this happen?"

"I promise you, Angel still suffers. And he makes amends for his evils. He even saved my life."

"So you just forget that he destroyed the most beloved daughter of your tribe? Or that he killed every man, woman, and child he touched? Vengeance demands that his pain be eternal, as ours is! If this girl gives him one minute of happiness, it is one minute too much!"

"I'm sorry, I thought—"

"Thought what? Thought you are Jenny Calendar now? You are still Janna of the Kalderash people. A Gypsy."

"I know, uncle. I know."

"Then prove it. Your time for watching is past. The girl and him—it ends now. Do what you must to take her from him."

Jenny nodded. "I will see to it."

**Miley's POV**

I was describing my morning to Giles in the library. "And then he just dropped the plate and it broke. It was just like my dream. Every gesture. Every word. It was so creepy."

"Yes, well," said Giles, "I imagine it would be fairly unnerving."

Lilly skipped in. "Hey! It's happy birthday Miley!" She hugged me and saw that my expression read nothing of the happiness type. "_Un_happy birthday Miley?"

"It's just that part of the nightmare Miley had actually transpired," Giles explained as Oliver and Jackson came in.

"Which means Drusilla might still be alive," I said. I looked at Giles. "Giles, in my dream, I couldn't stop her. She blindsided me. Angel was gone before I knew what happened."

"Even if she _is _alive, we can still protect Angel. Dreams aren't prophecies, Miley. You dreamt that the Master had risen but you stopped it from happening."

"Yeah, but he killed me first!"

"Hey, you still ground his bones to make your bread," said Jackson.

"That's true. Except for the bread part. OK, so fine. We're one step ahead. But I want it to stay that way."

"Absolutely," said Giles, "Let me read up on Drusilla and see if she has any particular patterns. Why don't you meet me here at 7? We'll map out a strategy."

"Well, what am I supposed to do until then?"

"Go to classes, do homework, eat?"

"Right. Be _that _Miley." With that, I left.

**Oliver's POV**

Once Miley is gone, I sigh.

Me: Well, that's not a perky birthday puppy.

Lilly: So much for our surprise party. I bought little hats and everything! Oh, well. Guess I'll go tell Ashley.

Giles: No, you won't! We're having a party tonight.

Jackson looked at him.

Jackson: He looks like Mr. Caution Man, but the sound he makes is funny.

Giles: Miley's surprise party will go ahead as planned. Except I won't be wearing a little hat.

Lilly: But Miley and Angel…

Giles: …may well be in danger. As they have been before and will be again. Miley's turning 17 just this once and she deserves a party.

Lilly: True. And Angel's coming anyway, so she can still protect him _and _have cake!

Giles: Precisely.

**Miley's POV**

That night at 7, I walked through the school hall towards the library.

"Miley."

I whirled around to see Jenny there. "Oh. You scared me."

"Sorry. Giles wanted me to tell you there's been a change in plans. He wants you to meet him someplace near his house. Guess he had to get a book or something."

"Right. 'Cause there aren't near enough books in the library."

"Well, you know him. Very thorough."

"True."

"You know, my car's here. Why don't I just drive you?"

I considered. "OK." With that, he walked off.

She drove me to an old building.

"Are we going to the Bronze?" I asked.

"I'm not sure," Jenny said, "Giles gave me an address, I'm just following his directions."

I then noticed something. "This looks funky. Stop for a sec."

She stopped.

We could both see a Vampire loading some stuff into a truck.

Jenny sighed. "No, Miley, maybe you shouldn't."

"Sorry," I said, "Sacred duty, yada-yada-yada." I got out of the car and got closer to the Vamp and recognized it as Dalton. "Every time I see you, you're stealing something. You really should talk to someone about that."

Suddenly, the engine started. Another Vampire jumped out of the driver's seat and knocked me down. Of course, this let Dalton get away again, but I couldn't exactly get out of the fight. I kept fighting. Finally, I noticed that the guardrails on the truck were made of wood. Not a very smart move. I quickly ripped off part of it to make a stake and stabbed the Vamp in the heart. That's when another Vampire came up. The 2 of us were thrown through the wall by…well, each other. Finally, I was able to knock him down and stake him. Then I noticed that the building we'd been flung into had the gang inside it surrounded by party decorations.

Ashley jumped up from behind the pool table. "Surprise!" Everyone glared at her.

Angel walked up to me. "Miley, are you OK?"

"Yes, what happened?" Giles asked.

"Well, there were these Vamps outs—what's going on?" I asked.

Giles forced out a smile. "Oh, uh…surprise party." He blew on a noisemaker.

"Happy birthday, sis," said Jackson.

I smiled. "You guys did all this for me?"

Angel nodded, half-smiling. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

Lilly looked at Oz, who was there and traumatized. "Are _you _OK?"

Oz looked at her. "Yeah. Hey, did everybody just see that guy turn to dust?"

"Uh…sort of."

"Yeah, long story short, Vampires are real," said Oliver.

"I know it's a lot to take in so suddenly—" Lilly started.

"Actually, it explains a lot," said Oz.

Jenny walked in carrying a wooden box. "Those creeps left this behind." She dropped it on a table. "What do you think it is?"

"I don't know," said Giles, "Can it be opened?"

"Yeah," I said, "There's a release right here." I opened it to reveal what was inside: a severed arm. Suddenly, it grabbed me by the throat. Within milliseconds, I couldn't breathe anymore.

**[commercial break]**

Angel and I kept tugging at the arm. Finally, we yanked it off and he crushed it back in the box, latching it shut as tight as he could.

I regained my breath enough to ask the question I think everyone was asking: "WHAT WAS THAT?"

"It looked like an arm," said Oz.

Angel looked at the box. "It can't be. She wouldn't."

"What?" Jackson asked, "Vamp's version of snakes in a can, or do you care to share?"

Angel sighed. "It's a legend. From way before my time. Of a demon brought forth to rid the world of the plague of humanity. To separate the righteous from the wicked…and burn the righteous down. The Judge."

"The Judge?" Giles asked, "This is he?"

Angel looked at the box. "Not all of him."

"I'm still needed a backstory here," I said.

"He couldn't be killed," Giles explained, "An army was sent against him. Most of them died. Finally, they were able to dismember him…but not kill him."

"The pieces were scattered," Angel added, "Buried in every corner of the earth."

"So all these parts are being brought here?" asked Jenny.

"By Drusilla," I said, "The Vamps outside we're Spike's men."

"She's just crazy enough to do it," said Angel.

"Do what?" Lilly asked, "Reassemble the Judge?"

"And bring forth Armageddon."

Ashley finally did her thing and said the one thing that didn't fit the moment. "Is anybody else gonna have cake?"

"We need to get this box out of town," Giles said, ignoring Ashley's stupidity.

Jenny looked at my Vampire boyfriend. "Angel. You have to do it. You're the only one that can protect this thing."

"What about me?" I asked.

"You're just gonna skip town for a few months?" Jenny asked.

"Months?" I asked.

"She's right," said Angel, "I gotta get this to the remotest region possible and make sure none of the other pieces are here."

"But that's not months," I said, "That's weeks."

"I catch a cargo ship to Asia—"

"You know, those newfangled flying machines are much safer than they used to be. Just take Hannah's private jet!"

"You just released your first album 7 months ago and you already have a private jet?" Lilly asked.

"The record producers said it was the fastest to go double-platinum," I explained.

Oz looked at us.

"She's Hannah Montana, too," Lilly explained.

"Ah."

Angel sighed. "I can't get on a plane. There's no sure way to guard against the daylight. I don't like this anymore than you do, Miley, but there's no other choice."

I sighed, giving in. "When?"

"Tonight. As soon as possible."

"But it's my birthday."

Jenny walked up. "I'll drive you to the docks."

**Normal POV**

"You lost it," Drusilla sneered at Dalton, "You lost my present."

"Bad turn, mate," said Spike, "She can't have her fun without the box."

"The Slayer," said Dalton, "She came out of nowhere, I didn't even see her."

Drusilla cut him off. She yanked off his glasses and threw them to the ground, stomping on them as hard as she could. She sighed. "Make a wish."

Dalton looked at her. "What?"

She held up her sharp fingernails at his eyes. "I'm going to blow out the candles."

Spike sighed. "You might give him a chance to find your lost treasure. He may be an idiot but he's the only idiot we've got with half a brain. Besides, if he fails, you can eat his eyes out of his sockets for all I care."

"I'll get it," said Dalton, "Please."

Drusilla sighed and put down her fingers. "OK." She picked up his broken glasses and put them on his face. "Hurry back then." She walked over to Spike and let Dalton leave.

**Miley's POV**

Angel and I made our way to an old cargo ship at the docks.

Angel laid the box against some crates and looked at me. "I should go the rest of the way alone."

I nodded. "OK."

"I'll be back. I will."

"When? 6 months? A year? We don't know how long it's gonna take or…if we'll even…" I sighed. "I mean, if you haven't noticed, someone pretty much always wants us dead."

"Hey…don't say that. We'll be fine."

"We don't know that."

"We can't know, Miley. Nobody can. That's just the deal." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out something. "I have something for you. For your birthday. I was gonna give it to you earlier, but…" He held up a silver ring shaped like 2 hands holding a crowned heart. "My people, before I was changed, exchanged this as a sign of devotion. A Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship. The crown represents loyalty. And the heart…well, that one's kind of self-explanatory." We smiled. "If you wear it with the heart pointing towards you, it means you belong to somebody." He put it on in that way to demonstrate. "Like this."

I smiled and took it, putting it on the same way. I looked at him. "I don't wanna do this."

"Me either."

"So don't go."

We couldn't change that. All we could do was kiss.

Angel separated. "Miley, I…"

Before he could finish, a Vampire jumped at us. I quickly whirled around to face it and kicked it back. Another Vampire came up and at Angel, but he simply flipped it. I kept kicking and fighting the Vamp. Somewhere in the fight, another Vampire came and grabbed the one thing they shouldn't.

I saw this. "ANGEL, THE BOX!"

Angel fought off the Vampire and ran to knock over the Vamp trying to get the box. But this let the other Vamp grab it. Before he could go after it, the Vamp I was fighting grabbed me and threw me over the rails and into the water.

"MILEY!" Angel jumped in after me.

Well, it's all downhill from there.

**Oliver's POV**

Lilly, Giles, Jackson, and I were collected in the library. Giles sighed.

Giles: She should be back by now.

Lilly: Maybe she just needed a few more minutes to pull herself together. Poor Miley. On her birthday and everything!

Jackson: It's sad. But let's look at the upside for a moment! I mean, what kind of future could she have really had with him? She's got 2 jobs: singer by day, Slayer by night. And Angel's the one dreaming of the glory days while Miley thought this whole creature-of-the-night thing was one big turn-on!

Lilly: Wow. You've thought about this.

Me: No, no, no, let him finish. Does it end with me flying into town in _my _private jet and taking Miley to Paris from some prime rib?

Jackson looks at me and shakes his head. Miley then walked in.

Giles: What happened?

Miley: Dru's guys ambushed us. They got the box.

Giles: Where's Jenny?

Miley: She took Angel to get some more clothes while I had some here.

Me: And we needed clothes because…?

Miley: We got wet. Well, Giles, what do we know?

Giles: The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can burn the humanity out of you. Only a true creature of evil can survive the process, no human or plain old do-gooder ever has.

Jackson: What's the problem? We send Ash to fight this guy and then we go for pizza!

Miley: Can this guy be stopped? Without an army?

Giles: All I can find is "no weapon forged can harm him." Not very encouraging. If we could only stop them from assembling him…

Miley: First things first, we need to figure out where they'd be keeping him.

Giles: This could take time.

Lilly: Better do a round robin. Oliver, you first.

I go for the phone.

Giles: "Round robin"?

Lilly: It's when everyone calls everyone else's mom and says they're staying at everyone's house. Thus freeing us up for all-night world save-age.

Me: (on phone) Mom, hi. It's Oliver. Yeah, look, Lilly and Miley and Jackson and I are planning to study all night, so…

_A while later…_

Me: I think I read this already! (I slam down the book I'm holding)

Lilly: I can't get over how cool Oz was about this.

Me: Well, _I'm _over it.

Lilly: You're just jealous that you didn't have a date for the party.

Me: No. I sure didn't.

Giles: Angel? Any luck?

Angel comes out of the stacks holding a book and gives him a slight glare as he nods to the window of Giles' office. We look to see Miley asleep on Giles' desk.

Giles: It appears Miley needs some rest.

Angel: She hasn't been sleeping well. All the tossing and turning.

We all look at him.

Angel: She told me. 'Cause of her dreams.

We all get it and nod.

**Miley's POV**

_I walked around an old building. Everything was weird. Very Drusilla style. Jenny was there, too, but I didn't see her much before she disappeared. I walked over to a pile of boxes._

_"Now, now."_

_I whirled around to see Drusilla with her hands around Angel._

_"Don't touch my presents." Drusilla whipped out a knife._

_"NO!" I cried._

"ANGEL!" I snapped awake.

Angel rushed up to me. "Miley, it's OK."

I held him tight.

"I'm here. I'm right here."

**Normal POV**

Drusilla was dressed in a silky red dress as she walked around her place, the Vampires collecting around her.

Spike rolled up with the wooden box on his lap. "Look what I have for you, ducks!"

"The best is saved for last." Drusilla smiled, taking the box.

A couple Vamps took the box and placed it on top of a model of boxes in the center of the room.

Suddenly, the boxes glowed and split open. Out walked a blue-skinned demon.

"He's perfect, my darling," Drusilla said to Spike, smilingly, "Just what I wanted."

**[commercial break]**

The Judge walked up to Drusilla and Spike. "You…!"

Spike rolled up closer. "Whoa! Whoa! What's that, mate?"

"You 2 stink of humanity. You share affection and jealousy."

"Yeah! What of it?" Spike pounded the Judge's breastplate. "May I remind you that we're the ones that brought you here."

Drusilla smiled. "Would you like a party favor?" She gestured to the row of Vamps.

The Judge walked closer to Dalton. "This one is full of feeling. He reads. Bring him to me!"

Some of the Vamps grabbed Dalton and pulled him forward.

"What's with the bringing?" asked Spike, "I thought you could just zap people."

"My full strength will return in time," said the Judge, "Until then, I need contact."

Dalton was brought towards the Judge.

The Judge touched him and that spot burned. Suddenly, Dalton burst into flames and was gone.

Drusilla giggled. "Do it again! Do it again!"

**Miley's POV**

I walked up to the group to get my stuff.

Giles looked at me. "Miley? What's happened?"

"She had another dream," Angel explained.

"And I think I know where Spike and Drusilla are," I added.

"Good," said Giles, "But you need a plan. You can't simply go and hope to get lucky."

"I have a plan," I said, "Angel and I go to the factory and do a little recon. See how far they've gotten with assembling the Judge. You guys check any places the boxes could be coming in—shipping yards, docks, and airports. We need to stop them from getting all the boxes in one place."

"Yes…" Giles said, "Well, um… That's actually quite a good plan."

"This thing's nasty and it's real, Giles. We can't wait for it to come get us." With that, Angel and I left. We made our way to the factory I knew Spike and Drusilla were in. We walked in to find exactly like in my dream, except with a lot more Vampires…and a big blue demon.

"We're too late," said Angel.

Spike, following the Judge on a wheelchair, stopped when the Judge stopped walking. "What? What is it?"

The Judge looked around. And his eyes fell penetratingly on us, the only 2 beings in the room that were anywhere close to human.

"We've gotta get out of here," said Angel. But our path out was blocked by a large group of Vampires, who quickly grabbed us and pulled us down there.

"Well, well," said Spike as the Vampires dragged down me and Angel, "Look what we have here. Crashers."

"Guess our invitations just got lost in the mail," I said.

"It's delicious," Drusilla said, "I only dreamed you'd come." She growled playfully.

"Leave her alone!" Angel demanded.

"Yeah, that'll work," said Spike, "Now say 'pretty please.'"

"The girl," the Judge said.

"Chilling, isn't it?" Drusilla asked, "She's so full of good intention."

"NO!" Angel cried, "Take me!"

"WHAT?" I cried, "Angel, NO!"

"Take me instead of her!" Angel still demanded.

"Uh, you're not quite clear on the concept, pal," said Spike, "There is no 'instead of.' Only first and second."

"And if you go first," said Drusilla, "You don't get to see the Slayer die."

The Vampires quickly yanked Angel away from me and pulled me towards the Judge. As the Judge got closer, Angel and I both saw a plan emerging: there was a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling by a pulley rope. And it was hanging over the Judge. There was our escape plan.

"Don't touch him!" Angel instructed me.

I nodded and kicked the Judge in the breastplate, knocking him back and into the line of fire of the chandelier.

Angel pushed the Vamps out of the way enough to loosen the pulley rope and break it, making the chandelier collapse on the Judge.

Angel and I quickly raced out of there and through the sewers. Spike's men chased after us, but we were too fast for them. Finally, we made our way out of the sewers and into the streets where rain was falling. We ran down the street and towards the one place we knew they probably wouldn't look: Angel's apartment.

Angel locked the door and took off his coat. He looked at me. "You're shaking like a leaf."

"I'm wet and cold," I said, "What do you expect?"

"Let me get you something." He walked over to the cabinet and handed me some dry clothes. "Put these on. Get under the covers to stay warm."

I nodded and walked over to his bed. I sat down and started to unbutton my sweater and then stopped when I noticed that he was still looking.

He quickly turned around. "Sorry."

I started taking my clothes off. Suddenly, I gasped.

"What?"

"Sorry. It's OK. I just got a cut or something."

"Uh…do you want me to look at it?"

I sighed and held up my sweater. "OK."

He turned around again and examined my bruised arm. "No, you're fine. It's already closed up."

I barely heard him. I just felt his hand on me. I leaned against him. "You almost left today."

"We both did."

I sighed, half-crying. "Angel…I feel like I lost you." I sniffed. "You were right. We can't be sure of anything."

Angel shushed me. After a moment of silence, he looked at me. "I…"

I looked at him.

"I love you. I try so hard, but I just can't stop."

"Me, too. I can't either."

"So what do we do?"

"Stop trying. Just kiss me."

Next thing I knew, we were kissing even more than we ever had before. And you can guess where that took us.

**Normal POV**

After a while, Miley and Angel had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

But with a strike of thunder, Angel suddenly gasped, sat up in the bed, and began gasping for breath he didn't need. "Oh no." He raced out of the bed and out of the building. He collapsed in the rain in the alley out back. "No! Ow! AH! MILEY!"

Miley was still asleep in his bed. But she just couldn't ditch the feeling that something was wrong…

**TO BE CONTINUED…**


	14. Innocence 2

Chapter 14: Innocence

**Normal POV**

Angel was still lying in the alley in the rain. "Miley!" He collapsed. "Oh no!" He lay there, unmoving.

Suddenly, a woman walked into the alley and saw him. "Hey. You OK?"

He stood up. "Yeah. I'm good."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." He whirled around to face her in Vamp mode and bit into her neck, taking all of her blood and dropping her there. "I feel just fine."

**Theme song**

Miley the Vampire Slayer

Miley Cyrus  
Mitchel Musso  
Emily Osment  
Jason Earles  
David Boreanaz  
Anna Maria Perez de Tagle  
Anthony Stewart Head

Created by MileyLoonaticsFan96

**Miley's POV**

I walked back into my house that morning. Angel had just disappeared.

Dad walked up. "Morning, bud. You have fun at Lilly's?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Want something to eat?"

"No, I just need to…lay down for a minute…"

Dad looked at me. "You alright, bud?"

I looked back at him. "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, you just…"

I sighed. "Later, Dad." I walked off to my room.

**Oliver's POV**

I walk into the library.

Me: Well, the bus depot got nothing.

Giles: No Vampires transporting boxes?

Me: No. Where's Miley?

Lilly: She never checked in. If the bus depot's as empty as the docks and the airport…

Jackson: Do you think the Judge is already all put together?

Giles looked at him for a second and finally briefly nodded.

Me: Then Miley could be… We gotta find this guy! We gotta go to that factory where they're holed up.

Ashley: And do what? Besides be scared and die.

Me: Nobody's asking you to go.

Giles: Actually, Ashley has a point. If Miley and Angel were…harmed, we don't stand to fare much better.

Jackson: Yeah? Well, those of us who are born with feelings are actually going to do something.

Jenny: Jackson!

Lilly: No! Jackson's right! Man, you people are all…well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are! Oliver and Jackson and I are going to the factory!

That's when Miley walks in.

Lilly: Miley!

Me: Oh. We were just going to rescue you.

Jackson: Well, _some of us_ were.

Giles: I would have.

Lilly: Where's Angel?

Miley: He didn't check in with you guys?

Ashley: No.

Giles: The Judge. Is he…?

Miley: No assembly required. He's active. Nearly killed us. Angel got us out but we had to hide. …we…got stuck in the sewer tunnels and…with the hiding…we just split up. No one's heard from him?

Lilly: I'm sure he'll come by.

Miley: Yeah. I'm sure.

Giles: And the Judge?

Miley: He got close. I kicked him and it was just a sudden fever. If he'd gotten his hands on me…

Giles: He won't have to. The stronger he gets, he'll be able to turn us all into charcoal with one look.

Miley: Also, not the best looking guy.

Giles: (sighs) I'll keep researching, try to find a weakness of some sort. The rest of you should get to your classes.

Jenny: Yeah, and I'd better go, too. I'll be sure to search the 'net for anything on the Judge.

With that, we split up.

**Normal POV**

Drusilla lay on a table.

Spike wheeled up to her. "Are we feeling better, love?"

"I'm naming all the stars."

"You can't see the stars, pet. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day."

"I can see them. But I've named them all the same and there's terrible confusion."

"Have you seen anything? Maybe in regards to Angel?"

"Well, I say he moves to New York and tries to fulfill that Broadway dream." Spike and Drusilla turned to see him there.

"You just don't give up, do you?" Spike groaned.

"As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking…well, rolling…the streets, I'll be around."

"Yeah, um, Angel…you look around."

He turned around to see the Judge standing there. Grabbing him.

"Burns, doesn't it?"

"Well, it kind of itches a little…"

"Don't just stand there! Burn him!"

"Wow, maybe he's broken."

"This one cannot be burned," the Judge spoke up, taking his arm away, "He is clean."

"'Clean'?" Spike cried, "What? You mean, he's—"

"There is no humanity left in him." With that, the Judge walked away.

Angel smirked. But, no, he wasn't Angel anymore. He was Angelus again. "Couldn't have said it any better myself."

Drusilla smiled. "Angel…"

"Yeah, baby. I'm back."

**[commercial break]**

"Is it really true?" Spike asked, "No more of this 'I've got a soul' junk?"

"What can I say?" Angelus said, "I was going through a phase."

"This is great!" Spike said.

"Everything in my head is singing," Drusilla sighed joyfully, "We're family again." Drusilla smiled at Angelus. "How did this happen?"

"Who cares?" Spike asked her, "What matters is now he's back. Now it's 4 of us against one of her. That's the kind of odds I like to play."

Drusilla smiled at Angelus. "We're going to destroy the world. Wanna come?"

"Yeah," Angelus answered, "Destroying the world. Great. But I'm really more interested in the Slayer."

"Well," Spike said, "she's in the world, so that should work out."

"Look, buddy, I've got a plan. Lay low for a night. I guarantee that by the time you go public, she won't be anything resembling a threat."

"You really wanna hurt this girl, don't you?"

"She made me feel like a human being. That's not the kind of thing you just forgive."

**Oliver's POV**

We're all in the library. Lilly's on the phone with Miley.

Lilly: No, no, I'm sure he'll… Miley, he probably has some plan and he's trying to protect you. Well, I don't know what. I'm not in on the plan, it's his plan! No, don't even think that! Angel is not dead!

Me: OK! Say hi for me!

Lilly glares at me.

Lilly: I'll call you back. (hangs up) "Say hi for me"?

Jackson: So what's up with her?

Lilly: She's checked every place she could. She even beat up Willy the Snitch twice! Angel's just vanished.

Giles: But he does do that on occasion, correct?

Lilly: Well, yeah, but she's major bugging this time. I guess because of her dreams. What if something really happened to him?

Giles: Is she gonna join us?

Lilly: Yeah, she's just stopping by home first.

I finally give up with the book I'm looking through.

Me: NADA!

I slam it shut and storm up to the stacks to find Ashley hiding behind a bookcase and skimming through one of the volumes.

Me: (while putting up my book) You find anything?

Ashley: The book mentions the Judge, but nothing useful. "Big." "Scary." "No weapon forged could stop him." "Took an army to take him down." Blah, blah, blah.

Me: We need some insight, a weak spot.

Ashley: (while putting up the book she's holding) Well, we're not gonna find it here.

Me: Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you before.

Ashley: Right, 'cause I'm so reeling from that new experience.

Me: I wasn't thinking.

Ashley: I know. You were too busy rushing off to die for your beloved Miley. You'd never die for me.

Me: Actually, I might die _from_ you. Does that get me any points?

Ashley: No!

Me: Come on, can't we just kiss and make up?

Ashley: I don't wanna make up! …but I'm cool with the other part.

And so we quickly kiss. 3…2…1…we separate…to find Lilly standing there, having seen the whole thing.

Me: Lilly?

Lilly looks at me, tears in her eyes, and runs off.

Me: Lilly! No! Wait! We were just…GAH!

I run after her. I finally catch her in the halls.

Me: Lilly! Come on!

Lilly: I knew it! I knew it! …well, not "knew it" in the sense of actually having a clue, but I knew there was something I didn't know! You 2 were fighting way too much! It's not natural!

Me: Look, I know it's weird—

Lilly: "Weird"? It's against every law of the physical universe! It's Ashley, remember? Remember the "We Hate Amber and Ashley" club, of which you were the treasurer!

Me: I tried to tell you—

Lilly: Wow, what stopped you? Could it be shame?

Me: Alright, let's overreact, shall we? Lilly, we were kissing. It doesn't mean that much.

Lilly: (halfway to tears) No. It just means you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me.

With that, she ran off, practically crying. I stared after her. Neither of us could believe what'd just happened.

**Miley's POV**

I walked up to my house. But when I got to the door, I hesitated. I couldn't do it. I had to go back. I quickly raced all the way to Angel's apartment and walked in. I walked over to the bed and put my hand to the pillow, tears beginning to form. Then I heard it. Footsteps. Someone was behind me. Instantly, I turned to see who was there. And there he was. "Angel!" I smiled and raced over to him, kissing him and hugging him tightly. "I was so worried about you!"

"Hey, it's OK. I'm right here."

"Where were you?"

"I left."

I looked at him. "Without telling me?"

"Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that."

I stared at him in shock. "What are you saying?"

"Let's not make an issue of it, OK? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It just happened."

"I don't understand. What… Was I not good?"

"No, you were great. Thought you were a pro."

"Why are you saying this to me?"

"Look, we had a good time. Let's not make a big deal of it."

I couldn't believe it. He was blowing me off! "It is a big deal!"

"Come on, Miley, it's not like you've been here before!"

I backed away from him. "Don't touch me."

He sighed. "I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it." With that, he walked away.

"Angel! …I love you."

"Yeah, love you, too. I'll call you." And with _that_, he left.

I was left standing there. Crying.

**Normal POV**

Jenny was with her uncle again.

"You know what it is, this vengeance?" asked her uncle.

"Uncle, I have served you, I have been faithful, I need to know."

"To the modern man, vengeance is a word, an idea. Not with us. Vengeance is a living thing. It passes through generations. It commands. It kills."

"You told me to watch Angel. You told me to keep him from the Slayer. I tried. But there are other factors. Terrible things are happening here that we can't control."

"We control nothing. We are not Wizards, Janna. We merely play a part."

"Angel could be of help to us. He may be the only chance we have to stop the Judge."

"It's too late for that."

Jenny looked at him. "Why?"

"The curse. Angel was meant to suffer. Not live as a human. One moment of true happiness, one moment where the soul we restored no longer plagues his thoughts, and that soul is taken from him."

"Then…if somehow…it's happened…Angelus is back. But Miley loves him."

"And now she will have to kill him."

"Unless he kills her first! Uncle, this is insanity! People are going to die."

"Yes. It is not justice we seek. It is vengeance."

Jenny groaned. "You're a fool. We're all fools." With that, she grabbed her purse and left.

**Lilly's POV**

I was sulking through the school halls.

Oliver walked up to me. "Lil!"

I looked at him. "Hey."

"Where'd you go?"

"Home."

"I'm glad you came back. We can't do this without you."

"Let's get this straight. I don't understand it and I don't want to. Things are not OK with us. But what's happening right now is more important."

Oliver sighed. "OK."

"What about the Judge? Where do we stand?"

"On a pile of thousands of books that all say the same thing."

"'No weapon forged'?"

"'It took an army.' …wait… I think I'm having a thought. …yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan!"

Suddenly, all the lights went out.

"And now I'm having the Goosebumps."

"What's going on?"

"Lilly! Oliver!" We both turned to see Angel standing there in the shadows.

"Angel!" I cried, "Good, you're OK! Did you see Miley?"

"Yeah. What's up with the lights?"

"I don't know," said Oliver, "But I think I have an idea."

"You know what? Forget about that. Just go get the others."

"On it." Oliver ran off for the library.

"And Lilly…come over here."

I looked at him for a second and then slowly began to walk towards him. "What is it?"

"You'll see—"

"Lilly, get away from him!" I whirled away to see Jenny standing there with a cross in her hands. "Come over here."

I looked at her. "What? What's going on?"

Suddenly, Angel grabbed me in Vamp mode, choking me. That definitely was not Angel!

Oliver raced back. Apparently, he'd realized something was wrong halfway down the hall and come running back. Now he saw my plight. "WHOA! Don't do that!"

"Oh, I think I do that," "Angel" responded.

"Angel?" I choked out.

"He's not Angel anymore," Jenny said, "Are you?"

"Wrong," Angelus answered, "I am Angel…at last. And I got a message for Miley."

"Why not give it to me yourself?"

Angelus whirled around, still holding me back, to see Miley standing there at the end of the hall. "Actually, it's not the sort of message you tell. It more involves finding the dead bodies of all your friends."

"This can't be you."

"We already covered that subject."

"Angel, there must be some part of you that still remembers who you really are."

"Dream on, schoolgirl. Your boyfriend is dead. And you're all gonna join him."

That must have been where Oliver, as quiet as he could possibly be, took the cross from Jenny and began to make his way over to me.

"Leave Lilly alone and deal with me," Miley told Angelus.

"But she's so cute," Angelus responded, "And helpless. Really a turn-on."

Suddenly, Oliver whipped the cross around to shock him.

He instantly let go of me, throwing me into Oliver and knocking us both into the wall. He then proceeded to start a fight with Miley by grabbing her arms and pinning her to the wall opposite us. "Things are about to get very interesting."

Miley quickly moved both of her feet to kick him in the gut and knock him back into the wall.

He just stormed out of the building.

Oliver raced over to Miley. "Miley, are you OK? Miley!"

Miley just stared after her ex-boyfriend.

**Oliver's POV**

Miley has just finished telling her story. Giles is pacing the library, processing it all.

Giles: And you're absolutely certain that Angel has reverted to his former self?

Me: Yeah, we're all certain. Anyone not feeling certain here?

Lilly: Giles, you wouldn't have believed him. He was so… He came here to kill us.

Ashley: What are we going to do?

Giles: I'm leaning towards blind panic. Things are bad enough with the Judge here. Angel crossing back over to the other side—I, for one, was not prepared for that.

Jenny: None of us were.

Miley was just staring at the cross necklace Angel had given to her when they first met. Clearly, she was not enjoying one detail of this week.

Jackson: You OK, Miles?

Miley just looked at him and then back at the crucifix she was fingering.

Lilly: Is there anything we could do?

Miley: I should have known. I saw him and he was so different…the things he said…

Jenny: You didn't even know he'd changed?

Lilly: How did you? You knew. You told me to get away from him.

Jenny: I saw his face.

Giles: If only we knew how it happened.

Miley looked at him.

Miley: What do you mean?

Giles: Well, something set him off. Some event must have triggered this. If anyone would know, Miley, it should be you. Did anything happen last night?

Miley: Look, I'm sorry, I just can't!

She got out of her seat and stormed out.

Giles: Miley, I'm sorry, but we can't afford to… Miley!

Lilly: Giles, just shut up.

Miley raced as far away from us as she could.

Ashley: Well, this is just great. There's a blood-crazy demon out there, Angel's on his team, the Slayer's out of it—I say we've hit rock bottom.

Me: I have a plan.

Ashley: And now we've sunk deeper.

Me: I don't know how to deal with Angel, but I think I have something for the Judge. And I think I may need Ash for this one. And we may need some wheels.

Lilly: I'll get Oz. He has a van.

Ashley: Care to let me in on the plan I'm a part of?

Me: No.

Ashley: Why not?

Me: 'Cause if I tell you, you won't do it. Just meet me with at Lilly's place tomorrow night and wear something trashy…er.

I walk off. Ashley glares after me and storms off.

**Normal POV**

Angelus sat on the table by Spike and Drusilla. "You should've seen the look on her face. It was priceless."

"So you didn't kill her then," Spike complained.

"No, of course not."

"Look, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we do still kill people."

"You don't wanna kill her, do you?" Drusilla asked, "You wanna hurt her. Like you hurt me."

"Nobody knows me like you do, Dru," Angelus smirked.

"You better not get in our way," Spike said.

"Don't worry about it. Spike, my boy, you really don't get it, do you? You tried to kill her but you couldn't. Look at you, you're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl, you gotta love her."

**Miley's POV**

I walked into my room, crying. I kept looking at the cross necklace. Then my eyes fell to the Claddagh ring. That was facing towards me. I couldn't take it. I burst. I just started crying so miserably and collapsed on my bed, sobbing into my pillow.

_That night…_

_Angel and I were in the bed together._

_Every time he moved, I moved._

_We kept kissing even more passionately._

_Suddenly, he was gone. "I love you."_

_I looked around. I was standing in a graveyard, looking at him._

_Angelus smirked. "You have to know what to see."_

_And that's when I saw it. Jenny was there, holding a cross._

That's when I woke up. And that's when all the pieces fell into place.

_At school…_

I stormed down the halls to the computer lab. Finally, I found Giles and Jenny there as the last of the students left the room.

"Miley?" Giles asked.

Before he could say or do anything else, I grabbed Jenny by the shirt and pinned her to the wall.

"Miley!" Giles started shouting.

"What do you know?" I demanded, ignoring Giles entirely, "Did you do it? Did you change him? DID YOU KNOW THIS WAS GONNA HAPPEN?"

"MILEY!" Giles snapped, stepping between us, "You can't just go around accusing everyone—"

"I didn't know!" Jenny finally spoke up.

Giles looked at her. "What?"

Jenny looked at him. "Rupert…I didn't wanna have to tell you…I'm one of the Gypsies." She quickly turned her attention back to me while Giles began reeling from this new piece of information. "I was sent here to watch you. They told me to keep you and Angel away from each other. I didn't know this was gonna happen!"

"Jenny…" Giles started.

"I'm sorry, Rupert. But Angel was supposed to pay for what he did to our people."

"And me?" I asked her, "What was I supposed to be paying for?"

"I didn't know what would happen until after it already did. I promise you, I would've told you."

"So it was me. I did it."

"I'm afraid so. The curse. It was meant to make Angel suffer the pain of all his victims. If he achieved true happiness, just a moment of it…he would lose his soul. And the demon inside him would reawaken, stronger than ever. Angel is gone. Angelus is back."

Giles looked at me. "Well, Miley, how do you know you were responsible for…" He trailed off. I gave him one sad/guilty look and he immediately registered what had happened the other night. "Oh." I could tell he was upset because he started cleaning his glasses.

Jenny sighed and looked at me. "If there's anything I can—"

I cut her off. "Do it. Curse him again."

Jenny looked at me for a second. "No. I can't. Those magicks are long lost, even among my people. Even if we could find the texts, there's no way I could translate them soon enough. Alright? I can't help you."

I crossed my arms at her. "Then take me to someone who can."

**Normal POV**

Jenny's uncle was in his apartment. There was a knock on the door. He smirked, guessing who it would be. "Come in." The door opened and the person walked in. "I knew she would bring you. I suppose you want answers."

"Not really."

Jenny's uncle recognized the voice and whirled around to see Angelus there.

"But thanks for the offer."

**Oliver's POV**

That night, Oz pulls the 4 of us up to a soldier training facility.

Me: Wait here. When you guys see that window open, get ready and we'll pass you the package.

Oz: OK.

Lilly: Be careful.

With that, Ashley and I left the van and walked off. We headed over to a wire fence and walked right through a hole.

Me: Wow. The security here really is a joke. I should report it.

Ashley: Who am I supposed to be again?

Me: You're supposed to be a girl. Think you can handle it?

I led her over to the door…

Soldier: Halt!

Both of us froze in our tracks, hearing a soldier cock his gun behind us.

Soldier: Identify yourself, right now!

Me: Uh…Private Oken, with the, uh…33rd.

Soldier: 33rd are on maneuvers.

Me: Right! But I'm on leave. From them.

Ashley and I slowly turned around to face him.

Soldier: You always spend your leave snooping around the armory? And who's she?

Ashley: Hi! I'm not a soldier. (looks at me) Right?

I walk over to the soldier, pulling him a little bit off to the side.

Me: Look, I just wanna give her the tour, you know what I'm saying?

Soldier: The tour?

Me: Ladies like to see the big guns. Gets them all hot. Come on, man, cut me some slack and give me a blind eye?

Soldier: Why should I?

Me: So I won't tell Colonel Newsome that your boots aren't regulation, your post wasn't covered, and you hold your gun like a sissy girl.

Soldier: Fine. You got 20 minutes, nimrod.

I nodded and led Ashley into the building.

Ashley: OK, what was that?

Me: You remember at Halloween, I got turned into a soldier? I still remember all of it! I know procedure, ordinance, codes, everything. I even know the layout for this whole base and I'm pretty sure I can assemble a fully loaded M-16 in 57 seconds blindfolded.

Ashley: Wow, I'm sort of impressed. But let's just get the thing and get out of here.

Ashley sits down on a crate and I start looking through the weaponry.

Ashley: Do men really think that looking at guns makes girls wanna make out?

Me: Yeah. I guess.

Ashley: Well, does it make you wanna make out?

Me: Ash, I'm a teenage boy. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna make out.

**Lilly's POV**

"I wish they'd hurry," I told Oz.

"So do you guys steal weapons from the army a lot?" he asked me.

"Well, we don't have cable so we have to make our own fun."

"I get you."

"Do you wanna make out with me?"

"What?"

"Forget it. I'm sorry." 3…2…1… "Well, do you?"

Oz hesitated. "Sometimes, when I'm sitting in class—not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen—I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. Lilly kiss-age. But I'm not gonna kiss you."

"What? But…freeze-frame!"

"Well, to the casual observer, it might appear that you're trying to make your friend, Oliver, jealous. Or even the score or something. And that's on the empty side. See, in my fantasy, when I'm kissing you…you're kissing me back. But it's OK. I can wait."

That's when the window opened.

"We're up," Oz said, getting out of the car.

I stared after him, half-smiling.

**Miley's POV**

Jenny led us into an old apartment. But when we got there, there was nothing but a dead body. "Uncle!" Jenny raced over to him.

I looked at the wall. And saw a message written in blood.

_"Was it good for you, too?"_

I gasped and turned away, pinning myself to the wall.

Giles looked at me. "He's doing this deliberately, Miley. He's trying to make it harder for you."

I finally caught my breath and shook me head. "No. No, he's just making it easier. Angelus is causing enough trouble already. And now I know what I have to do." I looked at Giles, tears forming in my eyes. "I'm gonna have to kill him."

**Normal POV**

The Judge walked up to Spike. "I'm ready."

"It's about time," Spike complained.

Drusilla walked up to him and sat in his lap, kissing him.

Spike finally smiled. "Have fun."

Angelus walked up. "Too bad you can't come with." He patted him on the back. "Be thinking about you."

"I won't be in this chair forever," Spike said, "Besides, what happens if your girlfriend shows up?"

"I'll give her a kiss," Angelus responded, leading Drusilla and the Judge off. He smiled at the Judge. "Well, don't you look spiffy!" He walked away.

The Judge looked after him. "'Spiffy'?"

**Miley's POV**

Oliver and Oz dropped a wooden crate on the table.

"Happy birthday, Miley," Oliver said, "I hope you like the color." With that, he walked off with Oz.

Giles used a crowbar to pry the crate open.

I looked at Giles. "We'll try the factory, but they might not be there. We'll have to figure out where to go." Giles finally opened the box and I looked inside. I nodded. "This is good."

Jenny walked up. "Do you need…is there something I can do?"

I nodded again. "Get out."

Jenny sighed. "I just wanna help."

Giles shook his head and turned away from her. "She said get out."

Jenny hesitated but finally left.

Oliver walked back up to me. "Want me to show you how to use it?"

I nodded one more time. "Yeah. That'd be great."

**Oliver's POV**

Miley leads us into the factory to find it empty.

Miley: I knew it. They've already gone for their kill.

Giles: And we haven't a clue where they'll go.

Miley: Well, it'd have to be somewhere crowded. I mean, the Judge needs bodies.

Lilly: The Bronze?

Jackson: It's closed.

Ashley: There's not a lot of choices, actually. It's not like people are just gonna line up to get massacred.

Oz: Uh, actually, if I were to line up, I know where I'd go.

**Normal POV**

Angelus, Drusilla, the Judge, and a bunch of Vamps loaded into a crowded shopping mall.

A man walked over there and the Judge held out his hand to send a beam of fire into him and fry him.

"Lock the exits, boys," Angelus said.

The Vamps went off to do that.

Angelus smiled at the Judge. "It's all yours."

**Oliver's POV**

Miley leads us down a hall to the main corridor of the mall.

Miley: You guys stay back, damage control only. Take out any lesser Vamps if you can. I'll handle the smurf.

We sneak our way into the main corridor to find Angelus, Drusilla, and the Judge standing there. And the Judge is sending a beam of fire at everybody there.

Drusilla: Oh, goody.

That's when an arrow strikes the Judge in the heart, making him drop his hold.

Judge: Who dares?

Miley: I dare.

Angelus, Drusilla, and the Judge turn to see Miley standing on the food bar with a crossbow.

Miley: Think I got his attention.

Judge: You're a fool. No weapon forged can stop me.

Miley puts down the crossbow.

Miley: That was then.

That's when she picks up the rocket launcher.

Miley: This is now!

As she prepares to fire, Angelus and Drusilla see the severity of the situation and begin to jump over the railing and duck into the fleeing crowd—

Judge: What's that do?

Miley fires. The rocket hits the Judge. He explodes. Angelus and Drusilla are sent flying over the railing and thrown onto the floor. Angelus glares at Miley and races off. Drusilla looks at the ashes on her gown, whines, and runs off.

Miley: Best present ever.

I take the rocket launcher back.

Me: Knew you'd like it.

Lilly: Do you think he's dead?

Miley: We can't be sure. Pick up the pieces and make sure they stay separate.

We start off.

Ashley: Pieces? Oh, sure, _we_ get the pieces. Our job stinks!

**Miley's POV**

That's when I caught sight of Angelus in the running off in the panic. I immediately raced after him, running through waters from the fire sprinklers that were set off in the smoke of the Judge's explosion. I finally caught up with him in a movie theater lobby. Suddenly, something hit me, knocking me to the ground. I turn around to see that it was Angelus' fist.

Angelus smirked. "You know what the worst part was? Pretending I loved you! If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered."

"It doesn't work anymore," I said, standing up, "I know you're not Angel."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? The important thing is you made me the man I am today!"

I hit him then. He just grabbed and threw me into the wall, kicking me in the gut to knock me down for good measure.

**Oliver's POV**

We quickly gather the different pieces and make sure they stay apart.

Oz: Uh…arm!

**Miley's POV**

I got up from the floor, soaking wet.

Angelus, also soaking wet, just backhanded me and kicked me a few times to knock me down a third time. "You're not quitting on me already, are you?"

That set me off. I jumped up and hit him a few times before finally grabbing him and throwing him into the concession stand. I then kicked him 2 more times to knock him into the wall and whipped out a stake. But when he looked at me, I slowly put it down.

Angelus smirked. "You can't do it. You can't kill me."

I shook my head…and kicked him in the groin.

He groaned in pain and collapsed to the ground.

I seized the opportunity to walk away. "Give me time."

_A while later…_

Giles drove me up to my house.

I stared out the window at the driveway.

Giles sighed. "It's not over. I suppose you know that. He'll come after you, particularly. He's likely to strike out at the thing that made him most human."

I shook my head. "You must be so disappointed in me."

"No."

I looked at him. "But this is all my fault."

"I don't believe it is. I know that you loved him. And he has proven more than once that he loved you. But you couldn't have known this was gonna happen. The coming months are gonna be hard on all of us, I expect. But if it's guilt you're looking for, Miley, then I'm not your man. All you'll get from me is my support. And my respect."

I, through tears, smiled at him.

_Another while later…_

I was watching old movies in the living room.

Dad walked up to me. "Did I miss anything?"

"Just some running around."

"Sorry I didn't get to make you a real cake."

"I'm good."

"But…" He held up two mugs of… "…I did make you my famous Loco Hot Cocoa. With little marshmallows so you don't choke-o. Choke-o. Choke-o. I'm gonna keep saying until you laugh. Choke-o."

I half-smile at him, letting loose a slight giggle so he'll stop.

Dad handed me one of the mugs. "So what'd you do for your birthday?"

"I got older."

Dad shrugged. "You look the same to me." He then saw a candle on the coffee table and decided to light it to represent the cake. "Happy birthday, bud. You want me to sing?"

"No thank you."

Dad smiled. "Well? Go on. Make a wish."

I just looked at the candle. "I'm just gonna let it burn."

Dad sighed and hugged me.

I leaned against him.

**END EPISODE**


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